Anxiety and Asking Him Out

[Shadowplay]

I don't know if all of this will make sense. My thoughts are sort of all over the place. Over the past few weeks I've been avoiding approaching the guy I'm interested in. Whenever I know I'm going to see him, I'm excited. However, once I'm in his presence I become unsure and nervous to talk to him. He's an acquaintance through a mutual friend. Every time we've met each other in the past 6 months, I've wanted to approach him, but I've shied away. Whenever I see him, he's surrounded by his friends and I feel apprehensive to approach him. Sometimes I message him on Facebook, but I don't allow myself to actually have a conversation with him because I feel like I'm going to be silly and obvious.

I would like to ask him out, not necessarily in a way to be romantic. I'm attracted to him, but I'm genuinely interested in getting to know him, even if we become nothing more than platonic friends. It's true, I could easily send him a Facebook message and ask him out. I've never actually approached someone I'm interested in face to face.

I'm unsure how he might feel about me. He seems really approachable every time we see each other. He always acknowledges me, says hi, and gives me a hug. The last time I saw him, he came over excitedly and gave me a hug. It felt comforting, but at the same time disconcerting. I didn't know how to respond because I felt too nervous. We had talked briefly early that day and he referred to seeing me as "exciting", but I didn't want to read too much into that.

I regret that I didn't say something that night. I'm going to see him in a few days and I don't want to freeze up again. Long story short, should I be honest that I'm interested in him? I want to tell him I really like seeing him and ask him out. Or should I not be obvious? I feel silly asking this. I'm not afraid of rejection, but I have so much anxiety that I won't allow myself a chance.

 

[sixthson]

Shadow, is he gay? From what you say, he doesn't seem like he would reject friendship, at the very least. Time will tell he if is interested in romance. Why do you feel you need to tell him you are interested in him other than being friends? Just start there, ask if he wants to hang out or grab something to eat. See where things go. Let us know.

 

[Shadowplay]

Shadow, is he gay? From what you say, he doesn't seem like he would reject friendship, at the very least. Time will tell he if is interested in romance. Why do you feel you need to tell him you are interested in him other than being friends? Just start there, ask if he wants to hang out or grab something to eat. See where things go. Let us know.

Yes, he is gay. To be honest, I think my desire to tell him I'm interested comes from my suppressing so many things. I want to be straight-forward and candid because I don't know that I can conceal my interest. It's not specifically romantic/sexual. I'm just eager to get to know him, but I get caught up in my fear of appearing obvious.

I've never taken the chance to tell someone I like them. I'd really like to.

 

[Laboyes]

Yes, he is gay. To be honest, I think my desire to tell him I'm interested comes from my suppressing so many things. I want to be straight-forward and candid because I don't know that I can conceal my interest. It's not specifically romantic/sexual. I'm just eager to get to know him, but I get caught up in my fear of appearing obvious.

I've never taken the chance to tell someone I like them. I'd really like to.

Sounds pretty wonderful! I love the awkward jitters and stuff when I know I "like" someone; all of the childish considerations of "what did they mean by that" about every glance in your direction, the cute little times you figure out when you'll be together (and the subsequent unconscious preening that organically develops before those shared moments), and the mixed terror and jubilation when you get to talk to them all make life so fun to live in this state. I didn't really let myself do this thing earlier in life too often, so I let myself get super immature and excited nowadays when this sort of thing is going on. Even if what you have right now is just a "friend crush" it's still pretty invigorating.

You two seem to have some element of connection. Mutually expressed interest differentiates acquaintanceship from friendship. He seems to be expressing interest, if he's hugging you and saying that he's excited to see you it appears that all that your reciprocity may begin the cultivation of a relationship. If the feeling you have isn't specifically romantic or sexual you don't have to worry about concealing your interest because you're genuinely interested in him for more than those aspect of his attractiveness. I'd normally apologize for telling people stuff they already know, but in stuff like this it's reassuring to read it again!

Taking the first steps is understandably scary. I know it's especially intimidating when one doesn't have a framework of past successes and failures upon which to build a plan of attack. Hopefully you've found that people always act so much less critically than we allow ourselves to think they will. It shouldn't really matter what you do or what you say as long as he sees that you're putting forth the effort and energy to allow your relationship to grow. Like sixthson said, just try to lightheartedly approach him with the sole goal of spending some time together and you'll be able to build it up.

You'll do great! Keep us posted!

 

[aaggii]

Beside the great advice already written here, you two have at least a friend in common. Ask him to help you, he can ask your crush what he thinks about you and see where it goes from there.

 

[Shadowplay]

Sounds pretty wonderful! I love the awkward jitters and stuff when I know I "like" someone...

Such an accurate description! My nerves come on whenever I see him, but I'm always excited to see him. Don't apologize for reiterating those thoughts. You're absolutely correct. Hearing another person say something we may already know is very reassuring. I'm glad to have other opinions. I felt similarly that he has expressed interest his actions. I didn't want to read into it without another opinion. I'll see him again at the end of the week, so hopefully I will have something to share. : )

...you two have at least a friend in common. Ask him...

Haha, yes. Well, I talk a lot about him with our mutual friend. He's been really encouraging of me to approach him. He's very positive about it and he wants too assist, but I'm being stubborn about it. I'll see him (my crush) in a few days. It'll be the first time I'm around him without our mutual friend there. Hopefully I'll have something to share after that night. : )

 

[Shadowplay]

So, I have an update, unfortunately it's not the update I'd like to be sharing. After a really unappropriate mistake on my part, I received a not very positive message in regards to my presence being made at the event that I would have seen the guy I have a crush on. He also had to be the one to pass this message on to me. Whether he was interested in me, or not, I doubt he'll want anything to do with me at this point. I'm ashamed of myself because under different circumstances I may have seen better results.

 

[offthewall14420]

Rejection ain't that bad. Sometimes I get tired of rejection and just give up.

If he's down, that's when I get anxious.

 

[Shadowplay]

Rejection ain't that bad. Sometimes I get tired of rejection and just give up.

If he's down, that's when I get anxious.

Haha, yeah that can be daunting as well. Unfortunately, I caused myself to be rejected. I made a really inappropriate mistake interacting with a friend of his. We're no longer friends on Facebook and I really doubt he'd want to talk to me anyway.