Any ideas???

[silentalk]

Ok guys, this is serious...

For those of you who read my thread about he English boy I met at the park, I decided to let go a while back.

Here's the deal. There's this guy I found on an internet site; we exchanged a few emails, but that was it! The thing is, during my past fifteen years or so, I don't think I ever met anyone who had as much things as common with me as he did. I'm sorry to say that I'm really picky, and get a bit scared when it comes to using the net as a source for starting something serious. But it appears that this guy really make a perfect match. In one of his emails he said that he thought I was true, whatever that meant, but I can tell it was good.

Here's the problem, I have some sources that tell me that this guy is being abused (to a certain extent, not very seriously) by his boyfriend (yes, he has one). So, naturally, I think they migh breakup, even though they've been together for a year, a bit longer.

So how can I make him like me and at least give me a chance if he does breakup? I should add that we can't meet at the moment. If he decided he wanted to see me, it would have to be in March. So how do I make him like me through emails???

 

[G-Lexington]

OK, let me get this straight.

You know this guy online.
You have evidence to suggest that he's getting abused by his boyfriend.
And your question is..."How can I get him to like me"?

Lex

 

[silentalk]

I know for sure that he's being abused. It's not that he told me, so rule out the possibility that "he might be lying." I just know, and plz don't ask me how. And based on the amount of information I know about him, they might breakup within a couple of months or a bit longer.

And, yes... I want him to like me because I have the same personality pattern he has, he just dosn't know it yet.

I know that the situation might seem as though I'm taking advantage of the situation, but the guy is GREAT and he's being treated like rubbish. Isn't it good for me (a guy who already likes him) to be there to make him feel better about it.

Ok, let me make this a bit clearer. This guy is the sort of person that not everyone can make happy. He's REALLY sensitive. He doesn't need sex, it's something totally different. He needs to be loved more than he loves himself and be reminded of that. I can give him that, and his boyfriend is doing the exact opposite!

Did I have to give this much information? All I asked for is some help to make someone like me.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>. He needs to be loved more than he loves himself and be reminded of that. I can give him that.

I've got more than a few doubts about that.

Let me spell it out for you. He's in an abusive relationship. This boyfriend is apparently abusing him. If you "loved him more than he loves himself", you should be doing what you can to get him OUT of that relationship. NOW. Not maybe sometime in March if things work out correctly. NOW.

And if you "loved him more than he loves himself", then your main concern should be HIM. How is he surviving, how is he coping, will he be OK once he gets out, how can you help?

Is that your question? Nope. It's "How can I get him to like me?"

Your posts have shown no concern for this guy's welfare. None. Just the fact that you'd make a better boyfriend than the guy who's currently smacking him around. Oh, and if anyone's got any pointers to help ensure that when he finally frees himself of this abuser, that he'll ricochet right into your arms.

>>>Isn't it good for me (a guy who already likes him) to be there to make him feel better about it.

Yes, we can all only hope for friends that good.

Lex

 

[silentalk]

>>>. He needs to be loved more than he loves himself and be reminded of that. I can give him that.

I've got more than a few doubts about that.

Let me spell it out for you. He's in an abusive relationship. This boyfriend is apparently abusing him. If you "loved him more than he loves himself", you should be doing what you can to get him OUT of that relationship. NOW. Not maybe sometime in March if things work out correctly. NOW.

And if you "loved him more than he loves himself", then your main concern should be HIM. How is he surviving, how is he coping, will he be OK once he gets out, how can you help?

Is that your question? Nope. It's "How can I get him to like me?"

Your posts have shown no concern for this guy's welfare. None. Just the fact that you'd make a better boyfriend than the guy who's currently smacking him around. Oh, and if anyone's got any pointers to help ensure that when he finally frees himself of this abuser, that he'll ricochet right into your arms.

>>>Isn't it good for me (a guy who already likes him) to be there to make him feel better about it.

Yes, we can all only hope for friends that good.

Lex

I appreciate your effort to help me lex... so thanks even though you misunderstood me

Let me try to clarify things out. I mentioned that he was being abused, but I also mentioned that it was not very serious. He doesn't have any bruises or anything. If I could rate the abuse on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 beling the lowest, then I would say he's getting a level 2 abuse, but it's still abuse. And what I should have mentioned - but didn't - is that he loves his boyfriend to the core. In this case, I can't report to the police because I have no foundation, and I cannot interfere. I want to save him NOW, but if he knew I was trying to do something, it would just make him hate me, but he'll still be with his boyfriend, being abused. He doesn't want to let go!

So, whatever I do I won't be able to help, unless he was willing to accpet the help I offered. The only way I see to that is to make him like me and trust me. Can you offer any other way?

 

[orem244]

I think that Lex's point is less that you should be doing something, but more that your priorities seemed to be in the wrong place. From the way you said things, you seemed to care more about having a boyfriend than about this guy's well-being. And given that, you didn't exactly come off as the best person to provide assistance to him at this point in time.

 

[silentalk]

Ok, I'll just go along for now....

If you were in my place and had your priorities sorted out "right", what would u do????

 

[rareboy]

You can't make someone like you. You are either a compatible match or you're not.

Having things in common isn't always the best foundation for a complete relationship, although it can be the basis for lifelong friendship.

I'm baffled though, if you have so much in common, why wouldn't he just naturally like you?

 

[silentalk]

Thanks rareboy... well, now that's the kind of answer I was looking for!

To answer your question, 1- he still loves his abusive boyfriend. 2- we haven't personally met yet.

I'm just waiting for the chance to meet him!

 

[NickCole]

There is so much wrong with this, I can't imagine you'd want to read a long narrative that explains it.

So I'll tell you this: You are wrapped up in a drama that isn't even your drama and you are making up a fantasy of a future relationship that won't happen.

Not only are you living in a fantasy world, it's a stunningly unhealthy fantasy of damaged self-esteem, enabled relationships and rescue.

I think you should adopt a puppy.

I'm serious. That might help satisfy your need to rescue someone who's dependent and vulnerable.

Don't fill your life with fantasy; at the end is a big gaping hole of loneliness. Go out, meet people, work on making relationships with people in person.