Anyone ashamed to be gay??

[Alive and Free]

To be honest I really wish I wasent if I had a choice.

 

[Christopher123]

So, is anyone ashamed to be gay, not because it is not fully accepted in todays society or in your family or church or ect... But because of the image gay people have.

Nope.

Gay Bars- Why is it everyones trying to be something their not? My favorite example of this is middle aged men trying to appear young. Its so transparent its almost embarrasing. There is only one reason for this. Why cant they be who they really are, a middle aged man looking for a hookup with a younger guy.

It's called "mid-life crisis" and lots of men, gay or not, go through this.

The "whore" factor- Goddamn gays sleep around alot!

Oh really? I don't.

Why is it Gay people in general (not all) cant hold a meaningfull relationship to save there lives? My best friend is approaching 50 and he will most likely die alone due to poor decisions(his words) in his past. He is a sad deppressed man.

And why is it I hear so many females complain about their 'straight' men who can't hold a meaningful relationship?

Substance abuse- It is so widespread in the community I personally believe this is an epidemic amongst gays.

I ain't touchin' this one.

Okay, maybe just a little....

Most of the people I know who use drugs are straight.

Now.... I'm NOT saying more straights than gays use drugs. I'm just saying that gays are not the only people who do this.

Irresponsible- This one really gets to me. Given the choice of paying the light bill or buying a new pair of pants to go to the bar in most would choose the pants. Shamefull. Not many gays out there are in a position to even support themselves.

Sorry, but I personally take care of my responsibilities before I play.

These are just a few reasons(i have many) I am ashamed to be gay even though few if any are who I am. But straight people have this image in there eyes that this is how gay people are, unfortunatley they are correct for the most part. I have no doubt there are exceptions but as a whole-nope.

You CAN NOT base how you feel about yourself on the actions of others. How you feel about yourself is something that should come from within YOU. Not because of what others supposedly like you do with their lives.

And that's my opinion.

 

[jockboy01]

You CAN NOT base how you feel about yourself on the actions of others. How you feel about yourself is something that should come from within YOU. Not because of what others supposedly like you do with their lives.

Perhaps the best advice I've heard in a REALLY long time!!

 

[3nipples]

Yours is a cart before the horse type of argument. Society needs to put support structures in place to encourage gays to form stable relationships and enter mainstream. It won't work the other way around.

Gays in America and elsewhere aren't discriminated against because they don't project a good image to the rest of society.

Are you really saying that blacks have only themselves to blame for generations of slavery?

 

[Christopher123]

Ok a brief followup to my original post. I notice in alot of replies many posters point out why would I care what others or society in general thinks. They are eager to point out they dont care. Ok fair enough this is a good point. I do care. Why?? Because in my eyes I am a normal person, and for someone to not accept that based on general assumptions is unfair.

Of course it's not fair. But it happens. There's nothing we can do to change that. But we CAN change how we see ourselves.

Even if a good chunk of those general assumptions are true. Its an equality thing, ya know. Gay people almost shudder when they hear the word conformity, we are who we are and proud of it right? Believe it or not you can conform to society and still be unique, it just needs to be a bit more appetizing to the people who decide if we are ever going to be equal. Which brings me to my next point....

Pfft! Poop on 'em. Who are "they" to decide what's normal and what's not? Just because "they" say it isn't normal, does that make it right? Does that make "them" right?

I'm no better than the next guy out there, but he's no better than me, either.

I used to worry all the time what other people thought. But ya know what? I can't change for them. Nor would I want to. And if they expect me to change, that's their problem, not mine.

Acceptance and forward movement. In America gays as a minority, are light years behind other minorities (gender,race,religious ect..) in the protections and laws designed to create fairness and equality. Why is that? Does any one ever notice whenever ANY minority has slow progression in society that its ALWAYS someone else's fault? But never there own, this always bothers me.

That's because too many people can't and won't take responsibility for their own actions.

I think if we started changing from the inside out we, at a very rapid pace, would see the same rights as everyone else. We can say well the government needs to change or religous views need to change before we can progress. Or we can change their views of us, personally I think this is the only effective way.

We can't. Okay? We just can't. We can try. But that doesn't mean it's going to happen and I'm personally not gonna bust my butt to please someone that never accepted me in the first place. There will always be prejudice. Against every race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, blah blah blah blah blah blah. I grew up with a bigot; my own father. He was a hateful man that wanted nothing to do with anyone that wasn't a straight, white American. And all I can say is I'm thankful to whatever higher power there may be that I didn't end up like him.

Let's face it, while gays have made minor progress we are nowhere near where we should be. The day someone isnt afraid to come out or the day I can get married is the day we will all be equal.

No one will ever be equal in the eyes of everyone. If that makes any sense. But, however, I understand your point. I really do. I'm just giving you my point of view and that's this - as Popeye said, I yam what I yam. I can't change it. I don't want to change it. Those that can accept it accept it. Those that can't can't.

That's pretty much the bottom line for me.

I DO understand your points. Especially the legalities of it all. But just as I stopped worrying about what people thought of me, I'm not going to bust my behind to make people accept me. If someone says to me, "I hate fags," then I'm like, "Okay, whatever, dude, that's your choice. I hate bigoted assholes, so we're even."

As far as what will get gays "noticed" and "equal", I suppose only time can take care of that. Lots of gays everywhere are fighting for equal rights. And I agree with that. I mean, yeah, we're people too. But my point is that not everyone is going to see it that way. We're an abomination. Of God and everything sacred. According to most of them. My own sister 'accepts' me to a point - she 'tolerates' me. But still hints to me that unless I change my ways, I'm going to burn in hell. I'm agnostic and don't believe in all that crap, but whatever. The point is SHE believes it.

And so do many of them.

 

[Christopher123]

Perhaps the best advice I've heard in a REALLY long time!!

Thank you, that's a very sweet compliment

 

[jockboy01]

I do care. Why?? Because in my eyes I am a normal person, and for someone to not accept that based on general assumptions is unfair. Even if a good chunk of those general assumptions are true. Its an equality thing, ya know.

Well, if in your eyes you are a normal person, then why does it matter what Joe Bigot thinks? And I have news for you, it doesn't matter how much conforming you do, Joe Bigot is still going to see you as inferior. The whole gay community could become a bunch a very str8 acting, tobacco chewing, bull riding cowboys and Joe Bigot is still not going to approve of them. The problem is the mindset of Joe Bigot. Most of the Joe Bigots I know, don't even know an openly gay person themselves. So they don't even know what they despise... and that's the problem, people fear that which they don't know and don't understand. The problem people have with gays is their perception.

I used to think the same way you do, but take some time and look around. You'll see that people who have gay friends generally don't have any issues with homosexuality (not always the case, but most times). Those who oppose equal rights for gays don't REALLY know any gays. Hell, many of them still think homosexuality is a choice. No amount of change in the behaviors of gays is going to change that misguided thought.

And one last point, coming from a family that has certain expectations of their sons, I will tell you first hand that no matter what you do, you can't satisfy people. Ultimately, there's always something else that they think you should do/be/exemplify. It is not possible to live for somebody else, not on a community nor a personal level. If you try, you will ultimately fail. The key still remains to be able to look into a mirror and be happy with who you are.

That's not to say I don't conform somewhat when I go home. I play the good son (and for now at least, the str8 one). I hate it, and I hate myself for doing it. But it is, in one sense, the easy road and I don't spend much time there. But to consistently live my life like that... HELL NO

 

[Riverrick]

Boxfan29, what's your story? How old are you? Are you out? Have you ever been in a gay relationship? Do you have any gay friends?

Your posts seem kind of naive, like you are new to the gay world and get all of your information from other sources. I'd like you to tell us more about yourself so we can understand you better.

 

[probeteam1]

Here are a fe guesses & opinions:

First off let me say hello from Colorado.

Now, I ask this question because I am looking for good, honest objective feedback. This thread is not meant to bash anyone or piss anyone off.

So, is anyone ashamed to be gay, not because it is not fully accepted in todays society or in your family or church or ect... But because of the image gay people have.

Please let me give a few examples.

A little, maybe, but honestly for nothing you've mentioned.

Gay Bars- Why is it everyones trying to be something their not?

Human nature? I don't think this is a problem unique to gay people. But to the degree that it is, I'd imagine it's because there's pressure to fit the scene.

My favorite example of this is middle aged men trying to appear young. Its so transparent its almost embarrasing.

Lots of people cling to youth, and it's probably in part because there doesn't seem to really be a place for old people in the bar scene. Or so I've been told. What do I know? I don't even drink.

There is only one reason for this. Why cant they be who they really are, a middle aged man looking for a hookup with a younger guy.

So many reasons.

The "whore" factor- Goddamn gays sleep around alot! Why is it Gay people in general (not all) cant hold a meaningfull relationship to save there lives? My best friend is approaching 50 and he will most likely die alone due to poor decisions(his words) in his past. He is a sad deppressed man.

To be fair I don't see the straights having a much better track record. But we're men, and men are expected (by society) to stray now and again (at least in our thoughts) - I don't see a similar stereotype haunting lesbians. Then there's repression; after being restrained (i.e. closeted for a while) I can understand the need to cut loose.

Substance abuse- It is so widespread in the community I personally believe this is an epidemic amongst gays.

Couldn't tell you; all the drug-users I ever knew were straight, with one notable exception.

Irresponsible- This one really gets to me. Given the choice of paying the light bill or buying a new pair of pants to go to the bar in most would choose the pants. Shamefull. Not many gays out there are in a position to even support themselves.

Never even heard of that one. Most other gay guys I know - especially the ones who aren't very well-off - are generally more concerned with paying rent than fabulous new clothes.

These are just a few reasons(i have many) I am ashamed to be gay even though few if any are who I am. But straight people have this image in there eyes that this is how gay people are, unfortunatley they are correct for the most part. I have no doubt there are exceptions but as a whole-nope.

Again, this is not a bash thread.

But that image isn't right.
It just so happens that there ar a lot of gay people out there who do fit that image. And because they do, they're a lot more visible, which reinforces that image. Also, because the atmosphere of the bars likely draws people who like, well, the atmosphere of the bars, these are the people you're likely to see in groups.

On the other hand, the kind of men you'd find as part of a gay motorcycle club or book club or community softball team might present a very different generalization, if there were enough for people to meaningfully examine.

 

[TygreBryte]

I
"What gay lifestyle? I'm gay, and have been for a while, but I don't know about this "gay lifestyle" you speak of."

There are plenty of gay lifestyles.

 

[rareboy]

Not in the least. Not for one day of my life.

No explanation for it.

 

[nihilis]

Ashamed? No. Happy about it? Not really. Then again, I'm sure I'll be happier about it when I'm past this in the closet shit and getting laid.

 

[G-Lexington]

^ Trust me, it kicks ass over here.

Lex

 

[Shepherd 2]

Ashamed to be gay?
No, I am not. Nor do I feel pride that I am either.
I am who I am. I am a beloved child of God,
and everything else is secondary.
Shep+