Anyone come out to family with deep prejudices?

[TX-Beau]

That's one way to deal with it. I refused to be shunned, I kept up contact, I didn't pick fights, I just kept myself visible. Wasn't easy and there were moments I wanted to just say fuck you and walk.

I suspect that if I had just vanished that would have vindicated the reaction somewhat in their heads, and they wouldn't have dealt with any of it until I showed up again. But then my family is very good at out of sight out of mind. Anyway I'm not an advocate for throwing away your family unless the circumstances are really extreme, no matter how much ass they make of themselves.


I'd call him every week or so, not to argue, or try and convince him of anything, and when he goes into his tirade, you just say that you called to say hi, because he's your father and you love him, then disengage until next time, and never ever ever fight about it, never justify yourself, don't even bring it up until he's ready to listen. Plus you get the satisfaction of making him wonder if it's his discomfort on the line every time the damn thing rings.

He's still processing, and frankly I suspect the change has to do with him worrying about how people are going to judge HIM, once they know.

Families have to come out of the closet too, and that takes time.

 

[palemale]

Yeah I told him that if he ever changed his mind and could accept me or wanted to learn what being gay really means and unlearn his prejudices that I was open to talk, but that I didn't need any more of his negative condemnation in my life so if that's all he had that I would prefer not speaking.

How are your siblings reacting to you? Have you or your father told anyone in the extended family?

 

[hotatlboi]

Hey everyone just wanted to post an update on my situation.

Things seem to have gotten a little better thankfully. My dad called me and said that he prayed about it and came to the conclusion that he does want me to still be in his life and that if I had a boyfriend we could work something out where we could visit, even though he still isn't changing his beliefs. So I thought that was at least an improvement and he isn't going to shun me totally.

How are your siblings reacting to you? Have you or your father told anyone in the extended family?

My brother didn't really say anything when I told him but he also didn't ever have a ridiculous tirade of condemnation like my dad. He never really treated me any differently so I assume it doesn't matter all that much to him. I don't know about extended family. I'm not really close with any of them so I wouldn't really have a reason or chance to tell them. Maybe my dad has told some people but I don't know.

 

[lfcda]

Ok, here's my situation. I'm 24 and old enough that I would like to come out to my family. I'm not financially dependent on them anymore so I'm not worried about any of those kinds of negative consequences of it. I'm sick of having to cover it up when they ask if I have a girlfriend yet, etc. And I've been honest with myself about it for several years now (I didn't accept myself as gay until college) and feel like it's time for me to be honest with others. But the only problem I have is that I feel that my family so unaccepting and bigoted that they will never look at me the same way again.

A few facts about my family:
1. they all are religious fundamentalists (i.e. they believe every word of the bible is literal truth)
2. they are all young earth creationists (the earth is 6000 years old et al), so they believe all the anti-gay stuff in the old testament etc. They see gays as perverted people and horrible sinners.
3. My father has been a pastor in fundamentalist churches for most of my life
4. My mom's father was a pastor in fundamentalist churches for most of her life
5. All of my brothers believe the same shit my parents do, so no help there (the brother closest to my age went to a Christian college to be a youth pastor).
6. Their hatred for gays is so profound that they did stuff like canceled a planned family vacation to Disney World just because it would have coincided with gay days, and they didn't want to look at other gay people in public.
7. I really think they wouldn't be mad at me so much as they would be sad that I will supposedly burn in hell for being gay.

Also I'm totally straight acting so no one in my family has any clue that I'm gay. It will be a total shock I'm sure. Has anyone else come out to a family like this? What where the results? Did they grow any less bigoted over time? thanks for any insight into this.

I'm afraid that religion is about control and accepting fiction as indesputible fact.

All you can do is be true to yourself. You may well be abandonded by them but at least you'll be able to look yourself in the eye and quite rightly say "it's their loss"

Good luck

 

[hotatlboi]

^ you need to read the whole thread lol