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Anyone else hate being picky regarding physical attraction?

Y

yalc10

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Sorry for my bad writing as I'm on my phone because the place where I'm at doesn't allow porn sites to be accessed. Ive always been attracted to Hypermasculine men such as bears and bodybuilders... I'm 21 now and in school, at many gay bars, and just out in public I rarely see men I'm attracted to. Other gay guys and straight people constantly talk about the hot people they are around. And nearly every gay guy ive met has hit on me but i dont feel the same way. When I do see a guy I like, I don't have the nerves to talk to them because there's a slim chance they're gay. It took me about four months of online hunting last year to find someone I liked and thankfully I've been dating a bear-type man since. He's quite a bit older than me and I have to hide my relationship with my family. I love him and I'm happy but I can't help thinking how much happier I would have been if I were straight. I would have had a girlfriend in high school, I would be with someone now my own age so we would relate more , and I wouldn't have to hide us. Ive thought about dating a girl but i dont think it would work out if i have little desire to sleep with her. Anyone else in the same boat?
 
I'm not sure I understand what boat you're in and how dating a woman would help. Sorry to say it, but I find it odd that you're willing to toy with the idea of dating a woman but won't look beyond your "type" in the gay pool.
 
Yeah, that sounds like internalized homophobia, rather than having a "type". Like "I'm gonna look for the manliest man that ever manned, cause it will make me less gay" (not saying you're thinking it consciously, but the subconscious plays tricks like that on us all the time, and we have to be aware of them).

Also, if you're sad you don't have someone you "relate with more", then clearly the problem is who you're dating specifically, no their gender. Why are you even with him if you don't relate with each other? What kind of "love" is there in such a situation?

And finally - why do you "have to" keep your relationship a secret? No such thing as "have to". You CHOOSE to do so for various reasons.
 
I would think you shouldn't have too hard of a time finding guys if all you're looking for is a masculine guy. I mean if you were looking for David Beckham or something, I could see where you're coming from, but bears aren't exactly a super rare commodity.

When you say that you have trouble relating to your boyfriend, do you mean in terms of pop cultural references or do you mean something else?

I've been with, am with, and am primarily attracted to older men, but in order to be in a relationship with one, you need to understand that you may need to get some of your social interactions from people your own age. There are things that my boyfriend just doesn't get, and that's okay, but it's nice to also have friends my own age that get some of the things I like.

As far as having to keep him a secret, I wouldn't do that any longer than you have to. If anything, I would focus on finding a decent job so you can move out or be independent. After that, you have much more freedom to do what.
 
I'm extremely picky when it comes to looks. People have their own quirks and are attracted to different things. However, I don't see this as a bad thing or how being straight would fix your problem. When it comes to relationships quality is a good thing and being single in the mean time is not a bad thing. The more one focuses on themselves and enjoy doing what you like to do the easier things become. If you are attracted to a certain type of guy such as a masculine guy you can try going where they go such as gyms etc.
 
If you're twinky/youthful/in decent shape and 21, which I assume you are (if you're a cub correct me) then its gonna be very easy for you to get bears and daddies. Go to bear/daddy bars or sites
 
I think everyone has things they are picky about. I, for example, hate guys with a lot of chest hair. A little bit is fine, but if there'a s lot it's a deal-breaker for me.

You can't really help what turns you off and what turns you on, I don't think.
 
I'm somewhat picky, but only because I choose to be. Trust me, there are gay bodybuilders/muscular guys, and lots of us. There's a couple websites for guys like us too.

You just assume all of us are straight because that's what society has taught you. Fuck that. Talk to guys and get to know them. There's a 90% or more chance they'll identify as straight (in my experience, there are a LOT more bi/curious guys than people think, especially guys who lift and like sports).

Only you can choose who you want to be with. I'll hold hands in public with another guy, I don't care. I talk to random guys, some turn out to be gay or bi.
 
yalc10 said:
Sorry for my bad writing as I'm on my phone because the place where I'm at doesn't allow porn sites to be accessed. Ive always been attracted to Hypermasculine men such as bears and bodybuilders... I'm 21 now and in school, at many gay bars, and just out in public I rarely see men I'm attracted to. Other gay guys and straight people constantly talk about the hot people they are around. And nearly every gay guy ive met has hit on me but i dont feel the same way. When I do see a guy I like, I don't have the nerves to talk to them because there's a slim chance they're gay. It took me about four months of online hunting last year to find someone I liked and thankfully I've been dating a bear-type man since. He's quite a bit older than me and I have to hide my relationship with my family. I love him and I'm happy but I can't help thinking how much happier I would have been if I were straight. I would have had a girlfriend in high school, I would be with someone now my own age so we would relate more , and I wouldn't have to hide us. Ive thought about dating a girl but i dont think it would work out if i have little desire to sleep with her. Anyone else in the same boat?
Click to expand...

I don't think it would work out with you and a girl, since it seems you would be attracted to a big, hairy, beefy girl with facial hair.
 
I could never look someone in the eye and say "You'll do." I think being attracted to someone is part of my charm.
 
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