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Anyone else have/had a girlfriend and struggling/struggled?

I

iamfriendly987

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Hi, I'm new to this site, so please don't get mad if I'm not posting on the right board or something. :( Or if I'm beating a dead topic to death.


I've known I was gay for roughly 2 years. I'm 19, and have had a girlfriend for 10 months or so.

So being with someone I am not attracted to physically has been really tough. Breaking up with her at this point is not really an option (It's complicated), however I will do so within the summer. I love this girl, she really is awesome, but I'm just so confused and lost. I avoid sex every single chance I get, and when I do, I spend most of it struggling to keep an erection.

I have had a couple of hoop ups with boys (just making out) when I got drunk. And I feel guilty.

Anyways, someone please post their thoughts and experiences. It will help. I know most people will think I'm an asshole and what not, and it's terrible what I've doing. But I need to know other people have been in my shoes. :(
 
Hi, and welcome to JUB!

I think your thread will receive more (and proper) attention in this forum.


Welcome again--and enjoy!:wave:
 
Welcome to JUB!

There's no need to feel ashame. You tried it out with a girl. It does not work for you. You need to break up with her. It is not fair to her for you to string her along on a false pretense. You felt guilty after making out with boys because you're still in a relationship with her.

Break up with her, then explore your sexuality with men...as simple as that. Have fun! :)
 
I tried that exact thing thru high school, dated a girl for about a year. Avoided sex at all cost, & when we did have sex, I had to be drunk, & then blame the alcohol for not getting/keeping an erection.
It is a horrible, horrible way to live, & you really need to let her go & so you can get on with a healthy gay relationship. you'll regret all this wasted time not being yourself. good luck man.
 
You should break up with her now. If you wait until the summer you'll have led her on and she'll be even more hurt.
 
Like everyone else has said, you should seriously break up with her sooner than later. This is the fair thing to do for both her and YOU.

I understand you feel guilty about this, but don't blame yourself too much.

Just before I came out to myself, I also dated a girl for a few months. We never had sex. In fact, I never kissed her. Actually, I barely touched her. (That's when I "realized"... duh...) (I think she just thought I was a really, really, really shy guy.) In any case, I also started hooking up with a few guys. As soon as I realized that I am in fact exclusively attracted to guys, I broke it off with her. I still feel bad for leading her on, and even though we never had sex, I did feel bad for hooking up with guys while I went out with her.

I did not tell her the real reason for me breaking it off. I don't know if I should have. In any case, because we were never affectionate, she was not surprised, even though she was sad.
 
iamfriendly987 said:
I've known I was gay for roughly 2 years. I'm 19, and have had a girlfriend for 10 months or so.

I have had a couple of hoop ups with boys (just making out) when I got drunk. And I feel guilty.
Click to expand...


Friendly,

Welcome to the JUB - hope you find some friends and a mentor or two. I was never really in your situation, so can not share a story as Redips did. It does sound like being gay is tough for you to accept and something you perceive to be dangerous in your environment.

It is difficult to live life for yourself, when so many are putting demands upon you and you rely upon them for shelter and such. Believe in yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, work to make yourself a better person. We all need help in accomplishing that - good friends we trust or professional guidance and consultants. But you do need to be at peace with yourself so please work towards that end.

do take care - do celebrate your life,

Rand
 
Welcome to JUB. Congrats on your first post.

Deep down, you already know the answer to what you need to do here. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
 
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