Anyone else in a relationship with a bisexual?

[versatileplayer]

I resent your reasoning that once you're in a monogamous relationship you're wasting the best sexual years of your life. I'm sorry, but that's just plain bs. You don't have to have sex with every pretty face you see to be fulfilled, sexually or emotionally.

Now, I'm no arbiter for your relationship with your boyfriend, and I don't want to be. What works for you works for you. Congratulations. But could you say that you love your bf so much that you would be willing to stop sleeping with women if your bf asked you not to. Or would you see that as him stymieing your sex life? Is there a clear limit for your love for him?

Oh, and to answer your question, if my lover doesn't want to be exclusive to me he wouldn't be my lover. Simple as that.

He hasn't and he wouldn't ask me, so I could throw out an empty "yes if he asked, I would do" - but that's never been our relationship. But similar to you - if he had asked this of me, I don't know that we would have ever had a long term relationship to begin with.

Would I see it as stymieing my sex life - of course - it surely would be, and that's why he'd never ask me to do so.

Our love isn't "limited" - it goes beyond petty sexual jealousy, childish insecurity, and make-believe oprahesque romatisism.

Putting the shoe on the other foot for a minute - I don't put restrictions on him either. I would never. I'd rather he just screw that hot guy he's infatuated with instead of resenting me and our relationship for stopping him. My relationship with him is to empower and support him - not to hold him prisoner.

Our relationship is much deeper than sex. We don't confuse sex with love. We both understand that men can have sex to express love, or just for recreation.

To paraphrase Steve Wonder - We don't use our love to make each other weak, we use it just to keep us strong.

 

[versatileplayer]

i totally agree with you,and let me tell you,these relationships do leave emotional scars with time,specially to the gay partner.my partner loves me i know that for sure,but like i said i don't know what happens to me that even if i want to be romantic with him ,something stops me,because of the many times that he has told me that he prefers women,i never tell him or show him how much it hurts me when he tells me that,i just pretend that i don't mind at all,he does know that i used to get angry when i saw him watching heterosexual porn,which by the way,revolts my stomach.for instance he loves eating my ass,i do enjoy it a lot and i love it when he does it to me,don't get me wrong,but something inside of me feels a bit awkward, like i always try to be very clean like taking a bath when i know that we are gonna have sex, i know that he REALLY enjoy smelling my dirty body scents but i still feel awkward.
i'm his cousin's lover.he is gay.and the things we do are fully enjoy by me in a way that i don't have any inhibitions because he has had sex with quite a few women and he bluntly tells me that he doesn't find them sexually appealing at all. To hear that, is like an aphrodisiac that unleashes me,and i go wild.

Not everyone likes french vanilla ice cream.

It sounds like you'd be happier with a different guy. If your relationship with him makes you unhappy, life is short, move on to someone you are more compatible with.

If you don't love this heterosexual part of him - you don't really love him - you love someone like him who is entirely homosexual, so go find that guy.

Otherwise - you're just making yourself miserable - and eventually - you'll do the same to him if not already.

 

[sweetcar]

I don't know, everyone feels different about their personal and sexual relationships, every person's feelings are valid and should be respected.
Some of us want a commited, monogamous relationship and its important to them to be the only one in their partner's life. I can respect that.

Some of us are just concerned with the more physical aspects and as long as their partner satisfies their sexual appetites, their happy.

To say someone is going to be unhappy in the long run with their personal situation is kind of jumping to conclusions to me. It depends on our perspective and expectations for the relationship.

As far as my friend and I are concerned, we're happy and its worked. I think an important aspect in our relationship is that we were best friends for a long, long time before we got physically invovled. The friendship is always the root of our relationship and we'd love each other as friends no matter what happened. Another factor we have going for us is that we understand each other. He's a very friendly and outgoing person, and, frankly, falls in love with people too easily. Will he ever leave me?? NO! Would I want to put him in chains and own him all to myself?? NO!! I know I can't change him to suit what I'd like, so I just let it be.

 

[versatileplayer]

I don't know, everyone feels different about their personal and sexual relationships, every person's feelings are valid and should be respected.
Some of us want a commited, monogamous relationship and its important to them to be the only one in their partner's life. I can respect that.

Some of us are just concerned with the more physical aspects and as long as their partner satisfies their sexual appetites, their happy.

To say someone is going to be unhappy in the long run with their personal situation is kind of jumping to conclusions to me. It depends on our perspective and expectations for the relationship.

As far as my friend and I are concerned, we're happy and its worked. I think an important aspect in our relationship is that we were best friends for a long, long time before we got physically invovled. The friendship is always the root of our relationship and we'd love each other as friends no matter what happened. Another factor we have going for us is that we understand each other. He's a very friendly and outgoing person, and, frankly, falls in love with people too easily. Will he ever leave me?? NO! Would I want to put him in chains and own him all to myself?? NO!! I know I can't change him to suit what I'd like, so I just let it be.

Desire is a source of unhappiness.
Permanence is an illusion.

It sounds like you have a mutually supportive, healthy sexual friendship.

I take issue with the idea of absolute monogamy because I believe it is rooted in our thirst for permanence.

 

[bankside]

And so it begins.

-d-

You know, on one hand I agree with you about the bi-bashing and the stereotypes about bi guys flaking out and defaulting to women with just the slightest social pressure. I know a lot of them must have more balls than that.

Yet at the same time, haven't you said that you could be physical with a guy but not really emotional or romantic? And yet all of that is on the table with women?

That's the kind of situation that can really burn a gay guy who is open to the full meal deal with another man. If he gets a gay guy or a bi guy who can reciprocate, great. But if he gets a bi guy with "emotional restrictions" then the gay guy gets screwed, and not in a good way.

There are enough bi guys who place limits on their connections with one gender or the other that it can't be ignored. I know it is not universal, but bi does not mean the same thing from one bi guy to another. It might be a lot clearer for everyone involved if we came up with better descriptions.

To me, if you're bi, you're bi. All aspects of a relationship (sexual, romatic, love, lust) should all be open to you with either men or women. If that is not the case, we need to invent a new description.

I'd say that "straight plus a sense of adventure" would be better for those guys who currently call themselves bi, but have limitations on how they connect with other men. Or maybe "bi-restricted" or "bi-limited" or something. It would clear up a lot of hassle from the beginning.

As for me, I'd call myself a gay guy who is occasionally bi-curious. For some reason I think it would be hot to have a straight guy or bi guy give me a tour of what turns him on with women.

 

[AsianDream]

To me, if you're bi, you're bi. All aspects of a relationship (sexual, romatic, love, lust) should all be open to you with either men or women. If that is not the case, we need to invent a new description.

I'd say that "straight plus a sense of adventure" would be better for those guys who currently call themselves bi, but have limitations on how they connect with other men. Or maybe "bi-restricted" or "bi-limited" or something. It would clear up a lot of hassle from the beginning.

Actually if you go onto most Bi-sexual sites there's often long debates on all the different varieties of Bi-sexulaity. Including emotional attraction - type of sex (top/bottom - oral only) whether you'll kiss the same gender.

I guess everone has sexual boundaries - but it does often seem to be the case that for BI people these are sometimes different depending on the gender of the other person (in addition to the difference in sexual attributes).

I think yours would be "Homoflexible" is you sometimes have sex with women or "Homocurious" if it's just an interest.