anyone else with a high profile job? Need advice

[JasunStrikesBack]

Dude, really... If Anderson Cooper can have a boyfriend and it doesn't get made a big deal... So can you.

 

[hotb0d]

I think you should work hard for the next few years. Make shitload of money, quit, then actually starts living.

Or just go find another job. I would rather be out in my own accords then having to sneak around, shit will pop up sooner or later. You should know.

 

[youngnihilist]

I doubt you're as famous or high profile as you say you are. Most likely you're someone on a local TV or radio station. And if you came out, hardly anybody would care. Basically if you're not a pro athlete or movie star (or conservative politician), you're fine.

 

[hotatlboi]

Dude, really... If Anderson Cooper can have a boyfriend and it doesn't get made a big deal... So can you.

While in general this is true, it might depend on the area. Anderson works at a rather accepting organization which is in places like NY and Atlanta.

If this guy is a say, a local news person in a hick town in Alabama, the situation might be different. Only he knows.

But I agree that without knowing any more info its certainly possible that he's overestimating the negative consequences to being out.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you're 32 and not dating (and haven't been for some time), people are going to talk, anyway. And given that, you might as well enjoy yourself, yes no?

I think I'm in roughly the same shoes as you. Feel free to send me a private message by clicking on my name to the left there. If you do, I'll tell you my "secret identity" and we can exchange notes. (You don't have to tell me yours if you'd rather not.)

Lex

 

[BowtieGuy]

Thanks for all the replies folks, a very ecclectic and unique splattering of individuals from all sorts of work environments I can see post on here. I am going to remain completely anonymous. Oh, and you can be a "weather nut" without being the weather man so don't just jump to conclusions! I am going to feel things out for the time being, it just sucks SO bad to want to start dating and have to be so careful about it. I also try to stay away from message forums where they discuss who is on tv, who is doing what. There are a lot of local gossip sites people frequent in my area. I figure the less I know about what people are saying, the better-because very few people know the real me. I guess being 32 and watching friends of mine go off get married have kids is making me realize the clock is always ticking, and I think now is the time to find that special someone (who is out there, somewhere).

You should do what you feel right. I for one, will continue to chat with you, even if I don't know who you are. I think you have a right to your privacy. My friends starting getting married and engaged in their early 20s. I'm in my late mid 20s (is there such a thing) and I feel it, so you are definitely not alone mate.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

its certainly possible that he's overestimating the negative consequences to being out.

We ALL overestimate the negative consequences of being out.

It's never as big a deal to anyone else as it is to us.

I'm not telling anyone how to live their life..... which is a change for me because I'm usually an obtuse asshole as anyone who reads my blog, watches my Youtube channel or knows me in real life or on JUB knows.

But there's just no career that's THAT important that you have to live your whole life being alone and lonely and trying to please everyone else. Not to me, anyway.

 

[wxnut01]

I doubt you're as famous or high profile as you say you are. Most likely you're someone on a local TV or radio station. And if you came out, hardly anybody would care. Basically if you're not a pro athlete or movie star (or conservative politician), you're fine.

I never claimed to be Tom Cruise or Anderson Cooper. Thousands of people watch me every night. I know this because I know our ratings. And while it may not be 8 million people where I live, enough watch me and know me that I do have to adjust my outward appearance. I guess you just have to be in my shoes to understand. Saying if I came out hardly anybody would care is actually one of the furthest things from the truth especially where I live. Thanks for reading my posts in this thread though. Movie stars have it good. See, they make enough money to not have to worry about what people think. Athletes are in a different category as are conservative politicians.

 

[wxnut01]

We ALL overestimate the negative consequences of being out.

It's never as big a deal to anyone else as it is to us.

I'm not telling anyone how to live their life..... which is a change for me because I'm usually an obtuse asshole as anyone who reads my blog, watches my Youtube channel or knows me in real life or on JUB knows.

But there's just no career that's THAT important that you have to live your whole life being alone and lonely and trying to please everyone else. Not to me, anyway.

I think when your at the top of your career it will be easier to come out than it is right now when you are still working your way up. I know I am fearing the worst if I did come out, but there is that code of conduct contract you sign and who knows how far or how short you would have to press it to start getting questioned on it. I have a great group of friends where I live--it's that one special person right now (and the way to find him) is the problem. A variety of replys in here though! Thanks for responding. I appreciate what ya'll are saying

 

[Echoes]

I appreciate your honesty mate, though I believe that no career is worth the price you have to pay by being lying to yourself and the rest. I know you know what's right and you'll come out when you feel it's the right time to do it. I wish you the best of luck but remember that we don't live forever and you might end up living for what others say rather than living under your own conceptions.

 

[youngnihilist]

Well, there's different types of coming out.

You can come out quietly, to your friends, go to a gay bar, to acquaintinces... then does anybody care?

Not saying go on your TV show and say you're gay. Just live the gay life quietly. Date guys. Anderson Cooper is the obvious example but there's also Sheppard Smith over at Fox. He's spotted at gay bars and never dates girls and it's known he's gay. He just is.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Thanks for reading my posts in this thread though. Movie stars have it good. See, they make enough money to not have to worry about what people think.

Well, I've got a few friends that would disagree with you, but there IS a rather vibrant Hollywood A-list star gay network that doesn't get any press. So they at least have a sort of society like the Vampires in the Anne Rice books (and I still wonder if that's where she got the idea).

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, about all I can suggest is that you work on getting into a market where being gay and out wouldn't weigh against you. And I realize that this is hardly a growth industry right now, but that said, you'd be surprised (apparently) how many markets where such a thing wouldn't be much of an issue.

Lex

 

[opinterph]

… there is that code of conduct contract you sign and who knows how far or how short you would have to press it to start getting questioned on it.

I think any high profile job carries with it an expectation on the part of the employer that the employee will seek to understand the firm’s corporate culture and voluntarily conform [at least] the public part of his/her behavior to that expectation. Though it is often difficult to ascertain a firm’s corporate culture prior to accepting a job, it is helpful to recognize the fact that culture always flows from the top down. And that’s a good reason to argue that any high profile jobholder should have access to management. I think that whatever uncertainty you have may best be answered by seeking to better understand the social and political philosophy of the station’s owners and other important stakeholders.


Looking at it from a broader perspective, your problem very much reminds me of DADT.

 

[Lube]

There's a high profile gay weatherman in the twin cities. He doesn't come out with a feather boa or anything. But he helps with Pride and AIDS fundraisers and such. And even though we're in Michelle Bachmannland, no one really cares. That's not to say there may not be snide comments in anonymous online message boards, but there's no inkling of him getting fired over his sexuality.

I'm a consultant and while I'm not famous I do work with decision makers. I come out right in my job interviews and then to my coworkers on pretty much the first day.

I might as well, since if you're 30 or over and not married or dating, everyone knows you're gay anyway.

Do you think people are that stupid nowadays? C'mon.

 

[wxnut01]

There's a high profile gay weatherman in the twin cities. He doesn't come out with a feather boa or anything. But he helps with Pride and AIDS fundraisers and such. And even though we're in Michelle Bachmannland, no one really cares. That's not to say there may not be snide comments in anonymous online message boards, but there's no inkling of him getting fired over his sexuality.

I'm a consultant and while I'm not famous I do work with decision makers. I come out right in my job interviews and then to my coworkers on pretty much the first day.

I might as well, since if you're 30 or over and not married or dating, everyone knows you're gay anyway.

Do you think people are that stupid nowadays? C'mon.

Another great selection of replies. Thanks so much...seriously its appreciated. To the person that compared it to DADT, wow, I think you hit it on the mark. And actually quite a few of my friends are straight, between like 25-35 and single...its weird nowadays---So I wouldnt say everyone knows I (or them) are gay because its actually quite common, at least here! I would have no problem if I got asked to do an AIDS fundraiser. I think that is beneficial to the community to have someone seen in the market out there standing up for a cause.

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

I guess it all comes down to the comfortableness you are with yourself and sexuality. I teach at community college and one of my students brought up a very old profile I'd forgotten about that I'd had on gay dot com (some other site, no advertising here). Of course, it was quite public in class when asked, so my only reply was, "What were YOU doing on that gay site?"

My sexuality is now common knowledge among the student body, but it neither detracts from my teaching prowess, nor my ability to kick your gluteus maximus on the the b-ball court.

 

[theplayerking]

I work in the arts and am friends with a lot of high-profle people (mainly actors) who have come out publicly. Some of them I'm sure you've heard of. Coming out is a process and there's nothing wrong with taking baby steps.

First of all: Do you pretend to be straight among your friends and family, i.e., date women occasionally, make comments about "hot chicks," etc.? If you're not actively trying to mislead them, most of your friends probably know already. Coming out to them will likely elicit more of a yawn than anything else. If you have been trying to deceive them, stop it immediately. A sin of omission is different than a sin of commission. Coming out to your friend might be embarrassing, but letting them know that you've be lying to them and to yourself for years is much more embarrassing. I would suggest coming out to your closest friends.

Then you need to find a few gay friends; not to supplant your other friends, but to have people to talk to about certain issues. This may be controversial, but I would suggest looking for upper-middle-class professionals or creative types at first (attorneys, doctors, architects, etc.). You don't want drama right away, and those people are used to discretion and professional decorum. They're unlikely to post about you on Facebook.

Once you get more comfortable, you can start going gay bars and clubs. Don't get too drunk and make a fool of yourself. Just smile and look relaxed. If you look nervous, people will think you're trying to hide something.

If you decide to come out fully, do it in a big way. The public has tremendous respect for people who are philanthropic. For example, you could volunteer to emcee a major AIDS benefit or an HRC dinner. It's not to exploit the organization, but if you're going to be out, you might as well stand up and say: This is who I am, I am happy with who I am, and this is a cause I believe in. People respect celebrities who stand up for something.

I have found that while some gay men might be a little catty towards each other, on the whole, they're discrete. I've been to sex parties with New York celebrities (although, alas, not Anderson Cooper!) and everyone pretends not to notice. Nobody wants to be outed, and unless you're a Republican politician campaigning against gay marriage, your privacy will be respected.

Another tip: do NOT take nude photos of yourself showing your face. Any nude photo of even the most minor of minor celebrities will be posted on the internet in perpetuity. Keep your cock pics and your face pics separate.

And have fun.

 

[Lube]

Another great selection of replies. Thanks so much...seriously its appreciated. To the person that compared it to DADT, wow, I think you hit it on the mark. And actually quite a few of my friends are straight, between like 25-35 and single...its weird nowadays---So I wouldnt say everyone knows I (or them) are gay because its actually quite common, at least here! I would have no problem if I got asked to do an AIDS fundraiser. I think that is beneficial to the community to have someone seen in the market out there standing up for a cause.

It is more common nowadays for 25-35 year olds not to be married. Probably because gays feel less pressure to fake it and get married to someone of the opposite sex.

 

[sixthson]

There's a high profile gay weatherman in the twin cities.

Sven isn't gay, he's just...carefree.