Anyone With Psychological Dependence on Cialis / Viagra ?

[BerkLT]

Hey guys,
I just wanted to share this and let it go out of my system for once because I never told this anyone before, not even online.
I know it is probably irrelevant to most of you but I just wanted to share how I became psychologically addicted to Cialis / Viagra.

I had been sexually active since I was 14, and never really had any sexual problems. I have a decent libido, I neither ejaculate too early nor have an erection problem but naturally I am not a sex god to be honest.
It all started when I was 16 years old. There was this absolutely gorgeous boy I was dating, he looked like Lucky Blue Smith. Couple weeks into our teen "love", I got to fuck him for the first time, I came in like 1-2 minutes because he was making me way too excited like no one did before.

I was really frustrated with my performance with that boy that I started looking for solutions. I discovered ED drugs like Viagra and Cialis online. My idea was that I'll use viagra if I cum early again; at least, I can keep my erection with this drug.

My dad is an executive at a pharmaceutical company; most importantly he is a single guy with money which means that he fucks younger women. Thanks to his job, he had unlimited amount of viagra / cialis (or their generics) laying around that I could literally take without him noticing at all.

So I took a box viagra from my dad's car. And I popped one right before I picked this boy from his school, it took us half an hour to get my place but I was feeling the blood rush even after 15 minutes. That day, I fucked him 6 times, and during every single one of these sessions, I was totally able to control timing of my ejaculations. Boy was like "Oh my god, you are a monster".
Moreover, I have a big dick but it is not naturally veiny; when I use cialis or viagra it becomes so veiny too.

After that, I had to use viagra or cialis for our sex sessions with this boy because of the ridiculously high expectations I set. But apparently, fags have no limit to sharing their sex life with their social circle. By the time, we broke up with this boy; half of my town's twinks near my age knew "what a monster I was". So, I kept using viagra and cialis.

Most importantly, my character is very dominant and outgoing. I am sure most my friends would say that my most important characteristic is my self-confidence. I feel like this why I still cannot stop using viagra and cialis. I don't want people to stop talking about what a monster I am. But at the same time, I have to keep this pills as a secret which bugs me a lot.

I know it is probably irrelevant to most of you but I just wanted to share this secret I have to keep in order to maintain my image as new Brian Kinney.

 

[BerkLT]

I wish someone cared to respond

 

[eastofeden]

I am unfamiliar with both of those drugs as in never tried them or had a conversation with anyone who has except for watching Samantha on Sex and the City take some and fuck a guy on it....so maybe that is why the lack of response?

The thing that stands out for me..you seem to place a lot of value on what other people are thinking about you...so my question to you...what do YOU think about yourself? Is it worth it?

After they are all gone...and they will be...are you gonna be OK with who you are? That is all that really matters. Are you going to be proud of who you are?

I get that it is nice to have other peoples approval..but your own approval is the only approval that really matters. Maybe contemplate that for awhile....meditate about it....

Also...how old are you now? It would help to understand the time frame because it would be different if you were using it for four years versus 14 years...it significantly changes the dynamic of the situation....

 

[BerkLT]

I am unfamiliar with both of those drugs as in never tried them or had a conversation with anyone who has except for watching Samantha on Sex and the City take some and fuck a guy on it....so maybe that is why the lack of response?

The thing that stands out for me..you seem to place a lot of value on what other people are thinking about you...so my question to you...what do YOU think about yourself? Is it worth it?

After they are all gone...and they will be...are you gonna be OK with who you are? That is all that really matters. Are you going to be proud of who you are?

I get that it is nice to have other peoples approval..but your own approval is the only approval that really matters. Maybe contemplate that for awhile....meditate about it....

Also...how old are you now? It would help to understand the time frame because it would be different if you were using it for four years versus 14 years...it significantly changes the dynamic of the situation....

First of all, thank you for your response

I am 21 years old. I've been using them for about 5 years now. I guess you're right that I care a lot about what others think of me.
I am a single child, my parents always had very high expectations from me. Moreover, I feel like all single children care more about what others think of them compared to people with siblings. Maybe because single children do not experience the feeling that their peers will like them anyways like a relationship of siblings.
That's just my theory of course, I do not know how to rationalize it more

Also, it is normal that you never had conversation with anyone using viagra and cialis. The secret is to use them without anyone else knowing so that your partners will think your performance on these drugs is your natural performance. No guy likes to admit that he is not a sexual stallion. I don't think I will share this secret with anyone in real life.

PS: I watched the sex and the city scene you mentioned on youtube. It is ridiculous Guy takes a viagra, after a round takes, he takes a second one. The effect of viagra is time based, and second one is way too much :/ For Samantha though, I do not think it would have any effects relevant to her sex life. These drugs basically increase the blood flow, they are not "get horny" drugs.

 

[eastofeden]

First of all, thank you for your response

You are welcome

I am 21 years old. I've been using them for about 5 years now. I guess you're right that I care a lot about what others think of me.
I am a single child, my parents always had very high expectations from me. Moreover, I feel like all single children care more about what others think of them compared to people with siblings. Maybe because single children do not experience the feeling that their peers will like them anyways like a relationship of siblings.
That's just my theory of course, I do not know how to rationalize it more

It is good that you gave it so much thought.....you could be exactly right...or not....and if you look at it for a long time..the truth shifts and changes as life unfolds anyway...so if this is actually the case and being a single child is a contributing factor to seeking approval from others...you can find a silver lining at any moment. For one thing...would you consider it a blessing or a handicap that this is the case with you?...or something else?

Would you like to be free of the burden of wanting other people's approval? (and if it isn't already..it WILL one day be a burden and a curse) I can give you a detailed possible scenario or two..or a hundred...and none of them are very promising if you come to rely on other people's approval....

Also, it is normal that you never had conversation with anyone using viagra and cialis. The secret is to use them without anyone else knowing so that your partners will think your performance on these drugs is your natural performance. No guy likes to admit that he is not a sexual stallion. I don't think I will share this secret with anyone in real life.

I know nothing about it except the outrage when the men who control the industry got it approved for insurance when many women's health issues are not..or dismissed..that is the extent of my knowledge about it.

So..let me ask you...are you aware of any health issues or long term side effects? It sounds already as if the drug has had a psychological effect on you....

Have you ever consider that you may find "THE GUY"?...and he might want to see the real you..maybe even only want sex once a night?

PS: I watched the sex and the city scene you mentioned on youtube. It is ridiculous Guy takes a viagra, after a round takes, he takes a second one. The effect of viagra is time based, and second one is way too much :/ For Samantha though, I do not think it would have any effects relevant to her sex life. These drugs basically increase the blood flow, they are not "get horny" drugs.

I wondered about that actually..I thought it was for men but it served Samantha's sex hungry personality so maybe they took liberties ...

 

[BerkLT]

You are welcome

It is good that you gave it so much thought.....you could be exactly right...or not....and if you look at it for a long time..the truth shifts and changes as life unfolds anyway...so if this is actually the case and being a single child is a contributing factor to seeking approval from others...you can find a silver lining at any moment. For one thing...would you consider it a blessing or a handicap that this is the case with you?...or something else?

Would you like to be free of the burden of wanting other people's approval? (and if it isn't already..it WILL one day be a burden and a curse) I can give you a detailed possible scenario or two..or a hundred...and none of them are very promising if you come to rely on other people's approval....

I know nothing about it except the outrage when the men who control the industry got it approved for insurance when many women's health issues are not..or dismissed..that is the extent of my knowledge about it.

So..let me ask you...are you aware of any health issues or long term side effects? It sounds already as if the drug has had a psychological effect on you....

Have you ever consider that you may find "THE GUY"?...and he might want to see the real you..maybe even only want sex once a night?

I wondered about that actually..I thought it was for men but it served Samantha's sex hungry personality so maybe they took liberties ...

Let me clarify this:
Addiction and dependence are negatively perceived notions but I am not bothered that I feel the need of using viagra/cialis. Before using viagra/cialis, I had an average performance which is not really brilliant. Afterwards, every single boy I've been with were impressed by my performance. It makes me happy to be honest.

I opened this thread because I was overwhelmed due to keeping this as a secret. It is a strange feeling. I am very open with my friends about everything else except this. I just wanted to tell to let this secret go out of my system for once. I know that it sounds like such a first world problem when I say it like this but the burden of keeping a secret, not letting anyone get close to it, is quite heavy, at least to me.
This is a very unpopular opinion but society puts weight on the shoulders of men as much as it does to women. Nobody judges a woman because she cannot give a killer bj but guys' sexual performances are always judged.
This is why I do and will keep this as a secret.

Also I argued that single children seek approval of their peers more but I am not bothered by being a single child. Thanks to my being a single child, my parents were able to invest so much money in my education that allowed me to develop myself in ways that I would not be able otherwise.

By the way, long term effects are not really relevant. These drugs are not something you take all the time. Cialis, for example. Its standard dose is 20 mg. When I take it, it has full effect for 4 days but I feel its effects up to a week. There is no way I can take more than 1 pill per week.

I am not very familiar with american health policies. It has been only two years since I have moved to Canada. Back in my country, every single drug that doctors could prescribe was also insured.
American point of view to health sector is very unorthodox to me though because I remember being taught that free access to medical services being a right of citizenship in like 2nd grade
I am liberal, socially and economically. But I believe that health sector is more of a topic concerning humanity rather than economy; allowing people to lose their health because they do not have money seems pretty fucked up to me.

Coming to your words about Samantha Viagra has nothing to do with being sex hungry. Viagra increases the effects of nitric oxide which makes blood vessels to expand. This allows blood vessels to get more oxygen from the lungs. Nothing to do with sexual hormones or brain Cialis is similar too but better, effects are prolonged, and cialis can be taken with alcohol unlike viagra.

 

[eastofeden]

Let me clarify this:
Addiction and dependence are negatively perceived notions but I am not bothered that I feel the need of using viagra/cialis. Before using viagra/cialis, I had an average performance which is not really brilliant. Afterwards, every single boy I've been with were impressed by my performance. It makes me happy to be honest.

I opened this thread because I was overwhelmed due to keeping this as a secret. It is a strange feeling. I am very open with my friends about everything else except this. I just wanted to tell to let this secret go out of my system for once. I know that it sounds like such a first world problem when I say it like this but the burden of keeping a secret, not letting anyone get close to it, is quite heavy, at least to me.
This is a very unpopular opinion but society puts weight on the shoulders of men as much as it does to women. Nobody judges a woman because she cannot give a killer bj but guys' sexual performances are always judged.
This is why I do and will keep this as a secret.

I understand....it didn't really seem like you were asking for help but when you asked why no one answered I wanted to at least acknowledge your post and give you my interpretation ....

It would probably be more helpful if you found someone else who was also using this and also keeping a secret.....

I have no idea if that person exists on this board but probably on a bigger stage you would be able to find someone in the same position....

 

[monetlaud]

Try Horny Goat Weed pills-- freely available at GNC. It's a supplement so it's not completely proven whether it works. Either as a psychological thing, or maybe it actually works you're still doing the whole "popping a pill before sex kinda thing" without as much repercussions I'm hoping. Look it up.

 

[KaraBulut]

I wish someone cared to respond

The opening post asked for someone who had a similar problem, so that might have limited responses.

The issue isn't really your psychological dependence upon meds during sex. The problem that you should contemplate is how distant sex is from any kind of emotional connection.

Sex is not just about performance or solely fulfilling your needs. While there are those who use ED medications for recreational purposes, most people using the drugs are people who have a regular partner and who want to improve their sexual performance- usually because of a medical issue that prevents them from maintaining an erection with that partner. It seems from your statements that sex is something that you associate with improving your self-worth by trying to change what others think about you.

Considering some of the other issues that you've mentioned- issues with your family, etc- have you talked with a therapist to trying to work through some of these issues?