Approaching Shy Guys...

[treanir]

Thank you so much for calling me and the other shy guys losers. I really appreciate it.

Shyness is not a virtuous circle, but a vicious one.
Also, there are varying degrees and ways of shyness. I can talk to you just fine, but taking the first step... not likely.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Well, shy guys do lose.

As a Roman said, years ago, "fortune favors the brave".

Just get over it. Go for it.

As a kid I was very shy. But I learned, later, that's just kid stuff. I grew up.

And, now, if I want something, or someone, I usually get what I want.

 

[elvnguardian]

YaY... Nintendo was just what I needed when I woke up.

I'd probably never initiate anything.

Never.... Ever.... EVER. You could be the most drop dead man alive, waking around naked with an "I love you, shy guy, come fuck me" sign on your neck, and I'd STILL be too nervous to say go up to you...

If you see them looking but then they quickly look away when they realize you've noticed.

You have to be really quick, because if we really like you, we can see each mucsle in your neck moving, actually, we're watching them to see if your turning your head in our direction to be ready not to be looking. Actually, if you're really cute, there may be some involuntary flushing if you catch us.

If they're avoiding making eye contact. If they're quiet or mumble or stutter when they speak to you. If they blush while talking to you.

Above all, be patient.

If you get us to start talking, it'll probably be a good 15-20 minutes before we actually open up. Ignore the stammering, stuttering, mumbles (or at least don't point it out, we're more aware of it than you think, probably worring about it). Actually, if you're having a hard time hearing, it might be a good move to get up close and turn your head, almost like when someone was whispering a secret... it avoids the eye contact issues and showes us your both interested and giving us your sole attention.

Now that you've gotten through the longest 15-20 minutes of your life, you may not be able to get us to shut up in the near future, but you've broken down a small piece of that wall.

**disclosure notice**
15-20 minutes is an average agreed upon at the annual Shy Guys of America Meeting. However, it is not a hard and fast rule, as none of us at SGA particularly enjoy speaking in crowds or on stage and everyone was mumbling.

 

[elvnguardian]

"Shy" guys deserve to sleep alone.

If they do long enough, they just might get over their damn "shyness".

They are men, after all....

Actually, it's people like you that make us shy.

Most of us are just kind, laid back people (all personality traits you obviously seem to be lacking) who just happen to have (some times a very intense) fear of rejection or utter lack of self worth, usually compounded upon through school or every day social interactions with assholes (better fit for you).

But, actually, seeing as how you've written us off, we're better off with out you. Just not worth the effort to see if there's anything beneath the layer of hostility.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Actually, it's people like you that make us shy.

Most of us are just kind, laid back people (all personality traits you obviously seem to be lacking) who just happen to have (some times a very intense) fear of rejection or utter lack of self worth, usually compounded upon through school or every day social interactions with assholes (better fit for you).

But, actually, seeing as how you've written us off, we're better off with out you. Just not worth the effort to see if there's anything beneath the layer of hostility.

Dude, I was the shyest of shy once.

With a huge fear of rejection and treated horribly in school as a kid.

I still feel the pangs of all that, and I'm afraid when I'm in a bar setting, for instance, but I tough it out and try to overcome those fears. "Fortune favors the bold". It does.

P.S. People who know me might use the words "laid back" to describe me, really.

 

[elvnguardian]

Dude, I was the shyest of shy once.

With a huge fear of rejection and treated horribly in school as a kid.

I still feel the pangs of all that, and I'm afraid when I'm in a bar setting, for instance, but I tough it out and try to overcome those fears. "Fortune favors the bold". It does.

P.S. People who know me might use the words "laid back" to describe me, really.

If you've actually experienced it, then you shouldn't belittle people who haven't been able to over come what you believe you have.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I just wonder why anyone would "cultivate" shyness as an attribute.

To whom do they think it appeals?

At best it might attract some real users and abusers, looking for easy targets.

They must realize that fellow "shy" guys won't approach.

 

[MisterMajestic]

All the SHY guys need to quit it..You're coming to the message boards being your true-self..How many people in Cyber-Space have complimented you on your personality?..Many have I'm sure....Just take that "bravery" and focus on being more social in real-life....Enough with the "I can be fun and exciting while I'm typing but I freeze when i get around people." .....Hawgwash...


The same PLAN you use to achieve your short-term & long-term Goals is the same PLAN you use to deal with your "shyness"..Like anything you have to work at it..

Don't even sit there behind your Computers and say that you cannot do it....

 

[elvnguardian]

never was the word uttered that it could not be done

I would like to point out, that the thread was made so that an understanding person could learn how to interact with someone who was very shy, and was not a Shy bashing thread.

Perhaps, if that is what you would LIKE to do, you should go create you're own thread and just kindly FUCK OFF.

 

[GM1985]

Well said elvnguardian!

NineOfClubs and a couple of others have made what I would call arrogant remarks, and this is one of the main attributes that decent, shy guys are wary of in the type of situations being discussed in this thread.

Why don't you people who claim to have overcome their shyness not give encouragement and advice to those who have not?

Just my thoughts...

 

[MisterMajestic]

Sorry Nine and MM, but you are coming off very arrogant.

I've never stated that my shyness was ever an attribute - more like one of my many detriments. It takes time to conquer, and you've even acknowledged that(Nine has anyway), knowing so from experience. So why be so fucking brash to those that haven't? Please, continue to call them whiners and wish to have them sleep alone at night and all this other self serving bullshit that's not even really all that important to you.

You forget about the anonymous nature of the net - it's EASY to be you when you're not looking at people - it's also easy to be the person you WISH you were. I've just about worked on it, and i'm lucky, though, still abit shy in public - some of the guys that have met me for the cookout last year can attest to that nature of me. Some people aren't as lucky. Climb down off the pedestal - especially if you've BEEN there.

I'm not passing judgement against anyone that is shy I passed on ADVICE to help those of you that are trying to deal with it...If you make a Grocery list of things you need to buy every time you shop then do the same thing with your personal life...

Make a plan...Put it into action...If you or anybody else considers that harsh then TOUGH...

 

[elvnguardian]

I never claimed that I was proud of being shy or that I even thought it ever worked in my favor... Sometimes, it does inadvertently work to my advantage, but usually it's more detrimental to my life than anything else.

My ability to understand my flaw helps me to work towards getting over it, but it's exceptionally difficult, and actually, using the computer as a crutch has actually helped.

It has also been a great way to study humanity a little, and apparently, when you overcome one flaw, it's usually replaced by another (at least, most people).

But, as I digress, perhaps the attraction to Shy Guys is like with most things in Nature, the Beauty in a thing is not in it's Perfection, but in it's Imperfections.

I'll take Shy over Ass any day.

 

[new86]

Well my experience.
I used to be shy. Very shy. It was impossible to me to speak casually with someone, een in places where you meet the same people as school, sports etc... If some one hot apporached me i was trembling, sweating and oh my god i was so wiling him to go away...

TODAY I changed. I have more self confidence, I can speak casually and if someone very hot is talking to me WOW I am thrilled but still normal.

So for the OP... it takes time, practice and self confidence will come the more you have to deal with people you don't know.

When approaching someone whi seems shy, try not to be too rough, it may scare him off... smile a lot, look at him in silence between your talk so he can have little time inbetween to calm down and let himself go.

Good luck