This summer I visited Spain, and what stuck me was the perception of Bottoms within the gay community itself. I seemed to understand that they were looked down on. I drew this conclusion from my own experience (up till now I've only bottomed).
- For starters, tops are seen as those playing 'the man', bottoms are seen as those playing 'the woman' - as if being likened to a woman were somewhat degrading.
- I met a group of friends, and one of them inquired on my sexual role. He asked me: "Are you a top or a bottom?". To which I couldn't quite answer 'cause I was embarressed to admit that I was a bottom. Then another friend chimed in, and he adamantly said: "Of course he's a top!" ('cause I tend to act manly or something), as if it were something positive. And it dawned on me: would this friend be so eager to go and say "He's a bottom" just like he was eager to say "He's a top"? Or would he more likely refrain from making such a comment on my being a bottom?
- The word '¡Pasiva!' (which means bottom, but the gender is femenine) was employed as an insult just like 'FAG' is thrown among straight people. And the curious thing is that the insult came from bottoms themselves and was directed at other bottoms. Tops, on the other hand, don't insult bottoms but they make a point of clarifying over and over that they're not to be linked to bottoms in any way. They are gay but they see themselves as somewhat better, in another orbit.
- When I confessed being a bottom it felt like coming out all over again. I felt like bottoms are looked down on, just like 'gay people' in general might be looked down on by certain straight people. To me it was ridicoulus. We are on the same boat. We should have learnt a lesson on discrimination from our experience.
I'm sure I'm debating an old topic here. It must have been discussed endlessly. But please consider that I'm new to the game, so all of this stuff has really stuck me.
- For starters, tops are seen as those playing 'the man', bottoms are seen as those playing 'the woman' - as if being likened to a woman were somewhat degrading.
- I met a group of friends, and one of them inquired on my sexual role. He asked me: "Are you a top or a bottom?". To which I couldn't quite answer 'cause I was embarressed to admit that I was a bottom. Then another friend chimed in, and he adamantly said: "Of course he's a top!" ('cause I tend to act manly or something), as if it were something positive. And it dawned on me: would this friend be so eager to go and say "He's a bottom" just like he was eager to say "He's a top"? Or would he more likely refrain from making such a comment on my being a bottom?
- The word '¡Pasiva!' (which means bottom, but the gender is femenine) was employed as an insult just like 'FAG' is thrown among straight people. And the curious thing is that the insult came from bottoms themselves and was directed at other bottoms. Tops, on the other hand, don't insult bottoms but they make a point of clarifying over and over that they're not to be linked to bottoms in any way. They are gay but they see themselves as somewhat better, in another orbit.
- When I confessed being a bottom it felt like coming out all over again. I felt like bottoms are looked down on, just like 'gay people' in general might be looked down on by certain straight people. To me it was ridicoulus. We are on the same boat. We should have learnt a lesson on discrimination from our experience.
I'm sure I'm debating an old topic here. It must have been discussed endlessly. But please consider that I'm new to the game, so all of this stuff has really stuck me.
