Are gay guys a remodeling job too?

[thermodynamics]

I had pizza with my old physics prof last Thursday. He's one of those brutally honest, rebel, some would say dirty types. Not naive at all. Example: "The whole purpose of honors groups in colleges is to put smart young males and smart young females together, and hope they find each other and get to work."

He knows plenty about relationships (straight ones), and is of course brutally honest about them as well. He had something like this to say:

"Women, you're going to have to get used to the fact that all guys are remodeling jobs. You're going to have to decide if the end product is worth all the work you put into them. Sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't. There are plenty of guys who need plenty to a lot of remodeling. But those who need no or very little remodeling already have boyfriends."

Which got me thinking...Is this true (on the whole)? Do we generally have the relationship thing down pretty well, and don't need a whole lot of work to get good at it?

What are your thoughts?

 

[RicanDAB]

Hey Thermo,

This was a very interesting comment by your prof ... but I would have to say that we have our own very unique circumstances and the type of remodeling gay men need if any would be very different than the ones straight guys would need! But I do tend to think gay men need less remodeling since the same sex can relate more to each other than the opposite sexes can.

 

[JayHew]

I would doubt it. Just look at some of the posts on this site and you see gay relationships have just as many problems as others. Relationships, gay or otherwise take effort, giving as well as receiving affection and a biggie, acceptance of who and what for both of you. Normally what you see is what you get and if anyone thinks they can change someone in a relationship they are sadly misinformed.

 

[FlyingCheeseSteak]

Well, my prof told me that it is O.K. to lead a double life as long as the two women do not find out.

 

[JackFTwist]

the professor is full of shit, that would be a funny line on Will and Grace but that is not real life

 

[LotusOnBuddha]

I would say gay men arent remodled so much as refinished. There's a difference between tearing down walls, raising a roof and pushing the kitchen out verses refinishing where maybe your throwing a new coat of paint, enclosing a deck, new shurbs.

It also depends on the guy, some gay men are not focused on a relationship, nor do they intend to ever want to be. Others are intrested in finding a husband, the problem in gay relationships seems to be then the former isnt honest with the later. So in theory as long as you select from the right group ya just might have to fine tune each other. As opposed to having to remodel one into the other.

 

[star-warrior]

Well, the Mars and Venus thing again, I guess.

What the professor forgot to mention is the mother-in-law.

 

[looseliam]

Everybody is a fixer-upper.

Sometimes it's a 30 year old bungalow, and at times it's a termite-infested 150 year old mansion.

That's why I always suggest an inspection before buying!

 

[thermodynamics]

Yeah, I kinda like the idea of a repaint/refinish and probably not an all-out remodel. Everyone needs some work, but generally we're going to understand our own sex at least a little better than the opposite one.

 

[nsguy2]

Maybe the reason some relationships don't work is because one person is more concerned with "remodelling" their mate instead of working on their own imperfections.

To get into a relationship with the expectation of changing a person to suit your idea of who they should be is, IMO, pathetic.

Maybe people think they're buying a bucket of Lego blocks - I don't know

 

[luminum]

I think we're modeled welle nough for the wrong people. Women think we're great but we don't want them and we have our own remodelign to deal with inr elationships since we're dealing with other guys and a lot of other external junk.

 

[hotdog1846]

Honey, us gay guys are fabulous!

I don't know about the idea of remodelling. I think it's more a process of figuring out how to communicate with each other, and how to deal with the troublesome areas of each other.

In some cases, I would agree that a guy is tamed by the right woman. I have a coworker who's like that, and my brother is -- to some degree -- like that. Some guys just aren't civilized unless there's a woman looking after them.

But I suspect those guys don't need an equal partner so much as a mother. I don't think they're remodelled, I think they're mothered.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be somebody's mother.