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Are Gay Men Any More Obsessed With Sex Than Straights?

bankside said:
Fortunately this question has an answer you can just look up.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2010/oct/19/gay-men-promiscuous-myth

Most gay men and most straight men share an equivalent appetite for sex, totalling out at 20 partners. Literally the same number for almost all men, gay or straight. There are a few over-achieving hypersexual aficionados of sex, with hundreds of partners, and they tend to be gay. So if you look at the gay average, it’s higher than straight men. But that’s only because we have a few guys making an extra effort for the team. 98% of gay men and 99% of straight men stop at no more than 20 partners.

That’s still a hell of a lot for how I work. I didn’t want 19 rejects before I found my guy. And I don’t understand wanting someone to be a stranger again after you liked him enough to sleep with him. I would be a far better candidate for some polyamorous sex commune than a bunch of one-time hookups or some serial monogamy thing. If a guy is okay sleeping with more than one person in his life, he should be willing to do it all at once.

Anyway yeah gay men and straight men are mostly the same. We tend to be more enthusiastic and honest about sex than women. Even me, after 20 years with the first and only guy to get me off, and never figured out hook-ups to save my life, I actually like sex. It’s one of those things like “what would you do if you won the lottery?” -more sex! “What do you suggest for a weekend get-away, sex or kayaking or visiting a history museu—“ SEX! And do you enjoy “making love” or “fucking” your man? Both! Sometimes it’s nice to be intimate and sometimes it’s nice to just get off on each other.

A lot of women don’t seem to enjoy sex, or they think they’re doing a favour or enduring a chore or that it’s really ALWAYS about something else other than physical pleasure with someone you enjoy.
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Oh, and just for the fun of it, there was also a "study" done back in 1977 (or was it 78) about how many partners the "average" gay man had. It was stated that the average gay man had 500 (yes, you read that right. 5.0.0) sex partners, which just goes to show why it was also called the "swingin' seventies."

So, Ok Cupid's fine if you're a Millennial, but for the first "out" gay generation, it seemed to be "lemme at 'em!!!"
It sure showed up in the huge number of AIDS cases in the 80s... You didn't see straights getting it remotely as much. That's why AIDS was named 'The Gay Disease." The extremely homophobic Black community had the stupidity to call it "The White Man's Disease." Fortunately, my mother - a strong personality (like me) went around telling people that her son was gay (that would be me!) and I wasn't white (well, partially white, but that's beside the point).
There's a lot of history that younger writers/journalists only know by the stories they read: they weren't actually THERE, just like most people weren't in San Francisco when Harvey Milk was assassinated. And then there are those of us who lived through those times, we KNOW how promiscuous guys were in SF (AND LA) and some of us lived in SF and remember when Harvey was murdered. I don't need to read stories about anything that happened in San Francisco in the 70s, 80s, 90s or up to 2002. I saw it, read it or reported on it when it happened.
So, points to OK Cupid, whose target audience is..what, 21 - 38? Not exactly a sweeping survey. AND, only conducted in North America. (read the fine print). I suppose, as a former reporter, I'd want to examine the questions asked very closely. But us (former) reporters were much more investigative about our stories.
I'm open to rebuttal, especially from someone in my age group (60-80). Maybe I'm off the mark. But I really doubt it.
 
I don't think obsessed is the right word to use here. Do I think gay guys tend to a) have sex more often and b) tend to be both more focused on sex and more more quick to get to sexual encounters, then yeah, I would. I don't think it is an obsession though. I think straight guys if anything tend to be more obsessed with it, but in terms of needing a partner and putting so much focus on relationships with sex being the ultimate goal. for gay guys, I think it is just easier to have sex, sex tends to be less serious, and comes with less baggage. I hate to put int in terms of stereotypes, but for straight guys, they go through the whole dinner, date, chatting up, the whole dating scene, so really they get to have sex. Whereas a guy, if that is all they want, can pretty much say "Hey, want to go have sex", and has a decent chance of getting a positive reply if done to the right crown.And since it is so much more available and so much fewer repercussions thy tend to spend more time doing it.

I think those straight guys who start getting it sex with other men (some of the "Bi" crowd) I think they tend to be the same way.

I think though too that really when you talk about straight and gay you are really talking about those who are active with their sexuality, because if you don't really have sex or participate in sex or have relationships, do you really even think of yourself as gay?
 
Mcbrion, you make some good points!

Only thing I’d say about averages is that they are average. If it’s 500, that really means one guy like me has slept with one guy, and another guy has slept with a thousand. If you average it out it’s 500 but me and this other guy are no where near the average bin way bêle, he’s way above

Anyway good point about the 70’s and millennials, and thanks for your POV.
 
If the question is being “obsessed” with sex, then I agree with Cormac135: judging by the people I know, I think straight guys are just as horny as gay guys.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be a lot less horny (with plenty of exceptions of course). So I do think straight guys have a harder time acting on their urges, whereas we gay guys don’t have that issue. To me, that’s the big difference, not the number of sex partners or whatever....
 
bankside said:
Mcbrion, you make some good points!

Only thing I’d say about averages is that they are average. If it’s 500, that really means one guy like me has slept with one guy, and another guy has slept with a thousand. If you average it out it’s 500 but me and this other guy are no where near the average bin way bêle, he’s way above

Anyway good point about the 70’s and millennials, and thanks for your POV.
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And some gay guys have sex with more than 1000 guys, If you go to the bathhouse once a week and have sex with 10 guys a night that's 500 in only a year. A lot of gay guys went thru their crazy sex years when they were younger and it was mostly casual hook ups. One time at a get together some guys in their mid 50s were talking about the late 70s and early 80s and how they used to go to sex clubs.

I think things are a little different now with gay marriage and more people accepting gay relationships but many people grew up in families where it was forbidden to be gay or where you felt shame about it.
 
I think location has a lot to do with it too. If you live in a small town, there may be less gay sex available. But, if you live in a major city with a large LGBT community, gay sex is plentiful everywhere you turn. Personally I know several gay guys who claim to be sex addicts and can AND do fuck 20-30 guys a week.
 
How exactly are people defining sex? At what point does oral become defined as "sex"
 
bankside said:
Mcbrion, you make some good points!

Only thing I’d say about averages is that they are average. If it’s 500, that really means one guy like me has slept with one guy, and another guy has slept with a thousand. If you average it out it’s 500 but me and this other guy are no where near the average bin way bêle, he’s way above

Anyway good point about the 70’s and millennials, and thanks for your POV.
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What autocorrect meant to say was "I'm way below" he's way above.
 
Paradigm said:
How exactly are people defining sex? At what point does oral become defined as "sex"
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The minute a penis and a mouth touch of their own free will.

It's not called "oral flirting."

When you see your grandma she doesn't blow you because "it's not sex, dear, it's just oral, now come give grandma a nice bit of 69."

Oral sex. The clue is in the name. :rotflmao:
 
^^^

Thanks. The idea that your mouth swallowing someone's dick is not "sex" is pretty ridiculous. And the same argument Bill Clinton using during his trail in 1998. It's like Clinton having said, "that depends on what the meaning of "is" is." I liked the guy, but he was an emotional idiot, sadly. but then, he was only 14, emotionally speaking. It's called "oral SEX."

YEESH. Who even argues this point? A 3-year old maybe. But anyone older than 14? You've either lived in a monastery, or....wait, that's not a good example, either.
 
So you think that everyone calls oral sex "sex", straight and gay?
 
No, but I think we act out on it more. That may change when one day being gay is no big deal and we are no longer (self)defined by merely the sexual act.
 
Gay men are obsessed with sex with men. Straight men are obsessed with sex with women. It is just much easier for us to get it.
 
When a straight guy goes after a woman, he buys her dinner, takes her to a movie, and maybe, just maybe if they hit it off real well, they end up having sex.

When a gay guy goes after another gay guy, they have sex. And if that really, really goes well, they will tell each other their names, and maybe, just maybe, go out to eat sometime.
 
cityboy-stl said:
Gay men are obsessed with sex with men. Straight men are obsessed with sex with women. It is just much easier for us to get it.
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I couldn’t agree more!!!

Paradigm said:
When a straight guy goes after a woman, he buys her dinner, takes her to a movie, and maybe, just maybe if they hit it off real well, they end up having sex.

When a gay guy goes after another gay guy, they have sex. And if that really, really goes well, they will tell each other their names, and maybe, just maybe, go out to eat sometime.
Click to expand...

This one also hit the nail on the head. I speak from experience on this one (though granted, my experiences with women were many years ago...)
 
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