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Are gay men miserable?

Auburn

Auburn

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I dunno...maybe it's the group of men i expose myself to in the gay community and among my "friends", but i get so tired of hearing about how bitter gay men are, how our relationships are so hard and they always fail, how being gay is only about sex and not love or true friendship, "there is no monogamy in gay relationships", and how much being gay "sucks" (not in a good way). So i just wonder....alot of straights believe that gays are destined to be unhappy because of societal pressures and stereotypes...so are most gay men miserable or am i surrounding myself with the wrong group of people? I thought i was comfortable with being gay, but now i feel like i am where i was 4 years ago when i came out and that is being miserable. Hearing alot of these stereotypes mentioned, seems to affect me on a daily basis and make me unhappy even though i try hard to not let them do so.
 
gay men by and large are just the same as everyone else

i think that we just relate a bit more so their misery seems more real to us and therefore more personally intense for us to observe

if that made any sense at all...
 
You are definatly surrounding yourself with a group of "the wrong people" (sounds like a gathering of bitter queens to me). Find some new friends who can see that the glass is not half empty but more than half full. And some who are more than JUST GAY. There is soooooooooo much more to life than just who you sleep with. If they are all still miserable then they need some therapy. It is too easy to dwell on what we don't have than to revel in what we do. It has taken me a long time but I finally realized that if I can not be happy unless I am in a relationship then there is something wrong with me. Sure I get lonely but I have much to do in my life so I try not to get all down about being alone. And, I might also share a bit of wisdom an older gay man told me when I was first coming out at 18- "Make yourself into the kind of man YOU would want to date/be in a relationship with". Good advice. How do your friends treat others? Are they kind and make others want to be around them? Or are they a bunch of vicious guys who try to make themselves feel better by being as bitchy as possible? I am guessing the last because you are questioning whether they are the right people for you to hang with. PLEASE don't fall victim to this tired trash. Go get yourself some better chums and think about the above advice. WHAT do YOU have to offer another man that would make him want to stay with you for more than a quick tumble? (And while your at it, look at your friends and ask the same question.)
Just my thoughts.
 
God damn, I hate the thousands of threads a day that read "are gay men (insert bipolar/miserable/mean/bitchy/queeny/unable to work hard/whatever the fuck else negative thing you want to put here) or am I just in the wrong group". The answer is always gonna be the same, YOU'RE JUST IN THE WRONG GROUP!
 
I'm not miserable. Just deprived. People are shallow, and its sad that I'm more concerned about how I look so that I may have a chance with someone I like, rather than someone liking me for me. Guess I can't say I'm not sinking to their level. But man, i'm 23 and never really had anyone or had anyone interested in me. Something's gotta give. I have my ups and downs, but I wouldnt say I'm miserable. Frustrated is a better term.
 
People have it right -- surround yourself in the gay ghetto and you'll wind up tired of gay people. Like only eating vanilla when you constantly go to Baskin-Robbins. . . .
 
INtrospective1 said:
alot of straights believe that gays are destined to be unhappy because of societal pressures and stereotypes
Click to expand...

No wonder that we gays would be unhappy if we listened to what straights think about us and how we would have to behave in society.

It's up to them to change the acceptance of us.
 
Go get yourself some better chums and think about the above advice. WHAT do YOU have to offer another man that would make him want to stay with you for more than a quick tumble? (And while your at it, look at your friends and ask the same question.)
Just my thoughts.
Click to expand...

Excellent Advice. Stick with it.

SC
 
A Rainbow never smiles at you, it's just a multicolored frown.

AND also-- look at it this way. Yesterday was national coming out day, 1/10 of the people on this board thought about it. those in a monogamous relationship are too busy in their relationship to turn to the lonely, and the lonely are usually too strung on diluted illusions to be committed.

if you find a way out, let know how.
everyone is building burning with no one to put the fire out. standing by the window looking out, waiting for time to burn us out.

everyone is an ocean drowning, with no one, really, to show how we might get a little better air, if they turned themselves into clouds.
 
INtrospective1 said:
I dunno...maybe it's the group of men i expose myself to in the gay community and among my "friends", but i get so tired of hearing about how bitter gay men are, how our relationships are so hard and they always fail, how being gay is only about sex and not love or true friendship, "there is no monogamy in gay relationships", and how much being gay "sucks" (not in a good way). So i just wonder....alot of straights believe that gays are destined to be unhappy because of societal pressures and stereotypes...so are most gay men miserable or am i surrounding myself with the wrong group of people? I thought i was comfortable with being gay, but now i feel like i am where i was 4 years ago when i came out and that is being miserable. Hearing alot of these stereotypes mentioned, seems to affect me on a daily basis and make me unhappy even though i try hard to not let them do so.
Click to expand...

I'm curious to what group of men you are expose to in the gay community..... :confused:
 
Gee there must be something wrong with me - I don't have any friends like this. Am I missing out on something???

I have always found that you really do get the type of friends you want and it does come back to how you want to project yourself to others that is the key.
 
I think that there are alot of bitter people out there in general.
It's only because you are around gay folks that you think it is a gay thing.
You've gotten some good advice here.
 
Where do you find your friends? How'd they get to be a part of your life? What were they like when you met them, or have they always been that way?

And, more importantly, what are you putting out there that attracts such friends? As Dodger712 so wisely observed, you want to become the kind of man you want to attract. If you are a victim of negative thinking and tend to wallow in your misery, that's who you're going to attract; if, on the other hand, you put yourself out to be kind and caring and trustworthy, you display and believe in a positive attitude, that that is the kind of friends you will attract.

My experience is that negative people are all over the place, gay, straight, and otherwise, and sometimes they're hard to avoid; but after a while they're very easy to spot... all you have to do is listen to the themes of what they talk about. Not just the party-chat, but the underlying message.

If he or she is talking smack about somebody (it may be very witty and amusing, but it's tearing someone down), or praising somebody with an envious tone (notice how so many gay men just love eccentric, egotistical, rather bitchy divas? Madonna, Mariah, Barbra, Callas, etc? That's who they want to be like), or simply complaining about something stupid (the service, the music, the state of the world, other people's outfits), just smile and nod and edge slowly away.

So what do you do about it? The first thing I suggest is to look at where you are doing your socializing. Is it in a bar? Or a slightly incestuous circuit of private parties? Or in a gay ghetto or gayborhood? Well, then, that might be the problem.

Get involved, instead, with an organization that is doing something to better the lot of your fellow man. Project Open Hand or Stop AIDS or Youth OutReach or something, hunt down your local LGBT community center for ideas, they're always looking for volunteers; anything of that nature will put you into contact with positive, good-hearted people. Of course, there will also be negative, controlling assholes (you simply can't escape them), but they're rather outnumbered and don't really matter.

The secret is to turn yourself outward, open yourself up to others instead of centering on yourself, and get involved with your fellows; to make sex and partying a sensational pastime rather than a full-time vocation; and to get out of the incestuous, high-school-gossipy little circles that spin around in bars and cafes.
 
Robert~Marlénè said:
Where do you find your friends? How'd they get to be a part of your life? What were they like when you met them, or have they always been that way?

And, more importantly, what are you putting out there that attracts such friends? As Dodger712 so wisely observed, you want to become the kind of man you want to attract. If you are a victim of negative thinking and tend to wallow in your misery, that's who you're going to attract; if, on the other hand, you put yourself out to be kind and caring and trustworthy, you display and believe in a positive attitude, that that is the kind of friends you will attract.

My experience is that negative people are all over the place, gay, straight, and otherwise, and sometimes they're hard to avoid; but after a while they're very easy to spot... all you have to do is listen to the themes of what they talk about. Not just the party-chat, but the underlying message.

If he or she is talking smack about somebody (it may be very witty and amusing, but it's tearing someone down), or praising somebody with an envious tone (notice how so many gay men just love eccentric, egotistical, rather bitchy divas? Madonna, Mariah, Barbra, Callas, etc? That's who they want to be like), or simply complaining about something stupid (the service, the music, the state of the world, other people's outfits), just smile and nod and edge slowly away.

So what do you do about it? The first thing I suggest is to look at where you are doing your socializing. Is it in a bar? Or a slightly incestuous circuit of private parties? Or in a gay ghetto or gayborhood? Well, then, that might be the problem.

Get involved, instead, with an organization that is doing something to better the lot of your fellow man. Project Open Hand or Stop AIDS or Youth OutReach or something, hunt down your local LGBT community center for ideas, they're always looking for volunteers; anything of that nature will put you into contact with positive, good-hearted people. Of course, there will also be negative, controlling assholes (you simply can't escape them), but they're rather outnumbered and don't really matter.

The secret is to turn yourself outward, open yourself up to others instead of centering on yourself, and get involved with your fellows; to make sex and partying a sensational pastime rather than a full-time vocation; and to get out of the incestuous, high-school-gossipy little circles that spin around in bars and cafes.
Click to expand...


WOW.

Terrific advice. Think I will incorporate into my own life!
 
What I've noticed in this life is how miserable MOST people are because they have that "Here we are now, Entertain us" attitude.

If your life sucks and you're a miserable fuck and you just whine and moan and bitch about how it's all the fault of everyone else...

Mary, it's your fault your life sucks.

Get a life... get some hobbies.. get some activites that give you something to do.

Meet people you wanna hang out with, start doing things you enjoy and find people you enjoy doing them with.

If your whole life is absorbed with hanging around with jerks who have no life and being sad and bitter... well.. you need better friends.
 
My lesbian student asked me if it was true that gays only go for looks, and dumps one for another better looking gay?

I guess it's such non-commited relationships that drive some gays miserable.

Personally, I don't think this is a gay issue. It happens to straights too.

I like what a friend said to me once - and I modify a bit - Don't make the top priority in life - this thing called love, relationship etc.. and try to balance up life. Then, we'll be able to breathe better, and enjoy life easier.
 
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