Are my standards too high?

[youfiad]

For most guys, the problem is not believing in one's own worth.

While I can't speak of every other guy in the world, I can see exactly what you said in my life. I tend to not be a very confident guy. I have always had bad self images of myself since as long as I can remember. Which is, I think a great observation. I am afraid of puting myself out there as a way of protecting myself from the unavoidably high potential of getting hurt. I take everything extremely personal when I fail at obtaining what I want.

As I said earlier, I am not even my own type. Do you think that view of myself could be an actual part of my problem in finding a guy? I am actually afraid of puting a picture on this website because of how people may judge me. That's kind of sad, isn't it? And if I did, I would probably only choose a photo of me that I think covers my flaws and accents my good parts.

 

[Ganoderma]

(...) I love sports, the outdoors, video games, etc... So I am looking for pretty much the same as what I am. At least, this is how I think of it.
(.....). I am 23 years old. (...). As of now, I really don't care if people find out, but I just don't go around announcing it to everybody. And as my microbiology class goes, I really don't know anybody in the class, so I don't think anybody knows I am gay haha. But the loud gay friend of mine will make sure everybody knows. He basically screams it while I'm waiting for class to start, he'll say, "OMG NICK, HOW'S YOUR RUSSIAN GUY DOING? (that's a long story in itself).

I am pretty comfortable with myself. I have really never cared about what people think because I have realized that the more homophobic people are, the more unintelligent they probably are I feel pity. It doesn't really bother me in the slightest.

Former boyfriend. Wow. I dated a French guy for 2 years, one of which I was living in France. But that is neither here, nor there. We're still friends, but we realized that nothing was ever going to become of that relationship.

My sports friends, if you can call them that, don't know. I really don't talk to many of them other than on the bench because it's recreational, not organized. I don't even know any of their names. But even if I did, I probably wouldn't tell them, just because it could make for very uncomfortable locker rooms. So I guess you could say that I am kind of reserved in certain situations. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing?

hi Youfiad,

Thank you very much for your nice and friendly reply and for the extensive answers.

Open gays who love sports and who don't care at all if people know if they are gay or straight or anything in between also don't bother if all of their sport mates are aware that they are gay.

You, on the other hand, tell us:
(1) 'I am pretty comfortable with myself [being gay). I have really never cared about what people think (...)',
(2) 'My sports friends (...) don't know. (...) I (...) wouldn't tell them, just because it could make for very uncomfortable locker rooms.'

Excuse me very much, but both quotes don't fit with each other. Is is either:
(1) I am relaxed and totally comfortable with myself and thus a proud gay male, so its also totally normal that all of my sport friends are aware that I am gay, or
(2) I am not comfortable with being gay, so I am not a proud gay male, so I keep on lying to my sport mates that I am 'straight and still looking around for a girlfriend'.

So what's the problem that your gay friend at college is shouting and yelling to all of your classmates that you are gay? Is there something wrong with that? Does he tell lies about you? No. In fact, one might argue that you keep 'telling lies' to your schoolmates (and also to your sport mates) that you are 'straight and looking around for a girlfriend'. Hey Youfiad, you are 100% gay, and you tell me you are comfortable that you are gay, and that you also want to have a boyfriend.

So now back to your original question. 'So, as I sit home alone, I get to asking myself, from time to time, why is it that I can't find anybody?'

Well, alot of people with shared interests (your fellow microbiology students, all of your sport mates, and maybe other groups of people as well, how about your friends with whom you play video games together, or talk with them about video games) are not aware that you are gay.

(1) maybe (likely?) one or more of the guys from the above group are also gay. But they cannot find you, as you are hiding yourself. So also less chance to find a boyfriend.

(2) definately (100% sure!) one or more of these people (guys and girls) from the above group will have a gay brother / cousin / friend / etc. But you will never know, and you will never get the opportunity to meet them / talk with them etc. As you are hiding yourself. I mean, some of these straight people will have a birthday party (or whatever) and also invite you (and their gay brother / cousin etc.). But you are hiding that you are gay, so how on Earth can this gay cousin find out that you are also gay?


So your 'problem' (= 'why is it that I can't find anybody?') has alot to do with yourself, and with your own attitude. I would like to advise you to open yourself and don't hide anymore that you are gay. This does not mean that you should walk around with a cap with 'I am gay', but anyone around you must be aware that you are gay (and also single, and looking around for a sweet boyfriend).

Take care & I would like to wish you all the best. Feel free to react. Maybe there is even another class mate who turnes out to be gay as well (or even one of your sport mates).

 

[youfiad]

hi Youfiad,

Thank you very much for your nice and friendly reply and for the extensive answers.

Open gays who love sports and who don't care at all if people know if they are gay or straight or anything in between also don't bother if all of their sport mates are aware that they are gay.

You, on the other hand, tell us:
(1) 'I am pretty comfortable with myself [being gay). I have really never cared about what people think (...)',
(2) 'My sports friends (...) don't know. (...) I (...) wouldn't tell them, just because it could make for very uncomfortable locker rooms.'

Excuse me very much, but both quotes don't fit with each other. Is is either:
(1) I am relaxed and totally comfortable with myself and thus a proud gay male, so its also totally normal that all of my sport friends are aware that I am gay, or
(2) I am not comfortable with being gay, so I am not a proud gay male, so I keep on lying to my sport mates that I am 'straight and still looking around for a girlfriend'.

So what's the problem that your gay friend at college is shouting and yelling to all of your classmates that you are gay? Is there something wrong with that? Does he tell lies about you? No. In fact, one might argue that you keep 'telling lies' to your schoolmates (and also to your sport mates) that you are 'straight and looking around for a girlfriend'. Hey Youfiad, you are 100% gay, and you tell me you are comfortable that you are gay, and that you also want to have a boyfriend.

So now back to your original question. 'So, as I sit home alone, I get to asking myself, from time to time, why is it that I can't find anybody?'

Well, alot of people with shared interests (your fellow microbiology students, all of your sport mates, and maybe other groups of people as well, how about your friends with whom you play video games together, or talk with them about video games) are not aware that you are gay.

(1) maybe (likely?) one or more of the guys from the above group are also gay. But they cannot find you, as you are hiding yourself. So also less chance to find a boyfriend.

(2) definately (100% sure!) one or more of these people (guys and girls) from the above group will have a gay brother / cousin / friend / etc. But you will never know, and you will never get the opportunity to meet them / talk with them etc. As you are hiding yourself. I mean, some of these straight people will have a birthday party (or whatever) and also invite you (and their gay brother / cousin etc.). But you are hiding that you are gay, so how on Earth can this gay cousin find out that you are also gay?


So your 'problem' (= 'why is it that I can't find anybody?') has alot to do with yourself, and with your own attitude. I would like to advise you to open yourself and don't hide anymore that you are gay. This does not mean that you should walk around with a cap with 'I am gay', but anyone around you must be aware that you are gay (and also single, and looking around for a sweet boyfriend).

Take care & I would like to wish you all the best. Feel free to react. Maybe there is even another class mate who turnes out to be gay as well (or even one of your sport mates).

Sure. I understand your point. I guess I don't see "comfortable" in the same way as you. I have always accepted that I am gay since I have known. I've never tried to deny it to myself, and I don't think there's anything wrong with me being gay. That's what I mean when I say I am comfortable with it. As for me being comfortable that everybody else know it, I am not sure, probably not. So I guess the way you see it, I am not. But internally, I don't really have a struggle with my sexuality. I never get depressed that I am gay. Althought sometimes I wish that sexuality was reversed and that 90% of the population were gay so that the dating pool could open a little larger. But that's about it. I don't think that being gay is something I can be proud of. At least, I don't see it in the same was as other people. I didn't accomplish anything. What's there to be proud about? I am proud of my accomplishes I have done in life -- things I really had to struggle through to achieve. I didn't really have to try to be gay, it just kinda happened. At least, that's how I see it. Maybe I just see things differently than others. I still think there is work that I have to do. I think people have made valuable comments that I thought about last night. Although I wouldn't call myself an internalized homophobe, even though I guess I really don't understand that statement, I think that I am not 100% comfortable about how people will change when they find out. Maybe they were right when they said that I am afraid of being put into the same category of gay guys that is normally perceived. But I don't think that has any impact on who I find attractive or not, I think that's somoething else.

I guess my question is, why does everybody have to know that I am gay for me to be comfortable. if nobody asks me if I am straight or gay, why is it my obligation to tell them? I don't go around telling people that I am an agnostic, unless it comes up in conversation. I don't tell people that I would like to live in another country when I'm finished with college unless it come up. Granted, you are right that I probably would omit telling some people that I am gay, even if it did come up in a conversation, but does that really mean I am not comfortable with myself? And as for my sports mates and classmates. I have only talked to one of the sports people once for about 30 seconds. Like I said, they aren't my friends, we just end up playing hockey together at open hockey. And my classmates, it's the same thing, I only know 2 people in my microbiology class, and I only talk to them in class. I know there is work I need to do in order to become more open with people, but I just don't want to deal with all of the bullcrapp that comes along with the tittle. I think that I am comfortable with myself, but I am not ready for the way people are going to change when everybod knows. Because it does happen, I've seen it plenty of times.

Once again, I am going to internalize these comments. I know I can be a little defensive. But nobody likes to be told that they aren't something they thought they were. But I do think about what you guys are saying, even if it sounds as though I am just denying any advice. This is just my initial reaction! I promise!! .

I'll probably pput a picture of myself up on the website if I can get one. I'll choose a good one!!

 

[TX-Beau]

Sugar, a lot of what you are saying is self-contradictory. There is a big difference between simply living an out gay life without making a big coming out speech to everyone you know, and hiding who you are. If you’re simply living an out gay life, all your friends will know because you will out yourself in a thousand little ways all the damn time – just like straight people do. It’s part of the social contract, yes it is. You share your life with friends and family, they share their lives with you – that’s what friends and family are. That is the bond they share. How can you participate in that honestly, let alone find a well-adjusted guy if you are constantly plagued by fears everyone is going to think you’re that negative stereotype you’ve bought into in your own head?

And you know what? There is nothing wrong with being like that. There is nothing wrong with people thinking you are like that. A few minutes with you as an out and unapologetic gay man will dispel any notion that you are any different than what you actually are.

You may not be ready to be out – and that’s OK. But don’t hurt your progress by pretending that not being ready is privacy. It’s not, it’s fear, your fear that if you come out all those people are going to think you’re a huge flamer obsessed with Brittany Spears and Prada.

You fear that because you do have a problem with that, you think it’s negative, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be worried about people thinking that about you – and that is what internalized homophobia is. Your fears that you are what you are uncomfortable with yourself. You can be friends with all the fey little faggots in the world and that doesn’t mean that crap isn’t in your head. You can be absolutely certain you are gay, and still have that in your head.

You will tell people when you do. No more, no less. Your fears about being hated on have some justification, but sugar, we no longer live in 1940, and the biggest secret about being out – is how few people actually care.

Amongst the people you know who don’t know, there will be a little drama, because you were hiding it and they didn’t know upfront. Then the vast majority of them are going to go get their gossip fix about something else, because this isn’t about them, it never is. They have no stake in it. It’s only that huge to you - and then you will have that life you think you have now, the one where you’re just some average gay guy who doesn’t make a production of it.

Hiding is making a production of it. Fearing people knowing is making a production of it – to yourself.

In the end there is one thing that’s always true. We are the architects of our own prisons. The only one holding us back is always quite finally ourselves, and the fears we have. That is what internalized homophobia is, that’s what the closet is.

Oh and yeah, it’s just silly to think this stuff doesn’t impact who you are and who you find attractive.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Youfiad,

Thanks alot for your nice and extensive replies. I was wondering about your ideas about the following items.

So assume it is tomorrow and you have a boyfriend, called X.

* will you indicate on your Facebook profile that X is your boyfriend?
* will you have a photo of X on your mobile?
* will X join you to the next party / event / birthday party (or whatever) what's connected to hockey (and where all of your hockey friends take with them their girlfriend)?
* will X join you to the next party / event / birthday party (or whatever) what's connected to school (and where all of your school friends take with them their girlfriend, at least the ones who have one)?
* what will you do when X makes a phonecall to you when you are surrounded by all of your hockeymates / the whole class with microbiology students?


And there is another thing. I was wondering why you don't like it that your gay 'friend' shouts (in an impolite way?) to anyone that you are gay? I mean, you are comfortable by being gay, so your reaction must be something like 'So what?'. And I tend to think that you must realize yourself that his behaviour tells alot about him (ie, a loud and obnoxious guy). But his behaviour does does not tell anything about you. You are gay, many people are gay, and you like playing hockey and you are a serious student. Well, and he is different. People are different.

Do you really think that your fellow microbiology students are not yet aware that you are gay? And how about the girls? So why bother any longer? And please don't bother about gossip of 'other people' (girls?) about 'Youfiad = gay'. Likely, as you have told above, alot of people are already aware that you have no feelings for girls. Again, the 'gossip' tells alot about people who like to gossip, but does not tell alot about you. And being open is the most easy way that people don't need to gossip anymore about you.

Anyway, I would like to wish you all the best.

No one ever over here has told you that you should / must chance anything in your behaviour / hobbies (or whatever) when you chance from '......' to 'open gay'.

Best wishes & feel free to react.

 

[Rolyo85]

Btw, a side note.

I am VERY proud about being gay. I wear a rainbow bracelet, and I make it a point to "let slip" something that would indicate my sexuality any time I talk to a new person. I don't go out of my way to let them know exactly, but I do make every attempt to let them know if a natural situation presents itself.


THAT SAID, anyone who had tried to spread the news of me being gay to others without me wanting that (which was the case the first few months after I came out), I would have ripped them a new one. While you're in the process of coming out, it is EXCLUSIVELY your choice how much, what pace, who you tell etc, and anyone who tries to force it on your behalf is not your friend. This isn't an issue of your guy being flaming, it's about him being an inconsiderate little bitch. So you need to sit him down and let him know what he's doing is unfriendly and he needs to stop it. Coming out is your business, not his.

 

[youfiad]

Hmm, TXbeau, as much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right. I guess maybe I've been just convincing myself otherwise for the longest while and that's probably why I haven't made any progress. I am not a complete closet case though. Quite a large amount of people know. But it's true, I do withhold it from certain people. I guess now it's time to start makng progress..

But I still think that in the future, after I am no longer like this, I will still not be attracted to the origional description of this thread.

 

[youfiad]

hi Youfiad,

Do you really think that your fellow microbiology students are not yet aware that you are gay? And how about the girls? So why bother any longer? And please don't bother about gossip of 'other people' (girls?) about 'Youfiad = gay'. Likely, as you have told above, alot of people are already aware that you have no feelings for girls. Again, the 'gossip' tells alot about people who like to gossip, but does not tell alot about you. And being open is the most easy way that people don't need to gossip anymore about you.

* will you indicate on your Facebook profile that X is your boyfriend?

Probably not

* will you have a photo of X on your mobile?

Absolutely not, but just because I have never had a picture on my phone. I think that's kind of lame.


* will X join you to the next party / event / birthday party (or whatever) what's connected to school (and where all of your school friends take with them their girlfriend, at least the ones who have one)?

I guess it all depends who I am hanging around with. I have certain friends who I am really open with, others with whom I am less open, and even more others with whom know nothing. My hockey friends. I don't even know them (we just play hockey, and that's it -- I don't know any of their names, and I don't kknow anything about them, except they play hockey)


* what will you do when X makes a phonecall to you when you are surrounded by all of your hockeymates / the whole class with microbiology students?

I don't know. I usually take all of my calls to private, no matter who I am speaking with. But I would probably answer it, sure.

As for my microbiology students being aware that I am gay. I am not sure. I really don't know more than 2-3 of them. It's a pretty poorly run class where we just sit and listen, with no interaction. There is a guy, however, that I keep staring down because he's a swimmer and has a great body that I would love to see in my bed.

 

[youfiad]

THAT SAID, anyone who had tried to spread the news of me being gay to others without me wanting that (which was the case the first few months after I came out), I would have ripped them a new one. While you're in the process of coming out, it is EXCLUSIVELY your choice how much, what pace, who you tell etc, and anyone who tries to force it on your behalf is not your friend.

Yeah, I think that's what annoys me the most, because he just kind of does it all the time. He did it at work with my colleague (and I work with a lot of muslims) so it can make for a very awkward work environment. I will probably talk to him, again, about it, because it is kind of rule and inconsiderate.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, your inconsiderate friend aside, you obviously have issues with being gay.

Here's the secret - it's not just not worthy of shame. It's worthy of pride You can't imagine how much more awesome you are by virtue of being gay, and neither can you imagine how liberating it is to just give the finger to anyone who thinks otherwise. You literally need no more than three really close friends who love and support you, and then you can be completely free top not care. Even in your work place - if they want to make it awkward, that's their choice. If you don't care, it can't be awkward.

And that's really the thing. People take their cues from you. If you are open about it, if you act as if it's the most normal thing in the world, and something that not only doesn't bother you but makes you stronger, people will sense that and act accordingly. They WILL accept you, and they won't even realize the reason is that YOU accept yourself.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Youfiad,

First of all, thanks for putting a nice photo of yourself on your profile.

It is good and encouraging that you haveput a photograph of yourself on this site (= a site for gay people), meaning another step into fully accepting for yourself that you are gay, that there is nothing wrong with being gay, and that being gay does not mean you cannot have a wonderfull and succesfull life.

Well, and also thanks alot for your extensive replies to my questions. So how about your straight friends / straight hockeymates (teammates). Do you really think all these straight guys are 'hiding' to you when they get a girlfriend? Hey man, that's not the case. Straight guys don't do this kind of things when having / getting a girlfriend. So why should you 'hide' to the rest of the world that you have a boyfriend (and keep pretending / 'lying' that you are straight, single & looking around for a sweet girl)? Excuse me very much, but that's not how it works, and your answers are, once again, a proof that you are inconsistent in your behaviour / ideas. Please be aware that open gays / gays who don't bother about other people do not show such kind of 'hiding / avoiding' behaviour when they have a boyfriend.

So its totally normal for any straight guy to mention he has a girlfriend (eg, when she is making a phonecall to him when he is amidst all of his friends), and I think you should ask yourself why you don't show the same behaviour.

You told us before you have many gay friends and some / several of them are in the same college / university. I tend to think that you also talk with quite a few of them when you meet at the college / university, and thus quite alot of people will definately be aware that you are gay. And the same will be the case with people in your microbiology class. A few are definately aware that you are gay, and I am quite sure that they will also have discussed this topic with others.

He man, your photo reveals you are a handsome young guy. You are 23, so all the girls in your classes (and alot of other girls in the college / university as well) will wonder why you don't have a girlfriend. Why? They will start to think, and to talk with each other.

So there is this situation:

(1): you are 23 and you don't have a girlfriend, and no one (girls and guys) is aware of a former girlfriend / history with girls.
(2): your photo reveals that you are a handsome guy, you like sports,
(3): it seems to me that you are not a weirdo / wacko / addicted to drug / alcohol etc.
(4): all girls will be aware that you never ever seem to pay attention to any of them;
(5): several people will be aware that you have gay friends, and you even told us that one of your gay friends is loudly making jokes about you being gay;
(6): some girls might have noticed that you stare to handsome guys (eg to the muscular swimmer in your class).

So the girls will ask themself why you don't have a girlfriend. And they don't stop thinking about this, and likely also discuss this topic with other girls. There are 2 likely explanations.

A: Youfiad = straight, but VERY shy, and thus does not know how to make contact with girls (even when some of the girls try to make contact with Youfiad).

B: Youfiad = gay, and that explains why Youfiad has no interest in girls.

And what's the most likely explanation? So why keep bothering yourself with a secret which is not really a secret anymore?

So that handsome swimmer guy, any idea if he is straight? Does he has a girlfriend?

Anyway, I would like to wish you all the best.

 

[youfiad]

hi Youfiad,

First of all, thanks for putting a nice photo of yourself on your profile.

It is good and encouraging that you haveput a photograph of yourself on this site (= a site for gay people), meaning another step into fully accepting for yourself that you are gay, that there is nothing wrong with being gay, and that being gay does not mean you cannot have a wonderfull and succesfull life.


So that handsome swimmer guy, any idea if he is straight? Does he has a girlfriend?

Anyway, I would like to wish you all the best.

I didn't even realize that the photo uploaded. I was having problems uploading it after the last message, and just kinda gave up on it. Now I would like to know how to make it my avatar picture so people can actually see it without clicking my photo. I was actually a member of a website called connexion where I had a profile and was visible to many people from my area. So this really isn't a first ^^. I really don't care if people find out, but it's not going to be on some else's terms. I know there is nothing wrong with being gay, also; I've always said that it's a normal thing, even before I realized that I was gay. Once I started having feelings for guys, I didn't try to say it was just a phase. I realized what was happening, and just kind of accepted it. I just wasn't vocal about it.

The sexy swimmer guy. A couple of my friends and I thinkt hat he is gay. BUT, he has had girlfriends in the past. So maybe we're just full of ourselves, but we can hope. I am sure that he has caught me looking at him a few times. haha. We've been ice skating on several occasions actually, with another member of our physic's class. Ohh boy, the sinful things I would do to him!

 

[Kyanimal]

Sounds like "Sexy Swimmer Guy" just might "meat" your high expectations!

SO ... What are you willing to DO about that?

TALK to Him! Let HIM Know, subtly, that YOU are 'Available'!

Maybe He's Str8. Maybe not. Maybe He'll like the 'bait', and Maybe HE won't. Butt, how will YOU Know if you don't give it a shot?

Let HIM catch you looking! SMILE! Move into His personal space, let Him feel YOUR Body HEAT!

If it doesn't work, at least you'll Know, for sure, instead of just 'wondering'!

RELAX! And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[youfiad]

Sounds like "Sexy Swimmer Guy" just might "meat" your high expectations!

SO ... What are you willing to DO about that?

TALK to Him! Let HIM Know, subtly, that YOU are 'Available'! :/

Maybe He's Str8. Maybe not. Maybe He'll like the 'bait', and Maybe HE won't. Butt, how will YOU Know if you don't give it a shot?

Let HIM catch you looking! SMILE! Move into His personal space, let Him feel YOUR Body HEAT!

If it doesn't work, at least you'll Know, for sure, instead of just 'wondering'!

RELAX! And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

Ohh, he completely meets my expectations!! haha. I'm sure he already knows though. the amount of times he's caught me looking longingly at his ass/abs/arms/face!

Maybe I'll try to bait him. Don't want to scare him away because he's actually someone I talk to, haha. But I would give him a blowjob any day of the week without expecting a thing back.

 

[Kyanimal]

There you GO then!

Relax! Open 'UP' to Him! Get Closer! And let Him think that He might be taking the Lead!

Will HE go for You? Who knows? Butt, whatever His reaction might be, at least YOU'LL Know!

I'd even suggest finding an excuse to massage His neck, shoulders, back. And, yeah!, that can be a "completely innocent" kind of move, if done right.

The point is to Open Yourself "Up" to Him! Little by Little. "Easy/Quiet" catches 'Monkey'!

Wishing YOU all the Very Best! And, remember ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Youfiad,

Thanks for your reply and right now (today) I can also see this photo as your avatar.

I agree with the advise given by Kyanimal: be friendly to your swimmer guy and open yourself (bit by bit?) to him.

He is your class mate, and you talk with him, and you went ice skating with him. So already alot of shared interests. So he is aready -more or less- one of your friends?

So do you have any idea if is is already aware that YOU are gay? As that will make things much easier. You have told a couple of time that quite alot of people over there are aware that you are gay, and also that your 'shouting open gay friend' is shouting all kind of things about you?

I mean, open yourself to him (and there are many ways to do this on a subtle and a nice way) will make alot of things more clear.

Right now, there is alot of suggestions and ideas. So you ànd others (which ones?) are speculating about his sexual orientation.

But:

(1): He will know that you have no girlfriend, and also no former girlfriends.
(2): He will know that you have several friends who are open gay.
(3): He will know that you are not some sort of 'womanizer' guy, and he will know you never talk about 'girls'.
(4): anything else?

So why should he also not think about your sexual orientation and/or discuss this topic with his friends? And get some ideas?

Well, I wish you good luck with 'your' sexy swimmer guy. Please keep us informed.

Best wishes & take care

 

[jm12480]

I have a suggestion.

Just once - go out with someone who you would NEVER ever go out with in a million years. Go out with a fat guy. Go out with someone bald. Go out with someone effeminate. Go out with someone ugly.

You won't die. You won't contract a disease. The sun will rise the next day. But you need to step out of your box that you've placed around yourself and open up a bit more. Sometimes our Romeo is waiting in an unexpected package that we might never expect. Try something new. Eating salad every day for lunch is boring. Have a burger. Try the chicken. Even a Tic-Tac and a glass of water might be good.

But you have to be willing to try. Otherwise, stop complaining you're alone. You're the only one who's stopping you from meeting a great guy.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Kabluey]

Might just be a bit of self protection going on.
If you don't try, then you don't run the risk of heartbreak or rejection.
I say give it a go.
This paradox isn't restricted to man-man relationships.
Straight guys and girls end up doing the same too - subconsciously setting standards so high that no-one could possible meet them. And panicking when someone actually does.