Are These Kind Of Bisexuals Doomed For Life?

[RRRalph]

In one of my threads I mentioned 16 variaties of bisexualities. Two of them seem pretty problematic:

1. Emotionally/romantically more attracted to men and sexually more attracted to women.
2. Emotionally/romantically more attracted to women and sexually more attracted to men.

Three people posted in that thread that they fit these categories and recently I received a pm about this subject from a guy who wrote me he had the same. He is confused and went to therapy to sort this all out. The problem with this is that with one gender you miss romantic feelings and emotional attachment and you miss the sexual excitement with the other gender. What do one do in these situations?

I believe that for every person there is a perfect matching significant other. I think it starts with being truly head over heels in love with someone. You will appreciate sex more with someone you truly love. I know this is easier said than done. Sexual needs are very important as well. Is there anyone in the same situation? How do you handle yourself in these situations? Does someone else has other useful suggestions?

Sexuality is complex. Discuss.

 

[Erickivan]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

I have to say, I'm more attracted to women and sexually to guys, and thats cause I haven't have sex with girls, but still they attract me more than guys. There was a time back than when I believed I love them both equaly

 

[kayman23]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

No more relationships for me. The end.

 

[TheTrish]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

Hi, RR! Please stop posting in blue, it's hard to read.

T

 

[Horschallen]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

Me: emotionally, romantically, physically and sexually attracted to just men. Guess my sexuality is not as complicated as some of you, guys.

 

[pkermiver]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

I feel I fall into the the emotionally/romantically connected to women, but more sexually attracted to men category. I have no idea what to do with these feelings at all. It all feels very complex for me. It would be so much easier to just be completely straight or completely gay. I really don't know if I'll ever find a perfect person for me.

 

[RRRalph]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

I have to say, I'm more attracted to women and sexually to guys, and thats cause I haven't have sex with girls, but still they attract me more than guys. There was a time back than when I believed I love them both equally.

If women attracts you more, why haven't you been with at least one yet? Why have you only been with guys? Do you only want to fullfil your sexual needs? Have you ever been in a ltr with a guy and how was that?

No more relationships for me. The end.

Why not?

I feel I fall into the the emotionally/romantically connected to women, but more sexually attracted to men category. I have no idea what to do with these feelings at all. I really don't know if I'll ever find a perfect person for me.

How were your relationships? Was there really that you missed?

 

[Erickivan]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

If women attracts you more, why haven't you been with at least one yet? Why have you only been with guys? Do you only want to fullfil your sexual needs? Have you ever been in a ltr with a guy and how was that?

Well is not that I haven't try , is that no one have come yet, I'd dated girls plenty of time just that when it comes to having sex there some kind of respect I got for them xD but yea I want some pussy

 

[kayman23]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

Why not?

Read my latest 2 blog entries and you'll figure out why.

BTW, what the hell up with your eyes in the avatar? They look EXTRA blue.

 

[Erickivan]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

BTW, what the hell up with your eyes in the avatar? The look EXTRA blue.

Well he does have the cutest blue eyes I'd ever seen

 

[hummer7979]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

I personally believe that romantic attraction is heavily due to gender roles and compatibility in a social context.

I typically find men who are very independent-minded and confident to be attractive. Since I value this attribute, I try to exhibit those qualities in myself. However, this makes a relationship between two such people difficult.


A relationship, in my mind, is a shift in identity from one's self to the couple. The amount of shifting depends on the relative personality of the person withinin the relationship. People who are independent minded shift less (to preserve much of their independence), and thus feel more comfortable dating people who are more submissive and nurturing -- people who are more comfortable identifying themselves as part of a couple rather than an individual. For example, a lot of my female friends feel more secure being part of a relationship than being single. In this case, there is little conflict in the mechanics of the relationship because each person feels comfortable with their amount of sacrifice.

I hope this doesn't sound too simplified (that's not my intention), but I feel like a relationship is like a tug-of-war. If either person is too aggressive or submissive, the rope will break or droop. Of course, it's not black and white. A lot of gay couples I know are equally aggressive and submissive and that can work as a compatible relationship as well.

In our culture, I also think it's seen as rather ideal for a man to be the independent and aggressive one and the woman to be the submissive one. That is why women used to be treated as property and how they "give up their identity" by changing their last names. So, to that end, I think a lot of men (myself included) feel more comfortable exhibiting the "ideal" independent-minded and individualistic personality. Unfortunately, I am also attracted to this kind of person, so it makes the prospect of a relationship rather difficult. Thus, only sex.

There is, of course, no biological rule that says that men should act a certain way and women should act a certain way. These are social constructs. But in the context of that social construct, it becomes difficult to escape the difficulty of pairing two people with incompatible "ideal" personalities.

 

[RRRalph]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

Well is not that I haven't try , is that no one have come yet, I'd dated girls plenty of time just that when it comes to having sex there some kind of respect I got for them xD but yea I want some pussy

Well go for it. What's your problems with not showing respect if you have sex with them. Don't tell me you refused sex when it was offered by one of the girls that you dated. That would be weird.

For many years I conceded to myself that I had some sexual attraction to men, but that it was basically just that. It is only recently that I have fully realised that I could have an emotional relationship with a man, and that furthermore, I find all kinds of different things attractive about men (not just the package).

At the moment I'm at that stage, where I need to open myself up to this possibility.

You have open yourself up to the possibility to be emotionally connected to men. This was always inside you and now you are embracing it. Good for you dude!

 

[Mutinous]

I guess there can be truth in these statements. I've always felt more comfortable being in a relationship with girls, as I feel there is a more defined role to take, as stereotypical as it sounds. We grow up with a kinda of expectation, all of us, of what roles in a relationship to take, which may lead to a more recognised attraction of one sex (especially if you are bi male to female).

I don't think this means you can't have sexual attraction and romantic notions at the same time, but perhaps there have been barriers drilled into us (if considering same sex relationships that can be harder to overcome and therefore be harder to recognise.

I doubt that made much sense lol

 

[kayman23]

Re: Emotional vs Sexual in Bisexual Relationships

I personally believe that romantic attraction is heavily due to gender roles and compatibility in a social context.

I typically find men who are very independent-minded and confident to be attractive. Since I value this attribute, I try to exhibit those qualities in myself. However, this makes a relationship between two such people difficult.


A relationship, in my mind, is a shift in identity from one's self to the couple. The amount of shifting depends on the relative personality of the person withinin the relationship. People who are independent minded shift less (to preserve much of their independence), and thus feel more comfortable dating people who are more submissive and nurturing -- people who are more comfortable identifying themselves as part of a couple rather than an individual. For example, a lot of my female friends feel more secure being part of a relationship than being single. In this case, there is little conflict in the mechanics of the relationship because each person feels comfortable with their amount of sacrifice.

I hope this doesn't sound too simplified (that's not my intention), but I feel like a relationship is like a tug-of-war. If either person is too aggressive or submissive, the rope will break or droop. Of course, it's not black and white. A lot of gay couples I know are equally aggressive and submissive and that can work as a compatible relationship as well.

In our culture, I also think it's seen as rather ideal for a man to be the independent and aggressive one and the woman to be the submissive one. That is why women used to be treated as property and how they "give up their identity" by changing their last names. So, to that end, I think a lot of men (myself included) feel more comfortable exhibiting the "ideal" independent-minded and individualistic personality. Unfortunately, I am also attracted to this kind of person, so it makes the prospect of a relationship rather difficult. Thus, only sex.

There is, of course, no biological rule that says that men should act a certain way and women should act a certain way. These are social constructs. But in the context of that social construct, it becomes difficult to escape the difficulty of pairing two people with incompatible "ideal" personalities.

I agree whole heartedly. It is very difficult to find somebody who has a compatiable and communicative personality as myself. I'm a very independent, but open individual doesn't confirm to any social contexts as have both masculine and feminine traits to my personality. However, it seems most guys feel that my personality is too "uncategorized" or "up in the air" for them to want to understand me for me. In addition, I don't have a problem letting them know what's on my mind. Thus, 9 out of 10 times, my personality and relationships gravitate more towards woman due to our compatitability although I do have a slight sexual preference more towards men sexually.

 

[DennisThePennis]

Very difficult. To be honest... i think that these bisexuals won't have an easy life. They seemed to be 'doomed'.

 

[Cataphract]

16 variaties!?

I better get going if I ever hope to collect 'em all.

 

[Romantico]

I miss RRRalph!

"RRRalph, Please come back!!!!!"

 

[ZonerTC]

*raises hand*

it makes like a !@#$, I can tell you that.

...But you get a lot of lady friends who love to chat with you!!

 

[DennisThePennis]

I have friends that are bisexual who both fall into these categories and no they're not doomed for life.

They just settled for less?

 

[Romantico]

I have found bisexuals are like snowflakes. No two are alike. Some may be doomed, but bisexuality is not the reason. Its the person and how they feel about themselves. The same could be said 'Are These Kinds of Gays Doomed For Life?' People like closeted gay men (Larry Craig for example) I believe are doomed because they are ashamed of themselves. So, its not really as black and white as it sounds. Just my 2 cents.