are young old realationships healthy?

[StrawBerriesNCream]

I find myself attracted to older men, in fact all of my crushes have been on my teachers. I was just wandering if/how do people deal with the young old realtionship? Is it right or wrong? How does the gay community look upon the younger older realtionships? for now i have choosen to date when i am older, and maybe when i am on a higher level(aka when i am more mature) with the people i date(maybe date). How do older men on the other side of the younger older relationship view the younger?
if someone could answer some of my questions i would appriecaite it, or redirect me to a place where i can find the info myself
thank you for your time

 

[KaraBulut]

A lot of people have preferences and fetishes. In the big picture of things, being attracted to older people is not a big deal.

The questions for you is, "Why do you think that you're attracted to older people?" and "Why does it bother you?".

 

[G-Lexington]

They're not inherently UNhealthy. The problem comes if both parties have different ideas as to how the relationship will run. For instance, if you're expecting a standard relationship between equals, with the only difference being one of you is older...but the other guy is expecting more of a daddy/son sort of relationship. Then you're going to run into some major issues. But so long as you both go in on the same page, that won't be a concern.

The only other issue is that, if you're more than (say) a decade apart, you may simply be coming from different "worlds". He might enjoy 70s disco and gardening, whereas you want to skateboard to the Fall Out Boy concert. This isn't to say people with different tastes can't be in a relationship, but in relationships with a large age gap, these differences CAN be (not necessarily WILL be) more prominent.

How does the gay community view it? Who the hell cares? They're not in the relationship - YOU are.

Lex

 

[WYSIWYG]

As one of the older men on the forum, with a husband 1/2 my age, the best advise I can give you is all relationships are different.

1. It is possible for same age relationships to have differences, such as clothing styles, music etc. So young/old isn't any different.

2. People are attracted to all 'types' of people, ie. different skin colors, nationalities, body shape, jair color, eye color, etc. Some older men are attracted to younger men. non one can say whether your attraction is right or wrong. I would not let it bother you.

3. I was dating men my age but found most of them boring with 'no life'...lol!I find younger men more fun and since I have a 30 year old brain, have no issues in being with them and doing activities with them.

My husband initially never thought of being with someone my age, but when we met and talked everything clicked. He loved 703, 80s etc., music and movies. We both like to go out to the club and dance. we like the same clothing styles.

Any differences? Yes, he has more hair then me (on his head). He gets harder than me and more often, (due to me taking blood pressure meds). We come from 2 different countries, so his view of things are different, but we discuss it.
There is more but you get the idea.

3. The gay community doesn't matter, what matters is your happy and/or in love with the man you want to be with. This age shit is just that. And in most cases, a lot of gay and straight people think that when you real 'that certain age', your useless.

My younger husband makes me feel alive everyday with our interactions and our love making. He makes my life everyday, even in the little things he says and does. It is nice to hear him say your hot, or sexy to me and mean it, as an example. For me younger with older is more than a wonderful experience!

Hope this helps you.

 

[thisisinteresting]

My boyfriend is 28 years older, works for us! Been together seriously for about a year and a half. It's more difficult at the start because of the coming from different "worlds" but in the end, it's way worth it. You get into all sorts of things you wouldn't with someone your age. I learn new vocab all the time, too. Old slang that is hilarious to me or practical words that just aren't common any more.

Whether or not a relationship is unhealthy or not has to do with the people themselves, not their age.

I do believe it takes more patience but therefore builds a stronger relationship. It's easier to find out if you're both looking for the same thing out of the relationship, now that I think about it. Less chance of the same common interests makes it so you kinda skip the small talk, so to speak.

 

[NineOfClubs]

When I started my relationship, one with a huge age difference, I only had one thought.

What if one or the other of us were hit, and killed, by a bus in six months?

I knew I would have wanted to spend that last six months with him.....

 

[lumpi]

Being into younger/older guys is very common. My boyfriend is about 13 years older than me, but we have a great relationship and don't feel the age gap.
Of course, if there is a big difference, you start to think about what others may think about you, but shouldn't pay attention to that. The different thinking and lifestyle there usually is between older and younger guys, can also bring up advanteges - not just problems. And there always be differences btw you and your partner, now matter if he's your age or not.

 

[youngnihilist]

It's impossible to generally answer whether they're healthy or not, because it all depends. Some are probably healthy, some are unhealthy. The general sentiment is that they're harder to sustain, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. In my personal opinion I think they tend to lean more toward the unhealthy side (due to a large array of issues that age differences bring up), but I'm sure there are healthy ones too.

 

[Yeehaw]

Unfortunately most ppl in real life do care about age gap and what their friend circle think. I've tried to date a few older guys (late 30s, early 40s) before, didnt worked out at all. They are all into the idea of having sex with younger guys but none was into more than that, reason being the age gap and associated issues. Isn't it ironic when I tried to be open about age issue and I got shut down?

 

[NineOfClubs]

^Even if dating in your own age group, you can go through a great many dates before you find a guy who connects with you, and vice versa......

 

[StrawBerriesNCream]

thanks you guys!! I love the feedback. This is a great forum.
To be honest its hard to know why i am attracted to older men. Looks do have a factor, but i do find other things to be attracted to that are attributed to maturity (such as knowledge ect). Aswell as all those things special things people do. I have no idea where this roots from.
Its hard to accept such a think as sexual attraction toward older men, ecpecially with all the propaganda i give into. Also i am cautious to protect myself from a man who is intellectually more mature than me in almost every aspect(something that shadows me in concern).The good new is I am learning to deal with my sexual preference, in a healthy way, thanks to the replies. (one of the reasons why i posted here for i havnt ever talked to a homosexual in a younger older relationship.)
You guys help bring confidence in who i am and i can look for the day where i can hear funny older slang, telling my older lover he is sexy, listening to 80's bands, living in equality, sharing and learning from each others uniqueness, and making each other happy.
I love life.
Thanks for the time (and tolerating my grammer/spelling)

 

[KevinCA]

I think a lot of us can say, "As long as your happy, thats all that matters". And a lot of people believe in the "age ain't nothing but a number" thing. Do what you want to do. But just know there will ALWAYS be people out there who are judgemental and will badmouth you.

I actually know someone who is 22 years old, and is dating someone who is 50 something. That's a near 30-year-age-gap. Sure they're happy together, but what do his friends and people who know of him think? It's kinda sad actually.

They think the younger guy is desperate, and the older guy is just some sugar daddy supplying him with money and a car. I hear a lot of people talk about it. And when they do, they do it like they're disgusted, like they wanna vomit cause it's so tacky & wrong. Most people think 10+ years is ok... maybe 20+... but 30?!? I hear a bunch of shit, things like "he's old enough to not be his dad but his GRANDPA!". Trust me, people can say some really hurtful and REALLY cold & cruel things

That's just an example of someone I know, whose in a way-older-and-way-younger relationship. You might get criticism, judged, and bad mouthed... but just ignore it.

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If your looking at the old-with-young relationship thing in general. Lets say in a straight relationship. What do most people think when they see a 60 year old guy with a 20 year old chick who looks high maintenance & out of his league? Most automatically think, that it's not really love and that they're using each other. The guy using her for sex. And the chick using him for his money & car, faking her love & manipulating him.

Sadly, that's just reality. There are good & bad people in this world. People will always have something bad to say. People will always judge & criticize. Don't listen to 'em

 

[creatus]

What do most people think when they see a 60 year old guy with a 20 year old chick who looks high maintenance & out of his league? Most automatically think, that it's not really love and that they're using each other. The guy using her for sex. And the chick using him for his money & car, faking her love & manipulating him.

And why do they think so? Because it's perfectly true in most cases. The hateful attitude would decrease significantly, if there were far less "no-love-just-money" relationships and far more - "just-love" relationships among young+old pairs. People need more positive examples. I will agree with "Don't listen to 'em " statement - don't listen to them the same way as you don't listen to the ones saying "hell, you're gay".

 

[spencer]

I think it just depends on if both parties are committed. If there is any variation of the definition of either views it puts a strain.

I like the younger crowd because (besides the obvious) but I like their free spirit and less jaded view on the world. However if that free spirit translates to cheating or lack of commitment then it'll never work.

 

[asian87]

A lot of what is said above is true. Yes it depends on you and the partner how happy you are and how bothered you are about what people think.

He is 30 years older than me. No I don't care what they people think. They ain't allowed of deciding what is good to me.

 

[saymyname]

Yeah, it's normal.

I mean society sends out mixed signals about relationships with age differences. That hate is directed to really really inappropriate relationships of those sorts, pedastery and lolita-isms and such.

But I'm sure your old enough to judge that.

I think you mean pedophilia, not pederasty. The gay community's interest in twinks is basically a modern version of pederasty (like Brian and Justin from QaF - that was a pederastic relationship in many ways).

 

[slowandsteady]

I believe there are a few stepping stones.
1) is money involve?
2) will you both introduce your other half to family/friends, without fear of saying his age?
3) one of you will be a widow who lives yrs more

 

[NineOfClubs]

For KevinCA.

The kind of people who live their lives to please others, and who care what others might think---well, they don't get into these types of relationships.

They also miss out on many other good things in life and end up feeling frustrated and angry. But at least minor acquaintances and the neighbors seem to like them...