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Arrrgh!!

J

jubjub

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I really don't know what's wrong with me. So I went clubbing the other night with some friends from work, and I also invited my best friend, who is a guy. We were all having tons of fun, he was getting to know people from my work etc. Anyway, so one of my work friends introduces a girl to him, and they start dancing.

Within 20 minutes or so he they start grinding against each other and making out. By this time it was getting pretty late and we were all getting ready to leave, so I told him we were leaving soon. He asked me to stay with him for another 30 minutes cause he was really into this girl, I reluctantly agreed (reluctant because I really wasn't having that much fun when my work friends were gone and he was spending all his time with this girl, plus I only had 4 or 5 hours of sleep before I had to wake up for another 8 hour shift).

I can't even pinpoint what I felt when he spent all his time with this girl. I would be lying if I said I don't have any feelings for him, but the weird thing is I wouldn't even consider dating him (if this probably impossible oppertunity came up). I guess the best way to describe how I felt was annoyance, frustration, jealousy and a bit of anger? It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all, but I got over it when we left.

He's the closest friend I have and I haven't told anyone that I'm attracted to men, so he has no idea I'm feeling this way. I just don't want this feeling to come up again. I want him to be happy, but at the same time I don't? This is so fucked up.

Well anyway, thanks for taking the time to hear me rant about my pathetic problem.
 
I dont know what your feeling, but I owuld feel the same way if someone I liked was doing that. Its just the thought of the person being with anotehr person I'm not interested in and having to pratically watch them because you have nothing else to do. I can't explain what I mean, but I think someone will understand.
 
A single friend of mine has done this to me a few times. We agree to meet for a drink and after he's guzzled 3-4 beers he starts working the room and will look for Mr Right Now and ignore me.

So, yeah, I know how you feel. Your friend is being inconsiderate towards you
 
Well that's the problem. I really like him as a friend and all, but I would not consider dating him just because I don't want anything to come in between our friendship. I completely understand why he did it, if I was in the same situation and saw someone I really liked, I would've done the same thing. I just don't like what I felt last night, I don't know why...
 
My first thought was, he was a bit selfish considering the fact that he knew you would be left out and bored shitless staying there watching them dance the night away. Then again, the both of you were friends so that might not have been an issue. Anyway, I have a feeling that you "might" be interested in him hence your feeling of uneasiness seeing him being with the girl. I might be wrong, but if you do feel sad or anything, I would strongly suggest that you stay away from him for a while so that you may get your thoughts sorted out. I know it won't be easy but you've got to do it somehow.
 
Could you be in love with him and since you know its hopeless, you are trying to play down the feelings? And if that's the case, then it would make sense that it would be really hard seeing him with that girl.

Somewhere inbetween the lines of what you are writing, that seems to be what you are telling us.
 
My best friend does the same crap too. He's straight, or so he claims. I've gotten used to and over it.

Try not to let it bother you. You can always tell him you went out to spend time and chill with him, not to watch him soil himself on the dance floor.
 
Maybe I'm out of line here, but in my experience part of being a good friend is letting your friends (and I mean friends that you're not interested in dating or hooking up with) prowl about a venue for dates, hook ups or random other people to meet when you're both at a bar. They shouldn't ignore you the whole night, but they're not under any obligation to hang out with you the entire night either. I mean they're at a bar or club for the music, dancing or to meet other people, not your living room for a quiet intimate evening.

As for when they've found somebody and want you to stay later... You're a nice person if you stick around for a bit, but I often find myself letting friends know that I'm taking off, that they're welcome to a ride or walk home and that if they'd rather hook up, get a ride home from their new friend, etc. I'll gladly catch them in a few days.
 
drhladnjak said:
Maybe I'm out of line here, but in my experience part of being a good friend is letting your friends (and I mean friends that you're not interested in dating or hooking up with) prowl about a venue for dates, hook ups or random other people to meet when you're both at a bar. They shouldn't ignore you the whole night, but they're not under any obligation to hang out with you the entire night either. I mean they're at a bar or club for the music, dancing or to meet other people, not your living room for a quiet intimate evening.

As for when they've found somebody and want you to stay later... You're a nice person if you stick around for a bit, but I often find myself letting friends know that I'm taking off, that they're welcome to a ride or walk home and that if they'd rather hook up, get a ride home from their new friend, etc. I'll gladly catch them in a few days.
Click to expand...

You make a good point.
 
Thanks for that quote, Ruby.

I really think it's come to the point where I've developed a sort of codependence on him. The only thing that keeps me going through school and work is to know that we get to hang out and have some fun during weekends. But whenever our plans don't work out, or he's too busy to, I don't even feel like going out with my other friends. It's like I temporaily fall into a steep depression until I'm doing something with him again. This completely blows because come January, he'll be leaving town for 2-3 months.
 
Ruby said:
You`re welcome....I can imagine how you feel...

I`ve had a similar situation with an online friend....

< fell in love with a gay man #-o
Click to expand...
That's interesting, Ruby. Such a reversal of what we normally hear about around here.

Glad your friendship survived. ..|
 
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