Ask bf if cheating

[Suffolklad1988]

We have my partner's sister's husband's nephew renting a room with us. He is 22 and a real Jack the lad. My partner has a real bromance with him and they often stay up chilling without me. We have known him for about 10 years!

He now has had an std, the guest, and my partner now has paid for a testing kit for himself. Im convienced they have played about.

My partner has testicle and groin pain, I ve already said i dont get why would need a test.

Would you ask him?

 

[Hairyass1993]

We have my partner's sister's husband's nephew renting a room with us. He is 22 and a real Jack the lad. My partner has a real bromance with him and they often stay up chilling without me. We have known him for about 10 years!

He now has had an std, the guest, and my partner now has paid for a testing kit for himself. Im convienced they have played about.

My partner has testicle and groin pain, I ve already said i dont get why would need a test.

Would you ask him?

Yeah sure, people can get std's from a toilet seat so you can use that as a reason for him to get tested. But honestly if 1988 is your age and your partner is around that age I dont think he would cheat on you with a 22 year old. In my eyes that is like a child. A grown men would never do that.

 

[cabinfever]

We have my partner's sister's husband's nephew renting a room with us. He is 22 and a real Jack the lad. My partner has a real bromance with him and they often stay up chilling without me. We have known him for about 10 years!

He now has had an std, the guest, and my partner now has paid for a testing kit for himself. Im convienced they have played about.

My partner has testicle and groin pain, I ve already said i dont get why would need a test.

Would you ask him?

Your conclusion is a logical one.

Should you ask him? Is he the kind of guy who would tell you the truth? I can't really give you advice on that because I would suggest you know the man and situation better than I ever could.

 

[TX-Beau]

When it come to your health, messy interpersonal bullshit becomes blessedly easy. You need to know if you are at risk, forget his possible infidelity, get your own testing kit, don't hide it, and when he asks, point out that he's testing himself and fucking you.

He may or may not tell you he's cheating but if you turn up positive for something, well, you have your answer anyway. I personally am not jealous sexually but putting me in danger is a whole other issue.

 

[Suffolklad1988]

When it come to your health, messy interpersonal bullshit becomes blessedly easy. You need to know if you are at risk, forget his possible infidelity, get your own testing kit, don't hide it, and when he asks, point out that he's testing himself and fucking you.

He may or may not tell you he's cheating but if you turn up positive for something, well, you have your answer anyway. I personally am not jealous sexually but putting me in danger is a whole other issue.

Thanks for the comment...happy 2022!

 

[Newmercedes]

We have my partner's sister's husband's nephew renting a room with us. He is 22 and a real Jack the lad. My partner has a real bromance with him and they often stay up chilling without me. We have known him for about 10 years!

He now has had an std, the guest, and my partner now has paid for a testing kit for himself. Im convienced they have played about.

My partner has testicle and groin pain, I ve already said i dont get why would need a test.

Would you ask him?

Was he HOTTTT and gay??? How old are you and your partner?

 

[Nude_Dude]

... my partner now has paid for a testing kit for himself. Im convinced they have played about.

Assuming you and the BF are in one of those monogamous type relationships - do you really he'd be confiding in you - an concerns that he may have picked up a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from the boarder ?
LOGICALLY - he would go and get tested, anonymously, without your knowledge

Almost ALL STI'S require rather "deep" sexual contact to be transmitted
Those that possibly CAN be, are detailed below
NONE of which, involve toilet seats

https://www.better2know.co.uk/blog/7-ways-you-can-catch-an-sti-without-having-sex/

I'd be doing a bit of research after it's been confirmed just what STI we're talking about

 

[KaraBulut]

...Would you ask him?

Only if you want to deal with the consequences of the "yes" answer or have them lie to you by saying "no".

You already know the answer. What are you planning to do about it?

 

[Suffolklad1988]

I am useless with this stuff. I really do not know what to do. I sold my house last year and we now live together. I have no where to go. I ve also just started a new job, so that means another 3 months before I can get a mortgage i want to ask him, but dont know the response. His test hasnt come back yet, I shall keep an eye out. I did check his phone and he had searched if can get std from oral....I hate not knowing or trusting myself.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, stop. You're wandering into forlorn waif territory. 99% of the time when someone says they don't know what to do, they know very well what to do and don't want to do it. Usually because it's going to require a confrontation. You should be more afraid of being a doormat because you won't stand up for yourself.

That said, it's certainly not uncommon that someone just looks the other way rather than deal with infidelity - I don't recommend it but yeah, it's an option. You could decide you don't give a fuck if he's blowing some guy. You could walk, make him leave, make the boarder leave and exact punishment from your guy. There are lots of things you might do.

Honesty the first thing you do is GET A FUCKING TEST done. This is not optional no matter what else you do.

What you need to stop doing is snooping through his shit. No one ever learned anything positive by snooping. When he finds out, and he will because you can't use that info without him knowing you spied on him, he'll throw it right in your face and make you the bad guy. Stop it. You get tested, tell him why, and let the chips fall where they may, then when you know the answer to that issue, you can move on to him.

Plus, stop telling yourself you're just hopeless. Everyone has agency to act on behalf of themselves, the only question is will you use it.

 

[KaraBulut]

I am useless with this stuff. I really do not know what to do. I sold my house last year and we now live together. I have no where to go. I ve also just started a new job, so that means another 3 months before I can get a mortgage i want to ask him, but dont know the response. His test hasnt come back yet, I shall keep an eye out. I did check his phone and he had searched if can get std from oral....I hate not knowing or trusting myself.

There's a couple of issues here. One short term and one long term.

I'm going to agree with some of the things that Tx-Beau said, perhaps in a more gentle way. I agree- you know what you need to do but there's self-confidence issues and a tendency to not speak up for what you want.

You do need to have the conversation but before you do, you need to do some thinking about where you want to go from here.

If the two of you had an agreement that you would be monogamous then you will need to decide whether this breach of trust is something that you will be able to get beyond. If you cannot get past this episode of cheating, then you don't need to move out. The 22 year old does. If your partner cheated and you need space, then he needs to find a place to stay to give you space. He's the one that cheated and he's the one who should bear the consequences.

For the long term, you have some issues of your own to think about. Underlying this is some uncertainty of your own. Regardless of how this works out, you should think about whether it's time that you work on your self-confidence and your ability to speak up for yourself and put your own wishes first.

 

[USEDCAR]

Yeah sure, people can get std's from a toilet seat so you can use that as a reason for him to get tested. But honestly if 1988 is your age and your partner is around that age I dont think he would cheat on you with a 22 year old. In my eyes that is like a child. A grown men would never do that.

You must live under a rock.

As long the person is up age and is attractive and have working parts older people is going to go after them.

 

[ShadowCat]

I did check his phone and he had searched if can get std from oral....I hate not knowing or trusting myself.

GIRLFRIEND! Wake up and smell the bull shit! He wouldn't have searched it unless he did it! He sucked, was sucked or mutually sucked the/by/with the nephew! Blatantly ask get it out in the open and man up and deal with the cold hard truth your man is trifling!