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Asking a random person “are you gay?”

mrbeebs

mrbeebs

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Theres this guy in my sociology class who seems pretty cool - he always says pretty intelligent stuff during our “discussions” and he seems interested in similar things as me. I don’t know if he’s gay or not, and I also have never started a conversation with him. He’s always staring at me and stuff in class (could be a good or a bad thing) and I figured I should at least introduce myself before I potentially never see him again (we have like two classes left.) What should I say? I was thinking something along the lines of:

“Hey don’t be offended by this but are you gay? I just always see you in class and want to introduce myself, cause I think you’re cute.”

or should I just introduce myself and ask him to hang out in the future? like.. not even bring up his or my sexuality?
 
I wouldn't out right ask if he is gay. Just introduce yourself and comment on the remarks he makes during discussion and the fact that it seems like you have alot in common. Invite him to hang out and if he agrees you should be able to get a better read on if he is gay or not.
 
jft245 said:
I wouldn't out right ask if he is gay. Just introduce yourself and comment on the remarks he makes during discussion and the fact that it seems like you have alot in common. Invite him to hang out and if he agrees you should be able to get a better read on if he is gay or not.
Click to expand...
^^^^^^
This is good advice , i too would not just come out and tell him without knowing more.................:-)
 
hi mrbeebs,

I agree with the other posters that you should not ask him straightforward if he is gay. Besides that, I was wondering if the people in your sociology class are aware that YOU are gay?

I totally agree with others that there is nothing wrong with introducing yourself, together with some small talk about his comments (etc.), and, depending on how the conversation develops, propose for a meeting (or so).

Good luck & take care.
 
Living your life out is the best way to attract attention of other gay guys.
 
Two classes left seems a bit rushed to jump to such a question. Introduce yourself and ask to maybe hang out some time since you two seem to get along. Then you'll have all the time on your hands to figure things out. Transform the in-class acquaintance relationship to an out-of-class friendship first.
 
mrbeebs said:
Im out. Everybody in class knows
Click to expand...

Great and good to hear, as this will make things more easy and relaxed.

jft245 said:
Just introduce yourself and comment on the remarks he makes during discussion and the fact that it seems like you have alot in common. Invite him to hang out and if he agrees you should be able to get a better read on if he is gay or not.
Click to expand...

^^^^^^ Is an excellent advise.

Good luck with introducing yourself to him, and please be aware that he might as well be a friendly & nice straight guy.

Take care.
 
I would not start off with "don't be offeneded..." that will probably make him a little defensive. The second sentence is fine but approach him in a semi-public area, like the hallway, so you don't embarrass him. Just be confidante and you will be fine. Good luck!
 
the common approach is not to put sexuality question on him, but on you. So, don't ask "are you gay", this may put him into offensive mode. Instead, put the burden of sexuality on you, i.e. say I am gay, and follow it up with something telling him you are interested.

But there are better ways yet. Ask him to hang out with you somewhere. It is good to have some event in mind. Hang out with him there, and if he is gay, he will like hanging out with you and hang out with you again later. On 2nd/3rd time you can suggest to hang out like "do you want to go to bar X, it's a gay bar I wanted to check it out but wanted someone to go with me. Would you go with me"? If X is a well-known gay bar, skip mentioning it is a gay bar. Continue gay-related conversation when at the bar. Something like that should work.
 
After introducing yourself to him, it's likely you start talking about the nice comments he makes during the discussion. Afterwards, you can ask him abit about his background (family, etc) and you can end with asking if he has a girlfriend (or formerly a girlfriend, etc.). But please be aware that he must keep feeling himself relaxed and comfortable when you start with asking such a question. I mean, you are an open gay, but that does not mean that he wants to tell you straightforward that he is also gay (in case this is indeed the case).

Good luck, and please keep us informed.
 
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