Asking for advice

[Pomete]

Hello guys,
I think I should start with, that this is my first time I am asking for a an advice like this and also I'm also sorry about my English and I will try to make long story short.
Guys I'm 27 years old and I'm in the closet and the anxiety that is/was annoying/bugging me all the time is gradually decreaseing a bit every year or after bad experience in the past. I can tell that I already face lot of awkward moments in the past when it comes to revealing or gossiping about my sexuality. So it cannot mess my feelings so much as it used to be.

Guys, I only would like to talk about one thing that gets me everytime.
Im trying to make a new friends, everytime when I'm in a new workplace, or they are trying to be friend with me. Usually we got along together, I think I do have good interest and knowledge and I can tell that they find me as a cool guy. However there s always been an issue that always gets me uncomfortable/anxious, and that is when they asked me about my experience with girls or when they invite me to go play with hookers and I decline the invitation.
In the past I used to lie or pretend about it and I was very good at it. But now I'm kind of tired of it and I'm trying to find a new way how to live with it.
I'm trying to say that everytime it comes to "straight things"(mostly about girls) I feel like I Don t belong with them like I'm the outsider like I always been when I was teenager. It s really depressing me and makes me having a sad thoughts. I usually quit my job when it comes to that point. Right now I'm about to do it again.

Thank you and I appreciate any opinion

 

[SeaCore]

I'm a little unclear about what you're wanting advice on.
Are you asking, 'how can I not feel like an outcast when I'm surrounded by straight people that don't know I'm gay?' or is it more, 'how can I respond to conversations about straightness without lying and without revealing I'm gay?'
Something totally different?

 

[Pomete]

I'm a little unclear about what you're wanting advice on.
Are you asking, 'how can I not feel like an outcast when I'm surrounded by straight people that don't know I'm gay?' or is it more, 'how can I respond to conversations about straightness without lying and without revealing I'm gay?'
Something totally different?

Hi there thx for respond, it s actually both things that u sayin.

You know last weekend my boss invite me and all the staff members to go play with the hookers and everybody went, just only me stayed at home. I said for my defence/excuse that i m tired and i d like to tidy up my apartment.
I can tell that they are probably guessing that im not normal...

 

[SeaCore]

Can you talk a little about why you aren't out? It would be easier to give suggestions if we kind of have a sense of what that situation is.

 

[Pomete]

Can you talk a little about why you aren't out? It would be easier to give suggestions if we kind of have a sense of what that situation is.

Oh bro, my reason is quite controversial and quite personally. I really don t know how even make that story short.
All i can say is, that im still not happy with my destiny and im trying to "survive" when i am around social place, like workplace, untill i ll find my happiness. Im also introvert/ambivert, so...i don t even have so much experience how to socialist, but i think i appear to be normal for them.

 

[PalacePaul]

I think you did the right thing asking for advice.
Can you tell us what is your job, and what kind of people you meet there? From what you said I assume they are all men.
Also, it would be helpful to know where do you live, and if being gay is socially accepted or not.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's really two pieces of the situation that you described:

1. The inappropriateness of coworkers trying to get you to do something that you're not comfortable with
2. Your own sexuality and how being put into sexual situations with coworkers factors into that

It's never appropriate for coworkers to pressure you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. It's subtle form of harassment. You should not have to give any excuse and you can just say, "No, that's not my kind of thing". You don't owe them any explanation. If this is something that your employer condones then it might be time to make a change and get out of this situation altogether. It's just not healthy for you.

You don't owe coworkers anything. It's your own personal choice whether you are out at your workplace and with your coworkers. There are some workplaces that are very accepting and won't treat LGBT people any different that any other employees/coworkers. My guess is- if your coworkers are hanging out with prostitutes after work- then you're probably not in a place of employment where LGBT people are going to be accepted.

In the big picture of how dysfunctional this place your working is and how it makes you feel, is it really a place that you want to work? Can you find another job somewhere that doesn't have this toxic environment?

 

[Pomete]

Maybe i should explain/describe something about my co workers and the workplace, like PalcePaul said.
Im a nail technician i work in the nail bar in UK that are dominates by Asians. I work with male and female staffs.
I should maybe even mention that lot of males works as nail technicians and most of them are straight, so there s no stereotypical thought that you are gay if you doing this job. Just little insight.
I will try to describe these people.
They are normal acting straight people i can even tell that they are good people and they are mostly asian cultured, so they are not so aware of the western culture.
Im trying to say that they have no clues about LGBT stuffs or "Don t ask, don t tell" policy.

I really don t think my boss is a bad person, however the last ex-staff who worked here in this salon, was probably gay too ( i dont t know exactly that cuz i wasnt here at that time), but when customers asked where he went, my boss started talking/gossiping about him that he moved to Liverpool to his boyfriend, it s like he ridiculed him about that.
From what i heard he said he has a girlfriend when he worked here (maybe he was in the closet too). And lot of people suspect him that he is into man.

So i mostly worked with the people who are not so aware of Lgbt stuffs and i really can t find i way how to tell them cuz im trapped in the closet.