The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

At a loss...

Joined
Dec 9, 2003
Posts
5
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Not really sure what will become of this...but i guess i'm looking for some advice and a way to just let it all out (not sure how long or short this will be, so bare with me)

So, here we go

I met my present Ex about a year and a half ago, he was a lot of firsts for me, and before i knew it i had completely fallen for him (damn young love). Everything was perfect, we were both happy, seeing each other everyday, all in all it was perfect. Then, about 3 months into our crazy love "thing", he goes to a party, and tells me his ex will be there but i have nothing to worry about. Being the kinda guy i am, i fully trust him, and tell him to have a good time and that i can pick him up when he wants to go home. I fell asleep at 2:30 am waiting for his phone call. When the phone rings i tell him i'm too tired and if he can find another way home, to take it. He gets mad and tells me his ex needs a place to stay and he's offered his guestroom and hangs up on me. I didn't think too much of it, still completely trusting my first "love." so i call him in the morning and his ex is already gone, he slept in the guestroom and his ex slept in his room. So the next day I go out to the lake with family for a few days, i have to drive in one morning to register for university, then i'm headin back out. The morning of registration i'm on the internet and my ex is online, starts talking to me about where our relationship is going, then tells me he needs out of "us"...this is all on MSN i might add, i'm completely shattered, can't concentrate on registering for classes so i half ass it and head back to the lake. On the way back, i get a text message from him that he'll be in calgary for a week and a half because he needs to "get away". So, I tell him to have a good time in Calgary and not to worry about me (I've been told my niceness is a disease) after a ruined few days at the lake i come home and hang out with a few friends, discussing the situation, when BAM, it hits me....he's in Calgary with his ex (lets name him Fred). I send off a text message to my ex and all it says is "Say hi to Fred for me...", and i get a reply with "Fuck, how'd you know", which i replied with "i'm not stupid...good bye". When he gets home he calls me and asks me to meet him so we can talk. I stupidly agree. He tells me he wants me back and that he's made a huge mistake. I manage to hold out on taking him back for 2 weeks. (stupid, i know) Things go back to normal, I fell for him again, and he fell for me. 4 or 5 months into this second try, he starts telling me that i'm the only one he will ever need, and that we should get an apartment together and move in, then starts talking about getting cats and dogs and birds together, and even goes as far as naming them. I start getting a little freaked out, this being my first serious relationship, and i start to put up walls and pull away. After all of the craziness, I broke up with him after 8 months. I broke up with him face to face, none of this MSN shit, he cried, i cried...then he took a swing at me. I ducked, he didn't hit me...i was so shocked that he could even think about hitting me, after all we'd been through. I got into my car and left. The next couple of months are rough, late night drunken phone calls, text messages all the time, saying he loves me and needs me. after a few months of this he tells me he needs to see me, so again, stupidly, off i go to talk to him. We seem to come to an understanding that there is an "us" in the future, but its not anytime soon. A couple weeks later he tells me he's going to Mexico. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, the night before he goes to mexico we hang out for the first time since the previous talk, we kiss...the most passionate, heart felt kiss i've ever felt. We decided to give things another try when he got home from Mexico. Soooooo Guess who is in mexico at the same time?? Yep....Fred. i get an email, that he has sent to all of his friends. He's having a good time, lots of sight seeing, and Bam, end of the email "Fred is here, and yep...I'm in love again, haha oops, I've NEVER been this happy before". Again...i'm heartbroken. Three days later he sends me, and only me, an email saying that "Fred" has broken it off, he'd been dumped and needed to see me as soon as he got home. I feel bad for him, yet again, stupidly, off i go to talk to him....we sleep together, and have been ever since. So i've accepted that we are "friends with benefits" not a big deal, i'm planning on moving to Vancouver pretty soon anyway. Tonight he tells me he needs to talk to me. AGAIN, off i go, he tells me that he needs to know "what we are" because he's been asked out on a date, and didn't know if he was in a relationship or not. So i told him, as of right now, we are not in a relationship but i will think about things and get back to him.

So anyways...now that i've written all that, i don't need anyones advice....I know what to do.
 
I hope "I know what to do" is the same thing I would do. You sound like a very caring and forgiving guy. You deserve someone who will as good to you as you are to them. Good luck!
 
Leave your guns and claws at home. He seems to be as confused too to your reaction probably. Its a side of you he's probably never seen, so don't loose your temper, when you meet him again, and try to resolve things amicably.
 
>>>i don't need anyones advice....I know what to do.

Judging by your past behavior, I'm not so sure you do.

Lex
 
You guys sound very confused and I would say both of you have a lot of issues. You love him, you don't love him. You want to be close but not too close. You're friends, you're lovers.

Honestly, these are symptoms of having a lot of emotional baggage and I would highly recommend that you spend some time as a single man working on yourself to become a better you. Good luck!
 
Hey S_S,

Yeah mate...got the don't need advice thing... so this isnt advice... its an observation.

You don't know how valuable you are... or how worthy you are. You've got an amazing capacity to forgive which is very rare, a capacity to understand, to be caring passionate and loving. Your obviously intelligent and articulate, you've got goals and desires. You've got an empathy and capacity to learn, be introspective and yet giving.

But you dont understand your own worth yet... because you are worth more than second best. You are way more than a fall back and a safe place to retreat to when it all gets too hard. Thats not you at all.

Its time to move on S_S... its time to find someone who cares and values, loves and respects you for the incredible guy you are.

I hope that what you know to do.... because you're worth better, now and always.
 
UPDATE:

Alrighty guys, thanks (to most of you) for the replies.

Had a talk with the ex today and told him that I could only offer him my friendship, and absolutely nothing else, I'm done.

Of course, he tried to talk me out of it, but after much arguing and some reasonable explanation I got him to look at things from my point of view and agree with me.

Feels like such a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders...

Thanks again

Soccer
 
Good for you mate... good for you... its great that you stood your ground!

That weight was holding you down...now its time to live like the special guy that you are!
 
UPDATE:

Alrighty guys, thanks (to most of you) for the replies.

Had a talk with the ex today and told him that I could only offer him my friendship, and absolutely nothing else, I'm done.

Of course, he tried to talk me out of it, but after much arguing and some reasonable explanation I got him to look at things from my point of view and agree with me.

Feels like such a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders...

Thanks again

Soccer
You did great.

Now be prepared to feel very sad. Hang in there.
 
UPDATE:

Alrighty guys, thanks (to most of you) for the replies.

Had a talk with the ex today and told him that I could only offer him my friendship, and absolutely nothing else, I'm done.

Of course, he tried to talk me out of it, but after much arguing and some reasonable explanation I got him to look at things from my point of view and agree with me.

Feels like such a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders...

Thanks again

Soccer

Great job. You did exactly what I would have done (in post #2 I said "I hope 'I know what to do' is the same thing I would do). That's awesome that you were able to make him understand your point of view. Now you are free to find a great guy who will treat you right.
 
Back
Top