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At what age did you accept your sexuality?

12 was probably when i said it to myself, though before there were hints to myself. I never was physically attracted to woman...and i have no clue why.

Came out to friends at 15. Have no idea when i plan to come out to family or the world.
 
I've known of my predominant sexual interest in men since high school (and in retrospect there were very clear signs much earlier), but I've only very recently begun to be positive about it.

"Knowing" "accepting" and "being positive" about it are all very different things, in my experience. I went through all the phases, trying to "pray it away", ignoring it, trying to convince myself that I really liked women (or at the very least that I was bisexual and perhaps could have a respectable marriage).

The whole process has been extremely tough, since I have always been heavily committed to my Church (not "gay-friendly") and will probably continue to be for the foreseeable future. I've simply recognized the fact that I am gay and I like being gay, homophobic theology notwithstanding.

I'm still working on the whole "coming out" thing. In fact, I've made a New Year's resolution to tell a couple family members and some close friends.
 
A long time ago. I have no desire to be straight because I'm not personalitywise attracted to women either. Though they can still be my friends, there's just a certain bond between men that even the bible talks about.
 
I think I've never been in denial with myself, and I'm glad of that. And I began to notice that I liked men at the age of 11.

Just tell your friend to be who he is and accept himself. Yes, it will be difficult at first, but when he finally accepts himself, he'll fell SO relieved. Living a lie is the worst thing he can do (which will bring more pain, and I'm sure he doesn't want that) .
 
awww thanks guys very helpfull. I guess I just have to lead by example? I need to show him through example that it's possible to be proud of your sexuality and I need to give him good information about what it means to be same-sex attracted when he asks for it. He definitely HAS asked for it but in a indirect manner such as joking around and he tends to direct our conversations into the gay-issues alot he likes to get me talking about gay-issues, so I've been trying my best to give him information in whatever way he feels comfortable learning it. I think I'm the only openly gay person that he knows. I hope I can help him.
 
I began to have strong attraction to boys at the age of 10 until I totally agreed I was gay when I was around 15 years old.
 
At 19 I started to have fantasies about transsexual women but, could not accept that attraction at all. I kind of denied it and even threw up after watching shemale porn. 2 years later, within the last year I realized I wasn't as str8 as I thought I was, I even have done things with guys like j/o and oral and have enjoyed it. I still am primarily attracted to women and would rather have a relationship with women but, I have discovered doing things with guys is not disgusting and can be fun. So now I accept my sexuality and am quite happy about it and wouldn't wish to be anything else.
 
I was probably 11 when I started to realize I'm gay. It took me a long time to really come to terms with it, though. It took a lengthy period of depression, self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, and obsession with a guy from school when I was 17 to shock me into fully accepting it. It ended with my coming out to my best friend at the time.

If your friend is struggling, the best thing you can do is just let him know you're there for him. You can't force his acceptance. Everyone is different and requires different things to get them over that hill. Only he can get himself there.
 
Did the whole denial,self hating ,depressed, suicidal thing until I was 42
 
Hothunk, you already know about my situation, and I already know all about the situation with him. If he is gay, and I am using if loosely, he needs time to deal with it. The best for you to do is support him in anyway you can. You can serve as a model for him. You being open with your sexuality could help him realize that there's nothing wrong with being gay. All you can do is be there for him.
 
sigh...ive pretty much accepted myself

planning on coming out sometime in 2009. i have a uncle who is gay that im gonna talk to, then probably a couple of friends and then my parents. i honestly dont want to come out while im being provided for even though i think they will be understanding.

i dont even think i am really torn up about being gay, ive pretty much accepted it, i just think it would be an issue with the kind of guys im attracted too (older than myself).
 
Call bullshit when you see it.
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The one thing I would add to this is that you may not actually have to, literally, call "bullshit!!!" If someone is in denial, they probably don't realize themselves what bull they're spinning. Sometimes pointing out contradictions and inconsistent behavior is enough for some, given enough food for thought.
 
I started suspecting it around 12-13.
I knew it at about 16.
I denied it from 16 to 20.
I was very much certain of it, but still not accepting when I was 20.
I accepted it when I was 21.
At 22 (tomorrow), I'm still not fully embracing it, but I'm well on my way.
 
KaraBulut said:
If you're trying to help a friend struggling with their sexuality or accepting of their sexuality, there's not a magic formula or a standard length of time that it takes. You can read through the responses and see that the coming out process is a very individual thing.

Things you can do:
  • Listen. Don't offer advice unless it is requested. Don't judge. Don't impose your experience onto your friends. Just be there and listen.
  • Educate. There's still a lot of misconceptions about what "being gay" means (example: the concept of "straight-acting"). If your friend is ready to go to gay bars, go with him and keep him out of trouble. And make sure he understands what safer sex is and that it is part of the deal.
  • Call bullshit when you see it. It's amazing what rationalizations guys come up with during their denial phase. When you see your friend doing stupid things, say something. You may not be able to stop him or change his mind, but you can speak the truth.
  • Accept. Coming out is such a personal and individual thing. Accept that your friend has to find his own way in the end. You're there for support, not to make him gay. He'll eventually find his way.
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Wow, Thanks! :D Really great advice.

I've noticed that he actually does have alot of misconceptions of what it means to be gay that are based on the usual homophobic stereotypes . He often asks me questions about being gay like "are you this way...?" or "do you do these types of things...?" etc. I try my best to provide him with good information and in a serious manner even though sometimes he asks me about being gay, in a "joking" manner but I can sense his nervousness and his eagerness to hear me out because he always listens intently to what I have to say. It's funny because he's always the one that is bringing the gay issues into our conversations, I never EVER, try to push anything, or make him talk about anything that he might be uncomfortable talking about.
 
Zingerific said:
The one thing I would add to this is that you may not actually have to, literally, call "bullshit!!!" If someone is in denial, they probably don't realize themselves what bull they're spinning. Sometimes pointing out contradictions and inconsistent behavior is enough for some, given enough food for thought.
Click to expand...


True.... but how do you do this in a polite way??? I don't want to seem confrontational or like I'm crossing some kind of boundary, you know.:confused:
 
hothunk222 said:
True.... but how do you do this in a polite way??? I don't want to seem confrontational or like I'm crossing some kind of boundary, you know.:confused:
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Ask him, "Do you really believe that?"

Or point out gay guys/celebrities you know that don't fit into the stereotype he brings up.
 
Lube said:
Ask him, "Do you really believe that?"

Or point out gay guys/celebrities you know that don't fit into the stereotype he brings up.
Click to expand...

Thanks :D. That's a good way to do it. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to out him or anything like that, because I really am not trying to do that. I know that these things take time.
 
Hey, I was a professional denial-er in my day. :-)

The stories I told myself. OMG. How ridiculous.
 
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