at what point is it 'needy'?

[MrRochesterNY]

What the hell is voicing?

Think back 10 or 15 years. Remember when phones were only used for what Alexander Graham Bell invented them for? Phones are meant for communicating by voice with another person, who is listening on the other end and is ready to respond immediately with his voice. That is called telephoning or, if you like, voicing. Telephones were not meant for communicating through the written word.

 

[TheLyingGame]

Delete his number and walk away.

It's happened to me many a times and ya know, more often than not, they come running back.... and once they do, you can play them at their own game

 

[xbuzzerx]

I find this a really hard situation to give advice on because there's a lot of question marks in the picture. Is this guy an ER doctor? Is he super busy? Did he say up front he's super busy? Without that kind of context, I can't really say something universal like "oh you didn't hear from him for days on end? He's not interested."

Going on the assumption that he's not any more busy and overwhelmed than a typical guy, if you go days and days hearing nothing, I'd say it'd probably be more worth your time to find someone you have stronger chemistry with.

 

[brokegayguy]

I'm actually sort of on the same boat as you. This guy I've been kinda seeing lately is a very quiet type who never sends me any messages on text or Skype or whatever, it's always me initiating the conversation. I've confronted him a couple times about it, and most I get is a half-assed "sorry" and little if any effort by him to fix it. We get along great when we're together, but this part alone is a real killer and I'm debating ending it on that basis. But the truth is, you just never know. Maybe he really is a quiet, shy type and instead of fighting about it, you should try to help him come out of his shell...or maybe I'm just a starry-eyed romantic for thinking that

If there's one thing I've learned from this, starting every conversation is an awful habit for you to get into. Because once you fall into that habit, it won't stop. He won't feel obligated to call you because you're always calling him. So for future reference, DON'T START EVERY CONVERSATION!!!

Anyway, no you're not needy, just a normal human who wants some kind of reciprocation. Don't be afraid to fight to get some

 

[G-Lexington]

He's just not that into you.

Lex

 

[menRsexii]

I find this a really hard situation to give advice on because there's a lot of question marks in the picture. Is this guy an ER doctor? Is he super busy? Did he say up front he's super busy? Without that kind of context, I can't really say something universal like "oh you didn't hear from him for days on end? He's not interested."

Going on the assumption that he's not any more busy and overwhelmed than a typical guy, if you go days and days hearing nothing, I'd say it'd probably be more worth your time to find someone you have stronger chemistry with.

He isn't an ER doctor... were both in college. We both have full schedules plus we both work. So I do understand that things can be busy, I really do. And im not expecting much. just a simple text message from him every so often would suffice honestly... just to know that i actually mean something, anything to him at all. But so far it hasnt really happened.

 

[menRsexii]

I'm actually sort of on the same boat as you. This guy I've been kinda seeing lately is a very quiet type who never sends me any messages on text or Skype or whatever, it's always me initiating the conversation. I've confronted him a couple times about it, and most I get is a half-assed "sorry" and little if any effort by him to fix it. We get along great when we're together, but this part alone is a real killer and I'm debating ending it on that basis. But the truth is, you just never know. Maybe he really is a quiet, shy type and instead of fighting about it, you should try to help him come out of his shell...or maybe I'm just a starry-eyed romantic for thinking that

If there's one thing I've learned from this, starting every conversation is an awful habit for you to get into. Because once you fall into that habit, it won't stop. He won't feel obligated to call you because you're always calling him. So for future reference, DON'T START EVERY CONVERSATION!!!

Anyway, no you're not needy, just a normal human who wants some kind of reciprocation. Don't be afraid to fight to get some

thanks dude! but as you say he may be quiet... i find that hard to believe. if anything, im the quiet, shy one. weve even had a talk before where he thought i wasnt comfortable enough with him (like as in showing affection in front of others) ive really been working on that and i thought i was doing better... and i told him to tell me if theres something im doing thats bugging him. i just want to be completely open to communication and constructive criticism.

but yea i just dont know right now. i feel like im in a gray zone right now... i thought things were going well. and who knows, maybe hell eventually contanct me... but i did as g-lexington said to do -- texted him a simple message along the lines of "contact me when youre free" and so ill just leave it to him...

 

[xbuzzerx]

My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.

I agree with this. To me it sounds like he'll call you when HE wants sex. Otherwise, just sit there, be quiet, and look pretty.

 

[menRsexii]

My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.

well thanks for your input. its really appreciated i honestly dont really know exactly what to believe. i mean you guys say one thing but i swear to god he seemed so genuine and actually wanted to spend a lot of time with me at one point. and we didnt even have sex so that wouldnt really add up to the hookup theory. i dunno. eh, well. thanks again!

- - - Updated - - -

I agree with this. To me it sounds like he'll call you when HE wants sex. Otherwise, just sit there, be quiet, and look pretty.

we've actually never had sex we were working up to that but it never happened. he understands im a virgin and wanted to wait for me and make it right. i was even drunk at his party once and got really handsy but he just made me go to sleep lol

 

[borg69unimatrix]

You've never had sex???

Well there's your answer. No wonder he doesn't call.

 

[menRsexii]

^ hey! well like i said above... im a virgin and so we were taking it slow but he seemed perfectly fine with that. the farthest weve gotten is giving each other hand jobs. i was hoping itd progress further but we havent really hung out much since. and no, its not like i gave him a bad hand job. i asked him about it the next day and he gave me some constructive criticism but overall said it was "nice "

yea so thats it.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

If you want him to call you, Suck him like you're trying to save his life. Swallow.

You'll be begging him to stop calling.

 

[backagain]

I hate to tell you this, but you reached it.

Move on. The guy is not interested/playing you.

 

[menRsexii]

I hate to tell you this, but you reached it.

Move on. The guy is not interested/playing you.

well i am talking to other guys so its not like im heartbroken. we havent been seeing eachother for that long. i just dont get why people arent clearer. speak! if you (him) want things over, then tell me! dont string me along...

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I'm going to imagine that at first, the idea of a virgin was intriguing and fascinating fantasy for him.

The reality of taking it slow, and strictly at your pace and comfort zone was more reality then his fantasy could stand.

 

[menRsexii]

I'm going to imagine that at first, the idea of a virgin was intriguing and fascinating fantasy for him.

The reality of taking it slow, and strictly at your pace and comfort zone was more reality then his fantasy could stand.

could be. its a possibility. but i feel like ive shown nothing but signs of comfort in front of him, especially ever since weve had that talk. id be willing to do a lot more... well, as long as he gets tested. maybe thats why. because i want to make sure i have a safe partner. but i mean really, is that too much to ask for?

 

[xbuzzerx]

well i am talking to other guys so its not like im heartbroken. we havent been seeing eachother for that long. i just dont get why people arent clearer. speak! if you (him) want things over, then tell me! dont string me along...

It has been my experience that "open endedness" between guys is more common, as many gay guys operate as if there is no rulebook at all, particularly if they aren't fully out or fully comfortable, and they don't approach every guy they go out with or hook up with as someone whose feelings or expectations they should necessarily consider in a "traditional dating" sense.

Sucks but it's true, so look out for yourself and it wouldn't hurt to have asked the guy directly, either. Save you time in the future. If the answer you get/got from him is "yeah I'd like to get to know each other better" followed up with 3-4 days at a time of not talking to you, you have your answer.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

could be. its a possibility. but i feel like ive shown nothing but signs of comfort in front of him, especially ever since weve had that talk. id be willing to do a lot more... well, as long as he gets tested. maybe thats why. because i want to make sure i have a safe partner. but i mean really, is that too much to ask for?

It's not too much to ask for... you deserve someone that has your best interests at heart. Clearly, this guy isn't it.

To me, it sounds like he doesn't respect you. He just wanted to bag a virgin. Had you gone all the way with him, you'd still be here, only asking, "I slept with him, why won't he call me back?"

 

[menRsexii]

i guess i felt it would be weird to just directly ask him straight up what he was looking for... i also somewhat assumed because he was convincing as shit. maybe im just naive. probably.

dating, just like much of everything else, is full of lessons. i already feel like ive learned quite a bit but of course theres a great more to learn.