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Attitudes of Gays and Bis

N

new_433

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After thinking a bit, here are some ideas that occured to me:

Most gay men, in reaction to societies attitude towards homosexuality, develop a strong 'gay identity' - that is, they have a strong sense of 'I am gay'. The idea gets chiseled so deeply into the mind, that when someone comes and tells they are bi, unknown to him, somewhere deep inside the gay guys mind, a tiny voice says something along the lines of "he's-not-totally-gay" and "he's-not-one-of-us". So the gay guy feels some dislike for the bi guy, but don't understand why he feels so - so he probably thinks up stuff like 'they just wanna have some fun with gay guys and then go get married'.

Our minds love to group things and put people into boxes. We usually have three categories - Gay, Bi, and Straight. Gay guys put the Bi box near to the Straight Box and away from the Gay Box. Straight guys put the Bi box near the Gay Box and away from the Straight Box.

Both gay guys and bi guys have to deal with a lot of shit from society, so it'd be a wonder if people didn't have at least one or two unjust ideas about sexualities. I say we should be more compassionate about everybody. Gay guys should understand that Bi guys are not perfect, and Bi guys should understand that Gay guys are not perfect.
 
My experience when I came out as bi to close friends a few months ago was more a case of my openly gay friends thinking I was a case of "he's-totally-gay-but-just-doesn't-want-to-admit-it." I would say amongst most of my gay friends, there is some problem of acceptance. However, my straight friends I told were more understanding, and could relate more. Weirdness.

As one gay friend put it, his feelings on sexuality are like a cross country plane ride and "bisexuality is just a layover until you reach your final destination of Fagdom." I of course, disagree.
 
Turkish said:
My experience when I came out as bi to close friends a few months ago was more a case of my openly gay friends thinking I was a case of "he's-totally-gay-but-just-doesn't-want-to-admit-it." I would say amongst most of my gay friends, there is some problem of acceptance. However, my straight friends I told were more understanding, and could relate more. Weirdness.

As one gay friend put it, his feelings on sexuality are like a cross country plane ride and "bisexuality is just a layover until you reach your final destination of Fagdom." I of course, disagree.
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Of cousre. That's the whole point. I'm gay and admittedly, I feel some 'uneasiness' about bi guys as well - I'm trying to find the cause of it.

The question is, why do gay guys ( including me ) really feel that way? I don't think it's because we think all bi guys are gonna end up married or something like that - that's just a cover-up story our mind makes to hide a deeper cause imo. What I posted above was one idea that came to me.
 
Wow, this is a good topic and so true. Howcome some gay guys are turned on or will sleep with a straight guy but be totally turned off by a bisexual guy? I love gay people but what really pisses me off is when a gay person LABELS me as not really being bi. I think its how society feels the need to categorize or label individuals is what is wrong. Think about it. Our attitudes change when we discover who a person is attrated to/will sleep with.

I do feel there are bisexuals out there that give the name a bad rap just like their are gays who do the same thing. I feel personally that bisexuals are easy targets. A gay couple could be together and be split up by a younger gay guy and that would be bad. The same gay couple could be together and be split up by a bisexual or a woman and suddenly ALL BISEXUALS are evil and bad. There is a double standard that goes with the attitude in my opinion.
 
new_433 said:
The question is, why do gay guys ( including me ) really feel that way? I don't think it's because we think all bi guys are gonna end up married or something like that - that's just a cover-up story our mind makes to hide a deeper cause imo. What I posted above was one idea that came to me.
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The root of the uneasiness, eh? I can speak from the bisexual standpoint only, and due to the fact I've never had a long term relationship with another guy, this would really just be my polite musings.

I would guess that maybe part of the problem gay men could have with bisexuals, specifically dating them is that they would have feelings of inadequacy, or more accurately, just feel that they won't be able to be everything to their bisexual partner. They can't offer them everything their bi partner would desire (children, female companionship, etc), namely a vagina. It would be like dating a man who LOVED hairy chests, when you yourself have the body hair of an eight year old boy, just magnified by 10.

You would feel that because of the way you were born you aren't able to be everything they want, and maybe that is one of the issues many gay men have with bisexuals.

That or they just think we are greedy bastards:p *|*
 
Hi, new! ;) Why can't everybody be happy with the big "sexual" box? * sigh *

T
 
Well, to give it context, most bi stigma is probably caused by the fact that there have always been gay guys who used a bi identity as a means to escape the totality of their homosexual nature or who did not have an earnest attraction toward men and only wanted to use men for no-strings sex. So based on this, gay men (and others) can be very skeptical when they hear that someone is bisexual, the question of what that identity means to the person and whether it's the same as how they feel inside always lingers.

Obviously, not all bi men are like this. I personally believe in fluid sexuality with varied personal inclinations.

It's unfair that bi men get treated this way, especially because of escapist gay men and overly horny users.
 
I had an interesting experience that bears on this.

I was helping this leather dyke (who taught me that all leather dykes are evil bitches, later on) move from Oregon to Washington. We were going to take an evening off for fun, and she had me compose a craigslist post saying we were looking for some fun. I described myself as bi, and she said, "Make that gay". I said, "But I don't want to lie." She said, "If you want to get invited to a party, put that you're gay." She commented that she'd been getting invited to parties for twenty years using ads ( notes on community bulletin boards, early on), and knew that bi guys just don't get invited anywhere.
 
I still get grief from friends who think my bf will leave me for a woman someday. You learn to tune it out.
 
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