Attracted to straight friend

[hola1234]

I'm a closeted bi, and I think I'm attracted to my straight co-worker.

It all started when I was leaving work one night, and he asked "what are you going to do when you get home, wank?" and I didn't hear him and said "what?" then he did the hand motion. I just laughed and and left.

Ever since then I have been attracted to him and would like to push it to the limit, but I'm scared.

He has a girlfriend, so I know he is straight, and I don't think he's homophobic.

We have nicknames for each other (as many of the co-workers do), which makes the feeling even worse.

I know he's straight so there is no chance of relationship (which I don't want anyway), but I would really like to fool around or flirt.

How should I handle this?

 

[bottomboi77]

I have to agree. Just forget about it, wipe the idea out of your mind. I went through the same thing in my Freshmen year of high school, and through much of college and law school. I completely screwed up a really good friendship as a Freshmen when I told my best friend that I had feelings for him. After that, our friendship was never the same. He was never comfortable spending the night at my house, and things were just generally awkward after I told him. I lost a friendship that I had had since I was 4, because I thought with my dick and not my head.

I made the mistake for falling for a straight friend once again in college. I had recently separated from my high school BF, because we were going to different colleges and could't deal with a long distance relationship. The guy that I fell for, was one of my frat brothers. We pledged together, endured the hazing together, and tbh, I even had to suck him off infront of the entire frat during hell week. That's when I started to fall for him. I thought he might be bi or gay. I told him that I was gay, and he was great about it; that just furthered my feelings for him. I had BFs during this time, but I was always fantasizing about him. We both ended up going to the same law school, and we even rented an apartment together. At the end of our first year in law school; we got drunk and I told him that I had a thing for him. He got really pissed and creeped out. He left that night and went to stay with some friends. I thought he would come back after he had cooled down. He did, but only to get his crap and to give me rent money for the month. I talked to him for the first time in ten years last year, and only because I bumped into him at a law conference.

So take my word for it, it's not worth it. You will lose your friend, and you will hate yourself for a long time because of it. Just stay friends, and stop thinking about him the way you have been. It will be for the better.

 

[spikebaltar]

The guy that I fell for, was one of my frat brothers. We pledged together, endured the hazing together, and tbh, I even had to suck him off infront of the entire frat during hell week.

Um, wow...I guess you'll always have that to remember!
To the OP, not only is he a friend (although I gather a casual friend/acquaintance) he is a co-worker. If you got something going with him and it goes south, it will be a very weird situation at work; especially with you being closeted.
The old saying 'don't shit where you eat' has truth to it...

 

[bottomboi77]

Um, wow...I guess you'll always have that to remember!
To the OP, not only is he a friend (although I gather a casual friend/acquaintance) he is a co-worker. If you got something going with him and it goes south, it will be a very weird situation at work; especially with you being closeted.
The old saying 'don't shit where you eat' has truth to it...

TBH, I'd rather not remember it.

 

[slnattak]

When I'm in the closet, the only males that ARE attractive to me are straight men because well, that's the only thing you'll see unless you come out.

As for making an excuse of not liking any gay social group I think that's the hugest cop-out. There are gay social groups for like a QUAD-ZILLION different things. There has to be SOMETHING where you enjoy, and can meet gay men of similar interests.

Anyways crushes are nice. Don't beat yourself up over the 'liking straight guy thing.' I mean you're also being kind of silly. Do you *really* find all straight men attractive? No you just like a guy if you find him hot, the gay and straight label is irrelevant. Therefore IMO, you have to start treating gay men in the same 'default way' that you treat straight men.

Try coming out (It's mostly for yourself and other gay men btw, not really 'society') and see where it takes you.

 

[hola1234]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Hes moving out on his own and I'm currently trying to find a new place to live.
So I was thinking of asking him if he wanted to move in together and split rent.

Good or bad idea?

 

[mike_n_herrin]

bad idea if you have a crush on him. that wont help you get over it and will likely just make it worse.

 

[Georgiadude]

terrible idea. these things seldom work out and IF something does happen it doesn't last long. You've said a couple of times "he's straight". So going into this you know that he's more than likely not interested. Why go looking for heartache and possible embarrassment. Be friends and enjoy his company. Find someone that is more likely to give you what you are looking for.

Steven.

 

[Rex]

He wasn't flirting you with that comment. Straight guys always make crude jokes like that and talk about jerking off and sex. I wouldn't make any kind of move on him unless he initiated it and he was sober. You might ruin a good friendship.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I talked to him for the first time in ten years last year, and only because I bumped into him at a law conference.

Wow, that's a pair of really sad stories. Sorry to hear it, man.

How was it after 10 years - better, or still awkward? Any chance of salvaging the thing?

-d-

 

[bottomboi77]

Wow, that's a pair of really sad stories. Sorry to hear it, man.

How was it after 10 years - better, or still awkward? Any chance of salvaging the thing?

-d-

It was one of the most awkward conversations that I have ever had. It rates up there with getting caught having sex with my BF when I was 16 by my parents before coming out, and talking to them afterwards. Just to put it in perspective.

We were both desperately looking for a socially acceptable way to get out of the conversation, and it was a huge relief when I was finally able to get out of the conversation. Seeing and talking to him rehashed a lot of feelings that I had buried a decade ago, and it took me awhile to get back to normal again, because I'm still kicking myself for thinking with my dick. I highly doubt that I'll ever be able to salvage that friendship. He's married now with two kids, and I didn't even get an invite to the wedding, and that was 4 years ago. And we had basically told each other that we would be each other's best man back when we were best buds. I've learned my lesson, and I don't plan on ever reliving these mistakes.

@OP-

I strongly recommend that you do not move in with this guy. Doing so, will only increase the severity of any feelings that you have for him, and it will become much much harder to try to separate the idea of friendships from the idea of love. Believe me, you do not want to have to live with the fact that you destroyed a friendship. Do yourself a favor, find another gay man, and have a relationship with him. Don't have a relationship with a married straight guy who has only made jokes about jacking off.