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Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I do?

C

CDFan

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OK, here's the deal. I'm 20, no sexual/relationship experience here, for two reasons. One, I've been in denial for several years, two, I'm too unattractive (not a bad face but a terrible body that I'm working on, but that's not an instant thing) to get anybody apart from the ugly (and no, my standards aren't particularly high) and the old.

So I meet a guy younger than me (not underage) online who I totally adore (hot and a cool guy). We've chatted a lot on MSN and on cam, so we've both seen each other's face, and I've seen him shirtless but he hasn't seen me (which I'm guessing is why he still thinks I'm attractive).

He's one of those guys who I'll tell is hot, and he'll say he isn't (I honestly think he is, though). I am one of those guys too but I haven't said anything like that to him.

So he wants to come over and meet me and I want to have him over. But once he comes over I have no idea what to do. I don't wanna make this a sexual thing because he's told me he likes guys who aren't just in it for sex (which I'm not) and that he finds me "different" from other guys in a good way. At the same time I can't tell if that's just a signal that he does want something to happen and that's why he's not being explicit about what he wants to do.

I asked him what guys usually do when he goes to their place and he basically said sex.

I'd probably know what to do when a guy comes over if I were more experienced, which I'm not. I figure he'll find it weird if he comes over and I have no idea what to do.

Any advice?
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

If you're not comfortable with it I think you should be up front and honest with him

Perhaps suggest he meet you on neutral territory. Go for a walk in the park and take it from there

Good luck to you
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Meet for coffee somewhere and let him make the decision. After you are done with coffee, say, "Wanna come back to my place and watch TV" or just end your night and see if he wants to connect again in the future.

Chances are that if you get your place, you are going to have sex, guys are guys after all.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Ok, here's my other problem. What to talk about?

We have pretty good conversations over MSN but there are a LOT of times that we're just silent for a while and one of us goes "soooooo..."

If we meet for coffee or whatever, what the heck do I do to avoid that happening in person?
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Go for a walk. Conversation is easier when you're not looking eachother in the eyes
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Just be yourself. Silences are part of the conversation.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Going for a walk.... there's a good idea. But when do I know it's time to stop and ask if he wants to come back to the apartment or not?
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Forget that, he's said explicitly he's not interested in any sex stuff the first time he meets me.

So how the heck am I going to carry on conversation for a day when I can't even do that on MSN?
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

A few conversations:

Where did you grow up, tell me about you where you went to college?

What does he do for a living (if he doesn't want to tell you who he works for, that's one thing), just ask him generally. Does he like his job, what does he want to do when he "grows up".

Ask him about his life, people LOVE to talk about themselves.

Don't be uncomfortable with silence, but at the same time, think of 5 or 6 areas of conversations (work, college, where he grew up, favorite vacations (or where would he want to go), does he have brothers and sisters (tells you a lot if people have sibliings), if he just moved to your city, does he have any favorite places to eat, what bars has he been to.

Don't let him do just one word answers, try probing deeper if he's comfortable. Give your answers to these questions if it goes slow.

If you want to go down the sex path, then ask him to tell you about his first experience with a guy. First experience with a girl. This would be the perfect time for you to tell him that you don't have much experience. Ask him when he first thought about messing with a guy. How did he learn to jack off?

That should give you a few things.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

That's cool, I'll try some of those. Only problem is I've covered some of em already in MSN convos.

So now we're choosing between going for a walk or him coming over and us just watching a movie (great- another conundrum as I've got no fucking idea what movie to show him).

I just feel like if I could delay this for one year and spend 365 days at the gym I'd have the self confidence not to be so overconcerned about this one thing. But this is the first guy who's been attracted to me and who I've also found attractive.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Not to mention I have to schedule this so he's only here when my housemate is out at work. Don't trust him not to ask questions and when he does, he's not good at keeping secrets.

I mean, I'm not totally closeted but I also haven't told everyone I know yet (including him) and I'd rather come out on my terms a bit more gradually and gracefully. Again it'd be so much easier if I weren't so out of shape.

No matter what happens here I'm getting a membership at the 24-hour gym in this city sometime this week.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

I'd stop worrying about not having a great body. For some guys, it's really not that important especially if you've already built up some rappor talking online. If you and/or he are not interested in having sex the first time you meet, don't have him come directly over to your house. Coming over to watch a movie on a first meeting is just code for having sex, IMHO. Meet for coffee or a meal or just somewhere in public like a park.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Just be honest with him about your thoughts. I also believe that people (gay guys especially included) are VERY hard on themselves about the way their appearance is. You probably don't even have anything to worry about. In addition, you'll never gain experience if you don't do anything!
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

A good spin on the God-honest truth is almost always your best bet. "I've never actually had sex with a guy yet. But you sound cool, and I'd love you to be my first. Would you mind showing me how it's done? :)"

But up until then, just find some simple cheap activities you two can do together. Grab lunch. Go shopping at Target. Hit the arcade. Go walk in the park.

And remember - if a hot body was a prerequisite for sex, only about 1% of us would be getting any. :D

Lex
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

I think the main thing to remember is to try an relax. You are worrying too much and adding stress. Just go with the flow. Like Nautiboyjeff said, Don't worry about pauses in the conversation. Those are natural.

I agree with the others about you just being honest with him.

Just remember, you have had good conversations in the past, so things should be fine for the future. If he truly is a nice guy or you two are meant to be freinds or more, then it will all work itself out.

Relax, take a deeep breath and have fun.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

if he wants to come over and hang out. find out if he has seen a movie(take your pick) rent it, he can come over you watch it. have some convo, but you have something going on in the background for the silent moments, and you dont feel like youre forced into talking the whole time you are hanging out. if you play video games that would work also.

you will know if he wants to have sex with you. by how he reacts. if you want to and feel comfortable doing it, then go for it. if not. just tell him that and hang out again till you want to have sex with him.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Jedfan - You are putting way too much pressure on the situation. Go in with the mindset that you are are just friends - in fact become friends - that is always the best way to start a relationship anyway.

Best way to keep a conversation going is to ask a lot of questions. And sure it might be awkward at first but in order for you guys to be good frienss or more - the conversation should be easy. That doesn't mean there won't be silence or long pauses. But it shouldn't be awkward or strained.

What is the worst thing that could happen??
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

Oh my god. So awesome. I love you all.

I had him over and just tried to relax and though it was hard I could tell he was kinda nervous as well.

I almost cancelled because I was so afraid he might be a fake or not who he said he was (no risk of that - I'd seen him on cam - but I was nervous), and hearing some crazy people outside my building didn't really help. Finally I saw him (he had some trouble finding the place) and waved him in.

We ended up talking for like 4 hours. There were fewer awkward silences than I expected but each time I'd just make fun of it.

Finally he has to get up and leave and so I'm nervous as hell as to whether to make a move of any kind or what (he kept saying all he wanted was "to meet me", which I get, but all the signals were telling me otherwise cause he wasn't exactly running out the door). I stop him before he exits my room, and later before he exits the apartment, thinking I'm gonna say something clever (I come within an inch of asking 'can I kiss you' before he leaves the apartment but he says something before I can). Finally I go with him out onto the front porch of the building.

It's pretty cold and we're still talking but I'm kind of shivering because of the cold (no shoes or socks on and just a t-shirt). I figure shivering is the worst time to try and do this, but I've got him backed up against the wall and I figure I've got to try something. This is how it goes:

Me: What if I told you you're the fucking hottest guy I've ever met? [totally true, too, if we're talking about gay guys]
Him: I'd say you were lying.
Me: What if I said I wanted to kiss you before you go?
Him: What if I said no? [I think, oh shit, he's trying to let me down easy] What if I lied? [I think, oh yeah :P]
Me: So no would be a lie? [durr, obviously, I think to myself, but I'm so nervous I have to make sure]
Him: I guess so.
Me: Alright then.

I lean in and it's incredible. I'm still shivering and trying so hard to keep my teeth from chattering while I'm kissing him. I'm convinced I'm screwing up but I'm just enjoying it so much. He loves the tongue stuff and I definitely shattered my record for longest kiss with a guy or girl.

Finally I pull back and he says "That was good". I'm convinced he's just being nice but I say coyly "Come back soon, alright?". He says "I could do that."

I wish him a good trip home, go back inside, and just collapse on my bed. I'm convinced I screwed up that kiss, but at the same time that is going to stick in my head forever. I was so nervous because I had chapped lips all day long that I put some chap stick on a few minutes before he decided he had to leave. Like everything could've and should've gone wrong there, but I just feel so incredible.

Thanks so much for your advice, guys.
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

^ Aww, what a sweet update :) You did fine! If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have let you kiss him.

Now remember, this is the internet! I've had great encounters with guys and then two weeks later everything changes. It's weird, it's random, and it doesn't make sense but it happens. Just fair warning.

On the other hand, this could be the start of something great for you! I wish you all the best. Just remember to keep one foot on the floor and keep us posted :)
 
Re: Awesome guy wants to come over... so what do I

So far so good. :)

Send him an e-mail/text, saying "I had such a great time last night. Thanks for coming over. Hope to see you again real soon. :)" But don't start calling/texting every hour. That's kinda weird.

Lex
 
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