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Awkward Dates

Danugh

Danugh

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When you meet a guy for the first time and have dinner, is it weird when the bill comes?

Do you decide before dinner that it will be split 50/50?

Do you just reach for the bill and pay it?

Do you split the tip?

What about if you decide to go see a movie? Do you buy your own tickets?

Does it all depend on who is the top and who is the bottom? But what if you are both verse?

Does it depend on who is older?

Does it depend on if one of you is working and the other is a student?



I remember once i went on date and we went to fast food joint late one night and i reached into my pocket to get money thinking we would get our own food, and he said i should put that away, and he bought for both of us. And i am not sure how i felt about that.

The thing about straight men is that if they pay for dinner and or a movie they just expect to be paid back in the form of sex. I guess that could be the case in gay relationships as well.

And i guess it would also depend on if one party is courting the other.

I feel uncomfortable when a man pays for me, when i can pay for myself. And then when he pays its like you owe him sexually. But i don't want to create an awkward moment by saying are we going to split this 50/50 or its ok i have my own money. If he takes it up on himself to pay i guess its ok.
 
ummm i've actually never gone on a date to a restaurant... mostly cus no one has ever asked me.. and i get shot down when i ask...

but whatever

when I go to the movies I'll buy the tickets unless he says something about it
 
When I was single that was a big issue for me. I thought they would expect something if they paid. I don't even mean sex cause I was gonna do that no matter who paid-LOL But I dated a lot of DRs and lawyers and such and felt that they were throwing money around to try and impress me.Like they were buying me. Of course I go the other way and all my long term boyfriends have had no money.But if he pays just say thank you the next meal is on me or I'll get the tickets next time. Another problem is I never had the money to spend like these guys did and couldn't afford to eat at the really expensive places so I would avoid dinners till I either dumped them or well I guess dumped them.
 
Huhh????

I think you guys are WAY overthinking this one...

I always EXPECT to pay...

BUT -- If they want to split it...

FINE...

Sometimes...

They pay and I leave the tip...

Whatever...

I guess I never really pay attention to that kind of stuff...

As for sexual expectations...

I have those BEFORE the date even starts... LOL...
 
I either split the bill or take turns paying (I got this one, you get the next one). I'm not interested in financially taking care of my date nor him taking care of me. For me, there needs to be give and take at the dinner table and in bed ;)

However, if one guy pays that doesn't mean the other is expected to put out. Even for straight people, that tradition (one originating when women didn't have much of their own money) has largely died out in the younger generations. For gay men, I'm not sure it was ever applicable unless somebody's looking for a sugar daddy.
 
Reciprocity. If he pays for dinner, offer to go out elsewhere for dessert where you will pay. Or if it's movies, pay for the tickets. It depends on the situation. If the guy recommends a restaurant for you to eat in, typically he'll offer to pay (it was his choice of restaurant not yours). And vice versa! Always put up a little fuss and see where the power struggle goes. Overall, it's all suppose to balance out. :)
 
I think its good to let someone pay for you sometimes. Just let go and enjoy it.

You can pay the next time.
 
There's never a question - I pay.

98% of the time I make substantially more than the person I'm out with. So I have no qualms paying. Plus, in the end, it's a business expense.
 
looseliam said:
There's never a question - I pay.

98% of the time I make substantially more than the person I'm out with. So I have no qualms paying. Plus, in the end, it's a business expense.
Click to expand...
Oh! You're in THAT kind of business, huh?

No wonder you make so much. ;)
 
I'd say either split it...or whoever asked the other to go on the date could pay, but next time the other guy should pay. I don't think it should be one person paying all the time...
 
If his ask for the date, then his should pay. If me, then I will pay , easy ;0
 
Do you decide before dinner that it will be split 50/50?

We stated that, but i didn't let him pay his part


Do you just reach for the bill and pay it?

Yes... actually it's like a game, the first one that grab it pays (and we fight for grab it first)


Do you split the tip?

Last time i paid dinner, so he told me "ok, but then let me pay the tip", so i did.... He also paid the parking tickets.


What about if you decide to go see a movie? Do you buy your own tickets?

Ha ha ha, just the same... the "quickiest wallet of the west" wins


Does it all depend on who is the top and who is the bottom? But what if you are both verse?

hmmm... i think in some classic relationships it could be...


Does it depend on who is older?

No, he's older by 2 years.


Does it depend on if one of you is working and the other is a student?

We're not longer students



Certainly i have mixed feelings when someone pays for me... akward and happy to see the guy trying to please me. But the times we have split 50/50 it gives me a feeling of not-close-enough relationship....



edited:

where i live if you say: "I invite you to see a movie" means: i'll pay everything. And it's assumed as courting.
If you say: "Do you want to go to see a movie?" means: come with me, each pays his own ticket (but i might pay cornpop and soda).
 
To avoid situations such as this, I always insist on paying. Maybe its the generosity my parents instilled in me... maybe I don't like that awkward part.. maybe a little of both.
 
I feel awkward if I or the other guy pay for the whole bill. Being gay means we get to more easily escape from some of the courting rituals of straight people like the guy always paying. Everybody should do what works for them though.
 
If I invite the individual out, I assume the financial bill of the date. If I'm invited I expect to be covered, but if that is not the case then that's fine too. To me it is just fine manners. It doesn't matter who you are, if you invite someone out they are your guest and should be treated as such. I insist on paying if my date offers to pay and explain my logic. My dates like that usually get the message and we begin a trade off of sorts. I pay one day, they pay the next. There's no expectation of sex; just fun.
 
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