bagley - Archived Blog Posts

[bagley]

I have been convulsed with memories of my former self stirred by my brother's short chaotic visit...

I joined the Navy with out much thought. I passed by a Navy recruiter's office...and I was job hunting...I took the little test and qualified for Advanced electronics...go figure..(?). And me with a B.A. in Biblical Studies...but, any degree requires some scholastic discipline. That same week I broke up with my college girl friend, partly because she went back to live with her parents and because she was going to grad school on her parents dime... some jealousy on my part. She was my first female sex partner...she had been sexuality active in high school, but had taken the "good girl" pledge in our uptight religious school...Girls had to be in their dorms at 10 pm.. We had lack luster sex...gee...

For almost 8 years I made the Navy my home...paid off student loans..and saved for my grad school fantasy...and a car. It was the near the end of the Vietnam War...I was at Great Lakes for a year and a half. During my stay there I learned electronics...I learned how to smoke dope and I also was instructed in Sodomy 101. Gay military people had formed a loose network called "family"...I guess in the 60's...so you would hear,so and so was "family"...."he'll" hook you up, he's "family". It was like being in a coven...it was dangerous...secretive. Real names were given with extreme caution... I found the cruise areas ...and started hanging with about 4 guys. I considered myself Bi-sexual. We'd go down to Chicago on the train and hit the Old Town area....with lots of adventures....I was really attracted to one of these guys...Mike, he was a "snipe type", (engineering) and very Slavic. We would also go North to Waukegan to a Serviceman's center..free food and a place to relax. And thus...we met a civilian "older" guy and would go over to his house and party..smoke dope, drink beer...and have sex...which meant mainly J.O. One time it was just me and Mike and our host...we smoked some dope and I was pretty wasted...I was a dope and alcohol "lite weight" ,still am....the next thing I realized we were naked and Mike was fucking me...the old guy ( I wish I could remember his name) was holding a bottle "of Amy" (poppers) to my nose. it don't want to imply it was "date rape"...I had let Mike finger my ass, but I never had been relaxed enough...to let him fuck me. God he was cute.... When he came inside me..I knew I wanted it over and over. It sort of hurt...but not that bad. over the next coupe months Mike and "the old guy" obliged me over and over. The old guy was in his forties.and was a real ass master.. and always had lots of drugs..I really liked poppers ? Like all Navy friendships our little gang split up as we all got orders to different places. Later in my naval life I fell into the hands of some outrageous naval drag queens and of course my bisexual hero-god, Catz. (I've talked about "the Catz" before). Happy times..I also formed my first gay partnership.

 

[bagley]

I remember " the old guys" name, it was Carl...I guess he could be called a "sailor daddy". He had the gift of blarney and could charm the bell bottoms right off of you.( I actually didn't have bell bottoms) ..some dope..some poppers and thou. You could give him some ass or not....He just liked sailors. Carl was also our main supplier of dope. The sailor that took my virginity, Mike aka "Ski" was a normal guy..blond hair, smooth body with a really pretty cock, who just happed to be gay. His blond pubes drove me wild. He was from Cleveland. Every once and awhile, Ski and I would tag team this "hostess" we met at The Serviceman's Center in Waukegan, all I remember about her is her saggy tits.....I guess I was still trying to maintain my bisexuality. Ski left for San Diego about 2 months after he took my cherry. He sent me a couple of post cards and a letter or two...he was a nice guy

Another guy in "our" group was "Moon"...he was a hospital corpsman trainee...he was the whitest guy I have ever met..his face had the chubby full moon look..and his body looked pudgy..hence the nickname, Moon. He brought the nickname with him from Alabama...he was an arch queen in the Southern gothic style...he knew every glory hole from Chicago to Milwaukee and was the very special expert on the Great Lakes Naval Base glory holes. He visited as many as he could, as often as he could, which was often. He was, like me a college graduate with a degree in English Literature...His tongue dripped acid if provoked. He hated Yankees and Yankee land. He liked me. I told him I didn't much care for Yankees, either. Moon organized all kinds of "family" parties..mainly on the hospital side which was more gay than the rest of the base....Moon and I kept in touch for years...I wonder where he is now.

The whole time I was at "the Lakes" I lived in this fucked up sprawling barracks, which I think was called 520..500 something . It was 3 stories of cinder block laid out like a maze. Most of the billets were for the "Snipes" but there were a few of "Us" Twiggets or Electronic types. Very tribal. I was in a two man room, but we had to go down the "passageway" or hall to shower. As filthy as the barracks could become..it still seemed upscale to me...All kinds of nasty things happened in that building....thefts, muggings, drug deals...and female prostitution...and of course gay sex..I was so afraid..I never participated. I was strictly an off base kind of guy..we heard rumors and stories of gay men getting bashed and worse ,getting caught.

In my last year in the Navy I was caught in a gay "dragnet" . Someone mentioned my name and gay in the same sentence. Several NIS agents, (Naval Investigative Service) interviewed me on two occasions. It was a fishing expedition. I was really shaken. I knew if they had any hard evidence they would bring charges and then try and get me to implicate other gays. I, also knew that if they dug into my past they could find people who would implicate me out of fear. I pulled my re-enlistment "chit" and got OUT...

The US Navy was a damn good place for me for a while. I learned life skills and how to apply them. I learned to work and to party. I learned about a loving brotherhood of gay men (and women) who formed a community under extreme pressure. I also learned not to trust any thing about ye old government.

 

[bagley]

I feel the funk of March lifting...yeah. I feel normal for me....Thick Cock and Inked Rxxx called...yes!!!

Here are some facts about me....

1. I was born 2 months premature...I weighed 2 lbs some ozs. Meaning I should have been a Libra, but chose to be a Leo. I was in the hospital for about 2 months and then returned for several months with severe respiratory problems. These respiratory problems plagued me (until I moved to warmer winter weather) in the form of pneumonia and bronchitis almost every year...usually bronchitis. Pneumonia almost killed me twice. I Thank Medical Science for antibiotics.

2. As a child I had an undiagnosed learning disability, now called reversals. I reversed all my letters and numbers, when I wrote. If any letter or number could be made backward that's the way I would write it. I was labeled as "dumb" and "stupid". Left and right had no meaning for me and it still doesn't.

3. My IQ was tested in Public school to try and put me with the special students...and I tested to high...and thus was labeled incorrigible, instead.

4. I taught myself to read before I went to school.

5. I started to masturbate when I was 11...I was just washing my erection and clear liquid would come out....felt good...did it some more...still going on after all these years.

6. The house I was raised in didn't have a shower. We took a bath once a week and took daily sponge baths.

7. the house I spent my teenage years in didn't have a bath tub....

8. Showers still seem like a luxury.

9. All my father's children (all three of us) went to college and have degrees and my sister has advanced degrees.

10. My younger brother is gayer than I am...but not out at work.

11. I never knew I was multi-racial, until one of my cousins wrote a paper on my maternal grandmother's family...all this time I just thought "we" were just poor white trash. I never knew there were Black & Native American slaves in Connecticut. It was kind of liberating to find out this secret. I don't claim to be "black" or Native American.

BIG Thick COCK OBSESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rxxx called me last night at about 10:30pm...He said, "Come on over, I got some new flicks." So being the Ho I am, I walked over to his place...I don't drive at night and it would take me longer to find a parking spot...if I did drive...anyway he buzzes me in and the moment I see him..my body goes all gooey...my nips pop out and my cock goes semi erect..I haven't felt this sexualized in a long time. And he knows how magnetic he is to me......we go back to his "playroom"...and start watching the amateur "daddy & son breeding" flick. He closes the door, because the "old lady is home" I watch these three hairy inked daddy's mount and remount this one guy, I guess you would call him a "cub"...younger , but with some muscle mass and a little hairy....his asshole is just gushing cum... I more interested in Rxxx....I played with his thick erect cock and start licking his head. His cock head is nice ...but the shaft makes me crazy.... the shaft about an inch below the head becomes thicker than the head..and remains thick down to his balls....jeez....He pushes my head down and trys to get me to give him head...I pull away and tell him I'm not in the mood....and go back and jerk him...I pull up his Tee and lick his stomach tattoos and he gets into that...and comes just a few drops...He must have been jerking all day.... I lick his sperm with the tip of my tongue and move it all over his belly...I'm leaking precum all over my pants... It was about midnight..."I got to go" and he let me out with "I'll call ya'...

It was a little scary walking up Venice to home....some desperadoes.. I had a hard time falling asleep...I couldn't stop obsessing about the thickness of Rxxx's cock...but, I didn't Jerk. I am a little proud of myself for not giving in to Rxxx and sticking to my own rules....My body really wants him...but, not my mind or emotions...


..now I am facing a dragged out, split-shift, shitty work day...part timers get screwed.

 

[bagley]

Here are some more biographical "facts" about me.

1.) I am a Non-theist.
2.) I belong to a coven.
3.) I believe existence is multi-dimensional:
a. The mental world.
b. the emotional world.
c. the physical world.
d. the over arching archetypal world.
4.) I studied Astrology under Dorian Caruso, who was a friend of Joan Negus.
5.) Mercury rules my birth chart. I have one of the classic queer aspects in my chart (Moon sq Uranus).
6.) Astrology has a 5,000 year written history.
7.) Classic European Astrology was gutted by the Reformation and the Enlightenment.
8.) Delineation of an astrological birth chart is an art.
9.) I took a formal refuge in Buddhism in March, 2001. I don't feel it conflicts with my Neo-Pagan beliefs or my queerness
10.) I was in regression and past life therapy twice a month for 2 years...
11.) Some of the deepest spiritual experiences of my life have been when I sat as a Trance medium (Channeler).
12. Genealogy and family history is one of my hobbies. approx. 1/16th of my heritage is a mixture of blacks and Native Americans who were enslave in Southeastern Connecticut..and who mixed with Haitian, Barbadian and French. Connecticut people in the rum, slave and sugar trade had huge holdings in Barbados. I don't really care to much about ancestors across the pond.
13.) I am a bibliophile
14.) The oldest man I have ever had sex with was 75 and from Vancouver, BC.
15.) As an adult the youngest man I have had sex with was 21. (I was 40)
16.) I prefer rugged men.
17.) I love tattoos on dark muscled skin.
18.) If I had to pick one category of men to have sex with it would be Latino, then Iranian/Arabic/Turkish and then willing ones.
19.) I have never had sex with an Oriental male to orgasm.
20.) I collect Chinese and Japanese pottery and porcelain.

Chaz came home from his month long sojourn...I am a happy guy.

 

[bagley]

When I picked up Chaz from LAX...I knew he was feeling "not himself." There was this cloud of vagueness and lack of detail in his trip accounts..I knew he was hiding something..12 years of living together and almost a year of friendship before that gives me a certain insight. Usually he is non stop talking...and when we get home it's a race to the bedroom....So I started probing ever so carefully....not to elongate this line...but, he brought me back an expensive piece of folk art...which he normally hates...and which we could not afford..he's been after me to sell my collection, and I have liquidated some...so I knew his gift was a peace offering of some sort...here's his dirty little secret ... he visited Ross (his old BF) in Chicago for the last two days of his trip. They had sex. (shock). he could have come in on Wednesday....I said,"all you need to tell me was you were going to see Ross at the end of your trip...I love Ross, too" , I said. I was actually mad because..he didn't tell me before he left....
....In 1993 I signed an agreement written by Chaz...that I would not have sex with other men..and that I would not use illegal drugs. ( my reputation preceded our friendship). When we became friends I messing sexually with a couple guys on a regular basis and giving casual BJ's in cruising scene. (loves me my cock)... the illegal drugs was always a puzzle..as I was subject to instant "pee testing" at my defense job....We also did HIV testing for a couple years....

I didn't make him sign anything....

I gave him full absolution....and I gave full absolution to my self as well....he didn't ask...I didn't tell...

Loving relationships are built on complex motivations...which may include some hatred and lies. If I sought perfection..how would I recognize it.

If I told Chaz I had been "messing with Rxxx...just J.O. even ..He would leave me...I know this..down deep...my problem is how to stop obsessing about Rxxx's thick monster cock...and remain true to my own inner desire nature....being true to my inner Ho.

What I am reading: "Soldiers of Fortune": The Story of Mamlukes by John Glubb. This is one of the few books written about the Muslim Turkish Rulers of Egypt. Mamlukes were Turkish slave boys brought to Egypt to serve as troops and took over the place.. semi rare book...hard back..
rereading: the Harry Potter books....do I detect some homo erotic themes..maybe.

Listening to the complete Imperial Recordings of Albert Collins and Buckwheat Zydeco's "On track"

 

[bagley]

I worked till 9pm last night and it was a suck ass shift...all the part timers got lay off notices...and two of the full timers...It was a suck-ass, no brainer job...shipping and receiving. my last day is 15 April..I didn't tell Chaz ..he was sleeping...I was kind of pissed about the lay off..I just walked home...I usually take the bus..it's only 3 miles..going home is all down hill...I buzzed on Rxxx's apartment security door...I could see his light in his playroom was on...he came down.and smoked a cigarette....and we talked a few minutes...I returned his Treasure Island Media Bare- Back flick ( I never watched it and just carried it around in my backpack). He's going to Vegas this Thursday...I took a hit of his cigarette and sort of wished it was his cock...he didn't invite me in..."Come and see me after I get back" , I thought to myself...maybe I will. Rxxx has cured me of any twink fantasies I might have had....

factoid: Until the mid 1980's I ate and fucked as much pussy as I sucked dick and got fucked. But, pussy was an acquired taste...I liked giving women orgasms...still.

Factoid: I have a serious nipple fetish: Male or female...I love to suck on nipples...dicks, pussy and clits....sex hunger....why not......clits are just little dicks...I like the big "bitch" nipples you see on the older muscle daddies..I call them "bitch nipples" because they sort of look like the nipples on a nursing female hound dog..all knotted up...On females I love the strawberry shapped ones..all errect..hard. she can't fake that..........maybe I am Bisexual

Factoid: On two occasions as an adult I have drank human milk fresh from the tit..from two different lactating women....I have also had erotic fantasies of lactating myself....

Factoid: I fathered a son when I was in the Navy. I have only met him twice. His mother really hated me when I wouldn't marry her...I faithfully paid child support. He is now 28.. I let him contact me when he feels like it...he never feels like it.

factoid: My gay younger brother fathered 2 children by different mothers..he never had to pay child support...his kids live in Alaska. I am kind of mad he didn't have to pay...but that's the feeling of the older brother..he gets away with so much shit. I feel very connected to him.

factoid: My sister's only child ( the only legitimate one) inherited my family's mental illness and committed suicide on Thanksgiving, 1998 in Burlington, Vermont. She was doing a Masters in Education. She kept a diary of her madness with drawings and poetry..right up till the end....a few months before her death she joined a "Jesus" no medication...church...and went real manic..she hung herself..and no one found her until after the holiday... she had just turned 29...I knew a diabetic guy who joined a similar "Jesus" no medication" religion and he went into diabetic shock..he sort of recovered...

Factoid: I have 4 detailed accounts of 19th century family suicides. The most gruesome is a hand written account of my Gran's Great Uncle Ben..in the 1880's ...he went into a shed and tried to butcher himself...and finally managed to sever an artery and splattered blood everywhere..the account was written by my Gran's father dated 1898 in a letter.. the way the account reads he lasted a couple hours...I have never wanted to commit suicide..I guess I inherited the Depression side, but not the Manic part.

Factoid: I am a born thief: As a kid ..right through to my 30's I loved to steal. I even stoled during my "Christian days at College" . I was caught only once..when I was nine...I went into the fancy grocery store in my town... basically to raid the book rack. Our regular store didn't carry books. However, I was mesmerized by the display of fancy foreign cheese put out for the Christmas holiday. ( jeez, I was so gay) I took a Danish Caraway cheese wedge wrapped in red foil and put it down my pants...my greed was my down fall...I then moved to the "Little Golden Book" rack and stuffed, "The Little Golden Book of Birds" down my pants.( I know have a copy of that very book)..I realize now the mirrors in stores are not for decoration..and I was nabbed...and there was hell to pay. The last thieving I did was in the White Flynt mall in D.C. I took an expensive face cream and used it to lube up the old butt hole... I still walk around and case retail places....I guess we were Poor white trash...

I'm am only writting all this down...because it is pouring out like a torrent....

 

[bagley]

I have been busy on the magickal front...I have made 2 talismans...and Friday..we ( our now cyber coven) will charge them. It's the time of the moon (new) to do such things....These objects have taken "us" a long time..over four months to finish them to come to this state....This will be only the 2nd working I have been part of in Los Angeles....I teamed up with some people here and that was fine for several months...but found that this groups main focus was hetero sex magick....which came out sort of casually..during coffee. The teaching was great..but I knew I really didn't want to become a member...after the conversation. I hadn't come out to this group. It's a caution I have exercised sine my Navy days. Many occult/magick groups have inner and outer circles, courts, whatever...The group I belong to (member since 1994) has no outer court..The general rule is "keep your secrets, secret". Here, over coffee...the group's inner workings were revealed. So it wasn't my kind of group....My long time coven allows me to work with them within the context of cyber rituals....so far the results are fair....

New Subject:
I am always amazed at the number of Gay men who pine away for ST8 Men....the candy that got away....the forbidden fruit....ST8 men who let gay men blow them or fuck them...more than once...are Bi sex on my page. Hustlers and Trade...are a different genre.
I have grooved a lot on married Bi-sex men. When I was younger something perverse would go off in my head..when a young "dad" type would pick me up in a cruise area.. with the baby's car seat in the back seat covered by a jacket. Curing young "dads" of their blue balls was one of my favorite pastimes. Slurp..slurp...slurp...I'm coming he'd moan..bang..bang..bang his guys would hit the back of my throat... gulp...gulp. Dude was sex starved..little wife stopped being fun after #2...I knew a lot of these men back in the days before "AIDS". Until Chaz most of my b/f s were Bisexuals ...leaning to gay. Chaz is my second fully homo b/f. The last Bi-sex b/f I had was Dr. Bob....he was a Baha'i and had been medical missionary in Bhutan. He picked me up when we were cruising "The Hague" canal near downtown Norfolk, Va (Ghent area). He was intense and covered with strawberry blond body hair...big fat virgin nips.(not sensitive)..skin so white you could see his blue veins....big, ugly club cock and loose floppy balls.large puffy muscles and fat tummy. His facial hair was as wild as Ben Ladin's only Red..I grade cocks... bob's cock had the look of one of those cheap pillar candles which burn into funny lopsided shapes and only burn 3/4 of the way down...his cock was intensely hard even the head was rock. I couldn't tell if he was cut or uncut..somewhere between..it was an obscene animal. I got to know the intimate details of his life..his wife's name and her likes and dislikes..her schedule.. Eunice....was a Baha'i too...they had two kids...Our little affair lasted 3 months, full time and right up till I started dating Chaz ...total 6 months +/-. Bob was a classic bi-sex guy. He like to fuck both sexes...he could show affection to his male partner(me)... (except kissing) he would.cuddle...and caress...he would jerk my cock...but not suck it...he fucked hard and would snort.and his eyes would turn up in his head when he came.....we did it face to face..my legs over his shoulders...he out weighed me by 60-80 pounds...????. He had nice thick arms and legs. Sometimes ,I would pretend to be Eunice...looking up at this sex beast, panting away...just planing my errands for the day. I saw long faced Eunice a couple times...in the neighborhood..she was an unadorned granola type..long gray hair...getting in and out of "Bob's" maroon Volvo..with the Save Tibet sticker on the bumper....I liked being Bob's piece of Ass...I liked having his ugly cock pound me...Love and relationship never entered the conversation....here is a cautionary tale...Bob was an M.D (retired).... He had the bad kind of Hepatitis. He only mentioned it later....Condoms saved my life. Never trust a married man...always protect yourself. I saw him in the late 90's and he was very thin...very sick...still with Eunice.

I only write to purge my own demons...

 

[bagley]

I just had my HMO every two year physical....everything is just peachy...weight 158 lbs...blood work all very good...good ratio in the LDL/HDL cholesterol...no prostate or rectal probs...heart rate and blood pressure like a 25 year old kid...some minor problems..a disk in my back..continues to degenerate...Chaz has some minor probs too...mainly stress induced higher blood pressure. Yeah for Us

Factoid: In the Navy I had syphilis twice, gonorrhea three times...and crabs and NSU infection...one of the gonorrhea's was oral...I got treated by a gay Navy hospital corpsman off the record for the oral. See there is a Gay Mafia..I paid him some cash.

Factoid: If I reincarnate I want to come back as a young gay blond boy...thin muscle..big floppy uncut schlong...big low hangers...slim hips and a big bubble booty .... and a tight elastic rectum. Then I want a big Bobby Blake type Black man to step up to the pitchers mound.

Factoid: I love to watch interracial and black on black porn..or Latin on Black ..or Latin on White...any porn...Porn is important for Gay men.... it shows us there are other people with our same feelings and needs...There are almost no images of men loving men in the broader culture...no one teaches a gay young man the 'ropes"...so we have porn. I think one of the reasons I love interracial gay porn...is the contrast....and the taboo

 

[bagley]

I updated my resume...and really read it. Maybe I should go back into a more technical field. 20 years of intense training and lots of field work....getting awards for being under budget and under time...stuff like that....but, I hated the homophobia rampant in the defense industry...I was the lone liberal blue guy in a vast sea of red. All the Gay men I knew in the industry..were in deep cover....and heavy drinkers...and the long travel times on the road. I had the opportunity to go to Iraq...a sweet install deal..with an Italian staging area...(loves me my Italian men). The money offer made my little boy pussy...sloppy wet....An old gay bud in the "industry" emailed me and said "homeland security" needs technical people....his company is working on the " shipping" and ports aspect .... so I sent him my resume to pass on to his boss...... he also reminded me of the "drug testing policy"...ah reputation..if you look at my pic in my gallery...you can see the smirk on my mug...that has always been there...and my "doper" squint....I'm the guy that the custom guy searches. I went to Bethlehem for Christmas (Early 80's)..in an group of all "Mericans"..I was the only one to get searched down to my boxers...can you say hot Sabra with Uzi... On that defense gig...I visited Israel three times....I loved Tel Aviv and Haifa...the Sabra men exude sex.

I have also sent a modified resume to all the retail book sellers..except Walden...I'll do them later...and my resume is again on CailforniaJobs list...

Factoid: I am power bottom. I love to milk the cum out of men. I just love the feeling of wrapping my anal sphincter muscle around a dick and squeezing it tight....I love to fuck dick. I owe it all to my "god" Catz..the Catzman...the awesome leader of "The Brown Eye,, Samurai Warriors" ...bisex guy "extraordinare"....his nickname refers to his lithe furry body and his tom cat sexual appetite. Catz and I were on the same Navy ship together in the middle 70's...we were in the same berthing...he would shave naked... he was lean, furry and moderately hung....his black chest hair would curl up and over the top of his tee shirt..I thought that was so sexy...he was also against under ware and free balled....I was still maintaining my Bisex identity..we would get drunk and high and search out sexual situations... and one night..he topped me...I wrote about him and this experience before...he was very verbal.."Man, tighten up that sloppy hole...I can't feel it" So, I would and it felt good....He'd go a mile a minute spouting all kind of sex talk..."c'mon bitch..give it up"....We were doing all this..fueled on alcohol and various cheap drugs...in very marginal areas...and outside....along train tracks and rail cars..ah, the dereliction of port cities. One of the last times I saw Catz was a liberty call in Tenerife..we had a lots of drinks and I watched him fuck a transvestite prostitute.... the guy was very young and had a beautiful ass..I just watched..too drunk.

Factoid: I don't mind being the "hole"....."the bitch" ..."the boy pussy"...even "Cunt"....during sex...but, it's a sex role I take on....after sex... I'm not your bitch, pussy or cunt... I don't fetch drinks or do your laundry...I'm not Missy. Gay men who pine after St8 guys...should remember the ST8 guy..even liberal ST8 guys want the "woman" to take care of them....studies show married women still do 80% of household chores..even when they have full time employment. Okay, if your a real butch hairy muscle daddy and made me scream during sex and gave me multiple orgasms...I'll get you that drink.

 

[bagley]

Trash day in West Los Angles means a weekly meet up with Crackhead Charlie...usually more..because I see him around during the week...he's very intelligent...artistic. One of the first people I have met since I moved here....He told me straight up he had a problem and showed me his "rock" I bought a bunch of frames from him and he jetted away...to get breakfast...meaning "crack ". He is bone thin...rugged looking..his paintings are very good....oil on canvas..in a realist style...most of the paintings he showed me were water stained or damaged. Today was a luxury day because "Crazy" Mike had his van running...I put in some gas money and off we went...I'm not sure what addiction Mike is a slave to..but he looks skeletal. He has blondish dirty hair ..tucked up in a wool cap...and has worn the same clothes since I first met him....loose gray jogging pants and a dirty tee shirt...neither guy smells bad..just sort of musty ..unwashed clothes....

Charlie sells a lot of the stuff he gathers at a perpetual weekend yard sale...and flogs better stuff to antique dealers...he scored two nice chairs today...and a nice mirror...we went through some industrial dumpsters over off Robertson and got some cool lamps....I found a box of 5,000 business cards with a cool diner on the front...collage material..and some tiles...no photos....we have to stay out of Castle Heights and Beverly Hills...as per Mike...we found a big bag of men's shoes 11 1/2 to 12...and a companion bag of mens clothes....smelled faintly of Obsession....I scored a pair of barely used black Rockports..they fit...no smell or wear...and a nice dress shirt..blue Alfani...and 5 pairs of CK boxer's...faintly musky...34's just a little big. The pants were way to long for any of us...but everything went in the van...on the heaps of stuff...I think the van is Mike's House too. He has a nice package..which jiggles around in his sweats...no ass whatsoever...and very thin...Mike speaks with "the American Educated Accent" we have had some interesting conversations. He also has the look..beneath the dirt..the look of "Wasp Patrician" all I know about him is he went to school back east and can quite hide it. They dropped me off..and I'll see them around....they were off to try and sell the lamps and stuff...they were good lamps.... Latter, I stopped at a used bookstore and bought some 60's Russian Art books...filled with icons...and a LACMA catalog....

I went by thick dicked Rxxx...buzzed the door...no one home....Chaz hasn't been himself since his return and confession....I'm sexually high and dry...not the first time...

Factoid: I love Tony Kushner's "Angels in America"

 

[bagley]

Here is some info about chronic rectal itch or Pruritus Ani...I suffered for years from rectal itching..I mean 20 years. I figured it was hemorrhoids and/or getting fucked so much..or both...At first I was self -doctoring...hemorrhoid creams...and the like. I was really very ignorant....I would wake up in the middle of the night finger fucking my ass...my fingers would smell like shit and blood. My underwear would have brown skid marks... Being from a poverty stricken white trash family...I just assumed I didn't know how to wipe properly or wash my clothes properly....a lot of poverty related stigma....I found sticking small ice cubes up my ass stopped the burn....none of the topical creams helped.
When I got together with Chaz...he was very "New Age" alternate healing and appalled at my diet...drinking..smoking .....and canned food. I didn't tell him about my problem with itchy asshole....
As our relationship developed and became more secure...and after our 3rd HIV test we stopped using Condoms....he loves to eat ass ( he won't discuss with me where he picked up this little fetish)...but his saliva would burn...Finally I told him..he made me go to an doctor (Nurse Practitioner)....and I got a lectured on safe sex..and HIV test...a safe sex guide...a guide to parasites and a prescription topical cream...and just a normal amount of hemorrhoids tissue...no cure....

Thank God for Lesbians....We became friends with this Lesbian couple who gave massages and colonics and were hip with natural medicine....She told me she felt ( not diagnosed) I had a bad Candida infection..yeast...and gave me a diet to follow...no sugar..no bread..no alcohol...and some awful pills..also a full bank of colonic treatments.

The results were great...I had a huge thick patches of white scaly skin on my right knee and my right elbow...but not on the left side of my body... It never crossed my mind why it was there on one side only...cleared in two weeks...I had tried every moisturizing cream..on earth...however the itchy ass hole remained raw...anal sex actually was a relief from the itch....

One night when I was really itchy I scraped a sort of whitish cheese from around my asshole. "My ass has a yeast infection"...I read all the "info" about male anal yeast infections....It was a break through...and a lot of the natural medicine people pointed at food allergies....and acidic body ph. My Urine was distinctly acid ( you can buy ph strips). So I began to try and make it alkaline....and also to find the foods or food that might be the cause of my anal itch. I eliminated carbonated beverages...and my urine became more consistently less acid. In California I added lots of green drinks (wheat grass ..spirulina...and fresh veggie juice)....and the ass cheese became less ....finally I decided to cut out dairy....mainly cheese. Cheese was one of the cornerstones in my diet....and to bring this entry to an end...my Pruritus Ani has been gone now for 3 months. No more itching or bleeding. I have replaced cheese with tofu...it is cheaper..less fattening and has more protein...Now when I get rimmed it is pure pleasure...

Factoid: When I was a kid I had sex (b.j) with three of my first cousins...(all brothers)

Factoid: As an adult my brother and I have sex several times..me on the bottom..of course...but not for 20 years or so....he drove and drives me crazy.

Factoid: I saw the lights on Rxxx's apartment last night. Rxxx is this thick dicked older Latino daddy...who drives me wild. I didn't call or buzz.

Factoid: Chaz and I have reconciled somewhat...and this morning I still was reeling from the pounding...

Factoid: I took out my nipple bars and have lost one.

Factoid: When I reincarnate I want to be a bubble butt, blond twink with an elastic rectum.. large super sensitive strawberry nipples and no gag reflex.

 

[bagley]

Jeez, I feel like a kid sometimes. Cruising again after all these blissful years with Chaz. My ass was still twitching from his pounding. I still felt the emptiness. My nipples were still stiff and and a little raw. I walked up the hill to the little cruise park and "Chinese guy" was there. He has a thin hard body...and beautiful hands...he likes to touch my face and nose. His hands smell good. He lets me touch his smooth hard belly...more than a six pack..Several times in the past we have jumped the broken down chain link fence and go down into this gully...and just "made out"....he is the only Asian man I have ever been with...the "make out" is more body rubbing..no kissing..he rubs his "bulge" on my thigh and strokes my face...I like the smell of his hands....yesterday we just nodded at each other...no one else was out...to early I guess

My weenie ex manager called and asked me to fill in on every Saturday and Sunday until the end of May....a lot of people just quit..because of the lay off...I said I would. The whole shipping and receiving is going "kaput"...soon. The ex manager was a cute but sour white boy twink...trying hard to be L.A. Cool. One of the things I have noticed about younger whites in LA is they all seem to be "sour" and unhappy. Maybe it's the West side...and maybe I just lived in the South way to long.

In the afternoon I walked over past Rxxx's apartment and I called him....he was home and buzzed me in....strange situation...when he answered his phone I got hard...my body is in lust for Rxxx. He looked good... It was the first time I have ever seen him in a collared shirt....his biceps were tight on the material..but, the shirt covered most of his ink...I followed him back to his play room and there was a guy sitting on the floor facing the wall. Rxxx told me all about his Vegas trip...Rxxx and "the boy" he gestured with his chin....had a good time. The guy in the corner was freaking me out...I never saw his face...he had a nice back..cropped dark hair...The sex tension in the room was electric. I knew Rxxx was using me as part of the training and it was turning me on. If he pulled out his cock I would have been a goner...he didn't....He was cock teasing both of us...We talked about 5 minutes and I told him I had to go....I went home and cleaned....and started working on some paintings...ah sexual sublimation. So the thick cock obsession is on the wain.

Factoid: In my life as an artist I have painted over 100 paintings and collages. I have sold approx 70 and given several to friends..I have thrown about a dozen in the trash...I have saved 5 ...

Factoid: Sometimes when I paint I get sexually turned on....and I have smeared my sperm on "my art"... don't worry.....I use a finishing sealer.

Factoid: I am reading: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Shambhala Classics 2000. American Buddhist Nun...student of Chogyam Trungpa subtitle is "Heart Advice for Difficult Times". Basically it is about the fear which lurks close to our private truth. I give it an A.

Factoid: I took a formal refuge in Buddhism in 2000..the sanga I was in was approx...60% gay male +++ 2 dynamic lesbos.... When the Dalai lama supported the traditional anti gay rhetoric of Tibetan Cultural Buddhism...I felt betrayed....I still feel, however, there is a niche for me in Buddhism.

Factoid: I know I have railed against the worship of ST8 men by Gay men. I rented the awful movie" Testosterone" and have fallen for Sabato. I'd love to have him behind me pumping my tight "boipussy" ...pulling on my tits and calling me his bitch....Antonio I love you...I would like to be sandwiched between Antonio and David Sutcliffe.maybe even double dicked in my ass...the movie is only worth watching to see the man flesh....Antonio I love you....Sutcliffe is a nice hairy muscle stud...David I really like you....

 

[bagley]

Words of love or lust...a few thoughts on how top men have asked me to be their bottom...

I guess the Navy was the place I learned about my my sexuality. I was really ignorant..but I was willing to learn. The man who energized me most, was my sex god, Catz..the Catz..Catzman...a man with a mission to have as much anal sex as he could...famed leader of the "Brown Eye Samurai" Warriors...a very informal club..and a true pan-sexual....a veteran of the famous, "East Pac" and "West Pac"...."Subic Bay". The yarns he could spin....I was hooked. Catz was pretty straight forward in his propositions..."I'm horny... let me get some ass" or " give me some brown eye" ...he was so romantic. When he was "in" he would use little endearments like" com'on little bitch, tighten up." I estimate I was his bottom, maybe a dozen times over about a year's time.

I "gay dated" another guy I met at a gym in the 80's...he had nice body...red hair... smooth...average endowment...nice guy. A "gay date" was one level up from anonymous sex... anyway ..this guy..I forget his name...he would never say fuck or ass he would just say "Let me hit it"....and I let him hit "it"...maybe 3 times...I still think it's kind of funny...he was one of those married (to a woman) kind of guys.

I had a long term non exclusive sex relationship with an older Southern blue blooded gentleman.named Jay...I had sex with him off and on over a 5 year period..and was a friend of his until "he passed". He dressed in bleeding madras and khaki and was full of euphemisms....he had a fetish for "blue collar" looking types. Jay could fuck you to orgasm...but he couldn't say, "lets fuck"..he would say, "Let's make some babies" I saw a lot of butch muscle types ( including a member of the All Navy Wrestling Team) tumble out of his bed over the years...If I am feeling evil..I say to Chaz, "Lets make some babies"...he frowns....he never really liked this guy. One time on the street, Chaz and I met Jay... and Jay said, "I knew Bagley when he was scalding." I still use that..instead of saying "do I look alright", I 'll ask "do I look scalding...." Once at a club Jay saw me dancing with a black guy...and told me aside..."honey he's cute..but if the DAR finds out..they'll take away your pin..."

A Navy euphemism that has puzzled me is "I want to fuck your running light out"...OK..what do you mean???

I talk a lot about my Navy days. In the 8 years I was Active Duty I estimate I had about 300 sexual partners. ( this makes me almost virginal by 70's standards) Most of these were males. I remember about two dozen women mainly in tandem with other males. I had one longer relationship with a female which resulted in a son. But, the actual Navy environment was very hostile to gay people. There was a lot of gay bashing..even killing...it was harsh especially on the ships....when I got out I felt a great sense of release.

I only write this to exorcise my own inner demons..

I have changed almost all names and some locations..this is remembered stuff..perhaps a little hazy...the spirit of it is emotionally true

 

[bagley]

Alright....I'm a pussy. Rxxx called me about 2pm yesterday...I call him Rxxx because using his name makes him more powerful in my mind...so I have given him a pseudonym..which deflects his power a little.

I went over and we smoke a thin "pin" joint.and I got all mellow.....he was wearing a white tee, tight at his arms...and long shorts...and just to fuck me up he has started growing some facial hair...told me about his "new boy" he's training....and gave some details....boy had to sit naked on the floor all weekend....no talk... ate Rxxx's room service leftovers....and very few toilet breaks....blah blah blah....made him ride on the floor in the back all they way home....all this talk made me totally horny and repelled me....and I was jealous. That young Bitch stole my man.
I know Rxxx is getting off playing me...I guess I go back because I crave what Rxxx is offering me. The obsession is more than his thick cock...big inked arms..and his Conquistador profile...it's chemical and electric energy. I tell him I got to go.."got to go to work"...he grabs his cigs and follows me out...just at the door he gives my ass a little pat..." for an old guy, you got a nice ass" we sit on his steps and I take a few drags off his smoke..he just smirks ..damn him...

I am obsessive...but lack the compulsion component...just like I'm depressed...but not manic...


Alas, I took the Big Blue Bus up to Westwood and my last weeknight...shift. So many people quit..I agreed to fill in weekend hours thru to the end of May. The shipping and receiving is moving out to somewhere in San Bernardino County at a rail..truck terminal...L.A. is to expensive and congested..they offered me a full time job...not enough money....to far to commute...

 

[bagley]

surprise #1. Our mutual friend, Ross has landed a new job...not in L.A. but in San Diego..this will be his first non academic job..he will make more money...I wrote back and told him to be sure and look in and around HillCrest..(?) He needs a social life...he has a nice body..and a cute face...but he missed the bus on fashion.

surprise #2 Yesterday some one posted a thread about Scott O'Hara...and it reminded me "we" have one of his self suck videos..actually it's about a 5 minute clip on a HIS Video #26 1989 VHS.

We have a whole box of VHS gay porn.. Only two were mine...most of it was Chaz's (and Ross's) we haven't watched it much since DVD's...But I knew we had another Scott O'Hara clip which takes place in a truck stop...these videos don't have their cardboard covers and some don't have labels...
I never did find it...so I put this unlabeled video in the machine....it was ST8 porn....3 hours...what the fuck...some blond guys with muldflap haircuts...and some real slack pussy... I speed thru it thinking the man on man action would come up...never did...but I did find 4 segments with black muscle studs...The first guy was very dark and was all smooth muscle , beautiful lats and back...and was with a light skinned woman...he was wearing argyle socks...and he couldn't keep it hard.modest endowment ..he needed me to fluff him...never showed his face...
The third segment was a Black god..he looked like a thinner Bobby Blake ..nice face...big two handed + dick...at first I though he was fucking an Asian post op trannie..but the third time I watched this segment... I think the woman was just very flat...when it put his big fat cock in her ass it almost looked like she was being fisted. She took it all. The clip had a Television on and was showing this Black god fucking two chicks. It also showed a black cat running around the room...even panned to it. ..? Yes I watched it three times... The Black muscle god was all sweaty.he had large cross earrings in both ears ....and came by using his two hands to jerk and needed a third one..damn. He had a handsome face...The woman could deep throat him too..damn........the end of the video has a date of 1986...
I want to find out why Chaz has this video..just curious.


Now, I want anyone who reads my blog to leave it and go directly to Thundercizzle and look at this Black god's Arms and tattoos....he has posted pics and you can see what progress he has made....I look in almost everyday...you should too. Tattooed arms are about my only fetish...

 

[bagley]

I had a very hard weekend...no sex..no cruising...trapped in a cold warehouse....filling orders and packing them...my eyes hurt from the florescent lighting...my hands have some box cuts and my mid section is still irritated from the black back support we have to wear...as a part timer I worked 16 hours a week and it was kinda fun...now I'm a temp..and I'm working as much as I can.... because of the move everything is chaos...

One of the part timers who stayed as a temp is a very black and very tall man from Senegal..he was a professional dancer/drummer and traveled all over the world...he's Muslim...He still has a lot of graceful movements...he has the classic African face of the Savanna...as handsome as he is..I don't feel sexually attracted to him..but I love to watch him move....he knows I am gay and in a domestic partnership...he's a bit reserved..but still nice.

I'm of a mixed black/white/Native American origin...but "feel" Caucasian....I don't go around pretending to be "black" or "Native American"....I'm just a lower working class white guy. I've known a quite few white gay guys that have what I call the "Mandingo" complex....If you haven't read it..it's a hoot.....it's so camp...Huge black slave stud ravages Dove Cot plantation..including getting some blond boi pussy...( or maybe that's my fantasy). In the 80's ..One of my best friends in Virginia, Ron had the Mandingo fetish....(gay jungle fever)..he lived in P-town, Va and his house on many weekends was like the "Dove Cote"...Ron couldn't go to gay clubs or bars..he was afraid...unless we cruised up to DC where we'd go to that big disco in Southeast ..(?). Otherwise, He would cruise all over the "South Side" as far as Emporia and find black men to party with...mainly bear types..he would say, "no offense, but white guys don't do it for me"....Ron eventually settled down and moved to DC...for Ron part of the allure of black muscle bears, I think was the breaking of taboos.. he claimed FFV status...and was a total bottom.

For me the allure of black men has been visual and tactile. And of course chemical... I have had several long term sexual relationships with Black Men. Some of these men were married..some were gay. In my post Navy years I met a guy named Tony while dancing at the "College Cue Club" in Norfolk, Va...we had a fun relationship over a three year period...his opening line.to me .was " You dance like a white boy"...and so he under took my dance education....I loved the velvety feel of his skin. He had wonderful hair...he had moderately large genitalia and nice athletic body. I loved the way our skin colors blended...I'm tan/olive and he is dark mahogany..he was taller than me, too. He was a versatile top and I was a versatile bottom...so that was fun and usually safe . Tony had a lot of boyfriends...we spent hours on the dance floor...we lived together for 3 months one summer....when he was between apartments...but not as a couple. In 85, Tony moved to DC and we lost touch. I didn't realize how young he was...In 85 he turned 23...he didn't like my friend Ron... I have sexually chemistry with certain Black men..and not with others...

In Virginia, when I was a party boy there was a lot of racial prejudice in the white gay community..The clubs might require higher cover..or multiple Id's from a person of color...I don't know about now...I think the "Cue Club" had a black time..slot..but I don't remember...the Cue closed in the late 80's/early 90's.....and is now demolished ...the land is now part of the University village...I don't know where the Black Gay community hangs in Norfolk these days...I gave up alcohol and smoking (OK I have had a few tokes and a couple drinks) and clubbing...in 1993.

Well it is time for me to catch some ZZZ Zs...most of what I write is for the purgation of my soul....

 

[bagley]

Today, Ah here in the slums just below Beverly Hills..I am cleaning carpets....so far I have cleaned two antique Persians and a modern Belgium. I have told people in the past that the Persians were "family pieces"...yeah some family's...when I grew up we had antiqued cracked linoleum...my glamorous life. I have had the opportunity to sell Oriental carpets when I had my retail space....I would buy them at auctions and even yard sales..hand clean them and sell them...it wasn't to hard to learn antique from new..it is much harder to learn "types" and the hardest part is learning what would Sell. I sold a couple hundred. The two I have..are left from those glory days. One was really good..and one was unsalable. The modern "Chiraz" Belgium carpet I am washing is from a Los Angeles yard sale..5X8 it has been on the patio for a month. full of Los Angeles yellow dust...third rinsing as I write...I have a Flokati from Greece and two floor cloth rugs from Z gallery. All to protect the cheap wall to wall....It will take me the rest of the morning to finish.

Chaz has a month of overtime a head of him...hisself, the Doctor was put on all these groups...to guide them through the data indexing maze...so he is earning his raise even before it comes into effect...I fixed him dinner last night for 7pm ..he called and said 8pm..he got home at 8:30pm ate..then feel asleep still in his clothes...

Waiting for Chaz I called Rxxx to see how he was doing...left a message...he called back and gave me the latest scoop on his knew "son"...breaking in real nice....

I made a break thru in a painting I have been painting for six months....it gelled.

 

[bagley]

I cleaned rugs yesterday...yeah...after the big carpets were done..I took my throw rugs to the neighborhood 50 cent laundry mat...I never take clothes there just rugs....I took my sketch book and charcoal pencil....and a book....there was a skinny white guy in there with some nice Tats......on his fore arms...sorta yakuza style...with some circling carp..full color..totally covered his forearm. He had big ear plugs in his lobes...short light brown hair. So I told him I liked his ink...(what a line).."Nice Ink". He told me he was working on total cover...and pulled up his sleeve..and showed me his bicep...with a sort of chain motif..intertwined with seaweed....He also turned around and pulled up his shirt and showed me his back...about half covered..again with Yakuza style with fish and faces mixed together...(?).he had NO Ass... I was hoping to see his skinny white boy stomach and chest..but he pulled up his pant legs and showed me his calves...I might add he was total nuts ...then he hit me up for some change...and left.... the throw rugs have now taken on a semi sexual context.

Mid afternoon I got a call from Rxxx...he was down on Motor at the Bean..having coffee with Ted..his new boy..cub...son...trainee....I am not sure what to call Ted..in fact I only know his name because Rxxx has dropped it a few times....so I walk over...Rxxx is having coffee and Ted is having water....I have a decaf regular coffee...I'm on a budget...the whole creepy time Ted never says a word...never looks at me and Rxxx is just looking sexy with his new facial hair..I told him about the crazy tattoo guy...
I get actually get a good look at Ted, he's nice looking...brown eyes, dark brown hair...other/ Hispanic/Anglo features..compact body ...Rxxx invites me back for a smoke..meaning ..a joint...Rxxx and I get into his pickup and he tells Ted, "Run back". Rxxx tells me he's making some good progress with "the boy"...he's put "the boy" on a diet and workout regimen...Rxxx wants Ted to loose about 10 lbs...I thought, " he looks fine to me". We get back just as Ted does...ah LA lights and traffic...we go and Rxxx and I smoke a small joint..Ted is just standing...Rxxx puts one of his "Breed and Seed" pornos on...and tells Ted to sit in the corner facing the wall. The film shows this young muscle guy drinking a mug of what looks like sperm.with all the daddy types around him shooting jizz and talking dirty...Rxxx takes out his cock and begins to stroke...and that's my clue to leave...I only got marginally turned on...what's wrong with me....

 

[bagley]

I was cleaning my oriental rugs..and throw rugs...some real ..some antique and some new...I think the Belgian made carpets are the best reproductions...So today I put them down..and they look good...ready for my two cats to shed all over them....the good ones are away from the cats...

My neutered male cat is 14 years old and a little crazy...demented..he was a rescue..I got him when he was about 3 years old..the vet estimated his age...all the time we lived in Virginia...he weighed 12 lbs and was very jumpy...he would groom all his hair off and..scratch himself bloody...some big vet bills and 1,000s of hairballs later...in Cali he has gained 5 lbs and very active....the female cat was a yard sale deal..we could have this really cool dining table for $25 if we took a kitten...we did...12 years later..our kitten has bloomed into a short squat ball of love...she is very human friendly...she meditates and attends magical circles...I guess you could say she is "my familiar"...I can think about her and she will come over..... In Virginia we also had a spirit cat...who would visit our house late at night...it would be cold and my 2 cats would be curled up next to me...and I would look over and see a little tabby on the table...and then realize we don't have a little tabby..I saw it for years..of and on...I guess this is sort of a stream of consciousness day.

The kilim I have reminds me of my vacation in Turkey, when I got out of the Navy in 1982...I was supposed to terminate in Fall 1981..but I developed a nerve palsy in my left arm..which made my left hand curl into a ball...no feeling in the extreme left...still only partial feeling...So I was sent to Naples, Italy and the Naval Hospital (horrors) for an operation...recovery time took 3 months..I was on limited duty and had one big whoring time...while my arm was in a sling...The parks and plazas ( I forget the Italian name) were full of cruising men..and I had a really good time..chasing and being chased. I hooked up a place to crash with a really gay hospital corpsman. I had to work in a transit detail..about two hours a day...I had money..and a cigarette ration card...the corpsmen had a North African boyfriend and introduced me to quite a few Arabic men.....they loved my ass and my cigarettes..great fun....In March of 82 I took 60 days terminal leave and made the grand tour of the eastern Mediterranean....I visited all over Greece and then took the train to Istanbul via Salonika...On the train out of Salonika I made "friends" with an older Canadian of Hungarian/Turkish extraction and some Kurdish men..we sat and drank sweet tea and the Kurds enjoyed my cigarettes..I didn't actually know what a Kurd was...? The Canadian guy was going to Konia..to copy textile designs...and buy rugs...I traveled with him for two weeks. He was mid 40's ... about 5'6" and muscular. He was covered with curly body hair. I was 5'10" and a skinny 145... We had "chemistry" ..He asked me if I was gay. I said yes ..he said he was bisexual... We had great sex..we fucked face to face ..him on top...he would drench me with sweat...no mercy ....we shared cheap hotel rooms and ate Turkish food...he took me to places in Turkey way off the beaten track...Turkey has a wonderful bus system between major cities...the attendants would pass out rose water... He told me never ever buy or use any kind of drug or make any black market currency exchange and to keep all my purchase slips.and be very cautious picking up men..I love Turkish men..but was a little frightened.....He bought me a beautiful antique Kilim...and a antique silver cup...I lost the kilim in a move..but still have the little cup. When we parted ...I moved on to Rhodes...and then went to Egypt...

Factoid: My Chaz has never cleaned a toilet...since we have been together.

Factoid: Chaz bought me a really nice vacuum.

Factoid: Chaz does laundry better than me.

Factoid: I guess I am more sensative about cleaning because I grew up poor whit trash.

Factoid: I bought a gay porn tape at the thrift store yesterday...staring Karl Bruno....

 

[bagley]

As I have stated before I am a practicing Neo-pagan Magician. I guess you could call magick my life path. And as I have said before most if not all of my long time serious partners have been oriented toward the occult..including my hubby..Chaz.

Most Magickal traditions require a teacher...unless your gifted and disciplined...it's not easy to achieve any success. My first real gay boyfriend was also my first magickal teacher. I met him in a tearoom in City Park in Portsmouth, Virginia. One Sunday Morning I got the urge to go cruising and went across the water to P-town and city Park....It was about 7 am ...no one was there...so I just walked around ..there was a little nature trail...I went into the Tearoom by the Tennis Court...the Tearoom by the Boat landing was too raunchy.... A car drove up and there was this handsome guy... It sounds strange...but I knew he was an occultist and he that he was from Lawrence, Mass....and it freaks me out to this day because he knew my first name...and then he added, "the devil told me you'd be here"...The man became my B/F for 3 years and was a fuck buddy till 91. His name was William and he was a retired Coastie..and worked as a civilian at the port. 6 ft..180 lbs...long thin cock..totally gay, totally top...I sucked his cock then and there...and went back to his house...

Over the next couple years Will taught me gay sex magick. Sex magick is the art of accumulating sex energy..concentrating it and then directing it toward a magickal goal. Will would induct a current of sex energy into my body..using his cock as a wand. my body would be the chalice....

here is an example: We would agree on a certain goal. He would cast a horary chart to find the most auspicious "planetary hour"...we would find incantations and charms..and we would abstain from normal sexual activity for the period..even jacking....just let it build....at the right time in the right place Will would shoot his magickal load into my ass, mouth or on my body and induce a strong current. We would allow the sex energy to build in my body ....sometimes I would see it as a blue swirling light..sometimes a red tornado....and just at the right moment..he would stroke my cock and release all the pent up energy out toward the goal ...most of our goals were positive magickal goals...and a few were curses. We would then take the expended sperm and bury it or use it in charms/talismans.

Will loved to fuck outside...He liked to fuck in derelict cemeteries..college campuses and the woods. We camped a lot. Never monogamous..we never lived together... We had a few sex magick sessions with other gay male devotees..mainly in the DC area. We stopped being a couple when he was transfered down to Wilmington, NC...but we had sex every time he came up to Norfolk....till 91. In 91 I joined a eclectic Wiccan coven...and went "Theurgic" on him.... Sensetive.....we still talk and email...he is still in Carolina.

Factoid: many Gay male bottom boys are natural mediums and diviners...since antiquity..one reason the Christians hate gays.

Factoid: Our lives are emotional..we pretend they are rational. Because, I believe life is emotional..I am a disbeliver in "Science" and "Logic".

Factoid: Most people who start to practice or try to practice magick want sex, power or money....the more you refine magick practice...the more those three mundane desires drop away...

Factoid: Since 1991 I have cast 6 very successful spells all by myself....spells with a concrete results.

A fact no one knows about me...I have been drinking my own piss since Dec 2004...I think it cured my anal yeast...Ghandi was a piss drinker...I read a book " My Own Best Medicine" I also check my urine's PH.