bagley - Archived Blog Posts

[bagley]

I love David Blaine...that man can do magic on me anytime...any place and anywhere....I put a David Blaine gallery in my photo album.

I Went up the hill yesterday...cruised the bike path and then up the hill...four cars and a truck with a camper shell...The truck door was open and the man inside was showing his cock and was sort of and looking around....nice dick...on a skinny ass white dude..wild hair...really messy inside of cab...I moved on...alarms went off in my head...saw "Chinese Guy"...he was friendly today...he's the one that likes my profile...we hopped over the fence and went up the path past an oil well ...they are everywhere on the hills and went into this thicket...started doing the fully clothed frot thing..he lets me put my hand up his tee shirt he has the tightest stomach..just like a snakes belly..cute outy belly button...he likes to rub his fully clothed hard on on my thigh and touch my face ....this is about our fourth time doing this...We hear some one coming...and we stop ...it was wild hair skinny white guy...Chinese guy makes a face....and we leave...Chinese guy gives me a ride down the hill and up to Washington Blvd...Thanks, I say... Chinese Guy has given me two different names so far...I estimate he is in his early 40's. He has a distinct accent... His face is not handsome..but his body and hands...especially his hands are beautiful...

Factoid: The sex magick I talked about yesterday was and is a very complex ritual. It is tapping into a stream of emotion and power which is mainly hidden from everyday life. It revolved around imaging certain symbols and chanting certain sounds. Gay sex magick has a different goal and is very different from the heterosexual sex magick. The top man in gay sex magic is the imparter of potency. His erect phallus is his wand. His sex energy is charmed and shaped into a single desired vibration. He injects this sex energy into his bottom man. The anus or throat of the bottom man in gay sex magick becomes the magickal void. Here the original male energy is nourished with [male sex] energy and whipped into a vortex of power...and is released as the bottom man ejaculates. Some "workings" require a longer building time than others. Some require actual sperm exchange and some don't. The longest "working" I participated in was a 2 day multiple insemination working...the energy was so strong I felt I was going to die when we released it from my body. I was impotent for weeks.....jeez....Gay sex magick has very little to do with the traditional fertility magick. Most hetero sex magick is fertility based ie. The great Rite of Beltane, which blesses the fields.

Much of the Western magickal tradition is heterosexualist and anti gay....and stems from what is called the Occult revival.(HOOGD) Crowley , one of the greatest mages, was expelled for doing homo-sex magick...A lot of Wiccan Trads..can be hetero-sexist hegemonists as well. However, the Chaos and Thelemic trads are very gay friendly....

 

[bagley]

I have just finished my 4th Harry Potter book...I saw all the movies....while fun ...are no match for the books..."The Goblet of Fire" is dark and somber...and long...you find yourself reading way late into the night...I was sad went the book ended.

Taking a break from Harry Potter...I picked up Anthony Burgess's A Dead Man in Deptford [A Novel] ..the story of brilliant Kit Marlowe..the boy loving, Elizabethan playwright....and spy. Burgess is famous for A Clockwork Orange. I wish I had an Elizabethan glossary handy....but still the book is very good.

Some thoughts on Gay [Sex] Magick....As modern homosexual males, we have been raised in the monotheist heterosexist hegemony. This particular paradigm assumes all people are born as happy heterosexuals, as per the creator. This is the same paradigm which carefully edits gay people out of recorded history and many other people as well. ( womyn, blacks, tribal...) As sexual variant males, homosexual males have been a particular target. Every time two queer men "fuck" a little bit of the Heterosexist paradigm cracks, or at least I hope it does. However, as scholars dig into the mounds of antiquity they find pictures and documents of a queer past. For years the academic world edited out any mention of male on male sex from the public record. Homo-sex became platonic..if sited at all. As the ancient records became clearer...this platonic love became..."non penetrating sex"....and this may be true....except after the aristocrat rubbed his penis between the thighs of his "beloved"...he would then go down to the boy brothel and fuck some slave boy ass. (recorded on vase paintings). Ancient graffiti records the same male on male lusting we find in todays public bathroom scrawls.

A huge amount of magick material has been found from latter antiquity.(mainly Egypt)...and some of it records gay and lesbian magick spells. These charms and spells invoke queer and trans-gendered deities angels, heroes and "daemons" (powers). Gay and trans-gendered priests served in many temple cultus...some of them as Heirodules...or sacred prostitutes. These priest served side by side with female sacred prostitutes...

This knowledge is empowering for me in two ways:

1.) There are Gay or Queer Archetypal energies which can be tapped. These energies are the electricity of Gay magick. You can be AC/DC..AC..or DC....one phase or three phase...you can modulate AM or FM...or other....these queer energies allow a wide variation of expression...one size or purpose does not fit all.

2.) The use of these ancient myths and archetypal energies gives a continuity of expression which goes beyond the very focused world of magick.
a. When my top man sex partner ..takes on the role of "Hermes Thrice Renowned" and he inseminates my throat with his rod of Gnosis...every cell in my body receives the secret Knowledge. This Knowledge is then modulated by my humanity and it can then be used. This is an act of medium-ship (When I trance-channel my throat chakra can becomes engorged with this power).... I have told else where in my blog of my medium-ship.
b. On the darker side... If the top man takes on the energy of wild Odin and fucks me like Odin fucked his transmogrified brother, Loki ..it might give rise to a dark shamanic journey...not to much fun..but a powerful deep sexual experience.

The roots of gay [sex] magick are deep and mainly unexplored...our egos are riding on deep layers which may contain monsters.....or gods..or strange twisted stories.

Heterosexual [sex] magick seems to revolve around fertility ...

 

[bagley]

To continue my line of thinking on Gay Magick and sex Magick in particular requires a caution. Any magick can alter your life. A lot of great Mages have gone or are bonkers. Depression and drug addiction and the whole gambit of being strung out can result from ill thought out magickal workings...The great Israel Regardie and Paul Case..both great Mages..recommend professional therapy...before you start...To be aware that you are going to stir up energies and emotions hidden and long dormant.by magickal acts ..is something you should know before hand. With sex magick..it is even more potent...

I was a lucky "childe":
I had a Spiritualist/Mediumistic, kitchen-witch family background and was taught the maxim.."You are in Charge of your own body regardless of what an outside entity claims".....You are the gate keeper..or you have a spirit guide who acts as a gate keeper...
Also, My first sex Magick teacher was a man who I can say truly loved me and guided me...and maybe dominated me a bit..

Another danger of Gay Sex Magick is the slipping into a role which you may have a hard time escaping. Dominant god/Hero tops may go to far; submissive boy bottoms may give up to much. I still have this problem..a top daddy makes me weak kneed. I worked with a close knit group of agressive top men in the 80's and did a number of "involved workings" over a period of several years. I felt a lot of power flow through me. I think the only thing which kept me from going over the deep end was my teacher/lover. In the 90's I was able to perfect my role and have chosen a more gnostic stance...less powerful, but more enduring.

In sex magick there is always a danger of ritual/drug abuse...I have a friend..a woman who participated in sex magick and became the sex toy of a group of scum...she lost a lot of her will power and had a long recovery...I knew these men, latter ....they advertised in the local "new age" paper "qabalah classes" and snagged a lot of [sic]"free pussy"...the one guy snagged some jail bait pussy and had to leave the country. I'm sure the hetero's aren't the only abusers.

So, that's my warning...the other warning is don't allow someone to bare back..for magickal purpose..there are ten thousands of ways to make the energy flow...

Gay Sex magick is about touching the "numen"..touching the hidden flow of power and harnessing a bit of that power. It is about transforming and uncovering...and it can be about cursing..as well.

 

[bagley]

In 1990 I was in Coastal Southern California...between L.A. and Santa Barbara, working. I found a cool spot near Carpenteria which was a gay cruise/ clothing optional beach. ( I have written about it before)....I was only up there, maybe 5 or 6 times...but I gave a lot of head to almost any hard cock... and gave up some ass mainly to this one beautiful Black guy from Santa Barbara. But, the memories that stirred in me today...was about this hairy muscle daddy I met while I was bird watching. Yes I am a nature boy....and west coast birds were very new to me... This guy wasn't gym pretty. He had large biceps..and pecs like boulders..he sort of looked like a stocky Fess Parker. He was covered neck to toe in coarse black hair and and was balding. At this point my sexual taste was to slim muscle..runners...swimmers... and to well groomed men..waxed or shaved. (I had shaved my chest) I was just barely maintaining 150 lbs..and this huge guy was 6'2" and 230 lbs plus and a little older than me...he was also pale...He sort of came on to me by showing me his bird log...and count.which was impressive. At this point I didn't know if he was just birding or if he was cruising..we went up a dry stream bed and into this bamboo type thickets...and in no time flat I was sucking his prick...nice standard size, cut...he came fast. He invited me up to his house...for a drink and he said we could walk there up the hill... I said I had to go back and get my car...he said okay and walked back the 2 plus miles back to the car park....All the way down to my car I felt panic and also elation.....I ended up staying with him all weekend. I found a lot of comfort in his huge arms. He was very strong and he was masterful. His physical persona wasn't close to my ideal, but he was a sex god...he fucked me silly. Sunday night, I went back to my place, one very satisfied queer boy. My hole whimpered for days... I had every intention of seeing him again...but instead.....reverted to type. This hairy muscle man..opened my erotic eye to the idea of different kinds of men...after all I was on the edge of 40..it was a time for change. Sadly, I have forgotten this hairy muscle dad's name.

On the subject of Gay Sex Magick. Some people might wonder what the hell...just have sex...why fool with all that garbage. Here is my answer. All magick is done for a specific task and a purpose. Traditionally sex magick is used for gaining power....(blood magick is similar). For me Gay [sex] magick is a liberation magick. This Liberation unlocks a great deal of power. This power can be focused toward a goal...For me it has to be life affirming....but, it can be used for negative ends (curses). The cursing part is one reason why gay "wizards" have been labeled unsavory........I would use a curse if I felt a life threatening situation.

 

[bagley]

Yesterday I was writing about a trysting I had in the early 1990's ...the hairy muscle bird man of Ventura County...I remembered his name...Stan. I was on the edge of forty and for me that time was unsettling...One reason I have been writing my blog is to illuminate my magickal life and also my sexual life. Somehow they are intertwined. My weekend with Stan ..aka the bird man....was different because it was outside of my normal experience. I felt myself surrendering to his male power. He was so strong. His arms and his grip held me like a vice when he fucked me. Part of me liked that surrender...that feeling scared me...so I never went back...That feeling still scares me.

That same year I became a student of a Dianic priestess. She was my Feri godmother. That same year I became involved with a younger man, who was at the local university. Unknown to me he was a practicing magician of the ceremonial ilk. He moved into my house and we became[sic] " an item" . His name was CLxx...he came from one of the oldest families in Virginia. This was important to him, but not to me... We had an open relationship....here is the truth about Clxx...he had one of the biggest dicks I ever lusted over....nice and fat. About 3 months into our relationship we realize we were both mainly bottoms...so our relationship unraveled into friendship. During our 18 months living together...he began to share his magickal knowledge with me...and until I moved .....we often attended the same rituals...several times we have traveled together in the astral....After we "broke up" he found his "Daddy" and still is sort of in love....Clxx and I mainly practiced the Middle Pillar and LBRP....and he is the person who introduced me to Chaos Magick...One day after a business trip I came home and found him on the patio doing an incantation. ( robe...candles...banner...right out in the middle of my conservative Christian neighborhood) He was doing a summoning spell... for me to return home...It freaked him out when I walked throught the gate......infact the trip was shorted by about a week....for reasons unknown. If only he would have used his powers for good...

As for me...on the magickal front...I have not practiced physical gay [sex] magick for several years...except for the energetic kind. Human males have a huge amount of Mars energy...and through techniques you can learn to harness the excess...and use this Mars force in the formation of a magickal voice...using this technique I have been making personal talismans and amulets.

 

[bagley]

Yesterday was a busy day..I had to go up to Westwood and pick up my last check...as a temp..there is no more work on the horizon...the punks...Rxxx called me...and said he was back in town....asked me to meet him for coffee over at the "bean"..like the boy slut I am I went over...and his "boy" was sitting there ...quite...with a glass of water....and Rxxx's friend, Henry was there..and me...Henry is this thick set Hispanic man...late 40's...big arms and shoulders, big pecs, a little bit of a gut...he has a valley accent..mixed with a little bit of Mexican on some words...has the Aztec hawkish face...Rxxx is 5'7" Henry is 5'5"-6"...all three had just come back from Nevada...I ended up going back with them to Rxxx's place...but left after about 15 minutes...it was nice to see Rxxx again..he is one sexy daddy....Henry gave me his business card...hmm....the boy just sat there on the floor. Being around those two big guys makes me wet...I can very easily fantasise being air tight with them....

t 7pm last night I went to LAX and picked up Ross, Chaz's old B/F...he is relocating to San Diego and we're going down to give him some moral support as he apartment hunts....I had a long talk with him on the way back to our house...and told him I didn't care if he and Chaz still had sex as long as it didn't cut me out...I can almost say I love Ross....When we got home I gave him a big hug and he hugged back.

Chaz got home at 9pm...we all played kissy face and went to sleep...

This morning it was just Ross and me in the bed...I didn't hear Chaz get up ...he's getting off work early ...it was fun cuddling with Ross.....he is so shy...and shocked..I have to be careful not to freak him out...we went down to breakfast at a Japanese greasy spoon called Tokyo 7. So no more blog till I get back from San Diego......this summer I am going back east to help Ross Move...but not to put the moves on Ross.

 

[bagley]

We had a lot of fun in San Diego....Me, Chaz and Ross. Ross rented a nice apartment near Hillcrest...the "Gay Ghetto". He picked it out on line and rented it ...asap.... We went to the Zoo...we went to the aquarium ...we ate in Old Town. Ross can almost walk to work...Ross is staying in San Diego and is coming back up here next weekend...All I want to say about our sexy little trip was I was still flushing sperm out of my ass, Sunday night. The boys were playing tag team...

 

[bagley]

Factoid: The San Diego Zoo at Balboa Park is utterly fantastic....so is a trip to the museums in Balboa Park...the Timkin Museum is free....The San Diego Art Museum has a very good exhibit going on called " Retratos" 2,000 years of Latin American Portraits..with a beautiful Freda Khallo as well as two Diego Rivera portraits. The museum has a good collection ,too. In the zoo I got really close to a large Gorilla. He was sitting with his back to the glass and eating leaves. I could see his hands and fingernails...his chewing..it was like being in a restaurant.

Factoid #2. One reason why Ross is moving to San Diego. Ross has Latin fever...he has been talking to and seeing a Mexican-American guy from San Diego via a hookup website..and met him physically when he interviewed...and Luis (the guy's name) has visited him in Chi-town. Luis dropped Ross off at our house last night...Luis is very handsome and seems like a nice guy. We had a good kidding...Chaz took him to LAX early this morning....I am going to go out in July and help him move out.... I am glad for Ross..

I have been reading a lot about the new Creationism, called Intelligent Design. As a non theist I must say I am not impressed very much by ID. It is really an old argument dressed up in new rags.

Intelligent Design bypasses 20th century philosophy and returns to an 18th century point of view...the watch maker god concept. In the 18th century the "Deist" view was that the watch maker god made the universe and then set it in motion....the end. In ID, however the god becomes a meddler. The god must tinker with the design..what we would call miracles..This intervention (miracles) is one of the downfalls of intelligent Design. Why would an all knowing, all powerful designer design a Rube Goldberg universe which always needs intervention.

Another reason why I dislike Intelligent Design is it seems to be a mechanistic view. The universe is reduced to a shadow of the designer. This is similar to the automobile and Henry Ford. How much can one deduce from a Ford automobile the biography of Henry Ford. Would riding around in a Ford inform you that Henry Ford was a big Antisemite.... No.... The ID Universe is a soulless machine...being tinkered with with by a ????.

The ID argument has no idea where the designer learned his/her skill. Most designers build on some sort of previous tradition. To merely say God is all knowing and an all powerful designer is not a satisfying answer. It is not satisfying if you allow miracles. Intervention means failure on some level, what happens to all the design which was riding on the mistake. Does it go into oblivion. Or is is cobbled into something else. Why not have just have an unfolding universe... A universe which has a vast unresolved dissonance. Where all you can really know is your own inner depth...if that.

 

[bagley]

I can't say I love America...but I don't want to leave America. Not to pull any shit, but members of my family have lived in died in numerous American wars. Some of my ancestors fought in the King Philip's War and in other New England wars against the New England First Nations. Some were with Braddock in the French and Indian Wars. I had ancestors on both sides in the American Revolution. I had three great grandfathers on the Union side in the Civil War. Relatives were in WWII and Vietnam. I look back and see a lot of pain inflicted upon these men and their families and a lot of unfulfilled promises. This Iraq war is a just another scam to hoodwink and sublimate the vibrant energy of the American underclass. Any wide awake veteran with any kind of disability..knows how hard it is to maintain disabled status.

America is not about people having "equal rights" or about spreading democracy. America is about property rights and money. America is about wielding power. This sounds harsh, since we all seem to have some level of comfort. The American dream is to own property and lots of it. Equal rights is just so much window dressing. Organized Labor in the 19th century and early 20th century found this out the hard way. Why did it take 100 years to pass a law to ensure that Blacks could register to vote. Why is Arnold attacking organized labor in California instead of the energy barons. Why is America the only major industrial nation with out a universal health care. Why does benevolent America have the largest prison population (per capita) in the Western Industrial world.

America is founded on three main pillars; cheap energy, cheap raw materials and cheap labor. I am not saying that religious and social movements have not had a great impact, but most of the people who came here were motivated by one of the three economic reasons.

The religious right people are fools. They are being duped by the amoral politicos. I would say most of the religious right rank and file are very insular and unsophisticated.

I dislike the Democratic Party...I swear if I every vote again I will vote 3rd party. Except I'd vote for Barbara Boxer. This last Democrat rube who ran for president...lost the election by default..never energized his bases and spewed out 1960's platitudes....come on duck hunting...????

Other thoughts: I just bought a Torah with commentary...1979 published in London...the commentary is very interesting...liberal..but still very anti gay and anti witch...but from a different tack than Christian. The commentator spends a lot of time refuting the Christian interpretation of the Torah. Jews should realize that almost no one would read their "sacred writings" if there was no Christianity. The two billions of Christians in the world give the Jews a certain celebrity.

I have been reading a lot about the gene maps of Europe, Africa and the British Isles. Seems the so called Celtic population in the Western British Isles is very closely tied to the Basque population and seems to be pre Celtic. Archaeologists seem to agree that there doesn't seem to be a Celtic invasion. The Anglo Saxon invasion seems hard to prove using the Y gene map. I also looked at the Finns...and the Laplanders(Sami). It looks like the Sami may be some of the oldest people in Europe. And looking at Africa...it looks from the gene maps that Africa is the mother of the current human race...Humans began to spread out of Africa about 50.000 years ago and also in a later migration. I am not a scientist...and some of the language is difficult....I learned a lot..the gene maps are a window into the migrations of the last 50,000 years. They certainly disprove the fundies....ie...in the Bible we all descend from Noah about 5,000 years ago and all the males should be walking around with very similar Y chromosomes...that 5,000 year gap of time is not enough to allow for all the y mutations....poor fundies will again be at the mercy of the cruel advances of the scientific mind.

 

[bagley]

It has been several weeks since I saw my friend Rudi...He called me yesterday and I went to "the Bean" and we had coffee....He looks good....he's a very vascular 65 year old muscle god. Big arms and chest...works out. tattooed w/ big guns. Top only Bi sexual leaning to gay. Rudi wants his "boys' to be submissive and trained. That kind of turned me on, but mentally I just couldn't.....in the past in my blog I have referred to him as Rxxx...simply because just mentioning or writing his name sent me into a sexual frenzy. His cock is like a fire plug...and I sat on it once....and sucked him a couple times ...mainly it was just frot... He ditched his last boy...and now is training a new candidate..a much younger Anglo guy...who sat there with us...of course not talking...just drinking his water. We went back to Rudi's apartment and smoked a joint...while the "boy" sat there on the floor..with his face in the corner. I would suck Rudi again in a heart beat..if he would just drop the Dad/Son bullshit. I also find it weird that Rudi is married and his wife was in "her" part of the apartment. But here is the deal.....good conversation and a few tokes...and Rudi's vast collection of porn....and in a moment of weakness..a few licks on his "fire plug"....but that initial rush of sex energy I had with him...sort of petered out...plus I guess I am feeling better about my relationship with Chaz...

as I said before...most of my editing is for spelling or grammar..or added thoughts.

This last weekend I explored downtown Los Angeles...very strange place. It is huge...went to the fashion district and Santee alley...huge number of people..and beautiful Deco buildings..wandered up to Pershing Square...in the old days a hot gay place ala John Rechy...now a place for anti Bush left wing stuff...seems tired to me...then up to the very cool Central Market and the new catholic cathedral..Which has beautiful modern tapestries...the whole complex is wonderful, but in my humble opinion need a splash of vibrant color...all tan..ochre ....saw the Disney Music Center...but didn't find the way up...and instead descended to the old pueblo and old mission...and Union Station and the Bus plaza...the whole trip was by bus...cheaper and more interesting than automobile...the bus was packed both ways...for a long way I was the only Anglo type on it...except for the 2 or so homeless crazies. The Hispanics gave the crazies a wide birth as long as they could..but by the time we got to Main street...people were two deep in the aisle. very intersting...trip. Tons of beautiful Hispanic type men in muscle tees..

Coming back to West LA..makes you feel like your in the suburbs...

 

[bagley]

I feel the decline of the the Christian Paradigm and see it too. Ah, "The Decline of the West". The heartland Christendom for more than a millennium was Europe. Harold Bloom points out that European classical Christianity was creedal and sacramental. For all practical purposes this religion is on a rapid decline. Even in Ireland the numbers are way down....clergy is in decline..vocations are in decline. Classic European Christianity has become irrelevant to most people. The most startling sign of this is the gay marriage progress in Spain.

The Christian center has shifted from a European focus to a non European focus. Christianity is growing in the third world and parts of Asia (S. Korea). As it grows in the third world it mutates..huge amounts of people convert to Pentecostalism and also to splinter Christian types of "New Religions". For gay people this is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Pentecostalism has no center and is basically unfocused politically. The sects rant and rave amongst themselves. However their increase in Africa will probably make it harder for Gay Africans. Again the revolving door of conversion is also at play.

In America...vocal militant Evangelical Christianity is in a defensive rear guard action. They themselves call it a culture war...and they are loosing. The Evangelicals have become the stooges of the right wing. They are in decline overall ...IE estimates for all self identifying Protestants has decline below 50% (this is a first). Tolerance.org has shown that church attendance quotes at 40% (Sunday) is fabrication and hovers at about half of that oft quoted amount. But for me the breaking of the Xian (Xian is the way most Neopagans refer to Christians) power is shown in the proliferation of tattooing. In the old days sometimes tattooing would preclude Christian burial. More than anything else I think this shows the decline.

Speaking of tattoos I just ran into my muscle friend Rudi the other night and he just got some more ink..this time on his lower back..beautiful tribal lines. His new boy has some nice arm tats too.

 

[bagley]

Anywhere Christianity has gained political or social power gay people are in jeopardy. This quote is about the 500 or so gay people who marched in the first Gay parade in Romania. They were taunted by skinheads and Orthodox Christians. I realize Muslims and the like are rough on gays, too. Christianity claims to be a religion of love....????...But, hating gays is an acceptable hatred..it use to be Jews. (Jews now have an army so they are not as tempting)
This quote is from a Turkish paper.

"Other counter-demonstrators included members of the Orthodox church who sang hymns and held a banner reading: "We stand for a clean world without homosexuals."

Sounds National Socialist to me....


Romania abolished their anti gay laws in 2001 to help it gain entry into the EU...

 

[bagley]

This morning for some reason I began to look at all the dead gay porn stars. Casey Donovan, Al Parker, Scott O'Hara and on and on. These were our heroes and role models. In the gay cultural milieu ( I hate that word) porn stars, bar tenders and hustlers have taken on the same luster that in ST8 society is filled by artists, poets and athletes. I feel gay porn stars have more cache than for example gay writers. Gay artists who don't celebrate "the beautiful flesh" don't get much celebrity. Am I crying about this...no. I love porn and porn stars. Do I give bigger tips to sexy bar tenders and waiters....dah..yes. Even if the food/beverage/service was only marginal if the guy was sexy..he got a bigger tip. I guess this happens in the ST8 world, too..except the openly sexual females are marginalized or worse.

So, why does the gay culture idolize these males. These gay porn stars have become heroes because they have taught us how to be powerful beings. Sex is powerful. Sex can be a pathway to your inner self. When I see Al Parker banging away...his erotic image goes to the core of my identity.

Sex for gay men is a different ball game that ST8 breeder sex. ST8 sex is primarily for procreation and for male domination of the female. Gay male to male sex has a domination/submission aspect as well. The male who is penetrated must "open up". He becomes vulnerable. The top man seeks a release into this sea of masculine vulnerability. Because gay sex is not procreational it takes on a different color. Gay sex is about release and exchange. The male is free to sore on the orgasmic energy unchained from the burden of birth. The gay sex energy becomes an isolated energy and can be used as a source for non material creation.

Gay porn teaches us how to build this reservoir of creative energy. We now need to learn how to harness this wonderful power. This wonderful energy is one of the reasons why gay males are hated by ST8 people.

 

[bagley]

I replied to a post a few days ago about how I was raped , not once, but twice. I was a young sailor in Norfolk, Virginia. I was sexually active with lots of men. I had a naive view of the gay scene. With in the Navy community it was like "family". It was like Harry Hay's "Band of Brothers". This band of brothers smoked dope, took drugs and had sex. The two rapes are interconnected by a another Navy guy named Hal. I fell for Hal. He was a long lean blond cowboy type. I met Hal at the dance bar called the Cue. We had sex for a couple weeks and then dumped me. Hal was actually in a relationship with another sailor who happened to return from a Med cruise. I began to shadow all the places where Hal or his clique and found myself in an after hours club located on Grandby Street above a car dealership..I don't remember it's name. I was depressed and an easy target.

The 1st guy who raped me was a stocky older guy. He wasn't unattractive, but not Hal. He started to feed me alcohol and some kind pill. I was used to guys sharing drugs and no alarm bells went off. He offered me a ride up to the Base and I said okay. We went to his car and drove to a side street , he parked and the next think I knew he was fucking me...no lube or spit...just dry. It hurt. I'm not sure how long it went on...I was so drunk and or drugged I couldn't stop him. He dumped out and drove away. I was lucky he didn't mutilate me or take my life. I had no place or vocabulary to put this incident. At the time I just assumed it was all my fault and that I was a stupid fuck. I never thought of it as rape because men didn't rape other men.

The second time was about 2 months later. I saw Hal and his friends at the Cue and drank with them and then went to that club afterward. Before we went into the club we smoked some dope laced with PCP and took a hit of some Orange Sunshine...(acid and something)..plus more alcohol...I still don't know exactly what happened...I was in this dark abandoned apartment house and this man was raping me and beating me with his fists..he broke a tooth..I was like a bystander watching myself. He took my money (6 dollars) and left...I waited till it was light and I was a little more sober and made my way to a friend's apartment. I didn't get any medical or psychological treatment. I didn't tell anyone. Needless to say I never went back to that club....years latter in the 90's I was wandering around "The Ghent Market and Antique" building and there it was upstairs..the afterhours club ...it was way smaller than what it was in my mind eye.

The devastation to my self esteem lasted for years.

 

[bagley]

One of the wonderful things about being queer/pagan is the wonderful way you can look at the wacky wonky USA. We have a new generation of militant religious warriors..no it's not Islamic...it right here in the Colorado, USA. The USAF Academy for 20 years has been indoctrinating an elite officer corp in Evangelical Christianity. Cadets are being pressured into accepting this semi monastic rule or face ostracism or worse. Evangelical cadets are regularly pressuring their non believing classmates to conform....To me this development is more dire than prayer in public schools or even the anti gay agenda. After all a cadre of true believers with sophisticated weapons could in fact preform a coup d'etat. If this is happening in the USAF Academy..where else is it happening....Christians talk of love but, like Islam most of their early European conversions were "accept baptism or die".

The wonderful Christian Science Monitor..one of the few newspapers I really trust...has an on line article about the color change in Amerika...and the rise of the Latinos as the largest minority. The country has 294 millions of people (more or less) of these 197 million are vaguely white, non Hispanic with a very low rate of increase. Departing from the CSM a little we find actually about 10-40 million people claiming this white identity have mixed racial origins. With the very stupid "one drop rule"..we could subtract a conservative 10 million people from the white group. . 39 million are African-Amerikans. In genetic studies it seems that about 20% of African -Amerikans genetics are of European origin..Louisiana blacks has the highest rate of European admixture. So in fact the races have been blending in English speaking Amerika since 1619. Hispanics and Asians are fueling our population growth and our economic growth as well. Amerika is built on cheap labor, cheap energy and cheap consumer goods. 41 million Hispanic/Latino peoples are exploding. Asian populations are exploding....back to CSM. 294 -197=97. 97/297= 33% minority population.

My hope is diversity overtakes Amerika before the Christian Knights take over Amerika.

Reads: Just finished "KoolAids: The art of War" by Rabih Alameddine which is in part a book about Queer Arabs (Lebanese) AIDS and Middle Eastern Politics and Art. I give it 3 1/2 stars on a range of 5 stars.

Movies: Just saw "The Road To Love" French Arab boys exploring their homosexuality...Arab men are soooooooooo sensual..even the ST8 ones. One of the highlights of my erotic life was while watching some Egyptian Male belly dancers in Cairo (Giza) dancing in the street. Clapping and drumming showing bare torsos w/vests. The older Egyptian men were looking sex hungry and throwing down coins. Sensual movie..hard to follow the French dialog..ending is beautiful...full frontal nudity..no sex. 3 stars out of 5.

 

[bagley]

Happy Pride L.A...I'm going to the parade...and maybe the festival...15 bucks to get in...will have to think about it...I'm on a very strict budget.

As anyone who reads my blog knows..I am not on friendly terms with the "hoot and haller" Evangelical religion. How can so many people be so fucked in the head....I had two close friends who contracted AIDS in the 80's and died in the 90's. While I am being a reformed slut and being careful..these two guys were being the queens of the bare back world. Both of these guys were in the closet at work...I'll focus on Paul. Paul was born in Boston and was 1st generation Irish...claimed he was made in Ireland, but born in Boston. We had a similar poverty stricken background..except his was drowned in alcohol. He was a boy whore and sold his ass as a teenager...He never went to college, but joined the US Navy....and got a technical skill. I met Paul while we were in the same company technical school and we started to hang out. He knew from go..I was gay. It took me a while to figure him out. Why you ask..well he was extremely fanatical about religion...not just any religion, but a militant Calvinist branch of Presbyterian (Orthodox Presbyterian.) These people had converted him as a teenager and had really done a trip on him..everything was a sin. We became roommates after he came out to me.... and I saw this incredible pattern emerge.....He would go out and drink himself into a stupor..get gang banged....clean up and go to church. Sometimes he smelled so rank no amount of water could wash the funk away...but, he'd still go to church. He would come home and rant against my pagan/queer life style. After about 2 days he would quickly slip into depression and then go cruise the Hampton Blvd (Norfolk, Va) strip for rough sex. In 90 Paul told me he had HIV and it had actually progressed to AIDS. I helped nurse him though chills and fevers...lost of weight...he would still go out prowling..and he was still going to that fucked up church. At this time we were no longer roommates, but I visited him often. He lost his job through an alcohol incident (his 3rd or 4th formal warning)... he moved to San Diego and entered some sort of program at his Church's denominational college...and he made the mistake of telling one of his compassionate co-religionists about his AIDS status. She told the officials and ....They Dumped Him....He came back to Norfolk and stayed with me for a couple months...and then went to live back in Boston with family. To the end he was militant about his religion..to me...I believe it is logically wrong to condemn a whole body of people on an anecdotal incident, but in this case I will make an exception. After this fucked up incident I have never taken Evangelical Christianity seriously. For queers Christian compassion is double speak. It actually means "burn faggot burn"

 

[bagley]

It was the 35th Los Angeles Gay Pride March. This is the oldest legal gay parade in the USA...or so it claims....I read the history of the parade from the account given by the Rev. Troy Perry. It seems the NYC parade was blocked by politics and police...the LA City politicos granted the parade permit with a million dollar bond and agreement to pay for police protection. With the help of the ALCU the parade organizers took the City to court and they threw out the bond and the police payment...and the parade went on in Hollywood proper....to the scorn of the LAPD. The parade was moved to an unincorporated LA County area now known as WEHO to escape the LAPD's gay bashing policies. For those people who are not familiar with Los Angeles, the County is as big as Connecticut, has 88 cities and large unincorporated areas. Another famous County area is East Los Angeles area of "Born in East L.A." fame.

The LA 2005 festival was nice, and quite tame. Political and social organizations, religious organizations and vendors were the crux of it. We did see Jeanie Tracy sing and that was real good...she was a back up for Sylvester. Got a free, but lame porno DVD...a couple music CDs... and a drink or two. We had to leave at 6pm because we rode up on a city bus and it stopped at 7pm....

The parade was great........! Paris Hilton was LAME...Anna Nicole was doing her thang..but I though she was doing a parody of Paris. Caesar the Porn Star was there and looked Bulked up beyond belief...oh thrill.

Here are the things that freaked me out:

Honey Children the National Democrats have abandoned Gay people. LA has a heavy Democratic contingent...and not even an aide in sight. Warning....300,000 potential voters and not a National Dem in sight...not even Waxman or Waters....jeez boys and gurls...my early warning paranoia went off. There were plenty California Dems and the New Mayor elect Antonio ...but

There was a huge gay religious contingent to the parade. The Episcopal diocese had a huge number with obvious clergy holding hands and kissing their same sex partners....Lutherans and Unitarians. A large float by Agape (read New Age) Church...and MCC, of course and some others I didn't know about. There were no organized pagans/occult groups, no radical fairies...bummer...I was with the queer Wiccans in 93 at the March on DC...

There was a huge Latino contingent, including a group called Bienestar (sp) which helps with AIDS relief...The Van Nuys contingent was great.

To me it was a very good parade...my new friends Tommy and Aubrey..said it was toned down...example..no bare breasted dykes on bikes...no naked men. Where I sat there were no protesters..but I see in the blogoshpere..a few turned up.

 

[bagley]

I committed a political act....I should never have done it. Political acts are highly addictive, and for me seem counter productive. I manage my life by avoiding American televised political rhetoric and network news. Political adverts are banned in my house, as well. I can't stand Bush or Arnold...so click on the clicker and they are gone...I much prefer to read in the blogoshere, +++ the Christian Science Monitor. And on the dreaded Google, I have customized my own news page...I read BBC world news, Al Jezera...and others. I also look at Canadian sources. In the 2000 American election I worked myself into a frenzy...and it was unproductive. Now, if by chance I see Bush on Television....I hum the Darth Vader theme from "Star Wars". But after pride weekend in LA...I committed a political act..I wrote Barbara Boxer and my Congress woman Diane Watson. I told them I felt threatened by the wave of anti gay feelings emanating from the religious right...and especially by the anti gay ballot initiative the ultra right wing is trying to put on the California ballot. So, here I am again in a frenzy over political movements which are far beyond my ability to control or influence. But, I am calming down. I can return to my true interests; Art, Religion and Sex.

Here is what I realized: The left is dead. The Gay Civil Rights movement is perceived as an Albatross by the American Democratic Party. Gay and Lesbian Americans need to find Allies both foreign and domestic.

The large contingent of Churches at the LA Pride Parade and also at the festival puzzles me. I realize the Christian Scriptures can be open to interpretation. However, historical Christianity began killing fags, Jews and heretics almost as soon as they got political power. In the same way I am also puzzled over Messianic Jews or Republican Gays....

Books I recommend: "American Religion" by Harold Bloom. " Evangelicals At The Ballot Box" by Albert J. Menendez and anything by James Bothwell

Ramblings: Did you know that most of the original founders of the Mattachine Society were Marxists (or leaning that way) and organized the society in cells similar to Communist Party cells. When the Mattachine society became a semi public organization in California...the very first meeting purged all Commies, including Harry Hay. Hay started, at least in America, the idea of a separate Gay cultural entity. So, maybe this is one reason the Christers and the Popes hate Gay people.

Current read: "Kerouac" by Ann Charters...1987 St martin's Press, paperback. I wish I had the original Straight Arrow edition. So far so good.

 

[bagley]

It's no secret I think it is stupid for gay people to copy the heterosexist hegemonical model of marriage. For some reason I just love that phrase heterosexist hegemony...I say FUCK the patriarchy. The model for modern monogamy isn't working for the ST8s...what makes gay people think that partnership model will work for them.
The modern Christian marriage is a very recent invention. Before the Industrial Revolution marriage was an economic affair. In the upper classes marriage was dynastic and property based. Upper crust people married to gain fortunes or titles and had love on the side. Peasants married to produce more farm workers and as a form of social security. It is only in the late 19th Century urban areas that true love becomes a reason for marriage. When you realize there is no actual marriage ceremony in the "Bible" you wonder , what the fuck are these Christians so crazy about "traditional family values". If anything the historic Christian view is about the evilness of sex, women and the body. Beating your wife was a very acceptable practice. I think the Christian monogamists know on a gut level that their model is flawed. If they allow a slight variance the whole "kit and caboodle" will collapse. We have a good look at this insecurity in the opposition the 19th century the "Christian" American Republic took to Mormon polygamy. They made laws against polygamy and threatened armed invasion of Utah...the Mormons caved and as a reward Utah was granted statehood. However if you examine the Bible you will find a very good case for polygamy.

Harold Bloom is my God. I worship all his books (except "J") ... "American religion" opened my mind up so much..I must give it special status. Bloom says American Christianity is basically a Gnostic religion and this gnosis invades all aspects of the republic. America is an ideal which becomes sullied when it touches matter. Hence the ugliness of the American Urban landscape...the cult of the individual, totally apart, alone with god, self possessed. The idea means much more than the hard physical reality.

 

[bagley]

I found some homo-erotic Jean Cocteau drawings and thought I would start to post some of them. It is no wonder to me that France and the French have had a dominate role in Western culture and art. Here, in fortress America we choose to pretend France doesn't exist.....I've been to the south of France a couple times for extended stays and loved the sights, smells and the food....even the simple meals were wonderful. I really enjoyed meeting the Arabic men in the port cities.

Hiked up Mt. Hollywood, at Griffith Park again and it was warm...saw some lizards...some butterflies...some yellow bellied swallow type birds...and a pair of red tailed hawks doing a mating aerial dance..That was so wonderful.