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Balancing time between family and boyfriend

D

deserter85

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Hi all,

I've started a couple of threads on this particular board in the past...
And I'm now facing some trouble and would gladly welcome any help I can get from this board.

Things with my boyfriend are now better than ever.

However, there will be a tiny problem in about 1 month or so.

When my boyfriend was performing in Melbourne, we were apart for about 2.5 weeks and we'd decided that 2.5 weeks apart was a really long time and that we really shouldn't do that again as we missed each other terribly. However, I'll need to fly to Singapore in December to visit my folks.

Originally, he had planned to visit me and possibly even spend Christmas with me. However, due to financial constraints, it seems like that the plan will most probably fall through. And I REALLY don't want to spend one whole month away from him because I'll miss him WAY too much.

As such, I was then planning to spend more time in Australia before I return. However, my parents told me that I had to return to Singapore by 5 December - that's the day my cousin is getting married. Personally, I really don't see the point of attending the wedding of a cousin I've never spoken more than 20 sentences to in my life. But my parents are guilt-tripping the shit out of me to get me to fly back in time. Plus, I'm Chinese and the concept of "showing face" is very important to my parents.

So I guess my question here is this - should I obey my parents and attend a wedding I seriously don't give a shit about or should I spend more time with my boyfriend and make myself happy? Btw, I'm not out to my parents, if it makes a difference to my predicament...
 
Not being Chinese, I can't speak directly to your cultural issues.

Are you financially independent of your parents? If not now, will you be if you disobey their wishes? ;)

There's something to be said for family obligations, if they're not too big an obstacle.

Ah, youth. A month seems like forever to you, doesn't it? :)
 
Family is a big thing for you, and I respect that.

As an adult, you have to make decisions for yourself. What do you want?
 
Thanks Halifaxboy8 and Lube for your replies.

Halifax, your reply was a nice little reminder. Hell, if I'd continued living my life just to obey my parent's wishes, I'll be marrying some Asian girl and have her shoot out a couple of baby boys ASAP (crude as it sounds, but that's really what my parents want).

So yeah, I've decided that I'm not going to attend a wedding of someone that I don't even know the name of (seriously, I just know him as "the son of my second aunt" as I've never really spoken to him) just to please my parents.

Actually that was what I had decided to do before I posted here anyway. I would've changed my mind and attend the wedding if everyone here is going to condemn me, saying what a shitty son I am for not attending the wedding. But well, nobody's doing that so that's that.
 
Its ok to not attend a wedding of someone who you do not know well.

For my family, as long as there's a representative of that family, then not everyone have to be present.
 
will you still be visiting your rents at some point?
 
I'm assuming you meant parents, then the anwer is yes.

Just that I'm going to give the wedding a miss.
 
I think the wedding might be fun for you even if you don't know the guy because you get to see everyone else that you do know and haven't gotten to see in a long time. There aren't many events where you have a chance to see certain people.

It depends on how serious you are with your boyfriend though. If you're only been going out for a couple of months then you might regret not going if you guys break up a little while later. If you do go and your relationship falls apart for being apart for just a month then the relationship was never too strong to begin with. It's your life though so it's your decision.
 
I just figured out and easy solution for you. Why not just stay there for 2 weeks or 1 week or 5 days? Why does it have to be a month? It'll make both you and your parents happy. Just tell them you have to keep up with school or your job. People will understand why you can't be there for a month.
 
As a Westener I don't know much about Asian culture even if you are Australian. However, if its a serious relationship he will understand. I also have cousins that aren't my "best friends". Yet if you don't really want to go express to your family why not (if possible). If you do have do go as mentioned before make up an excuse as to why a month long stay isn't feasible... Good Luck
 
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