Barebacking in a relationship

[mcbrion]

I remember in San Francisco, around 1986, when the crisis was in full swing, and Castro Street looked like a war zone with men in wheelchairs, walkers, canes, Kaposi Sarcoma being the most obvious sign that someone had full-blown AIDS.
One of my friends, one day, as we were walking down Castro Street, stated he would never, ever bareback, no matter who it was. Never. Ever. And I thought, well, that's his right. And that's yours, too.
The thing is, my friend was someone I had dated and was aware he had considerable emotional defenses around trust. On a 1-10, I'd put him at a 10. And that made staying with him untenable. Not due to using condoms or any physical restrictions (couldn't have cared less about that), but because he was unable to trust anyone completely.
Ultimatums in relationships suck - unless, of course, it's someone telling you that your compulsive gambling, drug habits, drinking, abusiveness - have to stop or they're out. But that's standing up for your own emotional (and physical) health. What he is clearly feeling is that you don't trust him and the reasons why you feel this way are important for him to know. Does he know? If he does know, and he's still laying down the no-condom line-in-the-sand argument, then it sounds like emotional blackmail unless there's something you haven't put in your post. Perhaps a therapist is called for. You can't go on forever living in fear, and he sounds like he's hurt you don't trust him. Something will have to give eventually, unless you both intend to remain together and miserable.

 

[Hidden Element]

I remember in San Francisco, around 1986, when the crisis was in full swing, and Castro Street looked like a war zone with men in wheelchairs, walkers, canes, Kaposi Sarcoma being the most obvious sign that someone had full-blown AIDS.
One of my friends, one day, as we were walking down Castro Street, stated he would never, ever bareback, no matter who it was. Never. Ever. And I thought, well, that's his right. And that's yours, too.
The thing is, my friend was someone I had dated and was aware he had considerable emotional defenses around trust. On a 1-10, I'd put him at a 10. And that made staying with him untenable. Not due to using condoms or any physical restrictions (couldn't have cared less about that), but because he was unable to trust anyone completely.
Ultimatums in relationships suck - unless, of course, it's someone telling you that your compulsive gambling, drug habits, drinking, abusiveness - have to stop or they're out. But that's standing up for your own emotional (and physical) health. What he is clearly feeling is that you don't trust him and the reasons why you feel this way are important for him to know. Does he know? If he does know, and he's still laying down the no-condom line-in-the-sand argument, then it sounds like emotional blackmail unless there's something you haven't put in your post. Perhaps a therapist is called for. You can't go on forever living in fear, and he sounds like he's hurt you don't trust him. Something will have to give eventually, unless you both intend to remain together and miserable.

hip
spot on right there. In the end of the day its ur choice not his and tbh i can ever see myself BB in any realtionship. the risk to me just isnt worth it. sex without condoms sure its most likely slightly better, but is it really THAT much better? some how i think not