Basic Lingering Depression

[funsicles]

My mother passed away on the 26th, and we just buried her on Saturday the 29th. She had a long, valiant battle with her leukemia and lupus (and other various diseases), but she always bounced back. I have 4 sisters (2 older) and several nieces and nephews of various ages in addition to my own 8 y.o. son. I am a psych major with just a masters in social psychology, but also a former counselor. So, I know what to say, think, or feel, but it doesn't make it any easier.

It feels like I have to be strong for everybody else, as my closest friends are living states away living their own lives, and a phone call just feels empty. I am 35, and I should know better, but sometimes I just want to curl up on someone's lap or chest or breast and bawl my eyes out. As it is, as it only when I am in the shower, driving by myself, pooping, or in the wee hours of the morning that I get these sudden whelms of grief that I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Alas, such is life, and even just writing this is helping me somewhat. I know that there isn't a set time for grief, and when it's time, I will come to terms. In a way, helping my nieces and nephews is helping me a lot.

P.S. Not being an intimacy notice, but having so many of her coworkers, friends, and acquaintances seeing me in public coming up and hugging me out of the blue is not helping things at all. Their tears and semi-concealed gasps trigger my own, and it's rough.

 

[KaraBulut]

I am sorry to hear of your mother's illness and death. Losing a parent is rough.

Probably the worst thing that can be said about someone who has passed is that no one grieved their loss. It sounds like your mother has a lot of people who miss her and who grief over the loss.

Why should you expect to be "strong for everybody else"? Grief is a shared experience. Grieving over loss is one of those few things that every human on the planet has in common.

There's no words of wisdom to make make it go away or pass quicker. It is a process. You just have to believe that there will be a day in the future where the burden begins to feel less overwhelming. And in time, your happy memories will replace your grief.

 

[funsicles]

WHOA!!! Not to be a drama queen, nor am I seeking unsolicited attention or sympathy., but my younger sister just passed away on the 13th from an accidental heroin overdose. Thankfully, he chose to come and live with me and my son. Yes, I am still grieving my mother and now my sister too, but it's time for me to put on my Big Boy pants and be supportive for my 12 y.o. newphew, my son, and my remaining sisters. My poor nephew lost his grandmother AND mother in less than 3 weeks! My son is 8 y.o., and kids are resilient by and large, so he's doing okay. "Kyle" (not his real name) is taking this the hardest!

"Getting to" (not "Having To") be strong and supportive for another loved one certainly gets one out of his or her own head right quick!!! We've hugged a lot, taking turns weeping (me) and outright sobbing (him). I don't have the answers to the questions he has, and none of us do. He's fallen asleep on my shoulder (and then lap), and I let him. HUGE Mistake, as I woke up with the world's sorest neck ever from sleeping sitting up on the couch.

My sisters have brought over all of his clothes and electronics from their apartment, and he has his own room here. Kyle has until the 5th to decide what he wants done with the furniture, household goods, and her personal effects. I have made mention of this in a passing sort of fashion, so as to not set off the water works, but that failed. If he fails to make a determination, my remaining sisters and I have nominated our dad (Kyle's dad died in a work-related accident) to pay for a storage unit until the time comes when he is ready to make such decisions.

When it rains, it pours! Alas, I still subscribe to the belief that everything happens for a reason. At the very least, Kyle gets to be strong for my Nate when he gets misty-eyed over missing grandma. 8 and 12 years old having to deal with almost back-to-back tragedies. I feel that they are good for one another, and we are best together!!!

 

[Rickrock]

My sympathy for your losses. The fact that you are supporting each other through this probably helps each of you. My deepest sympathy and appreciation for your strength. Unload on us whenever you feel the need to.

 

[PrinceCory]

My sympathy for your losses. The fact that you are supporting each other through this probably helps each of you. My deepest sympathy and appreciation for your strength. Unload on us whenever you feel the need to.

I couldn't have said it better. Take care, funsicles.

 

[funsicles]

We just got back from a 6-day of a 5-day rental canoeing and camping trip: all of my remaining sisters, their husbands, boyfriend, and all of my nieces and nephews! Lol ... poor kids were without service per their respective mobile devices most of the time. Of course there was some drama, as is the case in most extended family vacations, but overall, we all had a blast and a half! We laughed, we cried, and waxed nostalgia. We fished and cooked our fresh catches over an open flame of our campfire. Thankfully, our canoe rental place offered the service of replenishing our dry ice every day at designated spots along the river. Lol ... we almost needed two extra canoes just for our supplies, and one night, we were even visited by a sow black bear and her two cubs!!! Thankfully, we had our meats and food tied and hanging over a tree branch just out of their reach. THAT was exciting, if not outright SCARY!

That was the best and most cathartic vacation that I've had in my ever lifetime! It even eclipses the one 5-way I had in Vegas 6 years ago, lol. We all promised to do it again next year, but we'll see ... you know how life tends to get in the way of our best intended plans. At least, we have this one cherished and beloved vacation to think back on. My job wasn't going to let me go, as we are so short-handed. I told them that I haven't taken a vacation in over 3 years, choosing instead to just sell my vacation time back for cash. I needed this vacation, and I was going to take it, so they can either accept it or fire me! I report back to work tomorrow.

Grief will be a constant, always in the back of my mind, but it doesn't govern me. I get to be strong for my family, and that helps a lot. Family is most important, and the petty squabbles and bickering at work seem almost moot. As a shift manager at a Native American casino, I get to hear a lot of complaints, mostly from workers over those from guests. (Casinos have GUESTS ... NOT customers!) My heart and soul are reborn, and I am ready for whatever else life has to throw my way! Lol ... most uncomfortable, but after our bear encounter, my 8 y.o. son insisted on sharing my sleeping bag with me for the remaining 3 nights! Don't tell him, but I enjoyed that closeness more than he'll ever know!!! Lol ... even his drool on my pillow was accepted.

 

[Rickrock]

It's so good hearing good news. I'm so glad that you had this renewing vacation for you and your family. Also glad that the bear experience came out okay. Good luck on your job.