Becoming a slave

[gdude30]

Okay so.

Before anyone flames the hell out of me.

Voluntarily slavery. Serving a sir or a dom. Being able to leave any time you want. And doing it because you want to not because it's forced.

Just needed to clear that up since the term "slave" varies for everyone.

Anyways.

Wait a minute. When I think about this. What led to this whole other side. Was meeting that master guy at the leather booth at the Atlanta Pride Meet. Because of JUB...

THANK YOU JUB

I never knew this forum did so much for me.. Anyways. To the main topic.

After I got back from college my obsession with finding a master was so great that I found and we had a play session once and it did not go too well because he travels way too much and only uses tools and things that I wasn't and still am not ready for yet. The next master I found was a cop. We met two times before going to his place. I submitted to him both physically and mentally and I serviced him a bit and while I enjoyed the sex I noticed that he would get pleasure from my struggling and the pain that he gave out.

I then learned that he was a sadist. And because I'm not a masochist a sadist is not what I need right now. Because I joined a gay Master and Slave site and met a master with a boy in person from that site he gave me insight to a group called MasT.

After talking with this guy and talking with someone else on the gay dating site who is in charge of the group, I went to the first meeting with the master who i met on the site and meet in person. The group was really informative for me and the subs answered alot of my questions. And one of the subs who I talked to is a sub who took interest me from the first time he saw me. I also talked to the Sir who is in charge of the MasT meetings. Well on the board. After talking to him at the party he offered me an opportunity which has led to my current situation.

He offered me the chance to come over and observe the lifestyle with him and his slave and be a fly on the wall and watch the experience since it's one of the best ways to take baby steps into the lifestyle. It was originally agreed that there would be no sex unless I instigated it. But even though Sir claims I started it. He was the one who wanted to take a nap with me a while back >_>".

Anyways pressing fast forward. I have played with Sir and Slave on multiple occasions, sir has helped me move more towards a cooking career, improved my self esteem, given me some selfworth, taught me dinner ettiqute, style, old guard protocols, and has started to move me in the right direction. I am more honest with my parents too. Although they know Sir and Slave exist. They do not know the lifestyle they represent. But my dad has even commented on how I am changing lately with improving my image, having more self confidence, and cooking for them.

Slave has helped me determine what kind of masters are good and what are bad and taught me alot about dating and hooking up red flags and things to look for. As well as advice about the lifestyle. He's helped me from correcting myself so that way my ass isn't cherry red by Sir's spankings >_>"

I have also been to a few MasT parties and meets now, talked to several doms and subs and impressed some of Sir's friend's and alot of doms now have alot of respect for me. Not only that but even at my work. I now talk to customers sometimes, ask if I can take their trays for them, and enjoy work a little more now then I did before I left college. Sir and Slave are improving my life. While the lifestyle is unknown and questionable to some.

What have they done to me that's wrong? Nothing. And even if someone suggest I should cut and run. It's too late. I've already formed a bond with both of them that would hurt us all if I broke it.

Ever since I went to a sex club an alarm has gone of in Sir's head that I am in danger and that he wants to do all he can to protect me. Because of previous memories with someone he knew. So ever since I was stupid and did that he doesn't want me playing with other guys. He only wants me to play with him and his slave.

He has also hinted many times after that about me becoming his boy. Or second slave.

While the talk was postponed because of my lack of sleep. That's another thing Sir has improved. I SLEEP NOW. I'm happier too

So I spent the evening and spent the night at his house on new years eve. With my parent's consent of course. And I loved being with them. I actually felt like I was part of their life when I was over there. More then christmas eve. I had alot of fun too..and that other fun

I told myself before I leave that I'd talk to Sir about what he meant about, "We'll talk more on new years."

So after getting shaved and when Sir and Slave were gonna take me home I hopped on the bed and confronted Sir. I asked why he wanted me to only have sex with him and he told me the reason which was the sex club thing. Which I did not know until today. It scared both of them.

I told Sir the hint's he's been dropping and what they were about.

Sir told me that he wanted to make me his slave in training. I said I probably can't do that becuase I can't live with them. At least I don't think. He said he'd have to talk to his slave about me moving in. I tested it to see what he'd think of that idea even though I know we are FAR from that. I guess it's something they both think about sometimes too. But anyways.

TO THE MAIN POINT OF THIS. Everything up til now was just a prelude and I suppose if you have nothing else to do read. But if you want to get the gist of it and reply start reading!

Sir has told me that if I want to become his slave in training that I will not have sex with other guys, that I will be his. And that he will be my Sir and I don't have to look anymore. That I will have to write a journal of what I do everyday and that I would tell him about who I talk to online as well. Very smart move Sir. Very smart.

He also said that instead of wearing slave's training collar. That I've have my very own collar. In the slave and master style. Collaring a slave, boy, and sub is the best thing that a master/dom/sir can offer a sub, boy, or slave. The collar represents, love, dedication, ownership, and commitment. Fuck those boring wedding rings

Sir told me that tomorrow that he'd type out everything that comes with becoming his part time slave in training and that Slave was gonna get out his fun 100 question sheets. Sir groaned at that. I have had so much time to think about the offer.

There is no limit. But I told him I'll tell him tomorrow. So after I look at the terms and I look for any other details if I see everything to be reasonable I want to become his slave.

And if I see something unreasonable I will discuss it with Sir.

So I'm already on this path of becoming a slave and I've met some really important people. Sir said that the training after becoming a slave in training is alot harder and he will be alot stricter as well. If someone is not serious about the lifestyle now is their time to back out. If they are unsure of themselves now is the time to ask themselves if they have it in them.

I am wondering if this will change things between me, sir, and slave.

I am also wondering if I should take the next step to becoming a slave. I had my own reasons for pursuing this lifestyle at first. But now. My reasons are different.

I am wondering if anyone here knows a friend who is in the lifestyle or knows of the lifestyle and how hard the training to become a slave is. It has been hard for me up til now and it wasn't even fully training. I haven't even experienced a scene yet.

But I've done everything right and immersed myself in the lifestyle by looking at it through my own eyes and letting my senses feel it. And while we have played around it hasn't been a scene or a session yet.

I know I wasn't ready for that before. But the question is am I ready for it now?

I don't see too many reasons to give up right now. It's like I've finally gotten that guide and direction I need in my life. But even though I am on the right path. Am I ready to become a slave and slowly but surely become a man. The thought of being a man and being better then I am not scares me. But I do want to grow. So much. But I am scared of the growth and change. But I guess we can't run from growing up forever. So the only question is what do now.

Alot of people have helped me on here and I can't guarantee that this will be the last time I'll ever ask for help. While I mostly rely on myself I have learned that it's beneficial for me to get a second opinion from others. And also. I am starting to care what people think of me and even though I don't come on here much because I've been so busy living. I can't just abandon this place. And this time I do want people to say something negative or stereotypical if they feel they have to. Or express any concern they have or completely disagree if they need to. I want those opinions right now.

I want everything on the table so I can see what everyone else thinks then check myself and make the decision. This is a huge step for me if I do this. So for the 100th time..

What should I do?

(One last thing)

I did forget one last thing.

There is a reason for me to be hesitant. My first. The guy who took my virginity and me are still friends. He still loves me and part of me loves him. He almost met these two but because both Sir and him care about me so much and Sir doesn't share. They would have ended up fighting. I think in some ways he already knows that he has lost. In the aspect of me being with him. For now anyways. Nothing is forever. The good and the bad. I always keep that in mind. But telling him they collared me would be a total K.O. for him. I know we could still hang out and meet sometimes. But things would be different. But even though I still do care about him alot. I don't feel the same way for him the way I used to do. So I don't feel regrets if I let Sir collar me. But I do care about his feelings. But I know what he wants is best for me. And even though he doesn't like or understand the lifestyle. He knows it's my choice. Both him and Sir know that. And even though he says I should still have sex with him if I get collared. The collar represents alot. The only way I could make a comeback is. "if we were together you wouldn't want me having sex with someone else would you." Because that's the way it is. Just in another light I suppose with the leather and master and slave lifestyle. But that's my final note on this.

And that is something I need to think alot about tonight. And I need to call him tonight too. Even though he'd say I don't need to tell him this. I want to tell him this. And originally I did think if I found a master I'd grow and everything and go back to college and then get it out of my system and be with him. I don't want it out of my system. I want to embrace it. And I don't want this to be a quick thing. I will take as much time as I need to explore this lifestyle. And with sir and slave. I don't plan on rushing what could be or ending the bond that I have with them. So I guess the dilemna is if I should tell my first. And if I do if we should still hang out. It would be painful for him. But I need to talk to him. Glad I wrote this out. I hope more obstacles don't appear. But still. I have time to think about this. I need to get to sleep though. My eyes are burning.

 

[hotatlboi]

I'm not even going to say what I really think out of respect for you but I'll just say that I think you are too young to be doing something like this. I would wait until I was a little older so you can be sure if this is what you really want.

 

[breion]

This actually happens in the same country I live in. WOW!!

 

[manofsummer]

Too long. I will read 10 lines everyday and reply once I'm done.

 

[josher]

I will say gdude that this is perhaps the most lucid post you've ever made. So perhaps you are getting a bit more organized mentally.

However, as I said when you first brought this subject up before, I don't believe that you are emotionally mature or stable enough to get involved in this.

I have nothing against the Slave/Master lifestyle, if those involved are sane and sensible.

But, as others have said, I don't believe you are anywhere near ready to make this kind of lifestyle choice.

Do tell your "first." While I think he's much too old for you, at least I'm hoping he'll offer you some sensible advice about the Slave/Master way of life for someone your age.

You certainly do need discipline in your life with regard to sleeping, work, study and other habits, but you don't need "that" sort of discipline.

 

[gdude30]

I have read many of your posts and threads and blogs concerning this subject. I won't tell you what I really think about your decision and why I believe you have made it. All I will say is... it's not because of the JUB meet!!!!!

If I were you I would seriously suggest you start looking to go back to school. Preferably in a state far away from home... like California for example. I could say a lot more, but I won't.

Best of luck to you, dude.

It's a good thing darkness. If I never came on JUB I probably wouldn't have gone to pride cause I wouldn't have had someone to go with. I will say that it is possible I would have met someone else later or sooner to sort of reveal my interest in the lifestyle and the results might have been the same or different. However it could have been or should been. This is how it is.

College huh. Slave told me the same thing. Well he told me to just always keep in in mind and never throw it aside. And I haven't so far. I still do think about it. But just not yet. As long as I hold onto the thought of college I will go back someday. But i need to decide what kind of college to go to first. I need to explore and live a little too.

Although I think I might be closer to being ready to going back.

Thank you darkness.

Whatever floats your boat and rocks your socks.

All I can say is be careful, if Sir takes this whole thing too seriously he might take over your entire life. I've lost contacts with good friends who's lover didn't want them talking to anyone else, and knock on wood but I'm sure you can imagine the worst-case scenario if he get accustomed to his owenrship of you and snaps when you try to break that bond somewhere down the line.

For the record, I HAVE to give you props on this line.

Fuck wedding rings

Preach it!

I like your woody Marley

That is very true Marley. I am not ready for that yet. But even if Sir is slowly taking over and molding into me into what he wants me to be. Without him knowing he is molding me into what I want to be and have been afraid to be. And yes even appearance wise with the haircut I am looking a bit similar to him. And I remember for some time my first was trying to make me like him but in some ways I wanted to be like him. I do disagree with some of the things he thought of. Just like with Sir. And I voice those opinions. Even if he does mold me into what he wants. It will be what he wants me to be with one hell of a twist and a mind of it's own . The not having sex with others, telling him about who I talk to and writing about what I do and giving it to him is for him to learn more about me and what I think. And the sex thing is to protect me. And for the time being. It's best that I am with them and not tempted to do things with other guys out there.

Yes I can Marley. But something you should already know. I've already lost some people by admitting that I am interested in this lifestyle. It's unknown, misunderstood, and scary to some. But if people don't like me for that oh well. I will be glad to explain it to them. But I ain't gonna take the "Oh no it's just pain and leather." But yes. I will still go to my social groups and events and maintain my friends. And I'll make damn sure that Sir knows about that. Especially since I ain't living with him.

And yes. Fuck rings. Collars are way cooler

Yeah gdude, I've been reading a few of your blog entries and this seems like something you really want to do but, before you agree to becoming Sir's "slave" make sure he lays out everything on the table what that entitles.

And training, this is the first time I ever heard of this. After you complete training do you get a certificate or something verifying your status as a slave?

Thank you. It's good to know people read it sometimes. Oh definately. I ain't agreeing til shit until he tells me all the details and it's in writing.

Well basically right now what I've had is life experience, protocols, etiquette, and had a few hidden tests by Sir. Some of the things I have learned people have known for a long time. But I never really learned good table manners and social skills. But as well as showing Sir that I am devoted and that whenever I could I would go over and see them and not make up some excuse to not see them or blow them off. If they are gonna put their time and effort into it they need to make sure that I am serious. I they know I am.

Interesting you bring that up to. I guess this phase of training I am doing. Is either done subtly or is not done. Well depends on how the person learns. Getting to know the person and TAKING IT SLOW and becoming accustomed to their way of life and seeing if you are compatible is partly training I think. Or let's just say. Somehow they have been training me.

But yes getting a "collar" is usually the start of true training. Following protocols more strictly, maybe learning about scene play and engaging in it and not necessarily testing your limits. But doing things you thought you were never capable of. Limits should ALWAYS be respected. And sometimes going beyond limits. It really depends on the dom/master or Sir though. I know I will start having more things up my ass though. A butt plug I got as a gift for one. Oh and that posture bar. But the buttplug thing is because Sir is an ass man. Oh god I hope he never reads this >_>'

Some slaves once they have gone to the next level after being collared will try new things, maybe with others, or have a tag. It can be officially documented and have papers that a Sir owns a slave or a boy. It can be in writing. Whether it's in writing, document, or certificates is all up to the people involved.

Oh I'll stop I'm ranting now..damn.

But yeah..

I can't wait til tomorrow now!

I really need to discuss it more with Sir and Slave as well too before I say, "Yes"

 

[KaraBulut]

What two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is none of anyone else's business.

But that rule doesn't apply here.

This isn't about fun sex-play or casual experimentation with kink. You're talking about going into a particular lifestyle.

You're asking if it okay that a young man in his early 20s embark on the path to a narrow, limited form of sexuality. You might as well be asking us if you should join the Hare Krishna or the Catholic priesthood.

We could say, "Well, if that's what you want to do...".

Or we could say, "So, you're slamming the door on the other 99% of gay men who aren't into the master-slave BDSM scene?"

It is time to consider therapy, if for no other reason than to determine if this is really the right thing for you.

 

[Lube]

DISCLAIMER: I am not a mental health professional. I have not yet read your blog postings. (I do recall some of your posts here, though, GDude).

I typically agree with MoltenRock and KaraBulut, and would be more inclined to do so here, if you had met only the Dom.

But the difference to me seems to be that:

a. You've met his sub/boy, and see how he treats him (both in day-to-day life and sexually). Presumably he treats him well, or you wouldn't be considering this.

b. Master seems to have helped you a lot in your day-to-day life (cooking, sleeping, dealing with people).

I do not think you are too young. I think this is something you need to do. To get closure on (to see what it's like).

A slave agreement is not binding in any US state, of course. It's all in your head. That can be very powerful psychologically, but it's not legal in any way shape or form.

Does he keep his current slave bound up all day? Does he have a job or a life outside of home? How tight a rein does Master keep on him? Will you be treated the same way?

Although the fantasy is that you're stuck with him forever, the truth is that you'll be able to leave at any time (brainwashing notwithstanding).

You will learn a lot about yourself if you do this. Maybe it is what you want. Maybe you will find that, ultimately, it's not what you want.

 

[gdude30]

Thank you Lube.

I appreciate the support.

His slave has the true heart of a slave. His slave does things for his master not because he has to or is expected to but because he wants to. But his slave also works. His Master let's slave go out and have friends of his own but I don't think slave does that so much. They really do like each other though and do most things together. I've even invited both of them to a group that I go to and that was good.

Yes that is true. It's not like I'm being held against my will or something. I'm glad that you acknowledged that I have gotten to observe both slave and master and learn alot about them before I consider this next step. And you are very right Lube. But as slave has told me. BSDM/S&M/ and Leather is a phase. The only difference is how long it lasts. And if you leave it if you come back to it later then life. So yes I completely know it's a phase and might not be what I want. But for now it's what I'm exploring. And this much is true.

I have considered the, "Slamming the door to 99% of non BSDM gays" as well. I'll still have friends and everything though. And I can be friends with someone who is not into BSDM as long as they respect that I am in the lifestyle. Sir has some straight and vanilla friends. And whenever they come over both me and slave are dressed. He respects the fact that it's not their cup of tea. The whole lifestyle is not a 24/7 thing like some think it is.

My worry is that it might end up the other way around, with him turning you into something that won't make you happy and will lead you further away from "yourself." I think these situations can be fun for all parties involved, but I think you should have a solid sense of identity before you hand your life over to someone else to mold to their liking. The kink part of it sounds fun, but I could see this having undesirable psychological effects on some people, codependency is a bitch.

Codependency is a bitch. And you are right. I am starting to learn more about myself by being with Sir and Slave though. And I don't think Sir will completely mold me into what he wants me to be. He will do his best to make me a perfect slave. But as I have learned. SLAVES ARE NOT MINDLESS DRONES. Nor are they stupid. A slave is a strong man. His slave is really strong and smart. And has a personality and breathe of his own. Despite the fact that he is owned by Sir. His humanity is something that cannot be owned. And those masters and sir's who think they can own a person's humanity are stupid.

Is Sir aware of this "helluva twist?" Is he aware that you plan on voicing your opinion? That seems like the opposite of what a dom. would want.

Uh. What I meant by that is so far I have been molded alot. And I've been afraid of losing myself. But I'm still me. Even though I've changed alot. I know there is a possibility I can be someone other then me. But as long as I hang onto my will I think I'll always still be what makes me..well me. Even though I will change in other ways all the time. And that's regardless of if I entered this lifestyle or not.

I really can't put my finger on why but this sentence leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. I honestly don't know why though.

That is a bit personal. Not that I don't play safe or anything like that. And I've pretty much stopped hook ups. But between finding some random guy to have sex with over someone I really like and have grown to care about and someone who cares about me. I'd rather go with the more sensible reason. And while I used to be worried about what else is out there and If I'm missing out on something. For the time being I will explore this and be content.

Definately Marley. When I see him in a few minutes I will talk to him about that.

Final Update:

I was worried and stressed last night and talked to a dom who is a good friend of mine and who knows Sir. He made me feel better about it and I emailed Sir last night and he responded and answered all my questions and fears.

I will still discuss things with him today though. But I really want to become his slave in training. And it looks like that's what is gonna happen. But I'm gonna go for a 3 month trial for now.


Thank you everyone. Both the criticism and optimism has been very helpful.

 

[KaraBulut]

But as slave has told me. BSDM/S&M/ and Leather is a phase. The only difference is how long it lasts.

The slave is kidding himself.

A phase is when you get out the candles and the tit clamps to spice up a long term relationship.

BDSM is a seldom a phase.

I have considered the, "Slamming the door to 99% of non BSDM gays" as well. I'll still have friends and everything though.

There's a lot of judgment by the gay community toward the leather community. You will lose friends and your non-leather friends won't be accepting of your lifestyle.

But that's not my point.

What I think most of us would wish for you is a healthy relationship of equals where you have someone to love and someone to love you. If you add the requirement of a master-slave relationship to that, you're excluding a lot of gay guys from what is already a limited number of candidates.

 

[gdude30]

LOL. That fetish being an illness reminds me of how they used to call homosexuality an illness.

Thank for your diagnosis Molten Rock. I suppose it can't be helped that I am labelled as having a sickness and being judged more. First being gay gets me that, liking older guys, and now having a fetish illness. I am just on a roll with pissing off society. Ain't a I stinker.

The slave is kidding himself.

A phase is when you get out the candles and the tit clamps to spice up a long term relationship.

BDSM is a seldom a phase.

It could be that. Or it could be that I am bad at repeating what someone else said or getting the root of their meaning. For some it is I guess. With slave it's not a phase anymore. It might have been before. He used to be in a vanilla relationship before he met his previous trainer and then met Sir. The whole concept of S&M, BSDM, and Slave and Master Lifestyle has molded with his being. So it is no longer a phase but I guess people going into it the possibility of it being a phase and something they won't do forever is high. But not everyone is the same.

There's a lot of judgment by the gay community toward the leather community. You will lose friends and your non-leather friends won't be accepting of your lifestyle.

But that's not my point.

What I think most of us would wish for you is a healthy relationship of equals where you have someone to love and someone to love you. If you add the requirement of a master-slave relationship to that, you're excluding a lot of gay guys from what is already a limited number of candidates.

This is true. But not all the time. Some people in the gay community aren't hateful or have strong negative feelings about the leather community. They might not agree with a person for pursuing the lifestyle but they might not hate the person for it either. I don't really have that many friends anyways though. And I have some told and they are accepting of it. And some aren't.

That's a great point you bring up. I remember that when someone posted their pictures on here once with them having sex. Someone asked who was the sub and who was the dom. And the owner of the pictures said that neither. That they are equal. It truly depends on the relationship between the two. With slave and Sir even though Slave is the sub in the relationship Sir very much respects him and they work as a team. Sir doesn't make all the decisions. By some in the community they might say something like Sir isn't strict enough and that he should make all the decisions. Sir does usually have the final word. But that doesn't mean that slave can't give him ideas or influence him in one way or another. It might not be true equality which some have in a relationship. It's just a different form of equality. Something which I don't think can be explained. I'd like to say it's a trade off but I'm not sure if that's it. Maybe checks and balances?

With Sir and Slave they both love each other. Now I know you are concerned about me feeling left out or not feeling any love. It's not poly at the moment. I am not sure if that will change if I become collared or not. But I do know someone who has made a poly relationship work and he told me that I should not toss away that chance if it ever comes up. And I do like them both. I don't pick sides with them. And that's somewhat rare. Of course I'm not saying I want a poly with them right now. But I think about it sometimes. Doesn't mean I'll act on that though. I'll just see where this leads for now.

Another thing is that this might not be forever. After 3 months I might go, "Well fuck this shit. I don't like this lifestyle anymore."

The leather community for the most part is a small community. I am aware of this. And guys who I have had crushes on in the past who have winked at me now I've been subtle enough to turn them down. And yes it does seem a bit cruel that there might be people out there who I get along with great and might have a good relationship with. And the fact that I would reject them for not being a master or sir or into the lifestyle might sound a bit cynical and be life.

And what I've started to wonder and question is the whole soul mate thing. I think it's complete bullshit. I think there might not be a thousand people out there who would be good for us. But definately more then one. And the reason for that is because people are so different, unpredictable, and no one is the same. So it seems like that my idea is right. But I also know how unpredictable and confusing life can be.

And yes gays who are secure with themselves and who consider themselves gay is a low number to begin with. I see what you are getting at. Well nothing is forever. The good or the bad. I can't say I'd reject a poly with these two if the chance ever came up or they asked me. I am not concerned on wasting my youth now and immediantly having to find someone. Searching is a bitch anyways. It's really a pain. I don't wanna spend my whole life searching and find nothing. Apparently by some strange alternative path I have found Sir and Slave or they have found me. So for the time being I am going to purse them.

Thank you for the advice though KaraBulut. I'll be sure to keep it in mind or recall it if need be.


And I did talk to Sir and Slave today. Sir emailed me this morning of a more specific details. And he said that I have to protest to wear his collar. Basically I have to in written form tell him why I want to wear his collar and why he should consider collaring me. Even I know that this petition for a collar. Is one of the oldest practices used in the old guard style.

And asking for sir to collar me doesn't mean I am in and can't get out.

After that Sir will send me a Documented list of things that I will have to do and after I read over his requirments and every detail then I email him back...er write back saying if I can do it or not and to see if anything needs to be discussed. Then once that is settled and after we all sign and have it documented then I will recieve my collar and then I will be Sir's for 3 months.

Just like before. What's the point of them going through the trouble of writing the rules if I am unsure if I want to be a slave or his slave. I like the fact that this will be all documented too. Of course it would never hold up in a court of law. But I will understand everything before I get into this. And he has agreed on the 3 month term. And then after 3 months if I'm still on board then I will fully become his second slave. And his current slave will be his alpha slave and I'll be beta slave. Of course it's still part time since I'm living at home.

So it's all up to me now to get this process in gear.

Thank you everyone. I will start on the petition for the collar today. And like I said. Nothing is final until I receive every single detail and we all sign off on the agreement.

Us and our kinky illnesses

And sir explained to me that scene play is not part of training. Which makes me feel better. It will still be done. But just to experience it. And even that will be taken in small doses.

 

[gdude30]

It's different when you are first starting off Marley. Or even with experience when contacting a new dom and becoming his slave you still need to tell him your limits. As a master or a dom you need to know that the slave or sub you have is human life and not a toy. Meaning he does have the respect the slave's humanity, concerns, desires, and limits.

But at the same time the dom or master has needs or desires of his own that the slave needs to meet. If the dom can't meet the slave's needs then the slave will go off and find someone else. If the slave can't meet the dom's needs then the dom will find someone else. They both depend on each other. A master is not a master without a slave. And a slave is not a slave without a master. It is very confusing. And with as much as I know right now. I'm not sure if I can fully explain it.

It can be just a little fetish fun. Or it can be more then that or less then.

I used to have a strong desire to be dominated but not so much anymore. I am mostly exploring this lifestyle and my submissive and service nature at the moment. Also I donno if I'll make a good slave or not. But even if it does not work out with this master and slave. I might be a better candidate for another dom. Or maybe no dom's at all. There are so many factors in this and it's a bit confusing. But then again so is life.

I believe that by becoming a slave that the result will be growth and change. Of course there are other ways to grow and change. This isn't the only path. And I might need to do some other things to grow as well. But the for the time being I want to explore this.

 

[gdude30]

As I've said countless times. I've done therapy before. With different counselors and therapists. And it's helped me alot and they've helped me realize alot.

What the hell?

Sexual Abuse, getting back at my parents, and cry for help?


The blogs are just a place where I can post my thoughts. Although unfortunately I seem to only make a blog when I am in distress. That way I can remember it later on and look back on it.

No. I wasn't really looking for the slave oppertunity or lifestyle to fill a void. It's just a curiosity I've always had and now that my interest is peaked I want to pursue it fully.

Also. I'm getting better each day now. Thanks to Sir. I was looking more for a guide then a master or partner at first. And lucky me. I found a guide who is a Sir, a chef, and a good role model for me right now. And I'm heading in the right direction now and getting more confidence. So for you to say this whole kinkyness or me finding a master is unhealthy and that I need help is bullshit. I'll admit that my frantic search at first was unhealthy. But after I decided to stop searching and it just happened that I talked to someone who led me to the group where I met Sir and now am under his training is the best thing that could have happened. And no I don't get whipped or paddled if I mess up. Although once I am wearing a collar things might be a bit stricter. I have been observing this lifestyle and lightly participating it. Now that I have learned more about it I am ready to fully pursue it and submerge myself into it.

I am sorry that you think so lowly of me. But I suppose it can't be helped. But even when I have been in distress at times. I knew that those times weren't forever. Cause I'm slowly changing and growing.

Your diagnosis of me being mentally ill, troubled, and depressed has no effect on me whatsover. Because I am becoming more secure of myself that I am learning more what my true personality is and what is true about me and what is false. And truly. I think alot of my blog posts when I was troubled were just fears and insecurity on my own part. But as I said that's slowly changing. Keep your eye on me Molten Rock. And then you'll just see how wrong you truly are.

 

[gdude30]

I'll give a better response to that then the other thread. And yes I did see your post there.

First of all to a certain extent. Every house has their own protocols. Basically rules that are followed and what is expected of the individuals living in the house hold.

And at someone's party you should respect the person at the party as well as others around you. Also one thing I have learned. Even in leather groups. Sometimes protocol is expected to not be followed. And in the type of party you said which isn't even a fetish party they definitely shouldn't have done that. The person of the party should have told them that even though they have their own lifestyle at the party the protocols that they normally follow are not to be followed at a normal party.

Most people who actually understand the lifestyle and are in it would not do something like that. And if the slave deserved it. They'd wait til they were in their own homes until the slave received his punishment.

So try not to let that bad experience you had be your opinion of all master and slave couples or the lifestyle in general. There are tons of freaks in every scene. But I guess they can be more noticable and sometimes dangerous in the leather and BSDM scene.

 

[Lube]

I have so much to say, I will make several posts here. There are just a few things I want to get off my chest right away, so I'll post them now.

Yay, GDude! Go for it!

You are totally doing things the right way. You are a very level-headed guy going into this with your eyes wide open. You've researched the lifestyle. You've interviewed with Doms. You've seen how they treat their sub(s). You've talked to more than one guy in the local scene, and he confirms that your potential Dom is a good guy.

These are all the right things to do. I see no red flags.

However, if you came here and said that you met a Dom online, and he wanted you to move to a different state, and he didn't have a photo, and nobody knew him, and he wanted financial payment from you, and you were not allowed to work or see anybody or contact family. *That* would raise red flag after red flag.

But your posts in this thread show much more maturity than that.

I am saddened at the ignorance shown by others in this thread.

 

[KaraBulut]

You came here for advice and you're arguing with the people giving you advice because it's not the advice that you want to hear.

*shakes head*

Good luck to you.

 

[G-Lexington]

I second Lube's sentiments. It's not something I'd do, but you not only appear interested - you appear to have done all the homework necessary. My only concern may be coming from ignorance here, and that's this - I hope you'll always know there's an exit door if you decide you aren't happy the way things are turning out. I hope you don't end up in a negative relationship, and not realize that you have the power to walk away. Hopefully, that's a totally groundless fear.

Go kick ass. By having your ass kicked.

Lex

 

[Lube]

If Gdude was joining a cult it would also teach him a great deal about himself. But we wouldn't recommend that, would we? A David Koresh / Heavens Gate / Master-Slave / Whatever fetish really is no different IMHO.

The World Health Organization and psychiatry’s DSM-IV manual classify “fetishism” as a mental illness.

And as GDude pointed out, 30 years ago DSM classified homosexuality as a mental illness. It's an interesting story as to how it got changed. I'm guessing you've probably read it, as you seem like a very bright guy. Don't you see the similarities here?

I can't think of anything that would "interfere with daily life" more than giving up one's life, becoming a "slave".

If you learn about the community, you'll find that--just like vanilla relationships--no two relationships are the same. "Master" and "slave" are relative terms. Some relationships could hardly be called Master/slave, but the people involved think of themselves that way.

It's not nearly as absolutist as it appears you think it is. It's a convenient terminology. But it's nothing like enforced slavery of blacks 100 years ago. Please don't envision it in those terms.

 

[Lube]

I went to 2 leather holiday parties. (Unfortunately, not play parties ). I met a couple dozen guys who have been into the leather scene--from months to decades. They all seemed like perfectly normal people. You'd never know half of them were into kink if you met them on the street (the other half? Well, the tattoos and the piercings would give them away ).

So what if GDude is figuring this out all at once? Isn't accepting a fetish a lot like a second coming out?

 

[Lube]

Lube, I'm waiting to hear the cons of this whole scene, he's said nothing but positive things. I'm a bit too seasoned to believe that anything in life comes without negatives. Some of us might feel more comfortable and believe that he did real research if he let's us know that he's aware of potential repercussions, things that could go wrong in various levels. I'd feel better if I knew that he knew exactly what he was getting into, both the good and the bad.

He almost sounds like a car salesman in this thread. "This is going to happen and I'll be in complete control of this, that won't go wrong and this won't happen because I won't let it. It's awesome! Nothing greater! No worries whatsoever, nothing could go wrong at all, not even a lil bit!"

Agreed. Totally. But I think from his posts in this thread, he's done a lot of research.

And like I said in my first post, he may find out this isn't for him. That it was just fun as a fantasy. Or maybe not. The only way to know is to try. The fact that the Dom is agreeing to a 3-month trial is a very good sign.

There are a lot of Dom-wannabes out there, but this guy doesn't sound like one.