Been seriously concerning just getting married to a woman.

[kemistry]

oh Piggy, asides from the need to satisfy other people, i wouldn't recommend such decision. Just think of living with someone for the rest of your life, with whom you don't feel any emotional attachment. It's both unfair to the lady and to yourself.

 

[USEDCAR]

What if you married this women and the man of your dreams comes along? Are you going to push her aside for this man? Have you try looking for a man?

why are you so worried about pleasing your family? would they try to please you on the flipside?



Lastly,I am glad im not the only one who thought about marrying a women at a certain age if im still single i would try out a women. I would want to marry a lesbian women or we would live together. I wonder how many gay men and women would marry the opposite sex if it doesnt work out with the same sex.

 

[Fire]

- I'll be living a small lie. I won't find her sexual appealing, but who knows?

A small lie? Wow, wow, wow. Holy fuck, really? Look, I'm sure you think you'd be doing some poor Arab girl a favor and I don't know, maybe she would even thank you, but it is patently dishonest and frankly, downright cruel.

But I will be happy in other ways, too.

And what about her feelings? It sounds as if you haven't really considered them at all. Why is that? Is it because she's a woman? Or maybe because she's so poor, you think she'll bow and scrape and worship the ground you walk on for taking her out of her shithole country, even if it means being married to a man who only wants to use her as his beard?

With my current life style, it's not like I have guys lining up to date me.

And of course, that's what this is really about, so here's a nice nice big BAWWWWW from me to you.



You know, it sounds as if you're only even considering this absurd scheme because you lack the courage and/or the ambition to pursue men, and this is a convenient (albeit convoluted) way to avoid ever having to deal with what's holding you back, even if it is only yourself.

And you know, I might have had some kind words of encouragement for you, knowing what it is like to be in difficult situations, knowing what it is like to be afraid, but the moment you suggested using another human being out of cowardice to cover for your own perceived failings, any compassion I had went right out the fucking window.

That you would even consider using another person in that way repulses me completely; it is wholly, utterly detestable, and you should be ashamed.

 

[hotatlboi]

I'm forced to agree with Fire.

It sounds like you want to get married just so you don't have to be alone. Well, that's only going to work if the woman has the same reasoning. If she doesn't (for example if she wants to be with someone that actually loves her and finds her sexually appealing) then it's going to be a disaster.

 

[mega]

Don't do it. You will be ruining two lives, yours and hers.

 

[rareboy]

- I'll be living [STRIKE]a small[/STRIKE] the largest lie. It will essentially invalidate my entire life. I won't find her sexual appealing, but who knows?

- If I slip up and she finds out, it'll be devastating to her, her family, and mine.

There. Fixed that for you.

I honestly thought that you were smarter and better than this.

 

[hylas]

i dont think you should do it, for what its worth. but whatever you choose to do: dont have kids with that woman. feel free to screw up your life and the life of other consentig adults however you like, but its not fair to bring children into such a terrible situation.

 

[Lube]

Been there, done that.

It doesn't work.

Living your life to satisfy other people will only lead you to hate yourself.

... more and more, the older you get.

Fire's post was very good.

You are above this, really. Too smart for this. This sort of thing is only appropriate in countries where you might get killed for being gay. There is simply no excuse for it in the USA. None at all, no matter what your ethnic background.

 

[Elwood]

Ok this coming from a guy who has been there, done it. and have the t-shirt, DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!

My situation may have been a little different then yours I didn't really know I was gay. You may be able to fake it for a while but trust me eventually you will not be happy. You have to stop living your life by trying to making other people happy and concentrate on making you happy.

There are a few of us previously married to a woman and now gay on JUB and I am almost certain that all of us would tell you the same thing DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!

 

[Sk8ter_Boy]

Why dont you adopt a child, you said you wanted to improve a life by bringing them out of poverty and atleast this way you wont have to devastate someone later down the road when you cheat or even if its just a divorce.

I'm honest and tell people right to their faces what I think, even when it's not very flattering. I want to be honest I think it gets you further and also makes you feel better about yourself - Anne Frank

 

[backpacker]

But I will be happy in other ways, too.

With my current life style, it's not like I have guys lining up to date me.

I think this is what you should be working on, not trying to get married to some woman for the sake of getting married. I haven't been around the forum much lately, but I seem to remember that rarely go out to gay bars because somebody might recognize you and that you aren't out to people in real life. I always had the feeling that you are ashamed of being gay. It's awfully hard to get into a relationship when you are afraid to let anyone know that you are gay.

Getting married to a woman will only make your struggles with being gay worse. In addition, you won't be doing the woman any favor. She has the right to marry someone who will love her as a husband should. Yes you might take her away from poverty, but you will also take her away from her opportunity to find mister right.

I couldn't help but notice that you wrote your relatives have been pressuring one of your siblings to get married, but didn't say they had pressured you. Could that be because they know you are gay? Gay guys often think they are fooling everyone but in reality they are only fooling themselves. I would recommend that you focus on dealing with your issues about being gay, because that's the only thing that is going to make you happy. Once you become comfortable enough to let some people know that you are gay, I suggest you check out the various gay groups that Houston has to offer. It's a great way to make some gay friends. I wish you all the best.

 

[Lube]

^Yay!

Right answer.

 

[unloadonme]

I'm being irrational.

I haven't thoroughly thought this through.

At last!

 

[aab91030]

I'm just asking this, since you mentioned arranged marriages and Israel/Palestine... Is this the sort of situation where, if your sexuality became known to your family, they might try to kill you to preserve their "honor"?

 

[Nomenclature]

I'm being irrational.

I haven't thoroughly thought this through.

The sad thing is, i've known guys who waited until they had been married and had children before they finally said that. The wife was absolutely pissed off and devastated, and took E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G from them. Thus, not only had they been living a complete lie for that entire time, but everything they had worked for was taken from them, and they were now in their 40s and forced to start all over again.


My family's ethnic and practices arranged marriages, too. . .so I know how you feel. Luckily, I was forcibly outed at 17, so I haven't had to deal with this.


TRUST ME; I know how how much pressure there is from your family to get married, and I know all too well how horribly an ethnic parent can take the sudden news that their kid will never marry and give them grandbabies the way they want him to. It's devastating to all those involved, but something's gotta give somewhere.



It looks like a couple of us understand moreso than others, but we're all here if you need to talk/vent. Even if you don't have an answer a definite this point, it's vital that you get all of this out of your system in order for you to GET to that answer.



- Nomencrapture

 

[QuinnRider]

There is someone out there for everyone, even you piggy! I dont know you, but you dont need guys lining up, it only takes one to make a life with. The woman you'd be aranged with deserves to be at least in an honest marriage if nothing else and you deserve to be happy, and your only 32! Men can have children for as long as they can ejaculate

 

[Nomenclature]

your only 32! Men can have children for as long as they can ejaculate

Well what, do you want him to be 97 when the kid graduates from high school?

 

[altlover85]

Nom, there's a difference between 32 and 69. He's got at least 10 years if not 20 or more depending on what limit he puts on himself and the situations that life presents him.

 

[bankside]

Why is it not easier for people to tell their families to fuck off when they overstep their bounds? No family has a valid expectation that their children or grandchildren or brothers and sisters should live a lie so they themselves can "feel more comfortable."

Am I taking crazy pills or did the entire period of history since the enlightenment never happen?

Piggy, I don't know where to start. And why someone from the middle east? If you were going to save someone from a life of poverty, you need look no further than Haiti - it would probably make a greater difference to someone's life. Does that sound nuts when I put it that way? It should.

Go and watch a movie about love before you let this idea take up any more of your time.

 

[QuinnRider]

Well what, do you want him to be 97 when the kid graduates from high school?

LOL I never said anything about him having a child when he's 80 but he can have a child when he's in his 40's. 50 is kind of pushing it in my opinion but he'd only be in his late 60's when his child graduated highschool which isn't too bad either.