Been together for 4 months but think I'm losing him. What should I do?

[dormguy]

So I met this guy about 4 months ago and we've been seeing each other ever since. We're not in a relationship, but I guess you could say that we're dating.

When we first met he was super nice and we immediately hit it off. For the first couple of months, he would invite me over his house all the time and text me nonstop and paid so much attention to me, which I loved (not to sound conceited). He used to tell me that he missed me when we just went a few days without seeing each other and he told me after knowing me for about 2 weeks that he had a serious crush on me.

In 4 months, he has introduced me to his parents and all his friends and a lot of his family. And the strange thing is, he isn't afraid of PDA with me in front of them because he does it all the time (cuddling and stuff on the couch with his parents in the same room, for example).

It's strange because recently, things just seem to be different. He barely texts or calls me, I usually have to do it first, and when I do it seems like he doesn't even want to talk or something. He barely says a few words. We've had sex before, but in the past couple of weeks, he invites me to his house and we just end up watching tv or something and he doesn't even touch me or get that close to me.

My roommate/friend told me to practically ignore him and let him be the first to call or text me and make him miss me because maybe we're spending too much time together, but I don't really think so.

So the other day, I text him and told him that I really liked him and have never felt this way about any other guy before and that I needed to know where he saw us in the future. His response: "I'm sorry that I don't like to move fast but I'm happy with the way things are going. Everything is fine."

What do you guys make of this? I really do like this guy so much. I have honestly never felt this way about any other guy and I definitely fell hard for him. It would seriously crush me if he told me he just wanted to be friends or something. But I don't know what is wrong. Everything went from being great and somewhat romantic to being weird and it's hurting me. I mean, why would he introduce me to all his family and friends and then hug and cuddle with me in front of them but pretty much insists that we're not in a relationship? It's very weird to me.

Advice on how to fix things?

 

[Seasoned]

The only way to find out what is going on is to ask him, but it sounds as if he doesn't want to explain himself. As much as you'd like to be in a relationship with him, don't allow yourself to be in denial if he's changed towards you. You might want to let him know that you've received mixed signals. Some people like the newness of relationships because it's exciting.

Healthy relationships are voluntary, and none of us has the ability to control anyone other than ourselves. Dating is like an extended job interview. No matter how much you might want him based upon how you feel about him, make sure you remain realistic as to everything about him. If you're not able to remain on the same page, you'll be well served by reevaluating your thoughts regarding a relationship.

 

[tangential]

Good on you for telling him how you feel! And likewise for not playing the mindgame suggested by your roomate/friend. See how things go this week and then, either way, bring it up again but this time in person. You can frame as either 1) you're still getting mixed signals or 2) you just wanted to provide some context to your text this week. Keep it casual, as your relationship at this point doesn't seem to carry expectations. And keep it to how you feel and what you think, what direction you'd like to see you two take. Let him respond, but be careful not to consequate him if what he says isn't what you want to hear. Make the conversation about getting on the same page, and not just getting your way.

 

[QueenxElsa]

If anything he's trying to figure out if you two should continue dating

 

[maxpowr9]

3-4 months is usually when the first speed bump hits in a relationship. Speaking from experience, any time a guy gets emotionally distant after being close, you're better off just walking away. It's tough I know but it will save you from the emotional roller coaster they'd take you on. If a guy can't be candid with his emotions and if you need a safecracker to get to his heart, it's not worth the effort.

 

[TX-Beau]

How old are the two of you?

 

[KaraBulut]

My roommate/friend told me to practically ignore him and let him be the first to call or text me and make him miss me because maybe we're spending too much time together, but I don't really think so.

You're right to not play these games. Treat people like you want to be treated.

So the other day, I text him and told him that I really liked him and have never felt this way about any other guy before and that I needed to know where he saw us in the future. His response: "I'm sorry that I don't like to move fast but I'm happy with the way things are going. Everything is fine."

Not very reassuring, eh? It's because these things shouldn't be texted.

When the two of you have some face-to-face time, have a "state of the relationship" discussion. Are you dating? Are you dating exclusively? Are you both interested in a relationship? Are you both interested in a relationship with each other?

These are things that should be discussed in person when you can both be sure that the other person is being sincere.

And after 4 months of dating, you should be able to talk about whether you need some space and why you feel like he's being distant. And he should be able to be honest about why he is not being as communicative.