Being a drama queen

[creatus]

Hi guys!
I have been reading the forums lately, but now I've got something to ask, too... so I registered

There is a guy... and I am really into him. I'm 20, he's 33, a very masculine man. We've met (once - as it its long distance relationship yet), we are contacting with email... but I had unpleasent feeling he is not taking me and our rising relationship seriously, so I went a bit too dramatic recently. I asked, why he was treating me that way, asked to excuse some my faults etc. Anyway, the result was very emo-like mail. As a respond, he asked me what drama I was making and told me I shouldn't exaggerate impressions from a single meeting.

Well, I made an excuse by telling him I've got a bunch of problems, so I'm a bit out of my mind recently (and actually that's perfectly true), still I realised that I have become too hysteric. Altough I had been with men before, this is the first time I have such strong feelings towards somebody.

So... the question is, how do I prove that I'm not such a dramatic person constantly? And even more - how actually NOT to turn into that drama queen - because it feels like that's what really happens with me now. Any advices would be very welcome!

Cheers

 

[Coffee]

I think, for you 1st question, just relax, you don't have to prove anything, just treat him like you've been behaving before. If you need him now, just tell him gently, you don't have to yell or push him or spam him with you emotional mails. I know a long distance relationship is somehow difficult. Man sometime we just miss our bf so much that we want them by our side so so bad. But I think if you have a calm talking with him, it'll be ok. Tell him that you want his caring.
For your 2nd question. I used to be a drama person. I was panic and couldn't do anything beside calling or sending sms, mail with strange words. But after all I feel scared of myself if I put myself into his situation. So don't panic, try to find something new to distract you from the urge to want him to reply you asap. He may be busy, or feel tired from it. Put yourself in his chair, think about someone who has been bomb you with mails and tears. You'll know where should be the boundary.

 

[spencer]

don't complain about anyone to him, don't complain or be bitter about anything, don't insult other people. be funny, positive and spontaneous.

needless cursing is a turnoff to me too, but that's just my opinion.

 

[rareboy]

Snap out of it.

If you are an adult, behave like an adult and not like some neurotic, yappy little dog.

Stop emailing and texting every two minutes.

Learn how to be still and calm.

Perhaps through yoga.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi creatus, and welcome to JUB! I'm glad you registered and posted.

One thing that might help is to put yourself in his position. You probably don't like people who are clingy and high-maintenance, especially when you're in the process of forming a friendship with them and trying to learn them. Those traits obviously drive people away.

You only have one chance to make a first impression. Relax and let the friendship form. Go with the flow for a while and see what happens--don't become overly anxious and try to plot out the rest of your life with him. This is sometimes a temptation to do when you're really into someone and you get over-anxious about everything working out perfectly.

Good luck to you. Keep us up to date on how you're doing.

 

[creatus]

Hello,
so, firstly thanks for the welcome!

Anyway... I guess I didn't clarify it very well - actually I wasn't overloading his mailbox with my messages... just emailed him back almost instantly when got his message which is probably not wise enough. Still, I was too obtrusive in other ways, I suspect. Also, I used to be too commited to him - and, of course, that was quite foolish as the relationship is just forming yet.
So, for shorter future - I'm going to give him a good rest, without mailing etc... so, let's see what happens next.

Moreover, I had been in his situation previously... It wasn't anything nice, really. Never thought I would be the person who is too clingy, though... Now, after reading all these posts, I see better that cooling down is what I need. So, thanks a lot for all the advices, I found them really helpful

 

[Smitho]

Slow down. Seriously you have met the guy once, relax, it is early days. I would meet someone at least 10 times before talk of any commitment, love etc. A single date is just that, maybe something to follow up or not. You are going to scare him away unless you chill out, you would have scared me away already!

 

[G-Lexington]

Judging completely and solely from your post, it sounds like you've got your work cut out for you. We're judged by our actions, and your actions say you like dragging the drama llama into the room. If you want to be viewed as a rational adult, the best way is to act like a rational adult. You're doing it right now. Take your time.

Lex

 

[Eagle653]

Moreover, I had been in his situation previously... It wasn't anything nice, really. Never thought I would be the person who is too clingy, though... Now, after reading all these posts, I see better that cooling down is what I need. So, thanks a lot for all the advices, I found them really helpful

I know what you mean. I've been on both sides of that fence, too. I learned the hard way not to be clingy, because I have certain moods when I become too clingy, even today with my partner of 14 years.

When I was forming relationships, I realized I had a tendency to be too eager, too anxious, too everything. I had to actually consciously tell myself to cool it and hold back and not answer email immediately, etc. For me, it was hard to do!

Anyhow, all the best to you with this. I hope you keep in touch with this thread and let us know what's going on and how you're doing.

 

[creatus]

OK, probably using the word "commitment" was just my bad choice of words. I had no intention to speak about that "love once and forever" or anything like that. Still, I made some future plans and had some stronger feelings that could be identified (to some extent) with emotional dependency, perhaps - my mistake.

Anyway, to sum up - I just don't want to be that dramatic person I started to be. That's the main reason I made the thread. So, I got the answers - slow/cool/calm down, chill out (and get a life).
Yet after reading other topics I realised other mistakes - too much of analyzing, for instance. I didn't bring this up previously, but that's probably because I didn't consider that as something wrong. OK, it seems I will have got some experience to invest in relationship... whichever it will be.

Either way, thanks a lot for the support. I just whish I had earlier started to read on these forums.