Being an outsider

[PalacePaul]

Just some thoughts
Earlier this evening I was driving from work to another meeting (work-related). I was hungry so I stopped at a grocery store to buy something to eat. There wasn't much people there, mostly middle aged couples buying a few food items. Suddenly I realised how different other people's lives are. I wished my life was like theirs. On a saturday evening I should be home with my partner, we could be cooking dinner together, we could go buy some ingredients we needed. I should be in a warm house, not driving alone in the cold.
I felt like a total outsider today. Someone with crazy schedules, with no social life, no boyfriend. Someone who doesn't exist in the eyes of society. Sometimes I liked the idea of being different, so different. But today it hurt.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

What hurts me is not that I am different but that I don´t seem to be able to live my way in a fashion agreeable to me.

 

[Georgiadude]

Just some thoughts
Earlier this evening I was driving from work to another meeting (work-related). I was hungry so I stopped at a grocery store to buy something to eat. There wasn't much people there, mostly middle aged couples buying a few food items. Suddenly I realised how different other people's lives are. I wished my life was like theirs. On a saturday evening I should be home with my partner, we could be cooking dinner together, we could go buy some ingredients we needed. I should be in a warm house, not driving alone in the cold.
I felt like a total outsider today. Someone with crazy schedules, with no social life, no boyfriend. Someone who doesn't exist in the eyes of society. Sometimes I liked the idea of being different, so different. But today it hurt.

Totally understand what you're saying. It seems like everyone has these strong social lives and I dont. I dont have a big group of friends or a bf and it drives me crazy. Literally. I know there are people that like being single and living in solitude but that's not the type of life I want to live. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. You're right. It does hurt.

Steven

 

[PalacePaul]

Thank you for your responses guys. I feel much better today.
I usually see social conventions as bullshit and the way people sticks to them as nonsense. I like living my life the way it is, but sometimes it becomes too hard. Those are days when I just want to stay home so people can't see I'm different.

 

[scooter63]

You are so right and I feel, not alone in your thoughts or feelings. I am 53 years old and am alone and have been my whole life. It wasn't for the fact of taking care of parents for a period of time, my life was totally alone and by myself. Who enjoys going out to eat alone? To a movie alone? Watching the sun rise alone? No friends and work friends are all hetero and have their own families to do things with. It does hurt and I have no answer as to how that hurt goes away. You will be told to go out there, get yourself involved and make friends. Words easy to write down and very hard to do for most of us given our locations where we live.

 

[Georgiadude]

You are so right and I feel, not alone in your thoughts or feelings. I am 53 years old and am alone and have been my whole life. It wasn't for the fact of taking care of parents for a period of time, my life was totally alone and by myself. Who enjoys going out to eat alone? To a movie alone? Watching the sun rise alone? No friends and work friends are all hetero and have their own families to do things with. It does hurt and I have no answer as to how that hurt goes away. You will be told to go out there, get yourself involved and make friends. Words easy to write down and very hard to do for most of us given our locations where we live.

So very true. I hate being alone and one of my biggest fears is living the rest of my life alone. I have a few friends outside of work and only see my work friends at work. I hate going to a movie or eating out alone. It makes me feel like a social outcast. It's a terrible feeling. Someone has reached out to me and I'm very optomistic about developing a friendship with them and building a social network.

Steven

 

[PalacePaul]

I'm surprised to see I'm not the only one because, as I said, people like us are invisible (even to others like ourselves).
Thank you all!

 

[scooter63]

I'm surprised to see I'm not the only one because, as I said, people like us are invisible (even to others like ourselves).
Thank you all!

You are not alone on JUB. There are many caring and understanding members on this site you really do feel for you and if there were a magic wand to wave would gladly do it. It is very sad that so many of us live so far apart from each other that the only contact we have is the anonymous cyber world.

I do hope and pray that all of us that are feeling that "outcast" mode in our lives will have the opportunity to gain acceptance as well as friends. WE do have to keep thinking positive, we have to get up each day, face the rising sun and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and go on living.