Being Closeted and Clubbing DON'T Mix...

[benno5693]

So I was still in the closet to all but my closest friends this time yesterday and happened to be in Sydney with my cousin and his boyfriend. After a day out shopping on Oxford (faaaabulous!) we decided to go out to a club and just have a bit of [drunkenly] fun and I was all up for it myself. I wasn't going out to get laid or anything, just scoping out the scene.

Long story short, I had had waaaaaaaay too much vodka and was as camp as a tent and was dancing with this cute friend of my cousin who was flirting with me all night (ok, ok, it was mutual! ). Inevitably we kiss. And I mean tongue wrestle! [no shame, no shame!] Well it was that point that I decide to.... COME OUT ON FACEBOOK!!! Whilst in this binge-drunk state! -_-

Plenty of support from a good bunch of friends, but a message saying I should delete the status and tell mum and dad in person (which I not-so-begrudgingly ignored, damn Smirnoff knows what it's doing!).

Coming home today I find mum and dad at the train station to pick me up and what do you know? I get the whole "you've ruined our dreams for you", "we wanted grandkids", "what will everyone around town say about us?". Oh yes, I'll be living a disgusting lifestyle too. So, there's their unconditional love on display.

So there's that rant off my chest and enjoy the laugh about my riveting circumstances! <3

 

[chrisw87]

At least they didn't get too angry, they will get over it.

You obviously have close friends and relatives that support you so congrats it can only get better from here.

I know what you mean about oxford street though, when I had my motorcycle it was fun just to scoot into the city, pull up and relax, have a coffee and enjoy the night life there.

 

[Rex]

Well at least what's done is done and it's out there. That isn't the best way to come out but the more important thing is that you did it.

 

[benno5693]

Thanks mate, but I'm confident that they are a bit more angry than they are letting on - only time will tell, hey?

Also, I just can't get my head around how all the reasons they gave me for not accepting me are to do with how it affects them and their "image" (of which they have none anyway...)

I know I did a cowardly thing and blurt it out on fb without telling them first, but I was contemplating on not coming out at all and introducing them to a guy and go all "oh, when did you come out as straight to your parents", but I think that's my father's sarcastic side coming out in me! -_-

 

[chrisw87]

lol.

Well... honestly I try not to think about having to tell my parents. It all depends on where life takes me anyways, if I fall in love with a girl its an easy solution.

If I fall in love with a guy, then I would have to tell them.

Though my mother made an odd comment that she 'will not have grand children for a very long time if at all' which confused me...

I can understand it in my sisters instance, but the only thing that would apply to me for is either thinking im gay, or because im trying to get into the military.

 

[benno5693]

Well, just don't go clubbing and binge-drink your way into to a guys mouth and get cocky about it on fb and you'll be one up on this princess! lol

 

[chrisw87]

sounds like you are having more fun though! ... minus the whole root of the issue

 

[benno5693]

Binge-drinking = not so fun the morning after the night before! haha Best be taking it easy in the future I think...

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, drinking more than you can handle is retarded. As in - you should know by now when your decision-making starts getting you in trouble, and stop before that.

That said, your parents sound like cliche assholes. Let them be as angry as they want. They don't have the moral right to be angry, and as long as YOU know that, they have no hold over you. You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you could have told them in person but then again you didn't OWE them that either. I suggest YOU get a little angry now. Disgusting lifestyle? Where THE FUCK do they get off making that judgment? They wanted grandchildren? Well fuck, I thought parenting was supposed to be about what's best for your kid, not about what YOU want.

So, like I said, assholes. Let them be angry all they want. Your coming out might not have been the most perfect one possible, but now that you are out, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of, and nothing you owe anyone but yourself.

And you know you're loving it

 

[bankside]

What kind of hick small town attitude, in 2012, lets anybody's parent still think that way.

I was not aware that they had moved Red Deer, Alberta, to Australia.

And in time for you to grow up there too!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Benno5693,

I would like to congratulate you with outing yourself on Facebook. Hey man, right now you don't need to ly & hide anymore about things you really like to do. Be aware that alot of straight guys of around your age also indicate on their Facebook when they have a sweet girlfriend, or things like that.

I don't have a real idea about your age, but it seems to me that you are not too much bothered about the negative reaction of your parents.

So your parents told you:

(1): "we wanted grandkids."

OK. But you are -soon- an adult, and that means that the education of your parents is -soon- finished. Meaning that you can decide for yourself what you want to do, or not want to do. Adults decide for themself if they want to make kids or not, and that has nothing to do with being gay, straight or anything in between.

(2): "you've ruined our dreams".

Which dreams?
- playing grandmom & granddaddie? See above.
- paying all costs of a huge wedding party for you at your marriage? Can also be done when you will marry Mr X.
- ?

(3): "what will everyone around town say about us?"

I don't know. Nothing? Gossip that you (= their son Benno5693) is often drinking far too much alcohol, and that you are often drunk?

Well, I would not bother too much about it. And I would like to advise you to give them some time to get used to the idea that you will not bring home a girlfriend, but a boyfriend. Seemingly, they were totally surprized by the idea that you are a gay. Often, parents need time to get used to the idea that they have a gay son.

Do you have relatives (cousins, etc) who happen to be gay?

Anyway, take your time, and nice to read that you are now out, and don't need to bother anymore about 'the big ly'.

Take care & best wishes.

 

[Rolyo85]

"what will everyone around town say about us?"

God, is this EVER not about them! What utter tools...

 

[epod85]

What kind of hick small town attitude, in 2012, lets anybody's parent still think that way.

I was not aware that they had moved Red Deer, Alberta, to Australia.

And in time for you to grow up there too!

Ooooooo I just died

 

[chrisw87]

Benno if you think your head and stomach hurt now, try gin. Gin is a whole new world of pain and disgust.

I suppose this is a good reason that I don't have facebook too, well I don't really understand it much but in anycase

 

[Darted]

Your parents will come around, it's a shock to them! Just remember they'll love you no matter what.

 

[benno5693]

Haha, thanks everyone!

Ganoderma, just for reference I'm 18 (19 in June). Thanks for your support and don't worry, it's far and wide between drinks for this little muppet lol I think the reason I got so drunk is that my cousin (who's gay) took me out in the city and I had too much fun (ie: not thinking "oh he's cute", but pointing out and getting his opinion for the first time) and then getting tarted up and going to a gay bar? Well I was too much in my realm to keep quiet.

Also, they're not concerned one bit if I'll be seen as an alco, they just think that the news I'm gay will spread around town and people will judge them - I know I'm far from the only gay guy here and I don't see the only other out gay guy I know's family getting bagged out?

Again, thanks for your support and I totally agree with you Rolyo85 - all the way home all I could think of was wow narcissistic they are.

With a bit of luck I will be able to get married here in the future and in the grand scheme of things what does it matter if any children I do have are related to them or not? I'd prefer to adopt a kid who's parents don't want them or whatever than to clog the system of society up with another wreckless human being.

chrisw87, I'm lucky and only get a headache as a hangover, but I'll have to have a go at gin, yes! Maybe we could meet up one day!

Darted, they might, but they have told me strictly that they don't accept me - a bit of a sticky situation IMO.

Is it a worry that I haven't cried or lost sleep over this? I mean I am pretty sad deep inside, but on the outside I doubt anyone could tell there was anything wrong.

Bah I gotta go, I'll add some more later! <3

 

[Darted]

Haha, thanks everyone!

Ganoderma, just for reference I'm 18 (19 in June). Thanks for your support and don't worry, it's far and wide between drinks for this little muppet lol I think the reason I got so drunk is that my cousin (who's gay) took me out in the city and I had too much fun (ie: not thinking "oh he's cute", but pointing out and getting his opinion for the first time) and then getting tarted up and going to a gay bar? Well I was too much in my realm to keep quiet.

Also, they're not concerned one bit if I'll be seen as an alco, they just think that the news I'm gay will spread around town and people will judge them - I know I'm far from the only gay guy here and I don't see the only other out gay guy I know's family getting bagged out?

Again, thanks for your support and I totally agree with you Rolyo85 - all the way home all I could think of was wow narcissistic they are.

With a bit of luck I will be able to get married here in the future and in the grand scheme of things what does it matter if any children I do have are related to them or not? I'd prefer to adopt a kid who's parents don't want them or whatever than to clog the system of society up with another wreckless human being.

chrisw87, I'm lucky and only get a headache as a hangover, but I'll have to have a go at gin, yes! Maybe we could meet up one day!

Darted, they might, but they have told me strictly that they don't accept me - a bit of a sticky situation IMO.

Is it a worry that I haven't cried or lost sleep over this? I mean I am pretty sad deep inside, but on the outside I doubt anyone could tell there was anything wrong.

Bah I gotta go, I'll add some more later! <3

No it's not a worry that you're not crying about it, that just shows you're a strong person and you know what you want. Maybe bottling up your emotions isn't the best idea, don't you have close friends you can talk to?

 

[benno5693]

I have a good support base outside my family at the moment, so I should be ok! lol

On another note, a new rule! No boyfriends at home allowed. Good thing I'm moving out soon! XD

 

[Dastarr]

I kinda know how that feels benno. My mum was fairly ok with me coming out, she said she'd always support me, although she didnt (and still dosent) really understand, but it could have been worse. She still uses the 'well thats something I'll never have' regarding the grandchildren thing as a bit of a jibe from time to time, but I'm not fazed.

I reckon even If I was straight I probably wouldnt be in any rush to have kids either if at all, and many people dont, gay or straight - you dont owe your parents that, as harsh as that sounds. you do what feels right for you.

We don't talk about it much and it makes it awkward when I do go out to oxford street on the rare occasion or hang out with a gay mate and when necessary I do wanna have a serious talk but it's almost as if she dosent wanna know, but you'll get there buddy.

Jealous of you, Wish I could move out! as much as I love my mum, I need to get out on my own, Im 24 later this month. Things like this would become so much easier, but I guess others would be harder. It's a lot of responsibility.

Oh and I dont drink.. so when I do go out, it does get slightly boring sober thats for sure, but I make do. I just do something else or change clubs/levels when I get bored or have an early one.

 

[chrisw87]

Haha, thanks everyone!

Ganoderma, just for reference I'm 18 (19 in June). Thanks for your support and don't worry, it's far and wide between drinks for this little muppet lol I think the reason I got so drunk is that my cousin (who's gay) took me out in the city and I had too much fun (ie: not thinking "oh he's cute", but pointing out and getting his opinion for the first time) and then getting tarted up and going to a gay bar? Well I was too much in my realm to keep quiet.

Also, they're not concerned one bit if I'll be seen as an alco, they just think that the news I'm gay will spread around town and people will judge them - I know I'm far from the only gay guy here and I don't see the only other out gay guy I know's family getting bagged out?

Again, thanks for your support and I totally agree with you Rolyo85 - all the way home all I could think of was wow narcissistic they are.

With a bit of luck I will be able to get married here in the future and in the grand scheme of things what does it matter if any children I do have are related to them or not? I'd prefer to adopt a kid who's parents don't want them or whatever than to clog the system of society up with another wreckless human being.

chrisw87, I'm lucky and only get a headache as a hangover, but I'll have to have a go at gin, yes! Maybe we could meet up one day!

Darted, they might, but they have told me strictly that they don't accept me - a bit of a sticky situation IMO.

Is it a worry that I haven't cried or lost sleep over this? I mean I am pretty sad deep inside, but on the outside I doubt anyone could tell there was anything wrong.

Bah I gotta go, I'll add some more later! <3

If I can ever work out how to save enough money for a night out, the Cohibar is enjoyable. Less noisy than a nightclub, different from a pub, and they make great martinis (among other cocktails)

But the main thing to go there for...

Speakeasy nights and of course Cohiba cigars.