Being gay in college without a boyfriend...

[thermodynamics]

Hey, I hear what you're saying perfectly. I'm there myself, and graduated from undergrad this last May. I've never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend for that matter), and the loneliness is starting to set in. I wish there were an easy way to fix this, but there isn't.

 

[luminum]

I get you. I would love to have a relationship, too. But I think I'm being more pragmatic about the situation. It's my last year of undergrad and trying to find someone when I'm trying to apply for other schools, taking my entrance exams, and all that business seems like too much that can get between some real closeness right now. Plus, if the other person is attending another college, what then? I guess I can just wait. It's lonely sometimes, but I've got the rest of my grad career and the rest of my life to find someone.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I've always found that people walk into your life when you least expect it. It doesn't do to get all worked up about not having someone in your life right now. That just makes you look desperate, and neurotic.

Work on your life in other ways. Persue work, classes, friends, whatever..you will feel great about yourself and then you will look more attractive to other people.

 

[G-Lexington]

I went through college without a single relationship. It didn't help matters that I didn't realize I might be gay until junior year, and didn't come out until after graduation. But still.

I don't think I missed a lot. I certainly didn't bemoan what I didn't have. Instead, try to focus on what you DO have. I made a lot of amazing friends during those four years, many of whom I'm still in close contact with over fifteen years later. Sure, keep your eyes peeled for a possible boyfriend. But don't neglect what you do have.

Lex

 

[Danugh]

Chin up, it doesn't happen for everybody. Just like how your roommate doesn't always become your best friend.


I met my boyfriend second semester Freshmen English and we lasted till first semester junior year but it was mutual and we remained friends. It wasn't easy seeing him with someone else but i wasn't pining away for him as i too had moved on; although, i had to focus on maintaining my GPA to retain my scholarship so i really never had time for a boyfriend. I, instead opted for my good gay friends and the occasional hook up of which there were many.

 

[rossignols]

I start University in the fall. I am looking forward to moving to the city and not having to pretend im straight because where im from everyone knows who you are. Im optomistic and also a little scared.

 

[Eyghon]

I'm in the same boat. I'm all for letting love find me (I'll wear a GPS tracker if that'll help love find me faster), but I feel like I've missed out on something. I watched my friends go through relationships, dating, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, break-ups, and make-ups in high school and college, and I feel like I've missed out on pivotal adolescent experiences. I'm concerned that when I do start dating I'll be behind the eight ball. But reading everyone's posts makes me relieved to know that it's not just me.

 

[kayman23]

Huntneo, as I said before in another thread, I'm single myself and in college (but I still have 3-4 semesters left after doing an internship for year). I had a girlfriend my Freshmen year, and haven't had anyone since. I'm actually glad I'm still single because over the last few months most of the gay or bi dudes that I have meet are too concede or neurotic for me to tolerate. I can do bad all by my damn self and I got some decent friendship, so if it doesn't happen then it doesn't. I'm not about to look desperate so I can just wind up somebody that I realize I didn't want in the first place just to have a bf.

 

[kayman23]

I'm in the same boat. I'm all for letting love find me (I'll wear a GPS tracker if that'll help love find me faster), but I feel like I've missed out on something. I watched my friends go through relationships, dating, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, break-ups, and make-ups in high school and college, and I feel like I've missed out on pivotal adolescent experiences. I'm concerned that when I do start dating I'll be behind the eight ball. But reading everyone's posts makes me relieved to know that it's not just me.

You are not really missing anything beside drama. I've actually chosen not to pursue anybody if they aren't willing to do the same towards me. Believe me, you are much happier single right now because when you do get into a relationship, you will miss the freedom.

 

[BiGuy8705]

I was in the opposite situation, I was about to move out of state for school and live with my then bf of only 2 months... but long story short he really distanced himself, and I ended up dumping him... it's probably for the best, I think I would have ended up miserable and far from home.

 

[mcdaddy]

I hear what you mean. I started coming out my Freshmen year second semester and one thing I definately don't understand is being out and single. Why bother? You get all of the negative feedback without any of the perks. Ugh...
I started seeing this one guy before I left college, but I don't think it's gonna work out. He's still stuck on his last bf and he's kinda more...sexed up...than I am. I need to trust someone first and he just needs to get off. Ugh.
I hear you. Not having a bf sucks. LAME!

 

[Dejajb]

I totally hear you! I have had a couple relationships but none that lasted more than a month. It sucks, I don't know, maybe its just me not wanting a relationship at this time in my life. I start my last year of undergrad this upcoming august, but I have stopped looking for a relationship. As others have said, it will come when I least expect it, and I am ready to embrace it when it comes

 

[breatheH20]

I hear ya. I started off Freshmen year with a bang, you know, playing the field, and loving all the new hot guys walking around campus (even though I could never have one). Then after a couple months, I started getting down about being lonely, and things of that nature...

I think started caring too much about it, as in, thinking about it constantly, and letting it affect my life to a noticeable degree...

Then, on a whim and I kid you not, one night I was just chatting on the internet, taking a break from my research paper. I was really kinda bla-ze about it, I was just wasting time, not really searching for a boyfriend or anything. I was logging off, when a guy says hey to the whole room and no one responds..

I told him hey in a private message. it was nice....

He and I have been together for 20 months now. I'm not trying to gloat or anything. All I'm saying, is that it'll happen for you when you least expect it. I know it sounds trite and cliche, but it's true. Just be patient

 

[Lucas07]

The right person will eventually come along.. And when he does, nothing else matters, it's just you and him. Two people who actually love each other. That's all that matters.

 

[drhladnjak]

I'm in the same boat. I'm all for letting love find me (I'll wear a GPS tracker if that'll help love find me faster), but I feel like I've missed out on something. I watched my friends go through relationships, dating, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, break-ups, and make-ups in high school and college, and I feel like I've missed out on pivotal adolescent experiences. I'm concerned that when I do start dating I'll be behind the eight ball. But reading everyone's posts makes me relieved to know that it's not just me.

It seems to be a popular conception that the delay in certain experiences brought on by having to come out stunts emotional growth. In fact, the therapist of a friend of mine seemed to say this often to my friend to make him feel better about being 40 and still single. Personally, I don't completely buy it. Sure, we are a bit behind with respect to certain experiences but most of us have developed other aspects of our lives plenty. Keeping a relationship together requires a lot more than just having been through past failed relationships. The general maturity, independence and stability that tend to come with age all contribute much more.

 

[ytnes87]

i am right there with you. i'm going to be a senior in college this year and i haven't once had a relationship, unless you count my girlfriend that i had for a month in high school. i've hooked up with a couple guys (i came out the beginning of my sophomore year of college), but there was never a spark.

my cousin is my best friend. she's about a year younger than me and has had two boyfriends in the span of the past 5 years. she's always with him, and it doesn't bother me (he's one of my very good friends), but i always look at them together and wish i could have what they have.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Relationships are not for everyone. Some guys love them, the others are so much better without them.

If you happen to be your 'typical relationship material' and are still alone and hurting, yeah, you ARE missing on something.

Relationships are neither bought nor sold nor are they readily available for the willing consumers. (Have suitcase - will travel. Am lonely - want a relationship.)

Relationships take time, energy, even strategic thinking. If you just sit and wait for something right to happen, you may be sitting there till all the proverbial cows come home and still go home empty-handed.

Acquire that one important and most crucial skill: Learn how to get, what you want.

A T-shirt with 'I Want a Boyfriend Now' on it may not quite do it. But some going out, networking, web-based dating, club work, positive attitude towards the others and yeah, lots of good luck, will usually do the trick. (We all know the routine, don't we?)

So, just get going and do all that needs to be done.

SC

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Thanks for replying to my comments.


YUP. It is pretty much about the time and the patience. For as long as you constantly keep generating opportunities for your 'good luck' to get another chance. You cannot force your good luck, but you can sure, help it a long way...

Most people do not have their plans set in stone. If you asked a dude, you may be interested in, if he is 'looking for a relationship', more likely than not, he'll say, 'nope', he isn't.

Why?

Few people will gladly admit that they are 'seeking' but have had no luck, so far. It makes them look like losers.

Few people chart out their future in precise terms. The basic attitude is 'I am playing the field, but if the right dude comes across, I am more than willing to consider...'.

Nope, you can't make anyone love you and want to be in a relationship with you. It always takes 2 to tango.

But you can take a pro-active attitude, use the 'relationship' word sparingly and only then let the things take their own course.

Good Luck

SC

 

[hotatlboi]

I'm in kinda the same situation. I'm a senior in college this year and have never had a relationship. The thing is I don't really want one right now, between school and work I don't have time (or money) for one right now. I'm waiting until I finish and feel like im in a better situation for that.

 

[gameboy 11]

I'm in the same boat. I'm all for letting love find me (I'll wear a GPS tracker if that'll help love find me faster), but I feel like I've missed out on something. I watched my friends go through relationships, dating, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, break-ups, and make-ups in high school and college, and I feel like I've missed out on pivotal adolescent experiences. I'm concerned that when I do start dating I'll be behind the eight ball. But reading everyone's posts makes me relieved to know that it's not just me.

Yes, I've seen it too and it isn't pretty. But I can't say I haven't had the chance because I have, I am just really picky!

But some days I don't think that it'll happen...I've been waiting for so long and still, nothing. I'm only 22 but seriously, I want it to happen quite desperately. I think I'd make a great boyfriend!