The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Being hit on

racer2438

racer2438

JUB Addict
Joined
Oct 11, 2004
Posts
4,738
Reaction score
30
Points
48
Location
central coast sm
My honey of 24 yrs 10mo and 20days was gone over weekend for bussiness. A mutal friend of ours came by to for a beer and hang out we watch a movie and had left over's . I did not invite him he just showed up. I was not doing anything and was just do liitle stuff arounfd house.

Well he tried to a few times to come on to me. He knows that we are together and is coming to our 25th party in about 7weeks.

I told him to not do what I think your doing and he said the usual "I sorry"

But he did it 1 more time that included grabbing my crotch. I then asked him to leave and was pissed for the rest of day.

My bf called me to talk and say good night and he asked what was wrong. I did not say anything as I did not want him to be worried and or pissed at his meeting and not have his mind right.

So he came home last night and later on he asked why I was so down, I just told him I had missed him.

But I dont want to creat friction as the other guy is a long time friend.

So Shoulkd I just have a chat with the asshole or tell my bf. It's to close to our party and dont want to mess things up.

Our friend was buzzed and I did not do anything to entic him as he does nothing for me, plus I dont mess around, I would not be going on 25yrs if I did that.

But I am still upset and I have to vent..
 
No, don't tell your bf. But tell the other guy "I didn't tell Mortimer what you did. But don't do it again, or we can't be friends any more."
 
I PERSONALLY would ditch the friend. But if you think you can forgive him and carry on, then more power to you.

Lex
 
I would not tell your bf. You did what you wanted and needed to do to handle the situation and that should do it. There's no need to unnecessarily upset your bf about it.

As an aside, sometimes people put more weight, than others do, on sexual activity. I obviously can't speak for him, but he may have felt that a jack off session would be harmless and meaningless--certainly not disruptive to your relationship with your bf or your friendship with him. If he'd realized that he was risking your friendship by doing this, he probably wouldn't have done it.

I mention this only insofar as I don't think this necessarily makes him a bad person, nor someone to drop as a friend, but more so that perhaps he didn't know what the boundaries were between him and you and you and your bf. You'd think he would have gotten the message when he took the risk of making the first advance and then getting rebuffed--trying the crotch-grab later was a bit much by any estimation. But, sadly, some are slow-learners.

I think he's gotten the message now. Forgive, but don't forget. Hopefully, things will be smoother with him from here on out.
 
There are ways to disclose what happened without getting into the gory details.

You can say, "While you were gone, Bob dropped by and was acting very weird. I'm not sure if he was high or drunk or what... but he just made me very uncomfortable. I ended up asking him to leave."

This lets your partner know that your friend has a problem so that your partner doesn't find himself in the same situation. It also puts the story out there so that if someone else finds out, your partner is not caught by surprise by any rumors that get started in your circle of friends.
 
Thanks guy's,

I hate keeping things from him as that is not how we work. I know he trust me and I him.

But just that thought of what happened pisses me off. The guy knows how close we are and that we dont mess around for nothing. So the part that he actually thought he could do this is what really makes me mad.

he has know us for about 10 yrs so it's no new to him.

But to see that guy again in our house is going to be uncomfortable for me. And the part that if the asshole goes around and tells people and then my bf finds out will not be good.

So I have to do something soon...


Thanks again guy's...
 
In a different track-

Does your friend have a problem... drugs, alcohol, depression... that would explain his behavior?

Maybe after you have that talk with your partner, maybe you need to take your friend aside and push him to get whatever help he needs?
 
racer2438 said:
But to see that guy again in our house is going to be uncomfortable for me. And the part that if the asshole goes around and tells people and then my bf finds out will not be good.

So I have to do something soon...
Click to expand...

I respect what you're saying and that you've made up your mind to mention this to your bf--which I'm still am not convinced is a good idea, but that's not my business.

I'm curious about the part quoted. Is he angry with you that he was rebuffed, or is he embarrassed? A normal person would be embarrassed, and no rational person would breathe a word of this faux pas to anyone. I'm not sure I connect the dots between what went down, and his spreading the story around. In fact, if I were him, I'd be worried that YOU would be spreading around what a cad HE is.

You're angry that this happened and are angry and disappointed in your friend. That's understandable. But, are you also blowing this up into a bigger problem than it is by dragging your bf into it? What good can come out of this?

Perhaps my problem with understanding this is that, despite being in a tightly-committed relationship for 15 years, I don't believe in the sharing EVERYTHING part. We each have our own identity and existence and aren't joined at the hip. In fact, I know that he's shielded me from things that would anger or hurt me, and I've done the same. That's what I think love is. Sometimes just handling awkward and nasty situations privately and discretely is the better part of valor. But, again maybe that's just me.

I am curious what you end up doing and how it goes. Good luck!
 
KaraBulut said:
There are ways to disclose what happened without getting into the gory details.

You can say, "While you were gone, Bob dropped by and was acting very weird. I'm not sure if he was high or drunk or what... but he just made me very uncomfortable. I ended up asking him to leave."

This lets your partner know that your friend has a problem so that your partner doesn't find himself in the same situation. It also puts the story out there so that if someone else finds out, your partner is not caught by surprise by any rumors that get started in your circle of friends.
Click to expand...

Great Advice!
 
Your boyfriend knows something happened to upset you but doesn't know what and you won't tell him. So he is going to think about it and come up with a scenario that could account for your upset. Very likely the wrong one.

Tell him the truth. You're upset because this guy who you thought was a friend turned up at your door like a sleaze hoping to take advantage of your boyfriend's absence to get into your pants. Twice.

You need to communicate with your boyfriend. He can't read your mind.
 
3nipples said:
Your boyfriend knows something happened to upset you but doesn't know what and you won't tell him. So he is going to think about it and come up with a scenario that could account for your upset. Very likely the wrong one.

Tell him the truth. You're upset because this guy who you thought was a friend turned up at your door like a sleaze hoping to take advantage of your boyfriend's absence to get into your pants. Twice.

You need to communicate with your boyfriend. He can't read your mind.
Click to expand...

I'm pretty much in this camp.

I would also be pissed at the 'friend.'
 
to those who say not to tell, would you blame your boyfriend if he told you your good friend of 10 years hit on him when you were away?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top