jimm04
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
never last
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Being "just friends" when you're attracted to them
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Jerry
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
My best friend here is smoking hot and just as straight.
I was drawn to him initially because of his looks and we became friends.
But now when I look at him, I see HIM more than I see his good looks, like I did at first. I mean yeah he's still friggin' beautiful, but I see him differently. I'll never try anything with him either, it's just not worth it.
And yes, it is hard sometimes. He'll talk to me about being horny and wanting a blowjob and I just have to sit there and pretend I'm not interested when all I want to do is tear his pants open and have at it. And I get a little jealous of his girlfriend, but not really like a big deal jealous, just a hint of jealousy.
We hang out so much that everyone gives us a hard time about being a couple and that kinda frustrates me too, since I wish it was true. Hell, we even go out to nice restaurants for dinner, just the two of us.
But I don't see a problem with us remaining friends. I love him for more than his looks. As long as I keep my grubby paws off of him, we'll be fine.
My best friend here is smoking hot and just as straight.
I was drawn to him initially because of his looks and we became friends.
But now when I look at him, I see HIM more than I see his good looks, like I did at first. I mean yeah he's still friggin' beautiful, but I see him differently. I'll never try anything with him either, it's just not worth it.
And yes, it is hard sometimes. He'll talk to me about being horny and wanting a blowjob and I just have to sit there and pretend I'm not interested when all I want to do is tear his pants open and have at it. And I get a little jealous of his girlfriend, but not really like a big deal jealous, just a hint of jealousy.
We hang out so much that everyone gives us a hard time about being a couple and that kinda frustrates me too, since I wish it was true. Hell, we even go out to nice restaurants for dinner, just the two of us.
But I don't see a problem with us remaining friends. I love him for more than his looks. As long as I keep my grubby paws off of him, we'll be fine.
Adan0316CumOnMe
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
Yeah I've had that situation before but worse because my and friend and I actually fooled around a couple times. I found it best to avoid getting drunk with them because thats when things tend to happen, and whenever they do happen it puts false hope in you making you think there could be something.
Honestly keeping a platonic friendship with someone you have feelings for is very hard and jealously does happen a lot especially when you see them out with someone(you get a view that there is no one out there good enough for them except you but you should never tell them this). All in all if you really care about your friendship you won't let your feelings get in the way.
Yeah I've had that situation before but worse because my and friend and I actually fooled around a couple times. I found it best to avoid getting drunk with them because thats when things tend to happen, and whenever they do happen it puts false hope in you making you think there could be something.
Honestly keeping a platonic friendship with someone you have feelings for is very hard and jealously does happen a lot especially when you see them out with someone(you get a view that there is no one out there good enough for them except you but you should never tell them this). All in all if you really care about your friendship you won't let your feelings get in the way.
hanshansen
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I've written about my struggles with this in other threads.
Yes, it is possible to get over this (the tension, the loneliness, the jealousy etc.) - the easiest and quickest way is by moving on yourself, i.e. by making proactive moves to get to know other people and following up (or by deciding you don't actually need a relationship at the moment and doing other stuff).
I seriously think it's as simple as that. It feels much better to be shaping your future than to be watching your friend do so while you're sitting there mourning your loss.
The only problem I see with these friendships lasting is if there is some unfinished business, e.g. you feel that you were treated unfairly or you resent that they weren't attracted to you (or they feel something bad about you) and you feel unable to talk through it with them. In that case it'll be an elephant in the room.
I've written about my struggles with this in other threads.
Yes, it is possible to get over this (the tension, the loneliness, the jealousy etc.) - the easiest and quickest way is by moving on yourself, i.e. by making proactive moves to get to know other people and following up (or by deciding you don't actually need a relationship at the moment and doing other stuff).
I seriously think it's as simple as that. It feels much better to be shaping your future than to be watching your friend do so while you're sitting there mourning your loss.
The only problem I see with these friendships lasting is if there is some unfinished business, e.g. you feel that you were treated unfairly or you resent that they weren't attracted to you (or they feel something bad about you) and you feel unable to talk through it with them. In that case it'll be an elephant in the room.
texan_slant
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I've never dated, nor had a physically intimate relationship with anyone - I've just had a handful of flings, and that's it. Due largely to my own issues, I've just managed to get by with having really good friendships with men I am attracted to.
I have had three really good friendships with straight men who I consider best friends - and I am still friends with them. Two of 'em I've been friends with for twenty plus years. I used to be head over heels for each of them, and now continue to have really healthy friendships with each.
100% of my friends are straight. I know and understand that I need to work on diversifying my network of friends, but I just...haven't. Over time, I have gotten over my feelings because I have just learned to realize that, 1. I can never act on my true feelings, 2. they can never react to me in the way that I wanted really wanted them to, and 3. I just realized that I was just happy being friends with them - while knowing they were straight.
The icing on the cake is the fact that I absolutely adore all of the straight men in my life, and they all accept me for who I am.
I've never dated, nor had a physically intimate relationship with anyone - I've just had a handful of flings, and that's it. Due largely to my own issues, I've just managed to get by with having really good friendships with men I am attracted to.
I have had three really good friendships with straight men who I consider best friends - and I am still friends with them. Two of 'em I've been friends with for twenty plus years. I used to be head over heels for each of them, and now continue to have really healthy friendships with each.
100% of my friends are straight. I know and understand that I need to work on diversifying my network of friends, but I just...haven't. Over time, I have gotten over my feelings because I have just learned to realize that, 1. I can never act on my true feelings, 2. they can never react to me in the way that I wanted really wanted them to, and 3. I just realized that I was just happy being friends with them - while knowing they were straight.
The icing on the cake is the fact that I absolutely adore all of the straight men in my life, and they all accept me for who I am.
hanshansen
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
But it's not his fault - you have to keep telling yourself that.
I have a (gay) friend where the situation is like that - but it really is not his fault, it's just the random laws of physical attraction.
I know someone else who was attracted to me, then thought better of it and now acts like there was nothing ever between us. That's something I feel kind of shitty about, and I can't see that friendship ever going very deep.
Does your friend know you are gay and available? If it's been four months and he talks about dating other people there's probably nothing there.
Is it not possible for you to make moves now to shift your attraction to other people who are more obviously available? Maybe it's just me, but I do become at least curious about new people fairly easily and then the urge to pursue things with person X goes away pretty quickly. The situation I hate being in is where I can see that it's not going to work out with someone and I have no alternative possibilities on the horizon - then it really is just a long, painful slog of 'getting over'.
But it's not his fault - you have to keep telling yourself that.
I have a (gay) friend where the situation is like that - but it really is not his fault, it's just the random laws of physical attraction.
I know someone else who was attracted to me, then thought better of it and now acts like there was nothing ever between us. That's something I feel kind of shitty about, and I can't see that friendship ever going very deep.
Does your friend know you are gay and available? If it's been four months and he talks about dating other people there's probably nothing there.
Is it not possible for you to make moves now to shift your attraction to other people who are more obviously available? Maybe it's just me, but I do become at least curious about new people fairly easily and then the urge to pursue things with person X goes away pretty quickly. The situation I hate being in is where I can see that it's not going to work out with someone and I have no alternative possibilities on the horizon - then it really is just a long, painful slog of 'getting over'.
Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
Well, it's good then since you've already let him know. You've moved forward.
Don't worry..... you're not the first, neither will you be the last, to fall for people you'll never ever be able to have. That's from what I know..... usually the FIRST and the worst, feeling, that you'll get when you first discover your sexuality as being gay..... I'm also in love with a straight friend of mine.... which I didn't realise it was love until I realised I was gay.
Either way, you've gone for quite a good start I guess....
Well, it's good then since you've already let him know. You've moved forward.
Don't worry..... you're not the first, neither will you be the last, to fall for people you'll never ever be able to have. That's from what I know..... usually the FIRST and the worst, feeling, that you'll get when you first discover your sexuality as being gay..... I'm also in love with a straight friend of mine.... which I didn't realise it was love until I realised I was gay.
Either way, you've gone for quite a good start I guess....
alley
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I guess I just lost a friend who had a crush on me---when we met he and I talked and I let him know that I was not interested in a relationship with him. We developed a friendship and would talk to each other on the phine and have lunch once in a while---he would sometimes call a couple of times a day and he would get a little pissy if I was busy with something/someone else. We were talking on the phone last week when I told him that I asked a guy out. I have not heard from him since and he has not replied to the text I sent to him.
I guess I just lost a friend who had a crush on me---when we met he and I talked and I let him know that I was not interested in a relationship with him. We developed a friendship and would talk to each other on the phine and have lunch once in a while---he would sometimes call a couple of times a day and he would get a little pissy if I was busy with something/someone else. We were talking on the phone last week when I told him that I asked a guy out. I have not heard from him since and he has not replied to the text I sent to him.
youngnihilist
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
It works if you can drop the attraction. If you can't it's pretty tough. You might be jealous and into them too much. But I'll say it is possible to drop the attraction, I did with one of my straight close friends, and we are friends to this day because I'm not lusting over him or bugging him about his sex life. If I continued to, who knows what would have happened.
It works if you can drop the attraction. If you can't it's pretty tough. You might be jealous and into them too much. But I'll say it is possible to drop the attraction, I did with one of my straight close friends, and we are friends to this day because I'm not lusting over him or bugging him about his sex life. If I continued to, who knows what would have happened.
so_y2000
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Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I understand your position bw92116; I'm going throught the same situation, I met a straight guy that let's me share all of my intimate secrets with him, in fact he lived similar expeieces too (with abuse, relationships) and I feelI can tell him anything, and love the feeling he is comfortable enough to say anything to me. He considers me his brother and I don't want to damage that relatioship, but ever since I first saw him I loved him and still do.
Trouble is I suspect he is sexin' my roomate, an italian girl that shows affection to him and touches his chin, legs and even stares at him for long periods of time, when that happens I fell like I want to die.
He is going to move with us soon, but in the ast he visited the apartment while I was working in the night and confessed me he saw me on the train that night when I arrived at 5 am and he was leaving home, he was with her I know!.
I don't know what to do, he says he is not attracted to her and I want to believe that but the pieces don't fit, I feel like I am going crazy and don't know how to quit him (and don't want either) I definitelly LOVE him and desire him so much. I khonw how you feel bw92116 and I haven't been able to find a way out still, I need
I understand your position bw92116; I'm going throught the same situation, I met a straight guy that let's me share all of my intimate secrets with him, in fact he lived similar expeieces too (with abuse, relationships) and I feelI can tell him anything, and love the feeling he is comfortable enough to say anything to me. He considers me his brother and I don't want to damage that relatioship, but ever since I first saw him I loved him and still do.
Trouble is I suspect he is sexin' my roomate, an italian girl that shows affection to him and touches his chin, legs and even stares at him for long periods of time, when that happens I fell like I want to die.
He is going to move with us soon, but in the ast he visited the apartment while I was working in the night and confessed me he saw me on the train that night when I arrived at 5 am and he was leaving home, he was with her I know!.
I don't know what to do, he says he is not attracted to her and I want to believe that but the pieces don't fit, I feel like I am going crazy and don't know how to quit him (and don't want either) I definitelly LOVE him and desire him so much. I khonw how you feel bw92116 and I haven't been able to find a way out still, I need
Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I don't know if it works. I am kind of in this situation right now. I had a very close friend I have known for six years. For most of the six years we were just friends. We resisted the sexual attraction for most of the six years until this year. And now things have changed. His situation is a bit complicated because he is from a traditional South Asian family and he is not out. But there are some days I think to myself "why did we cross the line?" "Why?" He was a better friend then he was a boyfriend that's for sure.
I don't know if it works. I am kind of in this situation right now. I had a very close friend I have known for six years. For most of the six years we were just friends. We resisted the sexual attraction for most of the six years until this year. And now things have changed. His situation is a bit complicated because he is from a traditional South Asian family and he is not out. But there are some days I think to myself "why did we cross the line?" "Why?" He was a better friend then he was a boyfriend that's for sure.
Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
I have been in that situation before. Your solution is in your own words. Personally, if you are in a friendship with someone and you become so enamored with them, despite knowing that there will never be a relationship, it is the best decision to walk away from that friendship. Reckon there will be pain in not seeing him. The long-term benefit of getting out of that unhealthy friendship will be greater.
I have been in that situation before. Your solution is in your own words. Personally, if you are in a friendship with someone and you become so enamored with them, despite knowing that there will never be a relationship, it is the best decision to walk away from that friendship. Reckon there will be pain in not seeing him. The long-term benefit of getting out of that unhealthy friendship will be greater.
Re: Being "just friends" when you're attracted to
^ What he said. Obviously, it's possible to keep up the "friendship". But the foundation is too one sided and it doesn't really change. The interaction simply doesn't matter as intensely to the other guy and it drains time and energy away from finding and working on more mutually fulfilling relationships.
^ What he said. Obviously, it's possible to keep up the "friendship". But the foundation is too one sided and it doesn't really change. The interaction simply doesn't matter as intensely to the other guy and it drains time and energy away from finding and working on more mutually fulfilling relationships.