Being Stood Up

[deelong]

I was stood up a couple of days ago by a guy who I really liked. I was pretty pissed about it. This is the third time that I've been stood up. I was so fucking angry about it that I almost started to cry and I never cry. Not because of that idiot. It's because I haven't been able to go out on a decent date with a guy yet. I'm starting to think is there something that I'm doing wrong or what? They act like they're to chicken shit to come and meet new people.

We were suppose to go see Fast and Furious. Our movie was going to start at 1:30. When I woke up I got a text from him saying,

"Can we go later?"
"Why?"
"Well, I have to take care of my drunk friend LOL" (That shit ain't funny)
"Ok, the later times are 3:30 and 4:30" (I don't want to meet someone at booty call hour)

2 hours later. I got my haircut, drove to Chicago, which is like 45mins away from me. And at 1:00 I'm sitting in my car waiting for a text message back saying, "I'm ready". But of course instead I get,

"Ur gonna be mad but I have two papers. Due tomorrow. My last two till I graduate. I havent dont them and I should do them today. Can we just go like Tuesday or something :-/".

And the thing is a when we made our date. I told him not to stand me up or I will be very pissed. Ugh so aggravating.

Has anyone else been through the same situation? Or is it just me?

 

[dragon08]

I wouldn't really give him another chance until he earned one.

If someone were to cancel I'd be fine if they gave you enough warning, and they had a valid excuse.

This guy however messed up twice in one day. He had to take care of his drunk friend I think would be a fine excuse if it were later but seriously who the hell gets drunk to the point where you need to be watched at 1pm? Ok even if his friend were that bad could he not find someone else?

Ok lets just ignore the first part. He literally said if you guys could go later, he didn't try to reschedule to another day he specifically said later that day.

The papers excuse is complete bullshit for one of two reasons
Either
A) He really had a paper to write. If he already had a paper to write and he was going to be so busy writing them that day why did he want to go later?
B) The papers are bullshit. He had no paper to write he just made them up so that he wouldn't have to go.

I honestly wouldn't give him the time of day. If he is interested then he needs to man the fuck up and treat you with respect. This guy seems like an asshole and I wouldn't give him another shot unless he made it up to me in a big way.

 

[umjreon88]

I agree with everyone here. Lol. If he is sincere he would definitely give you his time, no matter what papers or drunk friend stories. He sounds like an irresponsible person too. You took your time to travel 45mins to meet him, only for him to reply at the last instance with a condescending emoticon ":/"? Anyone who gave me that smiley often got a tongue-lashing from me. I cannot tolerate stupidity and complacency.

Well, I agree that you should give him one last chance. HOWEVER, do not take him seriously, just sit back and see where the ride goes.

In fact for me, I'd just say "Good Riddance!".

 

[Seasoned]

When you boil things down every human encounter is about trust. Without that we have suspicion, uneasiness and fear. Putting up with bullshit more than once tells us we are prone to becoming co-dependent doormats full of anger and resentment. A new person in your life ought not get more than one chance with this type of rudeness. My guess would be that his last night's date or hook up was continuing into today.

 

[hylas]

i use internet dating extensively, and i used to get stood up all the fucking time. some wouldnt even tell me that they decided not to come, theyd just leave me waiting at the spot.

a couple of years ago, i started with this: before i meet someone for the first time in person, i give them a phone call. not chatting, texting, or messaging, but a call. i talk to them, just for a couple of minutes, about nothing in particular ("hey, hows it goin? just wanted to hear the sound of your voice, is all. is tonight still on? ok, see you soon!") strangely enough, since i started this, ive never been stood up again, and its been years. i dont know why exactly, but it works for me.

 

[jensu846]

yes, just happened to me last week with this guy I have met a few times. He has flaked on me for the last time. He told me to drive to his town which was 48 miles away. So I did, and when I texted him that I was pulling into town, he said he cant meet up. I was fuming pissed!!! I sent a text that said "thanks" and left town.
The next day he texts me back asking if I was mad at him saying something came up and couldn't meet. I haven't responded back and wont ever... It would different if it was one time, but this was his 3rd time to flake.. so Im done with him.
I know exactly how you feel. let him go.

 

[earlgrey]

Usually not on the first meeting, but happens a fair bit with people I've already met, and have arranged to meet again. There was a guy I was very keen on a month or two, and despite him being the one who suggested the date, he just did not call or text on the day to cancel.

I'd say go with the 3 strikes rule for the same person. If they were interested in spending time with you in any capacity, they would not do this to you repeatedly. Otherwise they clearly have no respect for you.

 

[eastofeden]

I probably should not answer this as it will piss most of you off but I have something to add as it is a viewpoint from the "other side"...and so I shall.

Point blank...I stood people up all the time. The reason was pretty lame. I didn't want to reject them or tell them I wasn't interested so I would stupidly agree to go out with someone knowing full well I had no intention of going out with them. I didn't really know how to say no. I learned eventually to say no but prior to that I pissed off alot of guys.

Some guys kept coming back for more. I would have avoided them if I could but since I was a bartender in a gay nightclub they could come in anytime and "catch me". I figured if I didn't show up once they would get the message...get mad at me...and move along. Some never did and thanks to one in particular I had to learn to say no.

I am not proud of it...I wasn't thinking of them at all. If I had to do it over again I would definitely do it differently but it was a flaw I had...one of many... and it just simply is what it is.

 

[tmat50]

I would tell him to come to me next time - I tend to agree that he was probably with someone else and didn't want to leave

 

[Orlandude]

Move on. You really don't need this ignorant person in your life. I can see rescheduling once. Shit happens. But a second time in the same day with a lame excuse like paperwork that he knew long ago was coming due? I don't think so. He's obviously a player. Don't waste your time on people like him who will lead you on until they find something better to do.

 

[darden]

I've never been full-on stood up (like, I'm sitting there waiting for a guy and he never shows), but I've encountered plenty of flakes.

if it's a first date, I'll text a guy before I leave the house just to say "hey, I'm going to be leaving in about half an hour... if anything comes up, just let me know before then."

if a guy cancels at the last minute, I'll give him one more chance, but the burden is on him to plan a new date. if he doesn't take the initiative, I'll assume he's just not that interested and move on.

 

[deelong]

i use internet dating extensively, and i used to get stood up all the fucking time. some wouldnt even tell me that they decided not to come, theyd just leave me waiting at the spot.

a couple of years ago, i started with this: before i meet someone for the first time in person, i give them a phone call. not chatting, texting, or messaging, but a call. i talk to them, just for a couple of minutes, about nothing in particular ("hey, hows it goin? just wanted to hear the sound of your voice, is all. is tonight still on? ok, see you soon!") strangely enough, since i started this, ive never been stood up again, and its been years. i dont know why exactly, but it works for me.

That's a really good idea. I've never thought about that. Thanks.

 

[deelong]

Looks like I'm not the only one who gets stood up

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Manners and morals, politeness and etiquette, and human decency is a dying breed in today's society.

Guys are self centered, insecure, and horrible at empathy. Why? Partly because they can. There's always someone new around the corner to exploit. Partly cause some are so dense they don't know better, and some are in a war with themselves between their hormones and their fear of being gay.

It's more than likely a reflection on them, not you. I agree with the others here of a Three Strikes rule, depending on the circumstances... some guys might not get a second chance.

Only you can decide what you will or won't put up with. You can decide how you want to be treated. If he texts again, I would tell him exactly why you're not seeing him again.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's because I haven't been able to go out on a decent date with a guy yet. I'm starting to think is there something that I'm doing wrong or what? They act like they're to chicken shit to come and meet new people.

The reason that you haven't been on a decent date is that these aren't decent guys. They're immature, scared little boys who are more interested in partying with their friends than they are about meeting someone who isn't an immature, scared little boy like them.

These guys are doing you a favor. They are subconsciouly telling you that they aren't boyfriend material. They're telling you this before you get into a more serious relationship with them.

There has always been a lot of immature guys. It's nothing new. It is up to you to tell yourself that you deserve better and to get rid of the losers that you will encounter quickly and finally. Unfortunately, there's a lot of guys in your position who take these failed encounters personally and who insist on trying to pursue these guys in a wasted attempt to win them over. They are not worth your time (or anyone's time for that matter).

Make better choices in men. And when you encounter these scared little boys, jettison them quickly and move on to someone better.

 

[deelong]

The reason that you haven't been on a decent date is that these aren't decent guys. They're immature, scared little boys who are more interested in partying with their friends than they are about meeting someone who isn't an immature, scared little boy like them.

These guys are doing you a favor. They are subconsciouly telling you that they aren't boyfriend material. They're telling you this before you get into a more serious relationship with them.

There has always been a lot of immature guys. It's nothing new. It is up to you to tell yourself that you deserve better and to get rid of the losers that you will encounter quickly and finally. Unfortunately, there's a lot of guys in your position who take these failed encounters personally and who insist on trying to pursue these guys in a wasted attempt to win them over. They are not worth your time (or anyone's time for that matter).

Make better choices in men. And when you encounter these scared little boys, jettison them quickly and move on to someone better.

Wow you'll are so wise. I've never thought about that. I'm so happy I made this thread. I don't really have anyone to talk to about these things. I really do appreciate you guys replying to my thread.

 

[mcbrion]

And STOP TEXTING!!!
Text messaging does NOT allow you to actually hear a person's voice and his reactions to you. It also allows people to avoid having to SAY something. I understand why people text, but some people would rather text than talk (then why date?? If you cannot talk to someone openly, you shouldn't be dating) and that, in itself, should give you an idea of how emotionally available another human being is. Someone whose answers are 1 or 2 lines? Not very open, or comfortable relating to others - and the "I'm shy" thing doesn't cut it. If you can't forget about yourself long enough to be in the moment with someone else, you're a little too uncomfortable with yourself to be dating. Take it from an older - and wiser - man. In order to date, one must be interested in the other person, not for some trait they have that you don't, but because you have something to GIVE.
This guy you speak of? He doesn't respect you - or himself - enough to be honest with you. If someone doesn't respect himself, he certainly isn't going to show you respect.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

The reason that you haven't been on a decent date is that these aren't decent guys. They're immature, scared little boys who are more interested in partying with their friends than they are about meeting someone who isn't an immature, scared little boy like them.

These guys are doing you a favor. They are subconsciouly telling you that they aren't boyfriend material. They're telling you this before you get into a more serious relationship with them.

There has always been a lot of immature guys. It's nothing new. It is up to you to tell yourself that you deserve better and to get rid of the losers that you will encounter quickly and finally. Unfortunately, there's a lot of guys in your position who take these failed encounters personally and who insist on trying to pursue these guys in a wasted attempt to win them over. They are not worth your time (or anyone's time for that matter).

Make better choices in men. And when you encounter these scared little boys, jettison them quickly and move on to someone better.

Great advice as usual.

You need to adjust your BS meter, OP. Don't take shit from anyone. Those excuses you listed were beyond lame. I'm guessing you're young? It gets easier with time.

Sorry you had to deal with losers like the guy you described

 

[cm98059]

I have also seen where talking to the other person on the phone does reduce the amount of no shows drastically. I rarely give a third chance, but if someone makes arrangements to meet me and they are a no show, they don't get a second chance, except in a couple of rare occasions. I gave a second chance to someone who no-showed, but he did call me the same day we were supposed to meet, and I did meet him that same day in his hospital room. But I don't give second chances for lame excuses like "I fell asleep"

You don't need to accept that behavior. The type of person who does that is only interested in their own pleasure, and doesn't care about anyone other than himself.