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Being Too "Attached" to A Guy?

C

Cognition

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Location
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I would like to know if there's a way to prevent and/or stop being so attached to a person.

Some time ago, I met a guy on a "hookup" and later went clubbing with him and his friends. A great night, indeed at my first time being in a gay club.

Now, some months later, I'm feeling the quite tiresome feelings of being too attached to this guy. I haven't emailed, IMed, and or talked to him on the phone, but I can't stop thinking of him! I honestly feel very stressed about thoughts of him entering my head at all times of the day. I hate it!

I think these thoughts about him began to resurface because I found out that he was here in my area and possibly went out to club without inviting me. Naturally, I felt hurt and rejected, and thus, these thoughts about him began to flood my mind.

How to get over this and forget about him?
 
First off, is there a reason you're not contacting him? Think he's not interested? If you're not sure, why NOT contact him and see if he's interested in getting together?

If you ARE sure that he's not interested, then the best way to fill the void is to...well, fill the void. Go out, be social, meet more people. Even go to the gay club and find some folks to chat with. :)

Lex
 
Yeah, there's no magic potion here. Other than time. And keeping busy.

It's gonna hurt for a while.
 
G-Lexington said:
First off, is there a reason you're not contacting him? Think he's not interested? If you're not sure, why NOT contact him and see if he's interested in getting together?
Click to expand...

Let me correct myself. Actually, last weekend he sent me an instant message over AIM asking how I was, etc. I was overjoyed to hear from him. But it was when I asked him if he had been to Dallas recently and he told me he was here in May (one month after we went clubbing), that I started to feel rejected. The guy lives in Boston, so coming to Dallas is not an insignificant thing. I felt really bad he was here and didn't invite me to go clubbing with him (since I have anyone else to go to clubs/bars with).

I don't contact him because I don't want him to feel as though I'm overly attached to him or that I'm "crazy". I don't want to be a nuisance, in essence.
 
Did you post a thread about that here? It sounds really familiar with the first time clubbing and the Dallas/Boston axis.
 
Well, maybe he thought YOU weren't interested in HIM. Maybe he was in town for 24 hours, and didn't have any time to spare. It's pointless to try to guess motives. Ask first before assuming you'll never see him again. "Well, let me know the next time you're in Dallas - I'd love to hang out again."

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Well, maybe he thought YOU weren't interested in HIM. Maybe he was in town for 24 hours, and didn't have any time to spare. It's pointless to try to guess motives. Ask first before assuming you'll never see him again. "Well, let me know the next time you're in Dallas - I'd love to hang out again."
Click to expand...

Maybe you're right, G.

I actually did send him one email after we talked on AIM (two days later). I told him to ring me up the next time he was in Dallas and I would buy him a drink or two, with my telephone number.

He never responded. And I was not going to email him a second time or instant message him asking him why he didn't respond to my email. I figured that if he didn't want to hang out, then I didn't want to know.

I'm so fearful of rejection.

This is the situation that has been playing in my mind over and over again for a week now. Honestly, it gets so tiresome and wearing, that I can hardly sit still sometimes or concentrate on school work.
 
Lube said:
Did you post a thread about that here? It sounds really familiar with the first time clubbing and the Dallas/Boston axis.
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's the same guy (Rob). I become freakishly obsessed with him after we hung out until I got a boyfriend some weeks later. Then about two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend (Elias), so my mind has shifted back on Rob again.
 
But he doesn't live where you live! He occasionally visits. You hooked up with him one time, and the two of you had a fun time when he was visiting. He has a whole other life back at his home. You had a life with a boyfriend shortly afterwards.

Dallas has plenty other guys. Focus on them. If you ever see Rob again, then cool. But don't hold your breath about it.
 
G-Lexington said:
Agreed. Your life is out there. Go live it. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

Ok. Will do.

I'm not great at the whole gay "scene", but I've been making a list of things for me to do while I'm continuing my education (starting this semester):

1. Complete and acquire my Associates in Business, Associates in Science.
2. Join a gym, 24 Hour Fitness near my school (and a block from my mom's job)
3. Join a local Toastmasters group (or similar) to terminate my fear of public speaking and improve speaking skills
4. Complete strategic planning and launch my business venture
 
Just_Believe18 said:
But he doesn't live where you live! He occasionally visits. You hooked up with him one time, and the two of you had a fun time when he was visiting. He has a whole other life back at his home. You had a life with a boyfriend shortly afterwards.

Dallas has plenty other guys. Focus on them. If you ever see Rob again, then cool. But don't hold your breath about it.
Click to expand...

But I don't have that boyfriend anymore or Rob, JB. Sure, Dallas has plenty of other guys, but I don't think any of them will even like me, even as a friend. Needless to say, I'm African American.

Should I just let go of this gay "stuff" because I don't fit in?
 
^ There are plenty of guys who like Blacks. I know you must go through racial discrimination sometimes from other gay guys, but you should never let that deter you from generalizing all gay men as not interested in you.

I liked a Black guy, but he turned me down, hehe. I also know of another one in my area who is personably and physically atrocious, but he gets so many guys regardless of their race because he is socially outgoing. Just have confidence in yourself and who you are.
 
>>>Needless to say, I'm African American. Should I just let go of this gay "stuff" because I don't fit in?

Do we need to introduce you to Marley and JY and the other A-A gay guys here on JUB? Do they face problems because of their race in addition to their sexuality? You betcha. Does that make their situations hopeless? Not according to them. :)

Lex
 
Just_Believe18 said:
^ There are plenty of guys who like Blacks. I know you must go through racial discrimination sometimes from other gay guys, but you should never let that deter you from generalizing all gay men as not interested in you.

Just have confidence in yourself and who you are.
Click to expand...

G-Lexington said:
>>>Needless to say, I'm African American. Should I just let go of this gay "stuff" because I don't fit in?

Do we need to introduce you to Marley and JY and the other A-A gay guys here on JUB? Do they face problems because of their race in addition to their sexuality? You betcha. Does that make their situations hopeless? Not according to them. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

Thanks for the guy advice, JB and Lex. ;)
 
Yeah, don't give up because you're "X" and think no one likes "X".

*Somebody* likes "X", whether it's skin color or fur or age or whatever.

When I came out at 43, I thought I was doomed. But you wouldn't believe how many guys are interested in me. Not all guys, of course. Just specific ones (but enough to keep me very busy!). Just be yourself and be confident.
 
So, I had an IM conversation with Rob today:

Me (9:44:59 AM): hi there
Him: (9:45:26 AM): hey!
Me (9:45:33 AM): how are ya?
Me (9:45:50 AM): how are things?
Him: (9:45:56 AM): ok
Him: (9:45:59 AM): how r u doing?
Me (9:46:26 AM): im good.
Me (9:46:36 AM): exhausted, but good nonetheless
Him: (9:46:57 AM): why?
Me (9:47:17 AM): oh school and work and such
Me (9:47:30 AM): all part of the game, y'know?
Me (9:47:52 AM): well, at least on my end
Him: (9:48:03 AM): yeah, understandable
Me (9:49:06 AM): you're home today?
Him: (9:49:39 AM): working from home yep
Me (9:49:56 AM): oh, pardon me
Me (9:50:01 AM): didn't mean to interrupt
Him: (9:51:51 AM): oh no, no prob
Me (9:52:18 AM):
Me (9:57:25 AM): hey, the last time we talked (a few months ago) I didn't offend you or anything, did I?
Him: (9:57:38 AM): no of course not, why?
Me (9:58:28 AM): Oh I was just wondering. I'm just working to improve myself (personal development), so I thought I would ask.

It's clear that he's not interested in me (as a friend), and that he's just being nice. I guess I'll just leave him alone and delete him from my buddy list.
 
I don't know about all that. It looks like half of the chats I have on IM with my friends. :) Sometimes, we're busy doing other things on the computer, doing work, or even chatting to other folks. I certainly don't think he's gaga for you, but I wouldn't necessarily delete him from the list.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
I certainly don't think he's gaga for you, but I wouldn't necessarily delete him from the list.
Click to expand...

Oh no, I wasn't wanting him to be "gaga" for me, but even his "friend", I still feel rejected. I'm feeling very, very sad right now.

I think the best thing to do is to quietly end this "friendship" of ours (as in just not talking to him anymore), and move towards healing myself emotionally. If he happens to call me in the near future, then that's fine.

You see, this is the very reason why I don't like getting close to people. I hate rejection.
 
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