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Best Friend Crossing the Line...

maxpowr9

maxpowr9

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Okay, this happened about an hour ago and I think its starting to seep into my skin. Ill set the scene first. Today was basically Matt Nathanson day to us as we went to two of his concerts (fucking amazing btw). Anyways, on the T/train ride back, one of my best friends at college (hes gay also) types on his phone that he wanted to be more than "just friends".
Now, I would NEVER (and I can't stress that enough) consider having a sexual relationship with him at all and I explictly told him that. After this happened, we sat next to each other for about 20 minutes not saying a word at all. When we got back to school, I didn't even say goodbye to him and (I guess thankfully) we dont live in the same dorm (However, we are in the same group for a class project and it is not possible to switch, so that might be very awkward).
I will end up seeing him in class on monday and possibly talk to him, but as of right now, I feel much aggrevation and frustration. I guess I could try to ignore it but now that I know he feels that way about me, I can't now look at him the same way.

I dunno if anyone else has ever experienced something similar to this before. I'm a bit lost on what to do. What a way to end an otherwise great day.
 
I think you need to reiterate to him that under no circumstances will any of that happen.

The rest will be up to him.
 
I don't think it's necessary to feel frustrated. I'm sure he feels much crappier than you do, so I'd focus on making this easier on him and resuming your friendship, even if the question of his attraction is always in the back of your mind, if you define boundaries, you don't have much to worry about. I can't see it being too hard to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. You may have to "act" more casual than you would now, because of what you now know, but eventually it will become natural and things should more or less return to normal. At least, until it comes up again... I'd just take it as a compliment, and continue being friendly to him. He'll get the message, I'm sure (assuming he has any brains).
 
Oh, I forgot to ask: was there alcohol involved?
 
What's the big deal? He asked and you said no. I'm sure he wishs he had never brought it up. Don't loose a friend over it.

But it doesn't sound like your were very good friends to begin with, not speaking and not saying goodbye.
 
I don't know what all the fuss is about. I mean - get over yourself.

You only have to look at these boards to see that getting up the nerve to tell another guy that you fancy him is one of the scariest situations that many young gay men have to face - or so they think.

Yet your schoolmate/best friend has actually got the courage and the honesty to tell you how he feels. Listen up - a sincere revelation of feelings for another person never confers the obligation that the feelings be reciprocated.

The appropriate response is to thank him for thinking of you in that way, to congratulate him on his courage - you know that you would never have had the nerve, to explain that you do not reciprocate his feelings and that you sincerely hope you can go on being friends becaue you value his friendship highly.

If you go through life reacting to potential embarassment by taking avoiding tactics then the parameters of your existence will steadily reduce. If you're prepared to acknowledge and face uncomfortable feelings then your life expands.
 
spreadeagle said:
I don't know what all the fuss is about. I mean - get over yourself.

You only have to look at these boards to see that getting up the nerve to tell another guy that you fancy him is one of the scariest situations that many young gay men have to face - or so they think.

Yet your schoolmate/best friend has actually got the courage and the honesty to tell you how he feels. Listen up - a sincere revelation of feelings for another person never confers the obligation that the feelings be reciprocated.

The appropriate response is to thank him for thinking of you in that way, to congratulate him on his courage - you know that you would never have had the nerve, to explain that you do not reciprocate his feelings and that you sincerely hope you can go on being friends becaue you value his friendship highly.

If you go through life reacting to potential embarassment by taking avoiding tactics then the parameters of your existence will steadily reduce. If you're prepared to acknowledge and face uncomfortable feelings then your life expands.
Click to expand...

Well said.

Think it over. He is supposedly your best friend and you are avoiding him, because you seem to be lacking the guts to reject his sexual advances.

When you come to think about, you'll see that this is really far more about you and your problems and than him and his issues.

As pointed out by previous posters, this dude has put all of his shit together and he said, what he felt. He was risking a rejection alright.

You do not want to be less of a man than he is. Tell him how you feel. Be friendly and polite but do not avoid him or do anything, that will make you be ashamed of yourself.

SC
 
Listen to Spreadeagle. The guy's your friend, it's important you treat him that way or he will be an ex-friend. Relationships are so precious and best sustained by putting the other person first. Reflect on whether or not you re being selfish in your attitude. Best of luck. You have time to retrieve the situation.
 
Got to agree with everyone else here. However I can understand why you would be upset. He put your friendship in jeopardy over something that you were certain had already been sorted out. I don't think though that it has to be a deal breaker for your friendship and I'm sure he isn't particularly happy about his decision to confess his feelings either.
 
Ok so I'll update.

First off, we were both sober. Yeah, I probably did come off like an asshole but I wasn't sure how to really react to that in the moment (and of course I realize this after the fact).

So I talked with him after class this morning. Having been good friends with him since the beginning of college, I would have known if he has been attracted to me or not. To make a long conversation short, his attraction was something recently. Ever since I started working at A&F recently, I guess he found this new hotness with me (I remind you this is what he was saying, not me. I'm not that vain). Although flattered, I told him again that I probably would never consider more than a good friend and that he needs to understand that. After that, I said to him that we could use a few days apart to let our feelings subside a bit.
As of now, I do NOT intend to break of our friendship with him, but like I said, a few days apart from each other might be good.

So that's were him and I are at. Hopefully, we're both able to put our feelings aside and move along.
 
maxpowr9 said:
Ok so I'll update.

First off, we were both sober. Yeah, I probably did come off like an asshole but I wasn't sure how to really react to that in the moment (and of course I realize this after the fact).

So I talked with him after class this morning. Having been good friends with him since the beginning of college, I would have known if he has been attracted to me or not. To make a long conversation short, his attraction was something recently. Ever since I started working at A&F recently, I guess he found this new hotness with me (I remind you this is what he was saying, not me. I'm not that vain). Although flattered, I told him again that I probably would never consider more than a good friend and that he needs to understand that. After that, I said to him that we could use a few days apart to let our feelings subside a bit.
As of now, I do NOT intend to break of our friendship with him, but like I said, a few days apart from each other might be good.

So that's were him and I are at. Hopefully, we're both able to put our feelings aside and move along.
Click to expand...

But you are :roll:
 
Glad you sort of patched things up.
If you haven't experienced rejection yet yourself, it's a difficult emotion to handle.
He has a crush on you and expressed that to you.
You can always explain that he is important to you and in your own way you might even love him, but it's not a love of passion.
He'll get over this and so will you, thankfully you both made an effort to maintain your friendship.
 
wow maxpowr9, honestly you sound like a real jerk
do you just shut off all your friends like that when everything is going your way?
 
I feel much aggrevation and frustration. I guess I could try to ignore it but now that I know he feels that way about me, I can't now look at him the same way.
Click to expand...

Get a grip Mary.

Be flattered that he made a play for you.

Now that you've patched things up, I'd drop you like a hot potato if I were him.
 
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