Best friend going out with a married man

[chrisied]

My best gay friend is having a relationship with a married man. He has put in his facebook status that he is now in a relationship, so from that it must be quite serious. But the thing is this guy still lives with his wife and has two kids.
I am extremely mad that my friend is doing this to a family and until the married man has ended it with his wife and told her the truth, that my friend should not be seeing him. Am i wrong to think like that?
If i knew who this married man's wife was, I would without a doubt tell her whats going on. Do u think that is fair? What would u do? I know this is my friends discision to make, but it still makes me furious for what he is doing.

 

[altlover85]

You have the right to have your feelings. I think it's understandable in the situation. However, I'd advise against getting involved in the situation as it doesn't involve you directly.

 

[Nomenclature]

If a woman is cheated on as just a one night stand, there's a chance she'll never find out. . .but if her husband has a "relationship" on the side and spends any amount of time with this person, it's inevitable that she'll find out herself; women have a lot more emotional intelligence than they're given credit for.


With that being said: I know you can't help who you're attracted to, but millions of people all over the world have tried being "the other woman" to a man who was in a relationship. If he's comfortable seeing you while he's already in a relationship, then it will NEVER work out the way you want it to.

I'm just saying that I don't really understand why so many people entertain that kind of thing. Sex? I can at least understand, but "he'll leave his wife and children for me because I want him to"? Get real.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I just went through something similar and you can check my thread where I discuss it in some detail (but I stopped talking about it after the police got involved). I think as a friend you should worn your friend about how nasty or even dangerous it could get, but I wouldn't do more than that.

 

[chrisied]

that is what I think to. the only thing that is going to come out of this, is them both getting hurt. The married man will blame him for ruinning is life and my friend is going to be seen by everyone else as a homewrecker. Which he basically is. Of course i want to tell him this. But of course if i do, he will never want to hear from me again.

 

[chrisied]

but this is slightly different this is two men, and i dont think that this really applies to the straight world, I think this makes things far more complicated.

 

[Fire]

There is some behavior which is clearly immoral--and from a purely practical standpoint, in no one's best interest either--and if a friend of yours doesn't have the sense to see it themselves, and they're willing to throw you away because you call it to their attention, then perhaps you are better off without someone like that in your life.

After all, the company you keep reflects back on you. It's all well and good to preach the gospel of, "No judgments here!" when it comes to strangers, I suppose, but remember, this is a person you've chosen to include in your life. What might your choices in response to this situation say about you?

Indeed, I've often asked myself, "At what point does the tacit acceptance of flaws in our friends become complicity?" I think you have reached one of those points.

 

[altlover85]

I understand there are more layers of complexity, but I don't understand how it doesn't apply to the straight world.

 

[chrisied]

well if you look at it, to the wifes perspective. She has been cheated on by a guy. Just knowing that surely is different to being cheated on by a woman. I dont think i could deal with it.
Does make sense?

 

[altlover85]

Yes, I can see how it would be different from the wife's perspective. I didn't think we were talking about the wife's perspective, but rather that of you and your friend. Even though it will be difficult for the wife, if and when she finds out, hopefully she can move on.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

What would Oprah say? Kidding.

The married guy took an oath, when he got married. He is the one doing wrong. This does not involve you.

Tell your friend how you feel, and leave it alone.

 

[rareboy]

The married guy took an oath, when he got married. He is the one doing wrong. This does not involve you.

Tell your friend how you feel, and leave it alone.

Yup. That's all you have to do.

And then be there to say 'I told you so' when it all goes south.

 

[chrisied]

dont worry i am definetly going to leave it alone. Was just wanting to see that everyone had the same point of view and that i am not overreacting about it. Just to let u know, that this friend of mine is 33 so its not like he can blame his age or anyone can blame him for being to young to understand what he is doing lol

 

[racer2438]

Morally, it's very wrong and how you feel is normal.

But it is none of your bussines, I would just let your friend know and leave it at that..

The are making there own bed, dont get wrapped up in there sheets too.

 

[Jayden]

Stay out of it. Its not your concern. Just be there when it blows up on him.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

My best gay friend is having a relationship with a married man. He has put in his facebook status that he is now in a relationship, so from that it must be quite serious. But the thing is this guy still lives with his wife and has two kids.
I am extremely mad that my friend is doing this to a family and until the married man has ended it with his wife and told her the truth, that my friend should not be seeing him. Am i wrong to think like that?
If i knew who this married man's wife was, I would without a doubt tell her whats going on. Do u think that is fair? What would u do? I know this is my friends discision to make, but it still makes me furious for what he is doing.

1 BEST GAY FRIEND

2 MARRIED MAN

3 WIFE

4 2 CHILDREN

5 MANY CULTURES IN DA LOONY HOUSE ans yesterday still taday

No 1 is priority WHY? cause rest world no give a shit ans love play their games ans ( family < such is many cultures lost in kaos > not call it family but somethin else

so NO 1 ans with in mind of way world treat folk ( go check ya BEST FRIEND up ta speed on reailtys ) IF he no lost in OOH WORLD LOVE GAY NOW ans he no playin some twat movie his head

world just make new label GAY but no done shit else much anythin

No1 is ya focus ( not dude marry or da family ) ans if No 1 no give a shit then it his fuck in mess nothin do with GAY

many cultures soak in dramas ans soap operas theirs own makin but real easy blame anythin what world deem ( it okay ya cans hang them ) whens drama no interest um no more

hope see ma thinkin

Fa folk of world ( their countrys no deserve evens have children ) such da hypocrisy of bullshit they eat of each others a plates

Peace on ans world reset ta new age where historys (MAN) no get any place hide

thankyou

 

[bankside]

The problem here is that facebook doesn't have enough options for status updates.

Darryl is single.
Darryl is married.
Darryl is in a relationship.
Darryl is fucking somebody else's husband.

See? We just need more choice.

Tilda Swinton, one of my fave actresses, apparently has a boy toy in her life, and her husband is all good with it. But I don't think that is the kind of situation your friend has chosen to get himself involved in, is it? I know some people who have sex lives far more adventurous than mine, but I don't keep anyone around who would be a part of cheating.

 

[Nomenclature]

You say this with such certitude, but I've seen an example of this in the real world.

My scumbag uncle cheated on his ex-wife with this woman and later ended up marrying her. They've been together about ten years now.

And i've seen many, many, many real-world examples of girls who were seeing a married man for the longest time. After he divorced his wife, he either simply dumped her, or she dumped him because he got into a relationship with someone else and kept her as the "other woman".


lol, Oprah had an entire show with guests who were "The Other Woman", and she admitted that she was once seeing a married man, too. Millions of people can tell you how it is.

 

[NVRMOR]

I would be more tempted to ask your friend if his married friend is aware he's advertising their relationship on facebook. Is the married friend willing to sell his marriage down the river? If yes, fine. If no, the married guy is going to have his life ruined by his "lover". I'd be tempted to tell the married guy.
Buuuut...
Really, it's not your business. Wrong things are happening all the time. You can't solve everything.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Sneak up and get a video to post on utube, and put it out there. Let her know how to get the video. That should put the capper on it. Maybe the two of them can get a job with Mel Gibson.

Shep+