Allow me to start off by saying this isn't about wanting a friend I can't have 
I know he's not gay and I don't wish he was or anything like that. I'm really not sure how to explain the situation but despite this I think I'll explain something in hopes of feeling better about it by just getting it off of my chest.
So I have a really close friend that I've known for about six years. He's literally one of the four people that knows I'm gay so we're fairly close; or so I thought. I'm probably over thinking this but lately I've felt like I've wasted my time by being friends with this guy.
I'm worried that I'm taking our friendship to be more than it is. From my perspective I (used to) feel like I could tell him anything and just in general make him a part of my life. If I was going out with other friends I'd invite him or if I did something I'd tell him about it, stuff like that, I don't think I've ever left him in the dark about anything.
So, I guess my problem is that he doesn't usually do the same in return. He'll hang out with friends (most of which I know too) and not even mention it. Or he'll tell me he's going somewhere and be extremely vague and actually refuse to tell me details if I ask about it. I have no idea why he does that and it's actually very annoying.
So now he gets this new job which is great because he needed it and it's a very flexible job too so he can schedule his hours whenever he wants. At first he fits all his hours into Monday-Wednesday because he wanted the rest of the week to himself to do whatever. After a week he's complaining that working that many hours straight isn't easy so I recommend splitting it up a bit and maybe doing some hours on the weekend. He didn't like this idea because the weekend was time to go out and do stuff so what he ends up doing is splitting the hours between the morning before class and the afternoon after class.
So here's where I'm having trouble. In the morning before class is usually the only time we spend together playing cards or stuff like that. Then he goes and schedules work over it so he has free time later to do whatever, of which he'll probably not invite me to or even tell me about. So now I'm left sitting around alone on campus every morning.
Then one day he says I should get a job where he works. I thought about it and figured I'd go for it anyway even though I don't need the money at the moment and I'm taking 15 credit hours this semester at school (while he's only taking 6), but it's still work experience and extra spending money never hurts. So I apply and put him down as my reference and think nothing else of it. Then I go in for the first day and hear someone mention a bonus for referring people to the job. Now I'm wondering was he just being a good friend and looking out for me or was he just interested in that bonus.
Later on we were talking about the job and I ask him if there's a bonus for referring people. He tells me there is so I ask how much it pays and he wont give me a straight answer saying things like "does it matter?" Now, I can see this as his way of saying "thats not why I told you about the job" but the way I actually see it is him just being vague like he always is.
Heh, reading over this is making me the think the problem is probably all me. Maybe he is a good friend and I'm just trying to get more out of it than I should. Maybe the kinds of things I want are the kinds of things you'd get from a real relationship and not your best friend. I'm not attracted to this guy but I still wish we connected more
I know he's not gay and I don't wish he was or anything like that. I'm really not sure how to explain the situation but despite this I think I'll explain something in hopes of feeling better about it by just getting it off of my chest.So I have a really close friend that I've known for about six years. He's literally one of the four people that knows I'm gay so we're fairly close; or so I thought. I'm probably over thinking this but lately I've felt like I've wasted my time by being friends with this guy.
I'm worried that I'm taking our friendship to be more than it is. From my perspective I (used to) feel like I could tell him anything and just in general make him a part of my life. If I was going out with other friends I'd invite him or if I did something I'd tell him about it, stuff like that, I don't think I've ever left him in the dark about anything.
So, I guess my problem is that he doesn't usually do the same in return. He'll hang out with friends (most of which I know too) and not even mention it. Or he'll tell me he's going somewhere and be extremely vague and actually refuse to tell me details if I ask about it. I have no idea why he does that and it's actually very annoying.
So now he gets this new job which is great because he needed it and it's a very flexible job too so he can schedule his hours whenever he wants. At first he fits all his hours into Monday-Wednesday because he wanted the rest of the week to himself to do whatever. After a week he's complaining that working that many hours straight isn't easy so I recommend splitting it up a bit and maybe doing some hours on the weekend. He didn't like this idea because the weekend was time to go out and do stuff so what he ends up doing is splitting the hours between the morning before class and the afternoon after class.
So here's where I'm having trouble. In the morning before class is usually the only time we spend together playing cards or stuff like that. Then he goes and schedules work over it so he has free time later to do whatever, of which he'll probably not invite me to or even tell me about. So now I'm left sitting around alone on campus every morning.
Then one day he says I should get a job where he works. I thought about it and figured I'd go for it anyway even though I don't need the money at the moment and I'm taking 15 credit hours this semester at school (while he's only taking 6), but it's still work experience and extra spending money never hurts. So I apply and put him down as my reference and think nothing else of it. Then I go in for the first day and hear someone mention a bonus for referring people to the job. Now I'm wondering was he just being a good friend and looking out for me or was he just interested in that bonus.
Later on we were talking about the job and I ask him if there's a bonus for referring people. He tells me there is so I ask how much it pays and he wont give me a straight answer saying things like "does it matter?" Now, I can see this as his way of saying "thats not why I told you about the job" but the way I actually see it is him just being vague like he always is.
Heh, reading over this is making me the think the problem is probably all me. Maybe he is a good friend and I'm just trying to get more out of it than I should. Maybe the kinds of things I want are the kinds of things you'd get from a real relationship and not your best friend. I'm not attracted to this guy but I still wish we connected more
Sometimes I feel like I did something wrong which can drive you crazy when you actually didn't do anything if that makes sense.
