Best Newspaper Headlines

[stuboy]

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Stew

 

[cozmik]

Those are great.

 

[mega]

We want our waffles back!!

 

[The_Reaper]

The best headlines I always see involve the World Health Organization...

For some strange reason, they never put periods between WHO, so it looks like the word who.

For example:

WHO says smallpox still a threat...

WHO says SARS is not safe

And things of that nature...To me it just sounds like a really shocked/sarcastic person going, "Yeah right, WHO's gonna stop me?"

 

[cocktales]

Very nice!

Encore?

OK:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter ............


OR, the best one would be:

Cocktales of JUB, Wins La$ Vega$ Megabucks Jackpot Of $15 Million!

 

[b_o_n_n_i_e]

Haha, very very good! Thanks for that one! Just came from school where I had to give this huge-ass report on novelty songs and objectification of women. Bah. Anyway thanks again!

 

[justjoshoh]

One of the local stations was do a story tonight on the trend of customized wheel rims. The title of the story, and subsequently the advertising about the news story was "Dayton Rims". I giggled when I first heard it tonight.

 

[ozguy]

Good one, Stew! Some more ......

Some are just slips of the tongue

* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house

Some become unintentionally suggestive

* Queen Mary having bottom scraped
* NJ judge to rule on nude beach
* Child's stool great for use in garden
* Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
* Organ festival ends in smashing climax

Grammar often botches other headlines

* Eye drops off shelf
* Squad helps dog bite victim
* Dealers will hear car talk at noon
* Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
* Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
* Two Soviet ships collide - one dies

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

* Never withhold herpes from loved one
* Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
* Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
* Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

* Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
* Cold wave linked to temperatures
* Child's death ruins couple's holiday
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
* Man is fatally slain
* Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

 

[ozguy]

More ......

 

[BenF]

There was a real one back in December, a little girl was kidnapped from her home in an area of Cardiff - the South Wales Echo ran the headline:

"Police probe Cardiff girl's snatch" ​

 

[b_o_n_n_i_e]

Lol, that headline on tiger woods was wicked! Lol. good one!

 

[SomethingBlue]

"Prostitutes Appeal to Pope" is my fave.

He's only human...

 

[dynk]

I loved the last one. It really got me.


"25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"

 

[Aaron]

That's excellent.

 

[HugoB]

Only An Accident

´´´´´´´´´´´´

Surely the boy has real Ripper-Potential...


http://www.akawilliam.com/john-katehis-stabbed-george-weber-50-times-and-says-it-was-an-accident/

 

[BigBoss]

Pakistan Investigates Unauthorized Entry Into "Miss Bikini" Pageant

 

[HugoB]

Out Of The Past III

´
Some classic titles & pics from Germany....
´

 

[HugoB]

´
No headlines - but fine examples for bad product placement...
´

 

[HugoB]

´
Another classic among bankers: "Lehman Brothers back into liquidity"

 

[winterknight]