Best Relationship, sex issue only flaw

[AlexanderTobias]

So I never had any relationship that lasted any longer than a month before now.

He and I are getting along great. We have the same quirks, like the same games, Disney movies, similar senses of humor, you name it, we have it.
I'm open-minded, I try to communicate well with him, etc.

For whatever reason though, I'm not really interested in sex.
I love him to death and want to please him but that fiery, passionate feeling when you wanna go at it isn't happening.
It's happened in the past with other men, but this time around, I guess things are different.

We've done oral sex, I do not want to frustrate him to death. He's being very kind though, telling me I shouldn't be sorry about it. We tried anal a bit. He got in relatively easily but I wasn't able to take him much farther than the head. It was just too much for me at the time, pain wise.

My problem isn't the fear though, I just am not even interested in trying. I don't get fired up around him. I need to know because everything else is right, everything else is what I want. Should I potentially engage in sex I don't necessarily want to get used to it?

He worries that for example, once I feel him pushing against my prostate I'm going to go sex crazy and cheat on him for some bizarre reason.
Would it actually be advantageous to try this without the "desire" to potentially gain an incentive?

I know this was all over the place but I'm at a total loss here.

 

[AstareGod]

Maybe you two are better off just being friends?

Sexual chemistry is every bit as important as how close you feel emotionally and how well your personalities mesh. Since he is concerned you will cheat on him, he may not be comfortable at all with an open relationship where you can get your rocks off with other guys, so you really have to decide if you're OK with pursuing this and giving up much of your sexual satisfaction for as long as you two are together.

 

[seven2go]

Lots of men don't want anything up their asses........you're probably one of them.
How about all the OTHER sexual things?.......

 

[Seasoned]

Why do you think the desire is less with him than it has been with other guys? Are you too much alike? I don't think it's wise to exclude passion from your life. And yes, try as much as possible with him.

 

[altlover85]

I think you can work on the sexual chemistry, but don't beat yourself up if it ends up that it's not meant to be. As long as you put effort into things, you've done the best you can.

If I were you, I'd want to talk to him about his concerns that you will cheat, so you can get a better idea where he's coming from. To me, that would be just as important to resolve as the sex issues.

Good luck!

 

[hylas]

Sexual chemistry and compatibility is quite important in a relationship; if it's not there from the start, then I'm afraid it's unlikely that this will work out.

On a different note:

He worries that for example, once I feel him pushing against my prostate I'm going to go sex crazy and cheat on him for some bizarre reason.

That's one hell of a whack statement. Are you sure he's such a fairytale prince? Because that just sounds like dumb and potentially jealous-control-freaky to me.

 

[Rolyo85]

Agreed. Not sure all the incompatibility is sexual...

 

[journo25]

I've lived as housemates with guys (one at a time) over the years. No sex between us but compatible in all other ways and, for all intents and purposes, we considered ourselves "partners." No huge physical attraction to one another, and neither of us was contending with a raging libido.

 

[Ninja108]

Sex is indeed an important part of a relationship and it can lead to issues.
However as others have said, that might not be the big issue here. The fact he is worried you will cheat on him when there is no just cause for doing so should raise a red flag.

 

[thenewkcm]

You both need to reach a logical and fair compromise.