I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on this. I have (or I guess now had) a female friend that I've known since high school. I was "different" from most of the kids and so was she. I was quiet and reverse and she was quirky and didn't fit in with any of the girls from our high school and had more guy friends. I think that's how we became so close, lol. She was the first person from my school that I came out to and we've gotten closer ever since that time. I'll call her "Judy". Judy and I both left our small town in rural NC together, she moved to NYC and I moved to DC around the same time. So often I would split my time between there and home. We had a relationship, where she would call me at all times of the day or the night and I would be there to answer and help out anyway I could. When Judy was going through some financial problems that almost made her leave NYC, I offered to let her come stay with me in DC until she could get on her feet if she didn't want to go back to NC. Judy was close my family and I even had a aunt in NYC that she met and became close with.
Judy has never been real good, when it comes to dating. She always managed to pick guys that would take advantage of and use her. So they would always be short lived relationships, but she was the type of person that felt like she needed someone. She recently met this guy like a few months ago from NJ. From what she was telling me, he seemed ok.
She decided to move to NJ within a month or so of dating him, and I found it kind of odd, because she always wanted to be in the city, but she claimed that's the only apt she could get, which I was like ok. So I went up there for New Years and I met her boyfriend, who she said was ok with gay people. He seemed kind of reserve, but I chalked it up to him being kind of sick, because he was that night. One time during the night he flipped on her and started cursing and yelling really loud (not at her directly) over some money she was getting. I found it odd, because she always describe this guy as sensitive and quiet.
The original plan was for me to come up and she would drive back to NC that night and drop me off in DC because she had to go pick up some furniture for her new place and I would help with gas/tolls, etc. I didn't have much money at the time because of medical expenses and a problem with my heat pump in my condo that cost me a lot of $$$, but we had always talked about seeing the ball drop together since we were in high school. Well that didn't happen because of issue with the landlord and she said she would pay for my ticket because she felt bad. I told her, let's just wait till the morning and see what happens with the landlord, since it was so late and I wouldn't have been able to get to my place without catching an expensive cab. In the meantime, I was helping her and her boyfriend pack her stuff and helped her with tolls with moving some of her old stuff from her old place in NYC to the new apt in NJ. The next day, I went with her to the old place to resolve the issue with her landlord and help her move the rest of her stuff. Her boyfriend didn't go because he was sick, and he really was. So when that issue was resolved she said she would take me back and we would go back and get her boyfriend. So when we get back, he boyfriend said he didn't want to go and then she tells me, I'm not going to go, but said she would get me a train ticket, since I had to work that night and needed to get some sleep. So she paid for the ticket and I gave her the money I was going to use to help her out, towards to the purchase of the ticket. I was on my way.
Fast forward to 21 days later. We were fine until then. She stopped calling me like she normally does. I called and asked her if everything was ok, and then she flipped on me. It was like I was talking to a whole new person. She said I was self-centered and I had a big mouth. She started bringing up and getting mad at me over stuff that didn't make any sense. She said I told her business. I told her to give me an example and she said, I told my parents that she moved to NY. I was like what?!? It was kind of common knowledge and you told your mom that I moved to DC. I told her well I'm sorry, I thought it was common knowledge. Then she went on about how I was being a cheap "bastard" and yelling at me about having to buy my train ticket. She said she didn't have the money and said I should have went half on it. I told her, I didn't have the money and gave her what I could at the time. I said "ok, I'm going to give you the money back plus interest", but I don't want people thinking I'm take advantage of me. She still kept going on about it even after I told her the check was in the mail and she was saying that her boyfriend was saying I was being selfish and cheap for not paying more. I was like, well how could I have paid more at the time, if I didn't have the money at the time, but I said it's resolved now. She went on saying how I didn't help her move and her boyfriend "Jim" did 95% and he wasn't selfish like me. It was so weird. I was like, wait a sec, I did help you and as a matter of fact, I was the only one helping the next morning move your stuff since he was sick. Every time I would you try and talk she would yell and insult me. When I finally was able to talk to her, I told her that this wasn't like her. Then I finally said, I think the real reason behind this is because your boyfriend doesn't like me. She snapped and said that wasn't true and that Jim is a good man and that I'm jealous. Finally she stopped texting and calling said she was done with me.
I've gone into a deep depression over this whole deal. I've been crying on and off this whole week over it. I don't take betrayal too well and when it was someone as close as Judy, it really hurt. She was really my only real true friend. I told her things about me, that I've never revealed to anyone else. Just typing this now I'm crying. I really hate Jim because he took my best friend away from.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? How do you handle the hurt and pain? Should I may try and avoid dealing with straight women as friends because of their boyfriends who may a problem with me. Sorry for the long post, but I didn't want to leave anything out. Maybe there is something I did wrong or could have handled better. I just don't know
Judy has never been real good, when it comes to dating. She always managed to pick guys that would take advantage of and use her. So they would always be short lived relationships, but she was the type of person that felt like she needed someone. She recently met this guy like a few months ago from NJ. From what she was telling me, he seemed ok.
She decided to move to NJ within a month or so of dating him, and I found it kind of odd, because she always wanted to be in the city, but she claimed that's the only apt she could get, which I was like ok. So I went up there for New Years and I met her boyfriend, who she said was ok with gay people. He seemed kind of reserve, but I chalked it up to him being kind of sick, because he was that night. One time during the night he flipped on her and started cursing and yelling really loud (not at her directly) over some money she was getting. I found it odd, because she always describe this guy as sensitive and quiet.
The original plan was for me to come up and she would drive back to NC that night and drop me off in DC because she had to go pick up some furniture for her new place and I would help with gas/tolls, etc. I didn't have much money at the time because of medical expenses and a problem with my heat pump in my condo that cost me a lot of $$$, but we had always talked about seeing the ball drop together since we were in high school. Well that didn't happen because of issue with the landlord and she said she would pay for my ticket because she felt bad. I told her, let's just wait till the morning and see what happens with the landlord, since it was so late and I wouldn't have been able to get to my place without catching an expensive cab. In the meantime, I was helping her and her boyfriend pack her stuff and helped her with tolls with moving some of her old stuff from her old place in NYC to the new apt in NJ. The next day, I went with her to the old place to resolve the issue with her landlord and help her move the rest of her stuff. Her boyfriend didn't go because he was sick, and he really was. So when that issue was resolved she said she would take me back and we would go back and get her boyfriend. So when we get back, he boyfriend said he didn't want to go and then she tells me, I'm not going to go, but said she would get me a train ticket, since I had to work that night and needed to get some sleep. So she paid for the ticket and I gave her the money I was going to use to help her out, towards to the purchase of the ticket. I was on my way.
Fast forward to 21 days later. We were fine until then. She stopped calling me like she normally does. I called and asked her if everything was ok, and then she flipped on me. It was like I was talking to a whole new person. She said I was self-centered and I had a big mouth. She started bringing up and getting mad at me over stuff that didn't make any sense. She said I told her business. I told her to give me an example and she said, I told my parents that she moved to NY. I was like what?!? It was kind of common knowledge and you told your mom that I moved to DC. I told her well I'm sorry, I thought it was common knowledge. Then she went on about how I was being a cheap "bastard" and yelling at me about having to buy my train ticket. She said she didn't have the money and said I should have went half on it. I told her, I didn't have the money and gave her what I could at the time. I said "ok, I'm going to give you the money back plus interest", but I don't want people thinking I'm take advantage of me. She still kept going on about it even after I told her the check was in the mail and she was saying that her boyfriend was saying I was being selfish and cheap for not paying more. I was like, well how could I have paid more at the time, if I didn't have the money at the time, but I said it's resolved now. She went on saying how I didn't help her move and her boyfriend "Jim" did 95% and he wasn't selfish like me. It was so weird. I was like, wait a sec, I did help you and as a matter of fact, I was the only one helping the next morning move your stuff since he was sick. Every time I would you try and talk she would yell and insult me. When I finally was able to talk to her, I told her that this wasn't like her. Then I finally said, I think the real reason behind this is because your boyfriend doesn't like me. She snapped and said that wasn't true and that Jim is a good man and that I'm jealous. Finally she stopped texting and calling said she was done with me.
I've gone into a deep depression over this whole deal. I've been crying on and off this whole week over it. I don't take betrayal too well and when it was someone as close as Judy, it really hurt. She was really my only real true friend. I told her things about me, that I've never revealed to anyone else. Just typing this now I'm crying. I really hate Jim because he took my best friend away from.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What did you do? How do you handle the hurt and pain? Should I may try and avoid dealing with straight women as friends because of their boyfriends who may a problem with me. Sorry for the long post, but I didn't want to leave anything out. Maybe there is something I did wrong or could have handled better. I just don't know
